Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

S he awoke to a gentle shaking, and when she finally opened her eyes, Benedict was gazing down at her.

"It is past dawn, me love. ‘Tis time ye returned tae yer own room ‘afore yer sister awakes and notices ye missing."

Wrapping her arms around his huge chest, she sighed. "Och, but I dinnae want tae leave ye."

"I ken," he growled with a smile. "I dinnae want ye tae go either. But it must be this way, fer now."

Evelyn pushed herself up and looked at him. "It is the way it has tae be forever, Benedict. This thing between us cannae continue."

He frowned at her then. "I dinnae think ye understand how much ye mean tae me."

"But I am tae marry yer braither," she argued.

"Aye. About that. I had a long think after ye fell tae sleep last night, and I truly want tae speak tae me brother about us."

Evelyn's eyes flew wide. Partly from fear, partly from excitement. "But surely, he will hate us fer what we've done."

Benedict shook his head. "I dinnae think he will. Ye dinnae ken Audor like I dae. I'm nae saying he willnae be angry, but when I express how I feel about ye, when I tell him I cannae live without ye, he will understand."

But Evelyn felt conflicted. The union to Audor was so much more than just a marriage. The repercussions rippled out far beyond her and her happiness.

Shaking her head, she said, "I'm nae sure this is a good idea." She halted from saying more, for she did not want to hurt his feelings.

"Dae ye nae want tae be with me, Evelyn?" he asked, his brow furrowed with concern.

"O' course, I dae. Ye ken I dae. It's just…" She hesitated.

"Ye are worried about the alliance," Benedict replied knowingly.

"How can I nae be worried about the alliance. ‘Tis the real reason I am here. This whole union is the basis tae forge an alliance for the protection o' out clan."

Benedict sighed. "I ken. And I cannae tell ye how things will work out. I only ken what me heart desires, Evelyn."

She ought to have been excited. Under any other circumstances, hearing those words fall from Benedict's lips would have thrilled her to the core. She would have jumped with glee at the prospect of spending her life with the man who had stolen her heart. But how could she, when so much rested on her union with Audor.

"I should go," she said, glancing at the rising sun through the window.

This time it was Benedict that looked a little saddened.

"I ken," she said with a smile. "It's nae like I want tae. But unless ye want our business spread across the lands when the maids arrive and find me here," she joked playfully, "I need tae go."

With a soft and tender kiss that made her departure even harder, Evelyn eventually crept from the bedchamber and hurried down the corridor. The distance between the rooms was not far, and yet, Benedict's words ran over and over in her head as she went.

I'm going tae speak tae me braither about us.

I cannae tell ye how things will work out. I only ken what me heart desires…

But what if it didn't work out? What if Audor refused? What if Audor agreed, but the alliance was nullified? What if her selfishness was the undoing of her clan, and without the protection of Clan Gunn, her own people were destroyed by Clan Keith?

Breathe, Evelyn.

Reaching her bedchamber, she silently turned the handle and crept into the room, closing the door as quietly as she could. As she turned to sneak across the room, a gasp escaped from her lips, for Yvaine was sitting up in her bed with her eyebrows raised and a soft smile on her lips.

"And whose bed did ye sleep in?" she said. "Like I have tae guess."

Caught off guard, Evelyn hurriedly tried to think of an excuse, but it was no use. She had been caught red handed. Besides, Yvaine knew her too well. Her sister would see through any lie she tried to tell her. And by her words, she had already come to her own conclusions.

"I didnae think ye would be awake yet," Evelyn replied sheepishly.

"Well, I am. And now, ye may come over here and tell me everything." Yvaine grinned.

Evelyn moved across the room and slid under the covers of her bed. She had managed to get a little bit of sleep, but nowhere near enough. However, as tired as she was, she was still excited, and pulling the covers up over her body, she gazed over at her sister.

"When did ye ken?" she asked.

"Och, I've had me suspicions for a while." Yvaine shrugged. "I just didnae realize it was as serious as it obviously is."

"I'm sorry I've been keeping secrets from ye, Yvaine."

Yvaine smiled excitedly. "Well, now I've discovered yer love affair, I want tae ken everything," she gushed. "I assume yer were nae just sleeping in Benedict's bed."

Evelyn felt her cheeks bloom with heat, and pressing her hands against the soft skin of her face, she giggled and shook her head.

"Was it the first time?" Yvaine pressed.

Evelyn looked embarrassed and shook her head again.

"Really?" Yvaine gasped excitedly with a huge grin.

"Well. It was the first time in that way, ye ken…" She trailed off, for the awkwardness would not let her continue. "But we had been together in other ways ‘afore last night."

"And? What was it like?"

Evelyn dreamily recalled her feelings, the pain, but then the delirious delight.

"He kens exactly how tae please me," she said wistfully. "I never want it tae end."

Those words changed her soft smile to a thoughtful frown, for her future was now so uncertain. She had never been overly enamored with having to marry a stranger in the first place, but given the circumstances, she had accepted it for the good of the clan.

Now, her heart had been captured by a wonderful, strong, and handsome man. A man who was not her betrothed. She wanted to be with him more than anything in the world. But it was complicated.

"I'm sorry I havenae told ye the truth, Yvaine. I have hated keeping things from ye. We've always told each other everything."

"I understand," Yvaine said kindly.

"Dae ye?"

"I think so." Her sister nodded. "I think a part o' ye has kept it from me because if ye said it out loud, it would all be too real."

Evelyn was surprised at her sister's insight. In fact, she had said nearly the same words to Benedict the night she told him that she knew who he was. Yes, speaking it out loud would make it all too real, but it was more than that.

"It's nae just that it will be too real. I think me main reason fer keeping it such a secret is because it's been so wrong. Guilt has led me tae keep secrets. What we've been doing is so bad that, as much as my heart sings when I am with him, I cannae truly be happy."

"I dinnae see it like that, Evelyn," Yvaine replied, surprising her sister. "Yer heart chooses who it desires, and there's naething ye can dae tae stop it. If ye hadnae have been forced tae marry Laird Gunn, then what ye and Benedict feel fer each other would be completely normal, wouldnae it?"

"That's nae the point," Evelyn countered.

"O' course, it is. Dae ye really think Audor wants his braither tae be miserable fer the rest o' his life? Dae ye think he would want Benedict tae have tae live in this castle, having tae see ye every day, knowing ye're another man's wife? His braither's, on top of it?"

She didn't really know the answer to those questions. She wanted to believe that Audor would want his brother to be happy, but not at the expense of betrayal. "I dinnae think it's that simple, Yvaine. We're being disloyal tae Audor."

Yvaine sighed. "I dinnae ken the laird all that well, but from what I have seen o' him, I dinnae think that's true. In fact, I think ye and Benedict should speak tae Audor when he returns. Perhaps he will understand."

"Ye sound just like Benedict. He said exactly the same this morning. He said he was going to speak tae Audor about us. But I'm nae so sure." Evelyn shook her head worriedly. "What if us being together ruins the lives o' everyone else around us? What about the alliance? What about Faither?"

Yvaine jumped off her bed and came to sit beside Evelyn on hers. Taking her sisters hand in her own, Yvaine looked at her intently and said, "I think it's time ye were a little bit selfish, sister. Ye've always put everyone ‘afore yersel'. Now, ye need tae think o' yer own happiness."

"At the expense of the safety of our clan, Yvaine?"

But even with that remark, Yvaine did not waver. "There are other ways tae form an alliance, sister. Clans form alliances all the time without the need fer a union. And ye would still be marrying intae the clan, I suppose."

Evelyn was just about to reply when a soft knock sounded on their bedchamber door.

"Just a minute," Yvaine said, hurrying to grab her shawl. When she had wrapped it around her shoulders, she moved to the door and opened it.

"Father," Yvaine said, the surprise evident in her voice.

Evelyn took a sharp intake of breath, and her heart began thumping in her breast. Thank God she had returned to the bedchamber when she did, but what was her father doing there at their door? He had hardly spoken to them in any proper manner in nearly a year, never mind visiting them for any special reason.

He kens. He must. That is why he is here. He has discovered the truth about Benedict and I.

With astonishment, she watched as her father bent and kissed Yvaine's cheek. By her wide-eyed expression, Yvaine was clearly surprised at their father's spontaneous affection too.

"Come here, me dear," the laird waved at Evelyn. "I want tae see ye."

Pushing the covers back, Evelyn slipped from the bed, and padded across the wooden floor and into her father's open arms. Wrapping them around her, he held her tightly into his broad chest for a long moment.

As surprised as she was, Evelyn sank into him, wrapping her arms around him, and feeling the love that emanated from him. It had been a whole year since he had embraced her so warmly, and only in that moment, did she realize how much she had missed it.

"I ken why ye were afraid tae tell me, but now I ken," he said softly.

Och, me God, he kens.

"Ken what?" Evelyn gasped, taking a step away from him.

"About the attack yesterday, Evelyn."

She released the breath she had been holding, and her shoulders sank. As much as she tried not to make it obvious, her father clearly noticed her relief. The only good thing was, he mistook it for something different.

"I ken ye kept it from me, Evelyn. And I understand why. But Laird Gunn told me what happened this morning just before breakfast. He is calling a meeting with the council tae discuss the next steps."

Her father gazed down at her lovingly. "He told me how valiantly ye fought. I ken I havenae been the best faither this past year, but I am so proud o' ye."

"Killian and…" she stopped herself, for she nearly said Benedict, but quickly recovering, she continued. "Killian and Laird Gunn were the men who fought hard, Faither," Evelyn replied.

Her mind whirled a little, partly due to her father's contrast in demeanor, and partly due to the fact that Benedict had told her father what had happened. He hadn't mentioned this morning that he was going to do it, so why had he?

Perhaps he was given nay choice.

Perhaps, but some warning might have been nice.

"It has been a difficult year since yer maither's passing, and Laird Keith has made our lives hell," her father continued. "I'm grateful fer what ye are doing fer our clan, Evelyn. I'm sure ye hate me fer arranging this marriage."

"I dinnae hate ye, Faither. How could I?"

He dropped his head and heaved a sigh. "I would never have put ye through this if I could have avoided it. But we are in desperate need o' an alliance, and a marriage tae a laird is the only way. This alliance is the only thing that will keep our clan safe. We are just nae strong enough tae fight off Clan Keith alone."

"Ye did what ye had tae dae, Faither," Evelyn said, his words weighing heavily upon her heart.

He nodded, looked from Evelyn to Yvaine and back again, and then said, "Well, I should leave ye tae get dressed. Perhaps ye will join me later when ye've had breakfast?"

The sisters nodded, and then watched their father leave the room. With a final glance and a smile at them both, he closed the door gently behind him.

Neither Evelyn nor Yvaine said a word for a whole minute after his departure. Evelyn could not know what her sister might be thinking, but she certainly knew her own thoughts. Before her father arrived, she was on the cusp of listening to Yvaine's advice. But now…

"Naething has changed, Evelyn," Yvaine said, as though she had read her mind.

"I ken that, which is why I have tae go through with it."

"Evelyn," Yvaine gasped.

Evelyn looked at her sister sadly. "Ye heard what Faither said. The alliance relies on me marrying a laird. And Benedict isnae the laird." She could feel her throat tighten as she continued. "It is the right and proper thing tae dae, and thus, I must dae it. With all things considered, the safety o' our clan is far more important than me happiness."

Saying the words hit her harder than she could ever have imagined. All her hope of being with Benedict was now smashed to pieces. She would never know love in her marriage. She would be forced to spend her life with the brother of the man she wanted to be with. Benedict would be there, not a heartbeat away, but she could never have him. As her heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, Evelyn gasped for air, and then suddenly burst into tears.