15. Hazel

HAZEL

Jill was thrilled when I informed her I would be booking one of the heat suites and bringing my own alpha.

"Oh hun, that's fantastic. You still have time before it's here though. Why don't you get your nest set up at home? I have heat support delivery services I can recommend as well for food drops." Her careful wet floor signage earrings swayed enthusiastically.

"No, I…I'd like to book a suite, please."

Jill thankfully didn't press and blocked out a week for me in her calendar.

In the meantime, Remy sent me listings for teddy bears that got more and more giant. Undeterred by my insistence that I hadn't been serious. I was actually scared he was going to purchase one and I would be stuck with it in my home. Grinning at me with a stitched smile, reminding me of the alpha who just wouldn't quit.

My period started the next day and I was once again reminded that no matter what birth control I took, omega biology would not stop my uterus happily preparing itself for a tenant. Then tearing it all down in a cramping, blood-soaked rage when it did not have one. Omegas didn't get them as often as betas but at least their methods of birth control usually resulted in no periods — or at the very least, lighter ones.

I spent the first day ignoring texts, work DMs and rotting on the couch with a new series on cults in the background. It was disturbing and perfect as I ate my way through all the peppermint dark chocolate in the apartment. My sleep patterns got even more erratic — 4 hour naps at 3pm and wide awake at 5am satisfying my spicy ramen craving. I finally opened my messages at 8am and—

Ben

ARE YOU ALIVE

It was a fair question. I hadn't replied to him in more than 24 hours. I sent him the gif from The Shining with the fountain of blood cascading through the door.

Ben

I want to say you're on your period but it's also equally likely that you've gone on a murder spree

He was not allowed to know me that well.

Why not both?

Five minutes later a voucher came through for a fancy doughnut chain. The dollar amount was big enough for a dozen of their premium donuts and then some. The nerve! Did he think I was capable of eating twelve donuts in—

Ah, I couldn't lie to myself. I would do it and do it happily without regrets.

Ben

Make sure you spring for delivery too.

You know I'm going to eat it all right

I would be disappointed if you didn't

Ugh. He was…extremely thoughtful.

The initial sugar rush of good feelings quickly deteriorated into self-loathing. Of all the omegas for an attentive, gorgeous alpha to be scent matched to, I was a poor choice. Why did I deserve his attention and care?

Having another scent match didn't feel like a second chance at love to me.

It felt like fate's cruel trick.

Let's see you fuck this one up too.

Ever avoidant, I flicked over to Remy's message thread.

Remy

are you bleeding from the vag

I snorted.

Yes

Rivers of it

Maybe that would scare him away and he would rescind his offer to be my heat partner.

Remy

sounds metal

Apparently not.

Remy

Can I drop by? I won't come in. I just want to bring you a present.

…it's not a teddy is it

Sadly no

Then yes

Remy appeared at my door an hour later with a fresh fade and his usual leather jacket. If that didn't make him attractive enough, what he did next was downright rude. He leaned an arm on the jamb, gazing down at me with those striking green eyes as if I didn't resemble a greasy racoon.

"Here," Remy said, handing over a plush hooded blanket. I immediately wanted to dive into it. He glanced inside my apartment and I wish I'd had the foresight to tidy up slightly.

"I'll be back. One sec, ok?"

"What do you mean you'll be back?" I called after him. Once I got into this blanket I wasn't going to get out, did he not know that?

"I forgot something," Remy said cryptically.

He brought me a stack of peppermint dark chocolate in the exact brand of the wrappers that were littered on my coffee table.

"Happy bleeding," he beamed, kissed my temple and left.

I survived the next few days on a steady diet of chocolate and doughnuts. But once I was feeling like myself again, I knew I had work to do. The end of my period signalled the start of me preparing for my busiest, most lucrative time as an OmegaFans creator. I was about to start exhibiting the pheromones of a close to heat omega.

My scent would sweeten, my slick would overproduce and my libido would skyrocket.

I charged five times as much for my panties during this time. Upped my filming schedule to account for enough content to cover my time away. Meticulously planned the release of new videos to drip feed themselves to my subscribers. Fended off all the desperate messages asking me to livestream my heat.

That was a hard, fucking no.

It was the feast before the famine, preparing for when I would be out of commission and not in the mood to make content in the week that followed while I recovered from a week of being knotted.

Remy and I enthusiastically and thoroughly breezed through my content schedule and then some. He had been kind enough to offer to edit some of them for me. It was probably for the best that he was out of my apartment for a while because he kept setting off heat spikes.

We filmed none of them.

Left to my own devices, I got to work packing all my orders. I applied scent neutralising spray before venturing downstairs to do a post office drop. As much as I wanted to trust that we were a civilised society, I still didn't like leaving the apartment during such a vulnerable time as an omega. It didn't use to be something I worried about. I remembered teasing Juno for practically dunking herself in neutraliser whenever we went out. But now I was very aware that all it took was one wrong alpha getting a whiff and suddenly I would be a statistic on the evening news.

I made it to the lobby and my eyes automatically flew to the desk. Aleks wasn't working again. I knew he'd started his placement and reduced his shifts. Plus I had been a hermit for days. Still, it felt like we kept missing each other, like two ships passing in the night.

The chair was occupied instead by Jesse, a jovial Samoan beta whose heart was as large as his bald head was shiny.

"Morning Hazel." He flashed his trademark smile when he noticed me. "It was my little girl's birthday on the weekend. Want some leftover cake?"

"I'll never say no to cake." I made a grabby-hands motion and he laughed, pulling out a tupperware container from under the desk. Jesse even had napkins ready and was soon presenting me with a slice of sponge with luridly pink icing.

"No Aleks today?" I found myself asking as I chewed.

He flicked a page on the nearby timetable. "He's scheduled to work later today."

My heart flip-flopped like crazy.

Jesse dived in for his own slice, oblivious to how badly I was smothering a smile. "I'm meant to be handing these out but…it's so good," he mumbled. "My wife can't find out."

I laughed. "Your secret's safe with me," I said, before giving him a wave as I exited. I couldn't bring myself to tell him the icing staining his fingers would be a dead giveaway.

I stopped short when I noticed the large Alpha Brotherhood "A" sprayed on my gym window across the road. Fuckers. It wasn't there this morning when I'd woken up at 4am in a cold sweat. I thought this bullshit was meant to be dying down.

At least the staff were doing their best to clean it. I watched them wipe frantically, stained soapy water running into the gutters.

"Not sure why they think putting their mark all over the city would make us think they were less feral," said a wry voice behind me.

I whipped around to find an intimidating, broad-shouldered man watching the cleaning just as I was. His almost white-blonde hair was shaved close to his scalp and there was a notch in one eyebrow. But he was also clutching a takeaway coffee cup that looked tiny in his huge hand, the comical combination taking all the wind out of his formidable sails.

He had to be an alpha. But he wasn't approving of the graffiti. I took a chance with my reply. "Well, they're not really known for critical thinking, are they?" I said ruefully.

He laughed uproariously. Ok, I was funny but I wasn't that funny.

"That's very true. I'm glad it's being cleaned. Omegas have the right to feel safe in this country." The way he said it almost sounded rehearsed. "Not that you have to worry about any of that," he added.

I was confused for a second. Not that I have to worry…?

Oh, he thought I was a beta. The spray was doing its job then.

He was still talking. "Are you single? My name's Damien. I'd love to take you out. Spoiling's not only reserved for omegas, you know." He winked and I felt my intestines turn themselves inside out. Being asked out by strangers was not a new experience for me. I knew I couldn't risk saying how I actually felt because they didn't always react to rejection well.

Just do what you always do — be polite but firm and then get the fuck out of here.

"That's very flattering," I lied. "But I'm already seeing someone."

"Ah well, can't blame a man for trying now, can you?" Damien smiled.

"Excuse me," I said hastily, wanting to wrap the conversation up. "I'm running late."

I moved to push past him just as he swung his arm out in a gallant sort of go ahead gesture. I was thankful he took being turned down in stride but was less thankful when my bag was knocked off my shoulder.

"Shit. That's on me, sweet thing. Let me—"

"It's fine, you don't have to."

He ignored me of course. I suppose he thought he was being chivalrous but it was just annoying. I was very grateful my packages were safe in a separate tied up bag as he helped me pick up the scattered contents of my tote.

"Enjoy the rest of your day," Damien said. He moved the strap up my arm and I tried not to recoil in case it offended him.

"You too," I replied automatically.

I didn't properly exhale until I was through the doors of the post office. I'd gotten really lucky that I'd passed as a beta and he didn't realise I was a close-to-heat omega. My arms folded in on myself instinctively, trying to make myself small and unassuming as I waited in line. The oblivious postal worker took all my panties and I paid the exorbitant shipping fees without incident.

I was not expecting to see Aleks when I stepped back inside 101 Riverside. Standing in the lobby, clearly having just arrived to start his shift. When Jesse said Aleks was scheduled to work later, I didn't realise that meant in twenty minutes. A bit more of a heads up would've been nice.

Aleks looked just as stunned as I was. Our eyes met and my entire body felt electric, the earlier encounter with the alpha forgotten.

We spoke over each other in a flurry of nerves.

"Hazel, h-hi."

"How are you? How's your grandma? How's St. Elizabeth's?" I blabbered like a fool.

Jesse looked between us and did a terrible job of hiding his amusement.

Aleks threw him a scathing glare and guided us both outside. I was very aware of his hand on the small of my back.

I don't think he'd ever touched me like that before.

"How've you been?" he asked me softly once we didn't have an audience.

I deflected immediately. "Me? Doesn't matter about me, I want to know how everything with you is going."

Aleks' eyes narrowed slightly but to my relief he offered me an update. "My grandma got offered a place at a care facility. Came at the right time too because…" he drifted off, wincing slightly. "Anyway. With me working two jobs now it's doable."

I knew he would do nothing less for someone he cared for but I hated hearing that he was stretching himself thin this way. He needed people around him to support him, not just to ease the financial burden but to get rid of that hollow look in his eyes.

Like a pack.

Where the fuck did that conclusion come from?

"Now are you going to tell me how you really are?"

I blinked as his question cut through my thoughts.

"I'm ok," I began slowly before averting my gaze. "I'm…going into heat soon."

"Oh." His Adam's apple shifted as he swallowed. "I didn't realise you weren't on, er—"

"Yeah, um…no. I don't take those."

"Y-you have a, um—"

"A heat partner. Yes. I-I think you've met him? The alpha I work with."

"Ah. I remember."

This was exactly what I wanted to be discussing with him. Suppressants and being knotted for days on end.

"Can I have your number?" I asked impulsively.

His jaw went slack. "What?"

"I don't like that I went so long without being able to check in on you," I said simply.

His face was a little more flushed when we finished putting our details in each other's phones. "My shift starts soon," Aleks said, pointing at the lobby with his thumb.

"Oh. Of course. Sorry for keeping you."

"You weren't." I finally got my first true smile from him and it felt like a gift.

I'm not sure what came over me but when Aleks turned to go back inside, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him down for a hug. His stubble was rough on my cheek and my nose instinctively went up into his neck.

The desperate itch beneath my skin and rising warmth beneath my breastbone cooled in an instant. He was icy, a bracing wind and still blue water as far as the eye could see.

I must've been extra sensitive to scents as I got closer to my heat.

"Everything will be ok," I whispered.

I didn't say it to reassure him or to offer an empty platitude. I breathed like a wish, wanting to manifest it for him.

I think he understood because he gave me a stiff nod in reply before heading inside first. I avoided Jesse's nosy glances between the two of us and hopped into the elevator.

My phone buzzed a few times on the ride up. I knew who it had to be. I hadn't been as responsive to Ben's texts all day and could tell he was aware of it.

Ben

I know I'm an alpha now and supposed to be all manly but my hair is growing back and that makes me really happy

don't judge me

A selfie came through. He had a slightly goofy closed-mouth smile and a thumbs up. And yes, his hair was certainly on its way back, dark and swooping up from his forehead.

I laughed despite myself and couldn't stop myself from touching his cheek through my screen.

I think you look great

Ben

Ok something is definitely wrong, you were supposed to say something to crush my self esteem.

I had been avoiding telling him that I was going into heat. I liked the bubble we had created. But it could no longer wait.

You might not hear from me for a few days. My heat is coming.

I'm sorry, Ben.

I was sorry for a lot of things, none of which I had the courage to name. I muted our chat immediately after.

It was almost a relief when a few hours later, I felt the familiar flush come over my skin and the growing ache in my core. Oblivion was coming soon. I called Remy and he picked up immediately.

"Hazel?"

"Remy. It's starting."