Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

I n the years since Esme had fled her house, fled her life as Charlotte, she had never come close to being revealed. Well, with Finn, of course, but that felt different. She’d been in rooms with men of power, men who’d known her father, even men who had asked her to dance at balls or paid her attention during promenades at the park.

But she’d worn a mask then, and despite her terror at first, had quickly realized that people only saw what they wanted to see when they looked at others. As a woman who fought, quite literally, to feed herself, she was beneath them. So they didn’t see a daughter of a marquess.

But now Marianne stared at her, her eyes wide as Esme smoothed her wrinkled chemisette and shoved her skirts lower over her calves, and she knew.

“I-I—” Esme began, though she had no idea what she could possibly say to respond to this. It was as if all words and thoughts fled her mind in her absolute terror.

“You’re mistaken,” Finn snapped, and got up, tugging Esme behind him and continuing to block her with his body. “What are you doing here?”

“We were invited,” Ramsbury said, his expression one of both shock and respect. “Remember? The wedding is tomorrow? Family gathering to celebrate? Last-minute details?”

“Damn it,” Finn grunted. “Is it that late in the day?”

Marianne stepped closer, straining to look past her brother toward Esme. “I’m not mistaken,” she said. “You’re Lady Charlotte, the Marquess of Chilton’s daughter. Finn, you only asked about her a few days ago at the ball when her cousin entered the room. Is this why?”

“Finn,” Esme whispered, gripping his arm.

Then she thought of his face when he said he loved her. Because of that, he would destroy himself, wouldn’t he? She knew that was the kind of man he was. She loved him in return, so she couldn’t let him.

She stepped around him and inclined her head toward Marianne. “You’re no fool, my lady,” she said softly. “I cannot deny my identity.”

“Esme!” Finn said. “You owe them no explanation.” He glared at the others. “She owes you no explanation.”

Marianne’s eyes widened, though Esme wasn’t certain if it was because of her desire to know what the hell was going on, or because of Finn’s strenuous defense of her. But then Marianne drew a breath, sent a glance toward Ramsbury, and her expression softened. She held Esme’s stare a moment and then nodded.

“I apologize for…for pressing. But of course you owe me nothing. I would never force you to give an explanation, despite my utter shock at seeing you here. Forgive me.”

Esme’s lips parted. “I couldn’t judge you for the shock. I know my disappearance caused a stir.”

“That’s an understatement.” Marianne smiled at her. “All I can say is that I’m so happy you seem to be unharmed. I admit I feared for your safety sometimes over the years.”

A blink at tears was all Esme could manage at that statement. As part of her survival, she had pushed away the thought that she might be missed, worried over, by anyone in her old acquaintance. She’d had to cut all that away. The soft welcome in this gentle woman’s gaze reminded her of all the relationships, friendships, she had lost.

Marianne held her gaze. There was no judgment in her stare, even if intense curiosity remained. “It’s been a long time, my lady. I hope you’ll join us all for supper.”

Esme’s head spun. “I…I could not. I’ve nothing to wear and after what you just saw, you cannot possibly wish to break bread with me.”

Ramsbury let out a sharp laugh. “Oh, Delacourt has seen worse. Now we’re even.”

Marianne leaned back and elbowed him in the ribs, her cheeks flaming.

“Ouch, love,” he said with an indulgent look for her. Then he smiled at Esme. “Please, you really should join us.”

“If a gown is truly the sticking point, I’ve many items still here in my old room. I think we could find one that would fit.” Marianne stepped closer. “Please?”

Esme looked briefly at Finn. He shook his head gently. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t wish to do,” he said softly.

No, he’d never force her in any way. She sighed. “The damage is done.” She looked at Marianne again. “I-I would appreciate the lending of a gown, my lady.” She stepped from the ring and swept her own simple frock from the floor. She wrapped it around herself, fastening it carefully before she looked at Marianne again.

“I’m so pleased,” Marianne said and then grabbed for Esme’s hand. “Come, we’ll go right now. It will give the gentleman a moment to talk.”

She was already dragging Esme across the room, toward the door. Esme could have easily broken the grip, but there seemed no point. This was happening now.

So she gave one last look toward Finn over her shoulder. It was evident they would continue their truncated conversation later. Which meant she had to find some way to respond to his declaration of love for her.

One that wouldn’t leave them both broken in the end.

F inn let out a long sigh as Marianne and Esme left the room together. If his sister had thought she was being subtle with her hard looks at Sebastian, she certainly hadn’t been. And poor Esme just seemed…blank. Stunned.

It wasn’t the way he’d wanted what they’d shared in the ring to end. Wasn’t ever how he’d wanted her to look after he confessed he loved her.

He shook his head and ducked out of the ring, grabbing for the shirt he’d discarded earlier. As he tugged it over his head, he moved toward the sideboard. “Drink?”

“It seems we both need one,” Ramsbury drawled.

As Finn pulled out glasses and uncorked the bottle, he could hear his friend moving around the room. When he turned back, he found Sebastian had gathered the remaining items of his clothing scattered at the ring and placed them over the back of a chair. He held out a hand and took the drink Finn offered.

“You know I’m just going to pester you until you tell me everything. We could skip that part if it would trouble you less." Ramsbury sipped his drink.

Finn let out his breath on a shaky sigh. “I know you will. But in this case, there is nothing to tell.”

An arched eyebrow was the response. “I beg your fucking pardon, but your sister and I just burst into a room where we found you in the half-naked arms of a much-discussed missing heiress. How is there nothing to tell?”

Finn flinched at the pointed question. He’d known Sebastian for most of his life. They’d bonded at school, become close as brothers. Aside from a few of the details about his mother’s death that he hadn’t shared with anyone until Esme, he’d never shied away from discussing anything with his friend. Right now, he wanted so desperately to tell Sebastian everything. Despite his playful and rakish act, Finn knew that if he told him every detail, he’d have nothing but unmitigated support from the earl.

And advice. He’d have advice that he feared he desperately needed. And yet he couldn’t.

He swallowed. “Her story is complicated.”

“I assume so,” Ramsbury said cautiously. “What with her disappearance and all the rumors around it. And yet she’s here. In London. And apparently with you.”

“But it’s not my story to tell. I’d never betray her trust in me, no matter how much I want your counsel and support.”

Sebastian’s lips parted and he stared at Finn like he’d never really seen him before. His expression softened and he stepped closer. “You’re in love with her.”

“Am I so obvious?” Finn asked after he took what felt like the longest pause to gather himself.

“Only to someone happily suffering from the same affliction,” Sebastian said with a small smile. “I see it in every part of you.”

“Yes, I am,” Finn admitted, and glanced toward the ring. “I had just told her when you timed your interruption so perfectly.”

Sebastian chuckled. “I’d apologize, but again, we were invited.”

“I suppose you were.”

“Do you think she loves you?”

Finn set his drink down and ran a hand through his hair as he thought of Esme’s expression when he’d admitted how he felt. The way her breath had caught, the way emotion had entered her gaze and her fingers had clenched against his chest just a little harder. He thought of all the ways she had trusted him when it wasn’t her nature to do so after all she’d been through. The way she tried to protect him, even to her own detriment.

“I’ve reason to hope,” he whispered, because he feared if he declared those hopes too loudly that they would dissipate into the wind and vanish forever. “She looks at me sometimes and I see…I see…”

“Everything,” Sebastian finished for him softly.

He looked at his friend and saw in that instant how deeply he loved Marianne. It was a comfort to know she would be loved like that. That Sebastian would be. They were the two people he’d cared for most deeply until Esme. He wanted them to be happy.

And yet when he saw the certainty of his friend’s affection in comparison to the endless doubt of his own, it stung all the more. Because he could have, they could have, something just as beautiful and permanent, but only if she allowed it.

“Yes, I see everything,” he said softly. “But she isn’t the same person she was when she was Lady Charlotte.”

“I noticed you called her Esme,” Sebastian said.

“It’s her name.” He gave no further explanation for that statement. “And she’ll fight. She may not be able to accept my heart or my life or my protection. Even if she wants all of it, she may still walk away.”

“I’m sorry.” Sebastian squeezed his bicep gently. “Can I help?”

Finn gave a humorless laugh. “Are you suddenly so serious and sincere?”

“When it comes to my best friend, my brother…soon in more than heart, in actual name…most definitely.” There was no teasing to those words.

“I-I’m sorry I bucked the idea of you being with Marianne,” Finn said softly.

Sebastian’s forehead wrinkled at the change in subject, but then he shrugged. “I was…oh, that’s an odd thing to say…I was a rake. Very proudly so for a very long time. You wanted to keep her safe. I understand now, just as I understood then, why you would see me as a danger to her. But now I take on that duty, myself. It is, in fact, one of my greatest pleasures that I’ll stand by her side and slay any of her dragons for the rest of my days. And I hope that Esme can allow you to give all of yourself to her just as freely and joyfully. You’re a prize, you know.”

Now Finn couldn’t help but snort out a laugh, even though he realized Sebastian was being entirely serious. “Oh, don’t go soft on me now.” He slung an arm around his friend’s shoulders. “I can’t take it.”

“And I can’t take you being so undone,” Sebastian chuckled, the tension in the room broken by their teasing. “Look at you, you’re a mess. Go ready yourself for supper. I’ll do my best to put you in a good light for the lady, though God knows it’s a challenge.”

“God knows,” Finn said as he slugged his friend lightly in the arm, gathered up his things and headed for the door.

But even though they were playing, he feared Sebastian might have actually hit upon a truth that would break Finn’s heart in the end: that there might be no positive light that would be enough to break through the shell Esme felt she had to put around herself.

And that would be the loss of his life.