Chapter 33

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

T hat night, Arne crept into Raven's room again, and they made love. Raven tried to savor every touch, every taste of him, stowing it away. Even as they climaxed and lay together in the afterglow, she could not get her fear for Thorsten and her hatred of lying to Arne out of her mind. And she knew the next day was going to be even worse. She felt like a bow string, being pulled tauter and tauter, until she would snap.

When Arne fell asleep, snoring gently beside her, she clung to him, eyes open, watching the firelight send dark, foreboding shadows cavorting across the ceiling like capering devils. They seemed to mock her plans, filling her with doubt and self-recrimination, weighing her down with guilt. Visions of Thorsten, with his black mop of hair, bright silvery-blue eyes, and dimples tormented her. The thought of him being hurt was agony.

Over and over, the various elements of her plan revolved in her head as each detail fell into place. She was emotionally exhausted, but sleep eluded her, and she only fell into a restless doze when the birds began their chorus to herald the dawn.

She woke up alone, feeling jittery and queasy. There was a scribbled note by her pillow. It was from Arne, telling her he was going to train with Everard and Maxwell for a while that morning. He promised to be back to share luncheon with her. Her heart heavy as lead, she crushed the note to her lips and kissed it before putting it under her pillow

How will I get through this day? I'll go mad before midnight comes.

Somehow, she managed to get up and dress for the day.

Then, she sat down to write a letter to Arne, the second-most difficult letter she had ever written in her life. Once she finished it, she hid it in her nightstand drawer.

Arne and her brothers returned about noontime, and they shared a light meal together in the great hall. Raven tried hard to disguise the strain she was under, but seeing the shadow of the terrible secret they were all keeping from Arne in her brothers faces made her feel even more wretched.

That night, after everyone had retired, she got ready for bed. But she did not wait for Arne to go to her, fearing it could be the last time they were ever together. Wrapping herself in her robe, and then hiding the letter in her pocket, she stole across the hallway and went quietly into his room.

He was standing in the middle of the floor and when she entered, he looked at her in please surprise. "I was just comin' tae see ye," he told her, going over to her and enfolding her in his arms. "This is a very nice surprise," he added, kissing her lips.

"I was missin' ye," she told him, almost overcome with the warring emotions inside her. She was on the verge of telling him everything, and the only way she could prevent it was to clutch at his shoulders, pull him down to her, and kiss him back fiercely. "I love ye so much, Arne. I want ye tae ken that."

He smiled and frowned at the same time, his ice-blue eyes curious. "What's all this? What have I done tae deserve all this lovin' all of a sudden?" he asked, picking her up, his hands cradling her behind. She put her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck, and looked into his eyes, her heart overflowing with love for him.

She forced a smile. "Nay. Just bein' yer lovely self is enough. I just want ye tae understand how much ye mean tae me, 'tis all."

"Well, that's certainly very nice tae hear since I love ye too," Arne replied playfully, carrying her over to the bed. He gently laid her down upon it and stood over her, his eyes raking over her hungrily. As always whenever they were together, waves of desire rushed through her body. She had deliberately put on nothing but her robe. Now, she slowly undid the sash and opened the robe, lying naked and exposed before him.

"Mmm, what a lovely view," he murmured appreciatively. "That's the finest thing I've seen all day, and I cannae wait tae get me hands on ye." He stripped away his own robe, revealing his magnificent body, the powerful, beautiful, enticing body she knew she could never have enough of. His manhood stood out proudly from its nest of blond fur enticingly.

Raven tried not to think of the risk she was about to take, which could mean having to suffer Struan's loveless, soulless touch once more in his determination that she give him sons. Instead, she resolved to make the most of what could be her last night with the man she truly loved. She smiled as she opened her arms to Arne. Whatever happened, she was his for all time.

He kneeled over her on the bed, his excitement obvious in his smile, the glint in his eyes, his growing erection grazing her thighs teasingly.

"Ye make me feel so wonderful," she whispered, running her palms over the hard, corded muscles of his torso and arms, giving herself up to the pleasure.

"I try me hardest ," he joked hoarsely, his hands seeking her breasts. "With all this tae play with, I feel like the luckiest feller alive."

She moaned softly as he rolled her soft globes in his warm, rough palms, squeezing the flesh and pinching the soft tips until they turned hard at his touch, sending shivers of pleasure traveling the length of her body.

His mouth roved hungrily over her exposed neck and shoulders, kissing, nuzzling, sucking and biting. One hand trailed lazily from her breast, down her belly, where his fingers finally entwined in the soft, curling nest between her thighs.

Raven trembled with anticipation, reveling in the sensation of his right hand still playing with her breasts, while the other slid between her thighs, his questing fingers prizing them apart and toying with her hot, moist folds.

He cupped her entire sex in his palm, working his hand back and forth, while his fingers delved inside her, first one, then another, his thumb massaging her sensitive bud in tantalizing circular motions, making her moan and tremble with wanting.

They kissed long and leisurely, enjoying the taste of each other as their tongues roved each other's mouths and lips. Then Arne trailed his hot tongue down her body, across her ribs, into her navel, down her belly, before his head descended between her thighs.

She gripped his hair, pressing herself against his mouth, craving more of his explorations, filled with lust. "Och, I love it when ye dae that tae me," she moaned, writhing beneath him as his hot, questing mouth plundered her flesh. He placed her legs over his shoulders and held her sex open with his fingers, his tongue flickering like lightening in and out of her. And when she looked down and met his eyes, they were smiling.

It was not long before Raven felt the familiar waves of heat washing over her as Arne devoured her, and she knew her climax was approaching. Her thighs tightened about his head, and she gripped his hair as shockwaves took hold of her. She arched her back as his fingers entered her, stretching her wide, pushing rhythmically in and out, his tongue playing her like a harp.

"Ah, Arne," she cried out, thrusting her hips feverishly as the inexorable waves of pleasure gripped her and pushed her over the edge into ecstasy once more.

"I cannae wait any longer, Raven," he told her, panting with desire as he moved upwards and propped himself above her on his forearms, looking down at her through eyes like blue, shining slits. He lay between her thighs, his mouth taking passionate possession of hers and then moving down to suck and nuzzle at her breasts, making her weak with desire.

She held him tight as he buried himself inside her. They clung to each other as they moved together, panting, in a frenzy of wanting. In perfect unison, they moved together, their hips bucking and thrusting, until they came at the same moment in a shattering climax.

"I love ye so much," she breathed, her fingers wound in his golden hair.

"I love ye too, Raven. God, how I love ye."

In the aftermath of their love-making, Raven lay upon his chest, while Arne cupped her buttocks, one in each hand. She was happy for a short while, juts reveling at being in his arms, at being loved by him.

But after a while, reality crept back in. The guilt and fear, the doubt and self-recrimination returned to nag at her when she thought of what she was about to do to him.

She waited on tenterhooks until he was asleep. Then she slid out of bed and got dressed as quickly and quietly as she could.

She went over to the bed and looked down at his sleeping face, framed by his short blond locks and left the letter on the pillow next ot him. She gazed at his rough, masculine beauty, thinking him more heartbreakingly handsome than ever. Bending over him, she pressed a butterfly kiss to his lips.

Read me letter and try tae understand why I'm doin' this, me darlin'. I love ye with all me heart and soul. Be careful.

Then, she went to the door, and crept from the room as quietly as she could.

The sound of the door closing woke Arne. Confused for a moment, he rubbed his eyes and looked around the chamber.

"Raven? Where are ye?"

No answer came. That's strange. Has she gone back tae her own chambers?

Feeling strangely restless, he got out of bed. And it was as he did so that he noticed a letter on the pillow addressed to him, in Raven's distinctive hand. Suddenly, he felt like the bottom of his word had just fallen through, and him with it.

"Nae this time, nae again," he muttered under his breath, not needing to read the letter to know she was leaving him, the same way she had three years before. Fueled by a mix of betrayal and desperation, he pulled on his clothes as quickly as he could and left the room, determined to catch up to her and tell her exactly what he thought of her. This time, there would be no excuses, no going back.

As he left the keep and looked around in the moonlight, he thought he spied the hem of a dress disappearing around a corner. He ran after it and caught up with her just as she was exiting a side gate that led outside the castle grounds.

Arne came up behind her and caught her by the arm, stopping Raven in her tracks. She turned to him, her face a picture of shock.

"So, ye thought ye could sneak off and abandon me and Thorsten again, like ye did before, in the middle of the night," he accused her in a harsh whisper. He brandished the letter at her. "I dinnae have tae read this tae ken what ye're up tae."

"Arne, I—" she began, but he cut her off.

"I dinnae wan tae hear yer excuses this time. I should have kent it would nae last. All that "I love ye Arne," that was just another load of yer lies, was it nae? I suppose ye're laughin' behind me back at how easy it is tae make a fool of me!"

"But, Arne…" she whispered, looking confused and upset. But he ignored it, putting it down to her manipulative nature.

"Why should I bother tae read a letter when I ken what's in it? It'll be the same as last time. Why should I trust yer? Why should I bother with any more of yer excuses when ye cannae even trust me enough tae tell me the truth about what ye're plannin'?"

"Nay, Arne, ye've got it all wrong," she cried. "Ye need tae read the letter. ‘'Tis all in there."

"Nae Arne, listen please, I beg ye, ye must believe me, I am nae leavin' ye," she begged him, doing a good impersonation of someone who was desperate to be believed. "Struan has–"

He shook his head. "I dinnae want tae listen tae ye, I cannae trust ye. This is the end fer us, Raven. "'Tis over. I never want tae see or hear from ye again!" With that, he turned on his heel and strode back to keep, intending to pack his things and get out of there as soon as he could.

"Arne! Arne! Please, come back," she called after him, but he ignored her, steeling himself against more of her lies.