Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

R aven sat in her room, on the bed, picking at the tray of food that had been brought up for her. She had no appetite. Sofia had been so kind to her, but she still felt mortified about the way she had broken down after coming out of Thorsten's room. She was only relieved that it had not happened in front of Arne, who would have probably accused her of being dramatic.

But nothing could take away from the fact she had seen Thorsten. She had touched him, talked to him. She had played with her son. She had even kissed him goodnight, for the first time in three years! It seemed like a miracle, and she told herself she would never ask for more happiness than that, however long it lasted. It made up for all the suffering she had been through. It made life worthwhile again.

She thought about Thorsten, day dreaming about all the things they would do together. She was only startled from her reverie by the arrival of a young maid, who introduced herself as Laurel. She was barely visible above a pile of gowns and other feminine paraphernalia she was clutching on her arms.

"Goodness, what is all that for?" Raven asked, rushing to help her with her burden. They laid the clothing over the end of the bed.

"Thank ye, melady," Laurel said, clearly pleased to be out from under the pile of clothing. "Lady Sofia sent me up with these fer ye. She said ye lost all yer things in boat wreck," Laurel explained, starting to put the things away in the large wardrobe to the left of the bed.

"That's very kind of her," Raven said, starting to feel emotional again at Sofia and Haldor's incredible kindness. If only Arne could find it in his heart to show her a little of the same, she was sure she would have been almost completely happy.

"Aye, she's very kind," Laurel agreed as she worked. "There's dresses and petticoats, a shawl, and underthings too. There's a few more bits, shoes and suchlike tae bring up fer ye, and brushes and combs as well fer yer hair.

"She says ye can have any of her things that ye need, and that she'll take ye tae get some new things of yer own when ye feel up tae it," Laurel finally finished.

Raven was truly touched by Sofia's thoughtfulness. She hoped they would become good friends. If she got to stay around, that was.

"She sounds lovely tae work fer. What's the laird like?" she asked, deciding this was a good opportunity to get some information.

"Well, he looks quite frightnin', and he can be harsh sometimes, but only when 'tis well deserved. He's actually very kind and takes good care of his people," Laurel confided, seemingly loving to chat.

"That's how he struck me," Raven said, adding with false casualness. "And what about Arne. What's he like?"

Laurel actually stopped what she was doing and smiled. "Och, is he nae braw, melady? All the lassies think so. And he's lovely too. He always used tae be laughin' and jokin', but I think he had his heart broken a while back by a lady he was very much in love with. Since then, he's nae been quite as cheerful as he used tae be. He's a lot more serious. But we all love tae see him with young Thorsten. Although he's a fearsome warrior, and he's fought in many battles, when he comes home, he's a good and kind faither tae be sure."

"Aye, I can see that," Raven agreed. "And Thorsten looks just like him."

"Aye, he does, except for that mop of coal black hair. That must come from his Ma, God rest her soul," Laurel said, popping the last of the things onto the wardrobe shelves and closing the door.

Raven was floored by her comment. She had forgotten that she was supposed to be dead. It made her angry and sad to think of it, but of course, she could say nothing.

"Right, that's all put away," the maid announced. She turned around and beamed at Raven. "Lady Sofia also said ye might like a bath. There's always plenty of hot water in the kitchens. 'Tis nae trouble at all tae have some brought up fer ye. The tub's hidin' in that cupboard over there," she added as an afterthought, pointing to it.

"Och, Laurel, I'd love a bath," Raven said. "Just the thought makes me feel better. It would surely be heaven tae soak around in the hot water fer a while. If 'tis nay trouble."

"Nae at all, melady. I'll take that tray if ye've finished with it, shall I? Would ye like me tae bring ye anythin' else tae eat or drink? A nice hot toddy perhaps, or some hot milk?"

Raven laughed. "Some wine would be nice."

"Och, wine it is! If ye'll excuse me, melady, I'll go and fetch it and get that bath organized fer ye." She went out, leaving Raven alone for a while.

While Raven waited for the hot water to arrive, she thought about what Laurel had said about Arne. She had to smile at the bit about all the lassies thinking he was so braw. She could not disagree with that. He was still the most beautiful man she had ever seen.

Nevertheless, it pained her to learn how he had been changed by her leaving. She felt even more guilty about breaking his heart, for he was such a good man. But she told herself it was in the past, and she could do nothing to change that. Now, ye have tae think of Thorsten and the future.

Around three quarters of an hour later, after Laurel had helped her to wash her hair and had gone to have her supper, Raven was luxuriating in a steaming tub in front of the fire. A glass of wine stood on a small table next to her, and a clean shift, robe, and soft lambskin slippers were waiting for her as soon as she was dry.

She still had the book she had been reading at the inn. She was looking forward to getting into the big, comfy four poster bed, drawing the curtains, reading for a while, then falling asleep on a soft mattress instead of the lumpy one at the inn.

When she finally got out of the tub and dried off, she dressed in clean clothes and lay on the bed for a while, holding her book, but her mind soon drifted, and she started thinking about how close she was to Thorsten. It was thrilling! She imagined him sleeping, how he would look, with his angelic little face beneath the black hair. He was made from love, and he was perfect. The notion of sneaking into his room and looking at him while he was fast asleep occurred to her.

I'll just take a wee peep at him, and nae wake him up.

It was late, and she figured Muriel would already be asleep too. She could sneak in and sneak out, and nobody would be any the wiser.

She took a candle and opened her door noiselessly. The hallway was quiet and dark, save for her flickering candle. She tiptoed over to Thorsten's door and opened it. The fire was burning low in the grate, casting a warm red light over the room. No one was there but for the little figure asleep in the bed.

She crept over to it, shielding the flame with her hand so as not to wake him. He was just as angelic as she had imagined, his eyelids purple in the dim light, his face flawless, his little mouth a perfect rosebud. Her heart almost burst with love for him, and she badly wanted to hold him, maybe even lay on the bed and cuddlee him. But no, she knew she must not. Not yet. She had to go at the speed his father dictated, and she could not ask for more than that.

She blew him a kiss and whispered, "Sleep tight, me we angel. Yer ma loves ye so much."

Out she crept, closing the door silently behind her.

"What are ye doin'?"

The voice was so close to her ear, she almost jumped out of her skin and dropped the candle. She whirled to face Arne. He was in his trews, his feet bare, his shirt untucked. He looked rumpled from sleep.

"What are ye doin'?" she whispered. "Ye nearly gave me a heart attack., creepin' up on me like that."

He took hold of her arm firmly and pulled her down the hall to her door.

"I mean, what were ye doin' in Thorsten's room?"

"I-I just wanted tae see what he looks like when he's asleep," she admitted. "I meant nae harm. I was careful nae tae wake him."

"Ye should have waited and asked me permission first."

"Tae see me own son?"

"Aye," he whispered harshly. "Ye cannae just come here and go swannin' about the place as ye like."

She bristled. "I wouldnae expect tae. I'm sorry if I've upset ye. I'll make sure tae ask yer permission in future. Or perhaps I should ask Muriel." She knew she should not have brought the name up, and she could not keep the sarcasm from her voice.

But with him standing there in the pool of orange candlelight, his shirt open, showing the strong column of his throat and a good portion of his broad, tattooed chest with its covering of springy, golden hair which she used to love to run her fingers through, her jealousy flared up again.

"What?" His face creased up in puzzlement.

"Muriel. Ye and her seem very close. I suppose she suits ye very well, does she?"

"What the hell are ye on about? What has Muriel got tae dae with anythin'?

"Ach, naethin'," she hissed, regretting her lack of self-control. "Let me go, please," she hissed, pulling her arm from his grip and going to open her door. The candle flicked and sent shadows dancing wildly across the walls and ceilings. To her shock, he suddenly spun her around and pinned her to the wall, his arms blocking her escape.

The entire length of his body was pressed against hers, sending waves of heat up and down her. His warm, whisky scented breath tickled her cheek as he looked down upon her and breathed, "Why, what's wrong, Raven? Are ye jealous of Muriel, is that it?"

She scoffed. "Dinnae be so ridiculous, of course I'm nae. That would mean I care about ye, which I dinnae!" His musky scent was drifting up her nostrils and turning her insides to water.

"Then why mention it?" He was dangerously close, his lips only a few inches away from hers. She started to feel dizzy. Her whole body was being pulled into his as if by some invisible force she could not combat and part of her did not wish to.

"I dinnae feel very well. Let me go tae me room," she pleaded, starting to panic at the effect he was having on her. She felt that at any moment, she would lose control.

He moved away abruptly, and she breathed a sigh of relief, mixed with a tinge of regret, putting hand on the latch of her door.

"I came tae ask ye if ye'd like tae come out with me and Thorsten tomorrow. I ken a place he loves. I thought we could go there, and ye could spend some time gettin' better acquainted with him. But now I'm havin' second thoughts."

In her surprise, Raven instantly forgot what had just passed between them. "Please, Arne, let me come. I promise I'll dae anythin' ye want. Just let me come tomorrow," she begged him.

He stared at her, his eyes dark pools. At last, he said, "All right. But remember what ye just said. We'll go after in the afternoon. I'll come and find ye."

"Thank ye, Arne. I'm truly grateful. Good night," she said, feeling elated as she went inside her chamber and shut the door. It was only a few minutes later as she was climbing back into bed that her words came back to her, and her heart beat a little faster: "I'll dae anything ye want."