CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

"Alright, boys!" Matty shouted, throwing his arms in the air. "Who's ready to play some hockey?"

"Ow, ow, ow!" Nico hollered and the shouts of their team rose around them, blending with the music thumping through the speakers.

Dressed in nothing but his jock and socks, Matty whooped as he shook his ass, dancing by his teammates and getting slaps as he passed.

They were good luck ass slaps, of course.

The first time Matty had danced half-naked in a locker room, he'd been buzzing at playing in the NHL for the first time. When the team blew out their opponents 6-0 that night, Matty had decided why mess with something that brought the team that kind of luck.

And so it became a part of his routine.

Tonight, after he'd made the rounds in the room, he returned to his stall next to Nico's and dressed for the game.

His skin buzzed with excitement as he laced his freshly sharpened skates.

Doug, their equipment manager, always shot Matty an amused smile when he did the work himself, but he never seemed to mind. Matty had been tending to his own skate blades since he was a teenager, plus, he'd worked at a rink sharpening skates and driving the Zamboni to pay for the ice time and equipment his parents struggled to afford.

By the time Matty made it to the ECHL and then the AHL, it was a firm part of his routine and well, the equipment guys knew not to mess with players' routines.

As Matty tightened his laces, music pumped through the locker room speakers—Nico's kickass playlist already bringing up the mood of the room.

Not that they needed much additional excitement for the first game of the season.

The pre-season games had been a little rocky. But that was to be expected with a new coaching staff and new systems to learn. They'd probably lose quite a few of their early games until they found their rhythm.

There hadn't been a ton of turnover in the off-season at least. A couple of guys had gone elsewhere in free agency but their core was together and the new guys would slot in wherever there was room or need for them.

What the exact lineup would look like was still up for grabs and with Gilly's reputation for benching even seasoned players whenever he felt like it, they'd likely see a lot of movement throughout the season.

Matty wasn't sure how he felt about that. He'd have to wait and see how it went, but he had to admit, a part of him was hopeful that it would give this team the kick in the ass it needed.

Doing nothing for most of last season sure hadn't worked, so why not mix it up a little and see what happened?

"You psyched to play tonight?" Matty asked Nico, whose stall was right next to his.

"Fuck yes," Nico said with a wide grin, his blue eyes lighting up. "I can't fucking wait. Pre-season was good but this …"

Matty nodded. This was their first game that would count toward points for the season and it always felt more meaningful.

Veteran guys didn't always play the first few pre-season games—those were used to evaluate new roster additions, but Nico had been in the lineup for every one of them, just to get his legs under him after such a long time off during his recovery.

Nico could skate like the wind and from what Matty had seen of him so far, he hadn't lost a step there. He'd worked his tail off with his dryland training since late last winter and it definitely showed.

Matty would be glad to have Nico beside him on the ice again.

The two of them couldn't possibly look or play any differently if they tried, but they made a hell of a solid d-pair. Matty had done his best with all of the guys who'd filled in for Nico while he was out last season but man, it would be good to have Nico in their lineup again.

Honestly, it wouldn't surprise Matty if somehow Nico came through this whole brain tumor thing better than ever. He was the kind of guy who always seemed to have luck smiling on him, so even if his time out had been a frustrating setback in his career, Matty was sure it would all work out in the end.

Hell, Nico would probably wind up winning the Norris trophy for best defenseman this year or something.

Mattysure wasn't going to win it.

He wasn't much of a goal scorer and never had been. His all-time season high of six goals wasn't exactly anything to brag about. But that wasn't what they paid him for so it never really bothered him.

He was there to get in the way of their opponents scoring, protect his team, and get them fired up when they needed it.

Any goals he scored were a bonus.

But as he unhooked the gold chain Antoni had given him, then slipped his wedding ring off, holding the band in his palm for a minute, he thought that tonight would be a good night for a goal.

He wanted Antoni and the kids to see it. He wanted to impress them.

Out of the corner of Matty's eye, he caught a glimpse of Nico smiling as he slid his own engagement ring off and tucked it in his duffel bag. Nico brought out a picture of his family, then kissed a little glass and metal Dutch lantern before putting that away too.

Matty smiled too, sliding the wedding band onto the chain. He fastened the clasp carefully, then tucked the necklace beneath his base layer and patted his chest. It would be nice to have with him on the ice.

He paused, palm still pressed against his breastbone, thinking about the fact that this would be a nice new ritual for him.

Compared to guys like Dom, Matty didn't have that many superstitions, but he glanced around at the guys in varying stages of dress, noticing a handful of little quirks that were so normal he hardly ever paid attention to them.

Jonah squeezing the stuffed bear and soft, plush plant Felix had given him.

Dominic double or triple checking the tape on his stick because the one time he'd taped it differently, his stick had shattered during a game, leading to a turnover and a game-winning goal by the other team.

Dustin running this thumb over the picture of Charlie taped to the side of his stall.

Matty grinned. Oh yeah, it was hockey time, baby.

Ten minutes later, as the guys lined up in the tunnel before warmups, Matty did his job, hyping the team up with shouts and chest bumps and his own particular version of crazy.

He did his usual handshake with Dom—even though the fucker wouldn't look him in the eye for it—then strode down the tunnel after Jesse Webber, because goalies always went out first.

Matty burst onto the ice like someone had shot him from a cannon and that first glide onto the glassy surface made his heart want to burst with happiness.

Hockey was thebest.

God he was fucking lucky to do this for a living.

Matty did his usual warmup lap around their half of the ice, then skated over to the glass, so excited he hardly knew what to do with himself. This season might be the first time he'd ever had so many people there to see him play.

Despite their dislike of travel, his parents and sisters had made it to some of his NHL games over the years and he loved the feeling of having people he knew cheering for him.

Usually, the SAPs sat in the club-level seats but for this game, they were down low against the glass.

Matty's whole body lit up when he spotted Antoni, greedily drinking in the sight of him.

Fuck, Antoni looked good in the black jersey with green and white logo and text. He waved excitedly, grinning as he lifted River up to see Matty.

Matty's heart melted at the sight of her excitedly waving. Next to them, Eliza held up Reese and waved his arm while he stared around, wide-eyed. Both of the little ones wore earmuffs to protect their ears from the noise of the arena. They had on mini jerseys too and damn it was cute to see.

Matty's heart clenched when Antoni urged River to turn around and Eliza shifted Reese so his back was to Matty. Most players' kids wore jerseys with Daddy on the back rather than the players' name. That didn't work in this situation so they'd debated between doing Carlson or Matty and finally settled on Matty.

But he knew Eli's and Alexis' jerseys had Carlson on the back. And so did Antoni's.

That was definitely something Matty had to see for himself, so he made eye contact with Antoni and rotated his glove in a circle. Antoni stared a little blankly until Charlie leaned over and said something.

Antoni threw his head back and laughed, turning away from Matty with a playful look over his shoulder.

The sight of Carlson across his back made Matty's heart beat faster.

Sure it was dumb and cliché and maybe even a little caveman-ish of him but fuck if it wasn't the hottest thing ever to feel like Antoni was his. And from the looks Antoni threw him, the feeling was definitely mutual.

Fuuuuck. When Matty got home tonight …

But his jock was beginning to pinch and he was going to get so much chirping from the team if he wasn't careful, so he turned his attention away from thoughts of fucking Antoni in his jersey to what everyone else was doing.

He greeted Enzo and Eliza, then grinned at the kids. He spent a little time with each of them, shouting at them and pantomiming if they had trouble reading his lips. He fist-bumped Alexis and River and waved at Eli, who beamed back and held up a book they were reading.

About hockey.

Matty laughed, loving it. Eli might not be Antoni's biologically, but yeah, Eli was definitely Antoni's kid.

Reese was wide-eyed, too distracted by the lights and sounds and people around him to really focus on Matty, but Matty didn't care.

He loved this. He loved every second of it. All he'd ever wanted was a big family to cheer him on, to share in the one thing he loved so much.

The arena was packed and Matty was vaguely aware of people with their phones pointed at him, probably getting tons of photos. Matty knew the pros with their long lenses and excellent video cameras were getting great footage too.

Kate had made sure of that.

"Good luck!" Antoni shouted, and though Matty couldn't hear it—the words snatched away by the sound of the crowd and the pounding music—he smiled and mouthed ‘thanks'.

Matty ripped off his glove and made half a heart against the glass, watching puzzlement flicker across Antoni's face before he laughed and completed it with his hand, the glass between them the only thing keeping the tips of their fingers and thumbs from touching.

For a few heartbeats they looked at each other and Matty saw the question in Antoni's eyes, that flicker of wonder if this was real or all for show.

And the truth was, Matty didn't know.

Of course it was for show but that didn't mean it wasn't real too, right?

All Matty was certain of was that he'd never been happier. He was certain he loved this little family they'd created together and loved the possibilities ahead of them. He knew he wanted Antoni and the kids in his life even if he didn't know if it would last.

But he reminded himself that just because their relationship started out one way didn't mean it had to end the same.

Maybe it didn't have to end at all.

If Matty worked hard enough, if he proved himself enough, surely Antoni would see how good they were together. Surely, he would see what a great family they were.

Surely, he would love him.

Still, as Matty skated away with a final wave to Antoni and the kids, it hit him how much his feelings had grown. He and Antoni had only been married for a few weeks but he was no longer hoping that he and Antoni would fall in love with each other.

Now he was hoping that Antoni would grow to love him back.

The weight of Matty's feelings made him stumble and he tripped over his own skates.

"Nice moves there, slick!" Nico called out, thwacking him in the butt with his stick as he sped by.

Matty laughed, shooting one final lingering look over his shoulder at Antoni before he pushed all those thoughts away.

He'd worry about his feelings later.

Now, he had some fucking hockey to play.

He couldn't wait.

"Oh my God, why am I nervous?" Antoni said into Charlie's ear as the team left the ice after warmups. "Is that normal?"

Laughing, Charlie shrugged. "I don't know. Are you nervous about the game or the uh, publicity of things?"

"Hmm." Antoni considered the question. "Maybe a little bit of both?"

"Well, I'll try to help you with both then." Charlie's glossy vibrant pink lips curled up in a warm smile.

"Thank you. I'm really so appreciative. You've been amazing."

Charlie beamed and Antoni took a moment to study Charlie's face. He was so lovely. Inside and out and Antoni was suddenly achingly grateful to have someone to help him navigate this weird situation.

He wasn't used to being in the public eye and he didn't know how all of the SAPs handled it.

He glanced over at Elena and Kayla and August and Birdie and some of the other spouses and partners. He had a lot of people willing to help, actually.

Despite the stress about Matty being gone more and the nagging worries about the custody issue and what the Swansons would do, there was a spark of excitement in Antoni about what his future would hold. About what all of the possibilities were.

"So what happens now?" Antoni asked curiously. "When does the game start?"

Charlie laughed. "Eager to see your man again, huh?"

Antoni laughed, shrugging because it was both true and a little embarrassing to admit. "Matty's, uh … he looks pretty great out there," he managed.

He looked so big and strong and competent and God did Antoni like it.

Charlie grinned like he could tell exactly what he was thinking. "He sure does. Wait until you see him fight."

"Oh, I'm not much of one for fighting," Antoni protested with a wrinkle of his nose.

"Mmhmm. That's what they all say. And then they watch a hockey fight and all of a sudden …" Charlie lifted one perfectly sculpted brow meaningfully. "Honey, if you don't jump him after, it'll be a miracle."

"Yeah, but I might do that without a fight," Antoni admitted.

Charlie's eyes sparkled. "Oh, so it's like that, huh?"

"Yeah." Antoni sighed. "Matty's …"

"Oh I bet he is. Let me guess, he's passionate, sweet, and very attentive to you?"

"He sure is." Antoni's body heated at the memory of the way Matty had gone down on him early this morning, sucking him slowly while he fingered him to a toe-curling orgasm he'd had to bite his arm to muffle.

"Well, good for you, honey," Charlie said, beaming. "Everyone should be as lucky as I am."

"Yeah?"

Charlie's smile turned a little smug. "Trust me, I always miss Dustin when he's gone and I can't wait to welcome him home when he's back."

"How do you handle the time apart?" Antoni asked with a frown. "I've never—I've never been with anyone who travels like these guys do."

"Mmm, it sucks but we make do. Phone calls and video chats when we're able. Really great toys when we're not." Charlie winked.

August leaned over Charlie to speak to Matty, "It's going to be strange having Nico gone. We've hardly been apart for a single night since his accident."

Antoni winced. "Wow, that would be tough."

"It is difficult when they're away," Elena said behind him. "And not just because the bed feels lonely."

Antoni turned to look at her. "Yeah?"

"Yes." She shifted her daughter to her other hip. "There is so much you must manage alone. So much that falls on your shoulders."

"Is it worth it?" Antoni asked.

"For me? Yes. I love Antosha—Anton—and our life together is good. We have beautiful children and a good life but it is still hard. I would be lying if I said otherwise. I had to give up my dreams to do it."

Antoni nodded. "You run a blog now, yes?"

"Yes. That wasn't the life I had planned though. I was studying to become a psychologist before Anton and I met, but I've always wanted a large family and I'm not sorry I chose it."

"And there's no saying you can't pursue being a psychologist after Anton retires and the kids are all in school," Charlie said.

"Exactly." Elena smiled.

"It's a little overwhelming to think about," Antoni admitted. "Going from taking care of the kids with the help of my parents and really struggling with it all, to suddenly having Matty there … I guess I worry I'll have a difficult time with the transition."

Charlie made a little scoffing noise. "Yes, well, you might, but like I keep reminding you, you have all of us now! And don't you forget it!"

Antoni laughed because that sounded like a threat. A welcome one, but still a threat.

"I'll do my best," he promised.

But before he could say anything else, the lights dimmed.

Tension rose inside Antoni as a countdown flashed on the Jumbotron, the arena lit up with thumping music and flashing lights, the crowd shouting their excitement. Antoni's heart beat faster as they showed a video of game highlights from the previous season and he could feel the swell of energy from the people around him as they clapped and whistled.

The chanting of the crowd gave him goosebumps and when the video ended, Antoni was practically vibrating with excitement.

An announcer called out, "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the 2024/2025 home opener of the Toronto Fisher Cats!"

After the whistles and clapping died down, the announcer introduced the coaching staff then moved on to the players, each of them streaming out as their names were announced, then assembling in a circle at the center of the ice.

The cheers and clapping grew louder and louder as the bigger names were spoken—the crowd absolutely roaring when Nico came out—and when the circle of players was almost complete, the announcer called out, "From Victoria, British Columbia, number sixty-three, your alternate captain, Dominic Olson!"

Cheers rose from the crowd, along with a few boos.

"From Bridge Creek, Oklahoma, your other alternate captain, number eleven, Matthew Carlson!"

The arena rang with the sound of people cheering and chanting, "Mat-ty, Mat-ty," and Antoni grinned from ear to ear as Matty burst out onto the ice, waving excitedly.

Antoni loved that Matty didn't try to pretend to be cool or nonchalant about this. He was as giddy as a little kid and he wasn't afraid to show it.

Antoni laughed when Matty thwacked Nico on the butt with his stick before he skated into position and a few members of the crowd whistled.

The announcer concluded with, "And from Chicago, Illinois, your team captain, number twenty-seven, Dustinnn Fowlerrr."

As Dustin skated out, the noise of the crowd was nearly overwhelming, rattling Antoni's bones and settling in his chest. River clung to him and he soothed her by rubbing her back. "You're okay," he promised, even though he doubted she could hear him.

"Where's Matty?" she asked, wide-eyed, when the cheers finally died down enough to be heard.

"Do you see the number 11 on your jersey?" She didn't really know her numbers yet so he pointed at the ones on her arm.

She nodded.

"Can you find that out there?" he asked, pointing at the players.

"Yeah!" She pointed straight at Matty. "There!"

"Yeah! Great job! You found Matty."

She clapped, her eyes lighting up. "Yay! I like Matty."

"Me too, kiddo," he said, kissing the top of her head. "Me too."

River spoke in full sentences more often now. Longer, more complex ones were still halting and hesitant but it was a definite improvement. Was it being in preschool? The speech therapy? Was it Matty talking to her every night as he made dinner, gently coaxing her to use her words?

It was all of that, probably, but what Antoni knew for certain was that all of their lives were easier and better with Matty around.