Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

Agnes watched her husband move away from her, restless in the shadows, and her heart clenched to think of him up here, alone. Pacing in this tower, thinking himself more beast than man, and building walls around his heart. If not for his family…

She had the sense, too, that she stood at the top of a near-bottomless precipice. The height made her dizzy, the clouds and the world far, far below. One wrong step and she would tumble from this tower, never to return.

Pressing a hand against her stomach, she tried to think of something that might bring him comfort. A bit of verse, or a story. Yet, all that was on her mind was a question. The same question that had plagued her since she'd first heard Leo make that strange statement.

"Why do you call yourself that?" Agnes asked slowly.

Leo cocked his head and then glanced back over his shoulder. His gray eyes seemed to smolder with an uncanny light in the darkness.

"The Beast of Briorn? What does that even mean?"

Leo half-turned, folded his arms, and let out a low, bitter laugh. One that scraped against Agnes's ribs and made her shiver. He seemed to notice it, and his mouth twisted into a sharp smile that made Agnes want to both take a step back and throw herself at him.

"Pray ye never find out."

"Did you not just make a vow to that effect?" Agnes asked without thinking. Worse yet, her words had a pertness to them that made Leo's eyebrows fly up. Now, she stepped back, fighting down a nervous hilarity. "I mean… Perhaps you could give me an inkling?"

Leo bore down on her and caught her chin, squeezing it. "Impertinent, wee wench of an outlander," he breathed. "Ye would make the devil himself beg for mercy." He let her go and shook his head. "I willnae give ye an inklin', but just ken that when the fire happened—when ye were in danger…"

"In danger?" Agnes echoed, frowning. "When?"

"When ye went after that dratted kitten," Leo growled and rubbed his chin, his knuckles scraping satisfyingly through his beard. "Even though we hadnae been there when the fire started, ye were still put in danger. And I willnae allow it. I could barely restrain the beast that night."

"Mhm," Agnes said. "So, even as the beast, you look after me?"

Leo narrowed his eyes at her. "Only an outlander would think to be so flippant. Ye have nay idea of our blood feuds, Nes, and what they do to Highlanders. What they did to me."

Agnes regretted her words, and she felt her face flush. She offered a half-hearted nod, unsure what to say.

"Ye willnae meet the beast, but those who dared bring fire and harm to our household will. Who dared bring ye within a hairsbreadth of danger—well, I will reciprocate in kind, ten times over."

Agnes pulled in a breath and then asked in a small voice, "How?"

"With their lives," Leo answered.

Agnes's stomach swooped down. It was that same odd feeling, somewhere between a thrill and discomfort at being face to face with a warrior who took lives. Only now, it wasn't removed from her life—it was part of her life, their lives.

"I could've burned this entire country if they harmed ye."

Agnes nodded and tried to take all that in, but it was immense and staggering. His vow, these words—he was willing to ruin his immortal soul for her.

Is that why he became the Beast of Briorn? To protect his kin?

"Ye have been quiet for too long," Leo said and touched her cheek, startling her. Agnes had not realized how lost in thought she'd been. "Did I scare ye?"

"No, of course not," Agnes said absently and pressed her cheek against his hand. She gazed up at him. "But perhaps we might find another way. Granny Ro said the blood feuds are over?—"

"Nay," he interrupted in a harsh tone. "Nay one threatens me home, me wife , and gets to live."

Agnes huffed out a laugh at those words, again overwhelmed by what Leo meant. He gave her a flat look, but there was wry amusement there, almost as though he was thinking, I should've kenned ye would think this a jest, Sassenach.

"For all this talk of beasts and blood, it's just so, so very kind of you, Leo. I think we all know how you protect us. And…" she trailed off as it suddenly came together in her head.

She'd been trying to understand the way Leo made her feel—seen and heard, cherished and protected, and always, always, respected. For all that he was a fearsome, fearless Highland warrior, he respected her. Her free hand went up to her heart as it throbbed.

Oh, Leo.

"Kind?" Leo echoed, and he laughed. "More and more, I think ye are the only woman I could have ever married, Nes."

Agnes glowed inside, but she could not resist poking at her big bear of a Highlander husband. "Well, I'm not your wife yet, My Laird. Not in every sense of the word."

Leo started, and his hand fell, even though his gaze went sharp with the same intensity the sky took on before a storm began to rage. The very air between them seemed to shimmer, and Agnes got the sense that she'd said the absolute wrong thing for all the right reasons.

"Careful," he warned in a soft, dangerous voice, and her toes curled in her shoes.

That heat goaded Agnes into saying, "It's true." She stepped away from him and paced back to the fire, before rounding on him, inordinately pleased that he'd followed her. "We've been married for almost three months, yet we have not consummated our marriage." She shrugged and put her hands on her hips. "You could take me back to Craeghil tomorrow, and I would still be virgin enough to take my vows of nunhood?—"

Leo pounced. Agnes had a sense of a storm bearing down on her, before he caught her face and kissed her. Hard and demanding, causing her lips to part, and for him to savor her. Agnes's knees trembled, and she whimpered, sagging against him.

The kiss turned from passionate to soft, to teasing. Leo did wicked things with his tongue and teeth that made her feel as though lightning was consuming her, sparking all over, and becoming nothing but pure sensation. When he pulled away, she could not get her bearings for a minute and had to hold on to him.

"Ye arenae goin' anywhere," Leo said. His eyes were dark, his pupils wide, and then his hands were curled around her shoulders. "Ye are mine , Agnes Aitken. Me Lady MacLarsen." She yelped as he hauled her up and threw her over his shoulder. "And I mean to make sure of that tonight."

Excitement set off a thousand shooting stars in her veins, butterflies and whirlwinds in her stomach, and she laughed as Leo tossed her down. But his hands were gentle as he hovered over her. She made to wrap her hands around his neck, but he caught them and kissed the knuckles.

"Wait a mo'," he said and drew back.

Agnes sat up as he began to blow out the candles, starting at the far end of the room and coming back. As he got closer to the bed—his bed, she realized, big and luxurious and fit for a laird—the light had taken on a soft but brilliant intimacy that she did not want to lose.

"Won't you leave those burning?" Agnes asked.

Leo paused, glancing over at her. Again, she saw that admiration and respect in his eyes. But she also saw hesitation in the way he rubbed his jaw.

"Are ye sure, lass?"

Why did he sound so uncertain? Did he not want to see her? Her stomach sank, and she almost told him that it was fine, that he could snuff out the candles. But a deeper strength steadied her, and she nodded.

"Yes, please." Agnes shifted on the edge of the bed, causing Leo's eyes to flare with heat. "You can keep your mask on, but I want the candles. Even if you don't want me to see you, I-I do want you to see all of me. Then…" She swallowed hard and twisted her hands into her skirts. "Then you may decide if you do want me. After all, I was not your promised?—"

Leo was suddenly in front of her, tilting her face up, and then he kissed her. An unyielding but gentle kiss.

" Mo ghràidh , ye are me promised. Ye are everything. D'ye nae see how much I want ye?" Then he laughed. "Nay, ye have nay idea how much I want ye. Even after I told ye I have wanted this since the first moment I saw ye."

Agnes flushed. She had not forgotten that, but it had sounded too good to be true. Only when he kissed her again, she wondered if she'd both meant to goad him and make him prove to her that those words were true. If she wanted?—

The rest of those thoughts were lost as Leo kissed her and slid a hand down the column of her throat. Then his lips were there, and he laughed, shaking his head.

"Ye asked me about being a beast. Well…" he said and hummed against her throat, making her shiver with pleasure from head to toe, her hands twisting into the furs and blankets. "What other sinner would fantasize about corrupting a woman of God? Something I had nay business to be doing as I was on me way to be wed… And yet I wanted to take yer lovely hair…"

Leo pulled out the pins in her hair by some magic, and then his hand twisted into it, fisting it and pulling it back, gentle but inexorable.

"I wanted to expose yer throat, hear what noises ye would make as I seduced ye—took ye—and then brought ye back here, where I'd ne'er let ye leave me sight, ne'er mind me tower." His teeth grazed her collarbone, and she gasped. "I nearly did it too, Nes. That's what ye dinnae understand. I followed ye to the convent walls, but then ye were gone."

At that, Agnes did gasp and arch into him, for Leo's other hand was sliding up her stomach and cupping her breast. His fingers were rough and warm, and her entire body lit up with a frenzy of sensations. She wanted more, but she was not sure she could bear it.

Oh, no wonder they warn us of the touch of men…

"To think that patience was the virtue, to think that a week later we would wed, and here ye are now," he murmured. "At me mercy." His big hand squeezed her breast, and she let out a sob. "To think ye are mine. I must have kenned—that's why I wanted to take ye away… take ye home."

"I am home," Agnes said, and Leo's dark head rose. His eyes met hers. "And I am yours. I-I think I always knew, too." She smiled. "That's why I wasn't afraid of a big, half-naked, bleeding fool?—"

She shrieked with laughter as Leo pinned her down and kissed her hard, trailing his fingers up and down her sides. But then he pulled back, almost abruptly, and stood up. With a crook of his finger, Agnes stood up too, and then she turned without him asking.

"As I said, canny thin'," Leo murmured, and his lips were on the back of her neck. "I cannae wait to finally see all of ye. Last time I only saw yer pretty bosom and yer sweet center. I want to see yer lovely back." He slid a gentle hand down her spine. "I warn ye, I shall kiss me way from yer neck to yer perfect arse…"

"Will you bite it?" Agnes asked in a breathless voice.

Leo huffed out a rough laugh against her neck. "Aye, that goes without sayin', Sassenach."

Agnes's heart seemed to beat throughout her whole body as Leo undid the buttons along her back. Little had she known when Gelis insisted on this dress that Leo would be the one taking it off. He took care, turning her and helping her out of it.

Then she was in her stays, facing him, aware of what little she now wore. To her surprise, Leo knelt to take off her stockings, pressed a kiss to the inside of each of her knees, and then slowly stood up again.

"Turn around again," Leo whispered, and she obeyed. Her entire body shivered when he pulled off her stays and groaned. She gasped as he took a handful of her rear and squeezed it. "Ach, I kenned this arse would be lovely. So round. So biteable."

Agnes yelped when he spanked her lightly and went to turn, but he stopped her. His hands reached around, freeing her breasts, and she leaned against him, moaning as he gently kneaded and pinched them. Leo seemed to be in no rush as he caressed her, teased her, and made her squeeze her bare thighs together.

Finally, though, he pulled her stays down and let them fall to the floor. She went to turn, but he stopped her. The air shifted, and it took Agnes a moment to understand what was happening. But his big hands were firm on her shoulders, and she heard the quick pace of his breathing.

"Leo?" Her voice was sharp and nervous. "What's wrong?"

He half-turned her and then cradled the side of her face. There was a wildness in his eyes, a shadow leaping forth, and Agnes felt a slow spiral of dismay.

Oh no.

Her eyes went wide—Leo saw all. His jaw ticked, and he swallowed hard.

"You saw," Agnes said softly, and her gaze fell to the floor.

He'd seen her ruined back, her scars, the whip marks, the messy cuts, the rough skin. This was not at all how she wanted her first time with Leo to go. With his pity and rage filling the whole room. With her looking so broken and beaten.

In the heat of the moment, she had not been thinking—she had not thought of her scars in weeks. She had felt no pain. How could she explain that to him? For, of course, he would not overlook them.

"Nay wonder ye dinnae care about scars," he said, and her breath caught as he traced a gentle hand over her back. "Do these cause ye pain?"

"No, no ," Agnes said in a shaky voice. "I'm fine now."

"But ye werenae fine at our wedding," Leo said, and she started. "Aye, Sassenach, I saw." His thumb was restless over her jaw. "Why? Who could ever hurt ye?"

"Ah," Agnes said with a smile and a sigh. "Well, I'm terrible at following orders. Rules. Sometimes even suggestions."

Leo's head dropped and shook, and she sucked in a delighted breath as he pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "I noticed."

He turned her again, and his big hands skimmed down her arms, then wrapped around her ribs. She knew he was looking at those scars, and her bare toes dug into the cool stone. Her heart sank a bit. It was one thing for a man to have scars, but an almost-nun…

"Is it too much? I understand…" She swallowed hard, unable to tell him that this was part of why she'd wanted him to see all of her. If he couldn't be with her because of her scars. "I'd understand if you did not want me now, Leo."