CHAPTER SIX

The storm that broke about an hour after Matty left made Eli and River a little fretful and clingy, remembering the way their parents had died.

While dinner cooked and Antoni had used his laptop to house hunt, he let River crawl up into his lap and snuggle close, her little body practically vibrating with fear.

"Hey, it's okay," Antoni murmured as he scrolled past another house that was no bigger than this one but several hundred thousand dollars out of his budget. "It's okay, River."

But he felt like he was lying to her. He wasn't sure it would be.

Still, he cuddled her close and rocked her, hoping that it would be enough.

"Do you think Matty is okay? And what about Aunt Eliza and Uncle Enzo?" Eli asked with a frown as they took their seat at the too-small kitchen table for dinner.

"Yeah, why wouldn't they be okay?" Antoni asked, trying to cut up food for River and soothe Reese, who had picked up on the tension and was fussing in his highchair.

"Cause of the storm. And Matty's friend was driving crazy. What if they crash?"

"Oh, no, Eli," Antoni said. "I'm sure everyone is fine. Matty's friend probably just hit the accelerator too hard. I bet all of them got home before it started raining anyway."

It was currently pelting down, thunder occasionally rattling the windows and making the house shake.

"You should text them," Eli insisted, pushing their food around their plate listlessly. "Make sure they're okay."

"Uhh, I will." Antoni finally got River's food cut and he pushed the plate toward her. Reese was fussing louder, ignoring the rice cereal that the pediatrician had recommended he start trying.

Antoni shoved a bite of chicken in his mouth and glanced across the table to see Eli staring expectantly.

"What?" Antoni asked after he'd finished chewing. "I'll do it later."

"But I'm worried about Aunt Eliza and Uncle Enzo … and Matty. I like him. He was nice. What if he needs our help? He helped us today." Eli's eyes were big and worried and Antoni tried not to sigh too loudly.

"You want me to text him now?" Antoni asked helplessly. "We're eating."

"I'm not hungry," Eli said glumly.

"Okay, okay," Antoni said, pulling his phone out. Whatever, he was used to eating cold food at this point and Eli wasn't usually insistent like this. "I'll text."

"I thought we weren't supposed to have our phones at the table," Alexis said in a snotty tone.

"We're not," Antoni said as he tried to figure out what the hell to say to Matty. "But I'm just texting a friend."

"Yeah, well you don't let me do that," she said, crossing her arms.

"This is a little bit different," Antoni pointed out, typing and erasing something. No that sounded weird.

"I don't see why."

Antoni bit back the urge to yell that he was only doing it because Eli was somehow turning the fear of the storm and the loss of their parents into a fear for Matty but it wasn't like Alexis wanted to listen to his explanations anyway.

Antoni sent the text to Matty and on to his parents, then looked up at Alexis. "Sometimes there are exceptions for adults."

"It's bullshit," she said.

"Language," Antoni warned, although he certainly slipped up enough that she couldn't look count on him to be a role model.

His phone buzzed but just as he reached for it, Reese smacked his hands down on the highchair, scattering rice cereal in every direction.

Antoni bit his tongue until it hurt to keep from swearing.

"Is Matty okay? And what about Aunt Eliza and Uncle Enzo?" Eli asked, getting out of their chair, and crunching across the cereal just as Alexis said, "Can I go to my room? You know I don't eat chicken. It's gross."

"No one move," Antoni shouted over the noise and River, who'd been reaching for a piece of bread, startled, knocking over Antoni's glass of water.

It spread across the table, dripping down onto River's clothes and the floor below. She wailed and Antoni closed his eyes and breathed deep until he could respond without screaming.

After a few moments trying to figure out what needed to happen first, Antoni soothed River, then asked Alexis to at least eat something that wasn't chicken.

Next, he cleaned up the mix of soggy and dry cereal on the floor.

He got River dried off and changed into clean clothes, then coaxed her to finish eating. He made Reese a bottle, glad he was old enough to hold it on his own now.

Finally, after Alexis ate a reasonable amount of food and she and River were excused, Antoni pulled out his phone.

"Okay," he said, looking across the table at Eli, who sat there looking glum. "I'm sorry it took me so long to check the messages. Do you want to see them now?"

Eli nodded but they still looked worried. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset."

"Hey, no," Antoni said, patting the chair beside him. "C'mere."

Eli slid into the seat beside him, all big, worried eyes. Antoni put his arm around Eli and gently squeezed. "Look, things got a little crazy there for a minute but it's not your fault. Sometimes I just get a little overwhelmed. I shouldn't have raised my voice. This storm probably reminded you of the one last spring, huh?"

Eli nodded.

"And that's probably scary. So let's see what everyone has to say, okay?"

"Okay."

There was a message from his parents, reassuring Eli that they were fine and were looking forward to seeing them tomorrow.

There was also a message from Matty and, to Antoni's surprise, it was a video. He was in his kitchen—probably cooking something—and he smiled big and waved. "Hi, Eli! Your Uncle Antoni said you were worried about me. I promise, I'm fine. I was home before the rain started."

He rambled on for another few minutes, using a soft, reassuring voice as he talked about how much fun he'd had meeting them earlier.

And goddamn it, it made Antoni's eyes sting as he wished he'd asked Matty to stay for dinner. Not just because there would have been a second set of hands to help him out and because Eli wouldn't have worried about him in the first place.

But because there was just something so kind and reassuring about him that put Antoni at ease. Matty's presence made that constant fear and tension that sat so heavy in Antoni's chest loosen its grip, just a little.

"Can I watch it again?" Eli said when the video message ended.

"Uh, sure," Antoni said, handing the phone over. "Watch as much as you want while I heat up your plate. And then I want you to try to eat a little, okay? Do you feel like you can do that now?"

"Yeah." Eli smiled. "I feel hungry again."

"Good."

Antoni stuck the food in the microwave and set it for a minute. "So, you like Matty a lot, huh?"

"Yeah." Eli smiled. "He's nice."

Antoni nodded. "Yeah, he is."

"Can I send him a message back?"

"Sure."

After Eli had finished eating and texting with Matty, Antoni coaxed Eli into taking a shower.

When Eli was done, Antoni cleaned the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher, then stared at his plate of food. It was stone cold and he could have warmed it but he was too tired to make the effort, so he shoveled it in, not really tasting it as he tried to figure out what else he needed to do tonight.

Several hours later, after Reese was tucked into his crib and River was snuggled under the covers in the room she shared with her younger brother, Antoni sat there a while, just staring at River and listening to the faint noises she made in her sleep.

Thankfully the storm had stopped and she'd drifted off to sleep as he read her a story.

Antoni smoothed her hair off her forehead and kissed it, wishing he could do more for her. More for all of the kids.

He felt like he was barely hanging on by a thread these days and it was about to snap. But what more could he do? It was just one foot in front of the other and praying for the best. There was no time for feeling sorry for himself.

Antoni stood with a quiet groan, leaving the nightlight on as he pulled the door almost shut. River didn't like it closed all the way.

He found Eli in the living room, playing with his phone. The minute Antoni had guardianship of the kids, he'd deleted his hookup apps and any not-safe-for-little-eyes photos, so he wasn't worried about what Eli would find, just not sure what they were so entertained by. The only games Antoni had on there were dumb free ones.

"What are you doing?" he asked, amused.

Eli smiled. "Texting Matty."

"Still?" Antoni asked, flabbergasted.

"Yeah. We're talking about Pokémon. He likes them too."

Somehow, that did not surprise Antoni.

"Okay, well, that was nice of him but it's time for you to get to bed, kiddo," Antoni said. "Tell him goodnight."

"Okay." Eli fired off another message but after a moment, they handed Antoni his phone back. "G'night."

Eli kissed his cheek and Antoni hugged them tightly. "Night. Sweet dreams."

After Eli disappeared into their room, Antoni fell onto the couch with a sigh. He had laundry and more house hunting and lesson planning to do and, at some point, he needed to shower too but, fuck, all he wanted to do was sleep.

He looked down at his phone with a frown. Maybe he should see what Eli and Matty had been texting about though. Not that he thought Matty was a creep but Antoni couldn't be too careful.

Antoni smiled as he read through the conversation. Yeah, nothing but talk about Pokémon and video games and kids' movies. Matty really was a sweet guy.

Antoni sent a message thanking him for being so nice to Eli but there was no response.

Shrugging, Antoni set the phone aside and forced himself to stand and get a load of laundry into the washer.

He worked on lesson plans while it ran its cycle and knocked on Alexis' door to remind her it was bedtime and got an annoyed huff in response. He debated if he should tell her they needed to talk anyway but he was exhausted and he should probably wait until they both had clear heads.

Antoni worked more on the lesson planning while the clothes dried. After he showered, he folded laundry, yawning, then house hunted to no avail until his eyelids grew too heavy to stay open.

Antoni brushed his teeth and made his bed on the sofa. He'd forgotten all about his phone but when he checked it, he found a message from Matty waiting.

They're great kids. If you ever want some help taking them to the park or whatever, let me know.

And Antoni pressed his phone to his chest and just breathed for a minute. Because God was that tempting.

It was tempting to say yes to Matty about the house too.

Because he knew if he did, Matty would find a way to help out. He'd probably feed Reese and cook them all dinner too because that seemed to be the kind of man he was.

And God, Antoni wanted that. He wanted to just move in and let someone else shoulder some of the responsibilities but he had to be reasonable. He couldn't rely on someone who had no reason to stick around. Someone who wasn't in this for the long haul the way he was.

But a park trip was reasonable, right?

I'll think about a trip to the park,Antoni typed out. Night.

He was asleep before the reply came.

It felt like Antoni's alarm went off as soon as he closed his eyes but he stumbled off the sofa and rubbed at his face to keep from falling back asleep.

Over the baby monitor, he could hear Reese fussing a little. Awake but not yet demanding to be changed or fed.

Antoni had woken once in the night to feed him but it was slowly getting better. Reese was sleeping for longer and longer stretches and the pediatrician assured him he'd be sleeping through the night soon.

Antoni couldn't wait.

Still, as he crept into the room, trying not to wake River, he softened at the sight of Reese's gummy smile with one bottom tooth poking out.

He was getting so big, so fast.

The morning flew by in a blur of diapers and bottles and breakfast and getting kids dressed and out the door but Antoni's steps faltered as he came face to face with Matty's gleaming SUV.

Shit, he'd forgotten about that.

As Antoni got the kids situated inside, he grimaced at how pristine it was and how messy it would probably be in just a few days. Okay, no matter what, he was going to have to get the thing cleaned and detailed before he gave it back. He didn't know how he'd afford it but it was the least he could do.

Still, it drove like a dream and by the time Antoni pulled into his parents' driveway, he already knew he was going to hate going back to the old van.

"So, I see your NHL player boyfriend is letting you use his SUV," his mom said with a laugh as she took Reese and the other kids scattered into the house. "I was wondering how you planned to get around. I meant to ask you yesterday but I forgot in the excitement of meeting Matt Carlson."

"Oh my God, mom!" Antoni protested. "Matty is a friend."

"A very good friend, apparently," his mom said, her blue eyes sparkling. "And excellent with children."

"He's a nice guy and I'm grateful for his help," Antoni admitted. "But don't go getting any ideas."

"Your father is already planning the wedding."

"Oh Christ," Antoni muttered. "I know he's a Fisher Cats' fan but …"

His mom chuckled. "If you gave him a player for a son-in-law, I think he'd be the happiest man alive."

"Yeah, well," Antoni said drily. "I don't think that's gonna happen. Besides, I think Matty is straight. He was married to a woman."

"Bisexuals exist," she reminded him with a mischievous grin.

Antoni snorted. "I know that. Keith was bi."

"Keith was also a piece of"—she glanced down at Reese—"you know what."

"I sure do," Antoni agreed. They'd been dating for nearly a year when Bethany and Corey died and Keith had bailed the moment he found out Antoni would be raising the children. Which, that was better for all of them in the long run. It would have been worse if the kids had gotten attached to him and then he'd walked out.

Antoni had been pissed at the time but he was mostly over it. His mom would never forgive the guy though.

"But I've gotta go," Antoni said. "Busy day."

"Yep, yep." She patted Reese's back, smiling and wrinkling her nose. "And I think I have a smelly baby to change."

"Sorry about that."

She waved it off. "Can't possibly be worse than the time you and your brother got a stomach bug at the same time."

"Ha." He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Hey, I forgot to ask. Did anything big come up at the doctor's appointment yesterday?"

"Nope. Just routine stuff. I'm doing fine."

"Okay. Good." Antoni hugged her carefully, then pressed a kiss to the top of Reese's head. "Love you both."

"I'm leaving now!" he called out to the other kids. "Love you!"

There was nothing from Alexis, and Eli just hollered a "bye!" back, but River came running in.

He swooped her up into his arms and kissed her cheek. Oh, damn, her pigtails were kinda lopsided this morning. That was what he got for doing her hair before he had coffee. "Bye, River. Love you."

"Bye." She smiled, her eyes bright, and he squeezed her tightly before he set her down again.

Antoni felt good as he left the house. He could do this. So there were rough patches and there probably always would be, but he could do this.

He felt good enough to shoot off a message to Matty saying, Yeah, let's do the park sometime soon before he started the SUV and headed to the school.

Feeling more cheerful than he had in days, he waved at Clancy in the booth as he cruised by, then parked.

He checked his phone and found a message from Matty with a Yessssss!!! Can't wait.

Grinning, Antoni reached for his work laptop bag and tote but his phone rang before he could snag them.

For a second, he thought maybe it was Matty but when he checked, tension flooded through him at the sight of Rob's name on his screen, his good mood vanishing.

They'd gone to school together and he was a good guy and a skilled mechanic, totally willing to cut Antoni a deal on labor for the van, but God, Antoni was afraid of what he had to say.

"Hey, man," Antoni said tightly. "What's up?"

"Hey, uh, I won't beat around the bush. I've got some bad news for you."

Antoni closed his eyes. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. "Hit me."

"So, it's worse than I hoped. You're gonna need a new engine."

"Oh fuck," he whispered. "I … that sounds expensive."

"Uhh, yeah." Rob sounded apologetic. "Look, I'll ask around and see if I can find a decent refurbished one with a warranty but that'll take time. And it's still not gonna come cheap."

"How much are we talking?"

"Well …" Rob rattled off a number that made Antoni's stomach drop.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, and it could be more. I don't know. I haven't worked on a van of that age for a while."

"That's just the parts?"

"Yeah. I know you're in a pinch with the kids. I'll work on it in my off hours and all that and waive the labor costs but engines don't come cheap."

"Apparently." Antoni felt numb. "Fuck!"

"I'm sorry. If you want to pay it off in a couple of chunks, I can do that."

Thank God Rob owned his own garage. Antoni would be fucked otherwise.

"Yeah, that would help," he said tightly. But there was no way around it. He had to get this van fixed. He couldn't borrow Matty's SUV forever.

"Sorry." Rob sounded genuinely upset. "I wish I had better news for you."

"No, no, it's okay," Antoni reassured, though it definitely wasn't. "Thank you. Sorry if I sound ungrateful. I honestly appreciate everything you're doing for me. I'm super stressed but I don't mean to take it out on you. Keep me updated."

After they said goodbye, Antoni ended the call, eyes stinging as he stared sightlessly across the parking lot.

He was fucked. So absolutely fucked.

He didn't have thousands of dollars for an engine lying around. He still needed to do some back-to-school shopping and if they could find a house, they'd undoubtedly need some new stuff for that. Antoni was happy to shop secondhand but it wasn't always easy to find everything they'd need.

"Damn it," he swore, pounding his fist against the steering wheel. "Fuck! What am I going to do?"

Desperately hoping for a miracle, he checked his email to find a couple of house listings that were way over his budget and a reminder from his landlord that the move-out date was coming up.

His chest knotted with anxiety.

He checked his bank balance and credit card balances and felt like he'd throw up.

He was pretty much maxed out on one card and the other was creeping so high. He didn't have enough in his checking account to cover either. He needed everything in savings for the down payment on the house and even then, it wasn't going to be enough, not with the repairs to the van, lawyer fees, and …

He'd tapped out every resource he had and all of the social programs he qualified for.

His parents had been amazingly generous and so had his brother. Antoni hadn't forgotten the groceries and hand-me-down clothes Andrea and Stephanie "just happened" to have extra of.

Antoni knew damn well the help they'd given him was stretching their budget and he couldn't ask his parents for anything more.

He was so damn lucky to have gotten all that help but he was still drowning.

Eyes wet, chest aching, Antoni admitted defeat. He was doing everything he could but it wasn't enough. Not even close to it.

There was only one way through it that he could see and he'd have to swallow his pride and accept help from someone who wasn't family.

Still, Antoni's fingers trembled as he typed out a message to Matty. Did you really mean it?Letting us move in, I mean.

A reply came almost immediately.

Of course! I wouldn't offer if I didn't.

No one was really that generous, were they? But Antoni had no other options. He was going to have to trust that Matty was everything he appeared to be.

Antoni chewed his lip. Can we talk more about the details? Would you be up for meeting for coffee or something this afternoon? My parents are watching the kids so I'm free for a few hours.

Yeah. Whatever you need.