Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

" W hat does he say in his letter?" she asked, desperate to know because so much of her fate depended on Everard and Maxwell's attitude towards her.

Haldor gave her the letter. "Ye can read it fer yersel'," he told her. He and Arne sat down nearby, waiting patiently for her to read the whole letter.

As she took in Everard's words, the leaden weight in her stomach dissolved, but she was so overcome with emotion, she could not hold back the tears of joy and relief that fell from her eyes. She drank down the whisky and put the goblet aside, her hands shaking as she finished reading and lowered the letter to her lap.

She looked up at them both, dashing away the tears as best she could. "I want tae go and see them," she said, the desire coming fully formed to her mind. "I ken it is a risk, fer that is an obvious place fer Struan tae come lookin' fer me againbut I must see me braithers."

"Aye, of course," Haldor agreed, nodding.

"It would be too dangerous fer ye tae travel alone, with MacDonald and his men still lookin' fer ye," Arne said.

She appealed to them both. "Could ye spare some men tae guard me on the journey?" she asked, knowing Arne was right. Her father might be dead, but her husband was not.

"Aye, ye're still under me protection, so I'll be happy tae arrange it fer ye," Haldor assured her.

"Nay, I'll go with her," Arne suddenly said. "I dinnae trust anyone else tae keep her safe from MacDonald."

Raven turned her head to stare at him in amazement, hardly able to believe her ears. She wondered why he would make such an offer when he had made it quite clear he despised her. To her added surprise, Haldor agreed with alacrity.

"Aye, all right then. It may be better if there's just the two of ye. It'll make it easier tae evade MacDonald and his men," he said. "'Tis at a least a full day's journey from here back tae yer braither's lands. When would ye like tae leave?"

Raven's tears had dried, and a new sense of optimism was starting to infiltrate her being despite the continuing threat hanging above her head. "It'll be hard tae be separated from Thorsten so soon after bein' reunited with him, but I must go and see me braithers. I'd like tae have a few more days with him if ye dinnae object," she said finally.

"I've nae objection, but he's nae me son," Haldor said, looking pointedly at Arne.

"Of course. We can leave whenever ye feel ready," he told her, surprising her with his almost kindly attitude. It was certainly very different to the way he had acted earlier. Likely he's just pleased at the prospect of me leavin' here soon , she thought a little cynically. Nevertheless, she wanted to thank him.

Putting the embarrassment of the kiss aside, she turned to him and smiled. Their eyes met, and he smiled back. It was so unexpected and seemed so genuine, her heart turned over in her chest. "Thank ye, Arne, fer savin' me life, but most of all fer lettin' me see Thorsten and spend time with him. I'm very grateful."

"Ye're welcome. Ye're his maither after all," he said simply.

"Even so, I ken it's nae been easy fer ye."

He made no response to that but replied, "Thank ye, Raven, fer finally tellin' me the real truth about yer past and everythin'." He stood up suddenly. "'Tis Thorsten's bedtime. We should go and say goodnight."

"Och, I'd love tae," Raven said, delighted. She too stood, and after she had thanked Haldor, they left the study together.

"Are ye glad yer faither's gone?" Arne asked her as they headed to the vestibule.

She gave a small laugh. "I've wished him dead many times in the past, so I'll nae lie and say I'm sad about it. He was always cold and cruel tae me, even as a wee lassie."

"Why was that?" Arne asked as they reached the vestibule and started up the staircase.

"I'm nae sure, but I think because me maither died givin' birth tae me. I was lucky tae have Everard and Maxwell. We were always close, and they showed me a lot of love. They used tae try tae stick up fer me. But when I was still quite young, Faither decided tae send Maxwell away tae train as a warrior, so he was gone an awful lot while I was growin' up.

"Of course, he came home now and then. Everard often went tae visit him—they were very close and so alike in looks that many folks assume they're twins—so I was often left alone with Faither. When they found out he was plannin' tae wed me tae Struan, Everard had a terrible fight with Faither. He still bears the scars on his back from where Faither had him flogged fer goin' against him." She shivered, recalling the nightmare.

"Christ Almighty! Yer faither was a bastard right enough," Arne exclaimed with disgust as they came up to Thorsten's door and stopped.

"Aye, he was, and devious too. He waited until Everard was away visitin' Maxwell tae marry me tae Struan, so they couldnae dae anythin' tae stop it. By the time Everard got home, I was gone tae Barra as Struan's wife."

"Why, that's just terrible," Arne said, shaking his head and frowning. He seemed genuinely aggrieved on her behalf. "I'm so sorry, Raven."

"I'm sorry I was too scared tae tell ye all this before," she told him, glad they seemed to have gotten over their previous upset. "But let's nae talk of it any more fer now, eh? I want tae say goodnight tae Thorsten."

"Aye, let's dae that." He opened the door, and they went inside. Raven's eyes went immediately to Thorsten. He was sitting on the hearthrug in his nightclothes and a woolen dressing gown. He was playing with a spinning top. He looked up and grinned at them as they came in, his dimples on full display.

"Hello," he called out merrily, waving at them. Muriel was seated opposite Thorsten. She looked up from her needlework and greeted them with smile and a nod.

"Good evenin', Muriel," Raven forced herself to say pleasantly to the nursemaid.

"Good evenin', Lady Raven. He's been waitin' fer ye tae come with his da and put him tae bed," Muriel replied, looking down at her charge fondly.

"Has he?" Raven said, delighted by Muriel's guileless words. Clearly, the nursemaid had no idea about her jealousy, for which Raven was very grateful.

"Aye, he talks of ye all the time. I've never seen him take tae anyone like he has tae ye," Muriel went on. Raven was touched by the compliment, and her jealousy abated somewhat. She suddenly felt a little warmer towards Muriel.

Arne shot Raven indecipherable glance as he said cheerfully, "Ye look just about ready for bed." He swooped down and scooped Thorsten up in his arms, whirled him about, and then hugged him tightly.

"Aye, I am," the little boy answered, cuddling his father's neck while smiling at Raven and laughing gaily.

"Did yer Uncle Haldor and Auntie Sofia come tae kiss ye goodnight already?" Arne asked him.

"Aye, and now they've gone tae have their supper. Are ye gonnae tell me a story, Da? I want Lady Raven tae stay and listen too."

"Och, thank ye pet, I love a good story," she told him, tweaking his chubby little cheek, her heart overflowing with love for him.

"Aye. What story shall we have tonight?" Arne asked, carrying him over to the bed and helping him get under the covers. He sat on the bed, his arm around Thorsten.

"The Fisherman and the Whale, please." Thorsten looked at Raven and said, "Come and sit in this chair, Lady Raven." He pointed at the chair by the bed where she had sat before. She hurried to do as he said and made herself comfortable in the chair.

When Arne began telling the story, his voice so deep and gentle, giving all the characters of the traditional tale different voices, she watched and listened with rapt attention. At moments, she feared her heart would burst with love for the both of them, and she had to get a firm grip on her emotions, telling herself to enjoy the moment while she had the chance.

Soon, I must part with me boy again. And I dinnae ken how long it'll be before I'll see him again. It might well be never…

After they had finished putting Thorsten to bed and kissed him goodnight, they bid Muriel the same and left the room.

She was taken aback when Arne turned to her in the hallway and asked, "Would ye like tae come down with me and join Haldor and Sofia fer dinner?"

"Aye, I'd like that," she said, still struck by the softening of his demeanor towards her since their argument and the disastrous kiss. They walked together down the staircase and to the great hall, with Arne telling her some funny anecdotes about Thorsten that made her laugh but also pensive.

"Ach, it makes me sad tae think of how much I've missed of his growin' up," she admitted as they entered the bustling hall and made for the laird's table. "His first smile, his first steps, his first word, all the things his ma should have been there fer."

"Aye, but ye have plenty of time tae make up for what ye've lost. He's still got a lot of growin' tae dae," Arne told her as they came up to the table and saw Haldor and Sofia already seated, whispering and laughing together.

"Aye, I suppose so," she said, touched by his attempt to comfort her but wary of reading too much into it.

"Well, hello, ye two. 'Tis nice tae see Thorsten's parents gettin' on so well, is it nae, Sofia?" Haldor asked his petite wife jokingly as he grinned at Arne and Raven. Arne pulled out her chair for her, and when she slid into it, she felt his hands brush her back, sending small tingles across her skin where he touched her. He sat down next to her, and she was glad he appeared unaware of the effect he had on her.

"How was yer afternoon out with Thorsten?" Sofia immediately asked Raven curiously.

"Och, it was lovely," Raven replied and soon became engrossed in telling her all about the wonderful time they had spent by the waterfall. She smiled at Arne in thanks when he filled her glass with wine, out of politeness she supposed. "It was so much fun, I hope I can dae it again one day," she finished filling Sofia in.

"Well, ye've certainly made an impression on the wee man," Sofia told her with a laugh. "When Haldor and I went up tae say goodnight, he was talkin' away about ye non-stop."

"Aye, the lad's taken a real shine tae ye, Raven," Haldor agreed.

"'Tis like he senses ye have a special connection," Sofia said. "Ah, here comes the food. Good, I'm hungry."

"Aye, me too," Raven said, finally feeling she had an appetite.

Their conversation was interrupted as a fleet of servants arrived with loaded platters, placing them about the table so everyone could serve themselves. The rest of the meal passed very pleasantly, and Arne continued to surprise and perplex Raven by catering to her every desire, insisting on asking her what she would like to eat and then serving it to her, just as though they were a proper couple.

The change in him was so startling, there were moments when she suspected he had finally forgiven her for breaking his heart. Or is he merely relenting a bit because he hopes that once he delivers me me home, he'll nae have tae see me very often? Since she could not be sure which it was, she resolved not let herself get her hopes up.

After dinner, Arne disappeared with Haldor to inspect the guards, while Raven stayed at the table, talking to Sofia about their family for a little while. Finally, with a lot on her mind she needed time to think about alone, she bid Sofia goodnight and returned to her chamber.

Laurel was already there, on her knees, banking up the fire for the night. "Ah, there ye are, melady," she said, smiling over her shoulder as Raven came in. "Are ye feelin' better?"

"Aye, much better, Laurel, thank ye," Raven replied, return her smile. Having worked as maid herself, she had a lot of sympathy for the hard work that went into it. "Have ye had yer supper yet?" she asked, going over to sit next to the hearth where Laurel was busy.

"Nay, nae yet. I'll have it later. I thought ye might need me tae help ye change fer bed." The maid replied, standing up, putting the poker back, and brushing her hands on her apron.

"There's nae need fer that. If ye would just undae me dress and unlace me stays fer me, I can dae the rest by mesel', so ye can go and have yer supper."

"Are ye sure, melady?" Laurel asked, looking startled yet pleased.

"Aye, of course. I'm nae helpless, ye ken," Raven replied jokingly.

"Well, 'tis right thoughtful of ye, melady, thank ye," the maid said, and proceeded to do as Raven asked.

When Laurel was gone and Raven finally climbed into bed, she settled down with her book for a quiet read before going to sleep. She tried to focus on it, but after a while her thoughts grew restless and began to drift to Arne. She thought back in her mind to all that he had done for her and felt bad for having lost her temper with him earlier.

If nae fer him, I'd likely be dead at the bottom of the sea. He looked after me so well and didnae give me away tae those MacDonald men. And he's let me see Thorsten as much as I want.

When she actually thought about it, the list of things he had done for her despite the way she had lied to him and hurt him was quite astonishing. It came to her then that she owed him far more thanks than she had given him.