Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

T here had not been many people in Finn’s youth who had given him support and friendship. There was Ramsbury, of course, and his sister. But his father had been abysmal and his mother constantly troubled by her relationship with the late earl, rather than present with the one she might have with her children.

It had left him looking for a mentor and he had found that in the Marquess of Chilton. The man had taken Finn under his wing, indulged him in philosophical conversation and practical knowledge about taking a title and holding it with honor. He’d been kind, gentle. And Finn had loved him like the father he’d never truly had.

He hadn’t known the man’s daughter, Charlotte, well. He and Chilton often met at the marquess’s club and if they returned to his home, it was long after the young woman had gone to sleep. Out of respect for his friend, Finn hadn’t sought her out at balls or parties, even though he had noticed her. It was impossible not to notice her, as she was a beauty.

When Chilton had died, suddenly and unexpectedly, Finn’s heart had been broken. And not long after Lady Charlotte had vanished. It was one of Society’s great mysteries, explained away by the new marquess—her cousin, who wasn’t half the man as her father had been—that she had taken her saved pin money and fled to the continent to go wild.

But she wasn’t on the continent. She was sitting on a bed next to Finn, her green eyes bright with unshed tears as her hands trembled in her lap.

“I don’t go by Charlotte,” she said at last, turning her face away from his hand, which still pressed to her cheek. “It’s Esme, just as I told you.”

He blinked, still trying to process this utter shock. “Why?”

There was a long pause and she drew a few long breaths, as if speaking the truth were a challenge. “My middle name is Esmerelda,” she explained at last. “I hated the name Charlotte anyway, so I chose that instead.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Not why Esme. Why…why this? Why run away from your life? Why come to places like this?”

She folded her arms. “You didn’t mind it so much when you thought I was just some girl from the slums. Now that you know I was raised a lady it’s not good enough?”

He let out his breath in frustration and pushed from the bed. This conversation could not be held when he was naked with her body still brushing his. It was entirely too distracting and he needed to not be distracted so he could understand the unfathomable.

“It’s not about good enough or not good enough, Char—” She glared at him and he inclined his head as he shoved into his trousers and fastened them. “ Esme . You’ve been missing for two years.”

“You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t know the exact day, hour, moment since I last saw the home I grew up in or the friends I once adored?” she snapped, her eyes flashing now as she, too, exited the bed. Naked. Gloriously naked before she grabbed her dress and struggled to put it on.

“I only want to understand,” he said.

She stopped fighting with her buttons and sighed heavily. “Why? Why does it matter, Finn? I’m Esme, the Hellion, Miss X. Nothing has changed just because you once knew me by yet another name. This was a lark, a brief moment of pleasure. Why do you need to dig into anything else?”

“Because I loved your father,” he said. “Like he was my own. And since he isn’t here to protect you, I feel I…I must try.”

“You mean because you feel guilty over your sister, you somehow need to transfer that attempt at control to me,” she said.

He flinched at the charge. Perhaps she wasn’t so wrong that he wanted to solve a problem and now he would take on hers. But he still said, “No.”

She rolled her eyes like she didn’t believe him, like she could see into his soul. “I don’t need your protection, Finn. I think you saw in the ring that I’m more than capable of taking care of myself. And whatever happened to me in the past, it’s…it’s none of your business. I’m Esme, I’m the Hellion. Forget you know anything different.”

She had managed to get her dress buttoned and she smoothed her hair before she caught up the mask he had removed. When she settled it over her gorgeous face, he could almost do as she demanded and pretend he didn’t know who she truly was.

Almost.

“What we shared tonight was wonderful,” she said, and her eyes softened a little with those words. “I don’t want to regret it. So please don’t make me. Goodbye.”

She pivoted then and exited the room, leaving him staring after her. He grabbed for his forgotten boots and shoved them on, swearing at how long it took to button them. By the time he was able to chase after her, she was long gone into the main hall, into the crush of grinding bodies and the loud laughter of the masked participants.

“Fuck,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair before he put his own mask back on.

He should do as she asked. He should back away and just let their night together be an experience he cherished. Whatever else was going on, Esme didn’t seem miserable in her life.

And yet he couldn’t stop thinking of the tears in her eyes, those ones she hadn’t allowed herself to shed, when he spoke of her father. When he spoke of her past life.

And he knew he couldn’t let her go so easily, not without understanding more about what made her so haunted.

H e wouldn’t let her go. As Esme rattled home in the hackney she’d managed to hail after she fled from the Donville Masquerade, that was the thing she knew above all else. Finn…Lord Delacourt…whatever she called him, he wouldn’t stop. He would be as relentless in trying to uncover all her secrets as he had been in drawing pleasure from her shaking body.

She covered her face. How could one night be so shattering in two such different ways. And why did it all have to be ruined by the meshing of deep pleasure with the stark terror that now gripped her?

What if he went to her cousin? What if in his deepest desire to help her, he actually steered to her doorstep a man who would destroy her?

“Fuck!” she burst out, slamming her hands on the worn carriage seat. Her palms stung, but she had solved no problems with that outburst.

Eventually the carriage slowed and stopped at her small townhouse and she got out. To her surprise, the candle was burning in the window. That meant Jane was home. She shook her head as she handed over a few coins to the leering driver.

Jane. She would never be able to hide the truth from Jane. Her friend would scold and shout and she would be perfectly right in every single thing she said.

With a sigh, Esme trudged through the door and locked it, checked the window and then moved toward the front parlor. Jane was seated by the fire, reading a book Esme had purchased for them to share. She couldn’t help but smile at the image. She’d taught Jane to read and now her friend was a great fan of novels.

“There you are,” Jane said, tossing the book to the side and getting to her feet. “I thought you were staying in tonight, enjoying some time alone.”

“And I thought you were going to be out all night enjoying some merchant’s hospitality and his huge cock,” Esme returned as she tossed her mask on the table.

Jane stared at the mask and then slowly back at her. “His cock isn’t huge. How big was the one you landed at the Donville Masquerade?”

“There’s no hiding from you, is there?” Esme sighed and came to stand before the fire, warming her suddenly cold hands by the glow. Images of Finn’s mouth on her flashed into her mind and she turned her head.

“You went looking for him .”

It was a statement, not a question. Esme nodded without looking at Jane.

“You found him,” her friend continued, stepping closer.

“I did.” She did look at Jane now. She’d expected frustration, even anger on the other woman’s face, but there was only concern. “I did find him. And he…he found me out, just as you predicted, so you ought to crow about that.”

Jane staggered back and fell into the chair she had departed upon Esme’s entry into the room. “I wouldn’t crow about you being in danger, I hope you know me better than that. Sit down and tell me everything so that I know what we’re facing.”

“We?” Esme repeated as she took the chair across from Jane.

“Of course we , you dolt,” Jane said. “I didn’t save you just to sacrifice you at the first hint of some toff’s wrath.”

Esme’s eyes filled with tears at the support from her friend. “Oh, I adore you.”

“Of course you do,” Jane said with a smile. “Now tell me.”

So Esme did. She unburdened herself of everything that had happened from the moment she entered the Donville Masquerade to when she’d taken Finn to the back room. She told her about giving him her name and her body and her pleasure. And then she told her the rest. The pain. The unmasking and his driving need to find out each and every secret she’d attempted to keep for two years.

When it was over, Jane was curiously quiet as she strummed her fingers together. “He sounds an interesting fop, at least.”

“He is.” Esme gave a humorless laugh. “Far too intelligent for his own good.”

“And driven,” Jane added. “He sounds like a driven one. Rather like you, I suppose.”

“I wasn’t driven enough if I couldn’t even protect myself from being unmasked.” Esme got up and paced the room. “I folded under his questions like I was just arrived in the hells.”

“Which makes me wonder if you…”

“If I what?” Esme asked, facing her when her friend trailed off.

“If you…if you wanted him to know,” Jane said softly.

“What?” Esme took a long step toward her. “No! Why would I want him to know? Why would I risk everything like that?”

“Because this life is hard. We pretend it’s fine, and it often is. But it’s not easy. And he gave you a glimpse at the comfortable life you once had. Perhaps part of you wanted him to know because he might be able to save you. To bring you back to what you once had.”

“After what I’ve done the last two years?” Esme said. “There’s no going back. Not ever. Those at the top wouldn’t allow that kind of pollution.” She scrubbed a hand over her face.

Jane pursed her lips. “Yes. There’s a reason the French built guillotines, isn’t there?”

That made Esme smile a little, for it was a statement they often made when they encountered the entitled. But the smile fell as she thought again at Finn’s focused concern. “He won’t stop. He cared for my father, so he won’t stop.”

“Then what’s the worst-case scenario? What do you need to protect yourself from?”

She sighed. “He’ll go to my cousin.”

Jane flinched. “A very worst-case scenario, indeed, since that bastard is a true threat. What do you do about that?”

Esme thought of that. In the backroom, with their clothes still akimbo from passion and Finn’s dark eyes boring into hers with shock and horror and desire all mixed, she hadn’t been able to think straight. She’d run because that was her nature now. But with distance, with Finn no longer in the room making everything upside down with his presence and his heat and his focus, she could truly analyze the situation.

“I-I suppose the best thing to do is to find Finn before he finds me, or goes to my cousin,” she reasoned slowly. “I need to make sure he understands that Francis is not my savior.” She shivered. “Even though that will require further confession. Further revelation of my soul.”

The very idea was terrifying. But what other choice did she have now?

Jane took a long, deep breath. “Under any other circumstances I’d tell you to stay far away from this man.”

“You already did,” Esme muttered.

“Yes, I’ll say I told you so some other time. But in this case, I think what you’ve suggested in the best option. Do you want me to come with you?”

There was something comforting about the idea that Jane would be there, an angel on her shoulder keeping her from making further mistakes. But then again, being alone with Finn again did have its advantages. And if she couldn’t convince him to her side in one way, perhaps she could use another. She certainly knew he wasn’t immune to her physical charms. Nor she to his.

“No,” she said softly. “I’ll handle it.”

Jane reached out and covered her hand gently. “Whatever happens next, I’m here.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Esme whispered.

“Of course you don’t, no one does!” Jane said playfully. “Now, do you want to know about the next chapter in our book?”

Esme smiled. Jane was trying to make things well for her and she appreciated it so deeply. She settled back and closed her eyes. “Tell me everything.”

She just hoped she wouldn’t have to tell Finn everything when she went to him. That she could protect some slender part of herself so he wouldn’t have seen all of her and make her entirely vulnerable.