21. Sebastian

21

SEBASTIAN

Sebastian let James drive him out to Storm House. The ground shook beneath them the whole way, the tremors sending painful jolts along Sebastian's already frayed nerves. He had to talk James out of coming with him. This last-ditch effort to save Moonlight Falls was something only Sebastian could do because of the curse passed down in his blood. It wasn't for James or anyone else who had been trapped to bear.

As they pulled up to the Storm House gate, the tremors worsened. The whole truck shook and James braced himself in his seat.

"Are you sure about this, James?" Sebastian asked.

James looked at him with sad determination. "Yes, I'm coming with you."

"But why? If this works and stops the explosion, you don't have to die."

James bit his lip, his resolve faltering. "Do you really think you have to die?"

Sebastian gave a helpless shrug. "How else will I return to the veins and fill in for the missing piece? I don't think I can survive that." Sebastian imagined stepping into the strange hole at the vein intersection. He'd either become part of the veins or fall through the portal to Beyond. Survival didn't seem likely in either case. Beyond wasn't for the living, after all.

"No, I don't think you'll survive going into the veins," James agreed, like speaking the words hurt him.

Sebastian covered James's hand with his. "Then stay here."

James pulled away and unbuckled his seatbelt. "What if that humanoid shade is there and tries to stop you? You might need me."

Sebastian hadn't thought of that. He didn't know what to do. This already hurt too much. He was going to lose everything and James sharing his fate was worse than anything. "I appreciate what you're doing for me, but I promise I won't think you've abandoned me if you stay outside the gates. I know you choose me, James. I'm yours, and nothing will change that."

James got out of the truck without replying and walked around to Sebastian's door. He opened it and held out a hand, expression anguished but resolute.

Sebastian slipped his hand into James's. "You know I don't want this, right?"

James squeezed his fingers. "I know, sweetheart. I don't want it either, but you wouldn't be you if you waited for the explosion and didn't try to save everyone any way you could. You're good, Sebastian. You're selfless and caring even when the world hasn't been kind to you." James pulled Sebastian from the truck and closed the door. "You're amazing."

"I don't know," Sebastian mumbled.

"I do." James smiled softly. "You deserve the best in life, Sebastian. I just wish I'd had time to give it to you."

"You did." Sebastian clung to James, hoping he could tell how deeply Sebastian meant it.

James squeezed him harder. "Not nearly enough."

Sebastian had to agree with that. But he couldn't dwell on it, or he might lose his nerve. "Do you think I'm right? This afternoon, you were adamant I was wrong about this, that I wasn't truly part of the veins enough to make this work."

James gritted his teeth. "What the shade said while possessing William made me less sure, and I understand you're trying to solve this with everything you have, even if I wish you wouldn't. But don't get me wrong, if I didn't think we were going to die soon regardless, I'd never let you do this."

The ground beneath their feet shook so violently that Sebastian and James were thrown against the truck.

For some reason, James's changed opinion made Sebastian less sure about this sacrifice. He could be wrong. He was throwing his life away based on nothing but a depressing vision, his own wild conjectures, and a vicious shade's words. But Sebastian knew he was dead either way. The explosion was coming, and James was right. He had to try to save the people he could.

He could do this and figure out a way to make James let him go. He had to be able to save James too.

The gate was unlocked. Parker must not have bothered with the chain and padlock when he and Hazel had left earlier. Sebastian and James were unsteady on their feet as they walked up the driveway. The shaking didn't let up and Sebastian was surprised to see Storm House still standing.

Nervous chills spread out over Sebastian's body as they went. The property was suspiciously free of shades. He'd expected there to be hordes of the beasts. Did they know destruction was near? Had they given up on Moonlight Falls now that their gateway was about to explode?

James held Sebastian's hand tight as they passed the cemetery and entered the trees. Wood creaked and the wind howled. The walk through the woods didn't seem real. Sebastian was detached from everything around him, almost convinced he wasn't going to die even though it was what he intended. He had James at his side, and that made him believe things would be all right, even now .

As they approached the clearing, an eerie glow shone through the trees. Cool throbbing light danced along the dirt and reflected off the trees. Sebastian's head ached, the pain undulating with the strange light display.

"Do you want to keep going?" James asked in his ear.

Sebastian hadn't realized they'd stopped walking. There was so much motion between the ground shaking, light flashing, and the spinning sensation in his head.

"I think my headaches are connected to what's happening to the veins." Sebastian rubbed his temple. "We need to keep going. The increased pain could mean I'm right about being connected enough for this to work."

James helped Sebastian along. "Or it could just be the after-effects of using the veins."

"I know. There won't be any proving me right or wrong before I do this." A deeper sense of doubt washed over Sebastian. He wanted to save James and Moonlight Falls, but what if he couldn't? What if sacrificing himself was throwing away his last moments with James before everything blew up anyway? What if James was determined to jump off this cliff with him and there was no saving him?

Sebastian stepped past the trees into the clearing. The hole was wide and dark, except for the eerie light glowing at the edge of the void. The ground shook, causing the light to vibrate and pulse. The hole widened.

Fear and doubt ate at Sebastian. "What if I'm wrong? What if I go in there and die, and nothing happens?"

James gripped Sebastian's shoulders. "You might be wrong. You don't have to do this."

Sebastian shivered. He hadn't expected this to be easy, yet he hadn't been prepared for the tightness gripping his chest or the bone-deep urge he had to run away. He didn't know what to do. If he was too afraid to try, he'd be dooming Eli, Hazel, Parker, and Eleanor all to die along with James. Judging by the mess of otherworldly magic before him, there was no doubt the explosion was coming.

James's grip on Sebastian tightened. "I'll help you do this if it's what you want. I'll go with you, Sebastian. But we don't have to. We could be wrong. There could still be another way."

"How?" Tears filled Sebastian's eyes and his head ached like someone was squeezing his brain. "Sacrifice is how magic works in the world of blood and bone."

"Blood and bone," James mumbled, frowning deeply for a long moment. Then his eyes widened. "Sebastian!" James shook him. " Blood and bone ."

"Yeah, so?" Sebastian had no idea what James was getting at. Confusion pushed away some of the sadness threatening to consume him. "What about it?"

"You can make a sacrifice of blood and bone." James let out a hysterical laugh. "You don't need to die. Why do you have to return to the veins? Blood-and-bone magic almost never requires all of a person. What if your blood and bone are enough to return the missing piece to the veins?"

Sebastian blinked. The earth jolted, throwing him against James's chest.

They clung to each other, James seeming to vibrate as he spoke. "We already figured out that the curse and imbalance weren't about life. Life sacrifice shouldn't be the solution. Why can't you make the system whole with just a piece of you?"

"I don't know. You're right. That could work. We can at least try it. Fuck, James. If this is it and it's not the end…" Sebastian sobbed as hope, even more painful than the despair he'd just pushed away, swelled inside him.

"This isn't the end, Sebastian." James pressed a kiss to his lips. "You were made a part of this through blood and bone, and you'll put it all back together the same way. A piece of you for the missing piece. I know this is it. I can feel it."

"How am I going to do this?" Sebastian's stomach turned. Blood was easy enough, but bone… "I guess I can cut off the tip of a finger."

James let out a pained whining sound. "Sebastian."

"I know." Sebastian tightened his grip on James, who held Sebastian through another intense rocking of the earth. They didn't have much time.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, this still isn't going to be easy."

Sebastian pulled back, looking down at James. "Cutting off a finger is going to be easier than dying," he said, summoning strength he wasn't sure he actually possessed.

James grimaced. "I wouldn't say any of this is easy."

Sebastian knew that but was trying not to think about it. "Come on." He pulled James back through the trees. "We need an axe or something."

Walking through the woods was even more surreal this time. Sebastian was overwhelmed with relief and a growing dread. He'd imagined jumping into the vein intersection to be painless—whether that was true or not—but this wouldn't be. He tried to detach himself from the situation completely. He couldn't think about what a blood-and-bone sacrifice meant. Instead, he focused on the fact that James wasn't walking unnecessarily to his death.

James had saved Sebastian again. Saved him from making a colossal mistake when they still had one last thing to try, and Sebastian was beyond grateful.

Maybe the world wasn't completely unfair and Sebastian wasn't doomed. He was still so used to feeling unworthy that he'd let it cloud his judgment. It had made accepting his doomed fate feel right when it wasn't.

Sebastian was destined for good things. He was a fighter. He'd fought for himself most of his life and wasn't stopping now. Not when he and James had a whole future to spend together.

In the barn, Sebastian grabbed a hatchet. Behind him, James made a strangled sound .

"Let's not stop to think." Sebastian turned on his heel and exited the barn in a hurry.

James hastened after. "Okay, but we have to be careful how we do this." James took hold of Sebastian's hand like he couldn't stand being parted. "If you lose too much blood, we'll be in trouble."

Sebastian's stomach twisted and a helpless whimper escaped him.

"It'll be all right. I'll look after you," James murmured soothingly. The ground lurched beneath their feet, doing its best to contradict him.

Sebastian focused on the love and admiration in James's eyes and steeled himself. "I think we're running out of time."

James nodded, and they hurried back the way they'd come.

The clearing was brighter, the sickening lights pulsing more rapidly. The hole was a deep, impenetrable black that seemed to flicker and contract at the center, the motions rippling through the ground, shaking the forest.

"Think this is what it looked like when Sullivan and Nelson created the imbalance?" James asked.

"Maybe." Sebastian had to squint against the flashing lights, which weren't helping his headache. He tore his eyes away and focused on the man he loved. "Thank you for being here with me."

James smiled so delicately that Sebastian's heart cracked. "Of course, Sebastian. I'll do anything for you."

Fuck if they weren't putting that to the test.

"How are we going to do this?" Sebastian asked nervously.

James held his hand out for the hatchet.

Sebastian hesitated. "I'm not asking you to cut off my finger. I can do it. I just… What about the bleeding?"

James took the hatchet from Sebastian. "I'll have to cauterize the wound. We're too far from medical help, and the spell I used to stop your bleeding during the unbinding ritual won't work on an injury like this." James swallowed. "If I heat the hatchet with magically enhanced fire, I can use the hot metal to stop the bleeding."

Sebastian wished he hadn't eaten that half an apple. "Okay. Once that's done, we'll give my finger to the veins, and hopefully, it will put everything right."

Fear flashed across James's face. "It's a plan. Let me try and sterilize this first." He conjured a floating ball of flame, a more costly spell than conjuring sparks. James ran the blade of the hatchet through it. It was the best they could do under the circumstances.

Sebastian figured infection was a worry for another day. If they lived that long.

James let the flame go out and handed the hatchet back to Sebastian. "You should brace against a tree or a rock or something."

Sebastian spotted a fallen tree not far away, just beyond the edge of the clearing. He knelt and pressed his nondominant hand to it, curling all his fingers out of the way except for his pinky. "Fuck this is going to hurt."

"Wait!" James knelt beside him and performed the spell they used on Miss Moo to numb her skin when they'd tried to transfer the curse to her. "It won't be enough, but it's better than nothing."

Sebastian examined the hatchet. The blade was sharp, unlike the axe he used to chop firewood. Movement in the clearing caught his eye, his gaze torn from the hatchet and drawn to the center of the hole. The darkness seemed to be undulating, almost like the ocean, causing the earth to move in a way that made Sebastian seasick.

He had to do this now. "Ready, James?"

"I've got you, sweetheart."

Sebastian raised the hatchet. He didn't let himself think beyond aiming. He lined the blade up with his finger, then pulled back and swung down with all his strength. Sebastian watched the blade strike and his finger fell away. He was frozen in disbelief even though he'd meant to do it. Everything around him went silent, the pain hitting him like nothing he'd ever experienced.

Sebastian screamed, dropping the hatchet, and pulled his injured hand against his chest, cradling it with his other. He clamped his eyes shut as nausea threatened and pain almost stole his consciousness.

A firm pressure against Sebastian's back helped him hold on, but the pain was too blinding for him to think. Something clamped down on his wrist, and Sebastian thrashed before he remembered it was James and allowed his injured hand to be pulled from where he had it tucked against himself.

There was a sudden heat and his pain intensified. Shit, this was so much worse. Sebastian screamed again, trying to jerk away on instinct, but James held him tight, his chest braced against Sebastian's back and his arms around him.

The smell of burning flesh made Sebastian gag. Just when he thought he couldn't take it, it stopped.

Sebastian's cheeks were soaked and sobs shook him from head to toe. James didn't release his hold. He rocked Sebastian back and forth, murmuring in his ear. Everything hurt unbearably. Sebastian wasn't sure how he was supposed to keep functioning.

Eventually, Sebastian's head cleared enough for him to process what James was saying.

"I love you, Sebastian. I've got you. You're so brave. You're perfect. I'll never let you go." He went on and on in a stream of comfort until Sebastian stopped trembling.

"Let's finish this," Sebastian rasped. "Where did it go?" He looked down at his bloody hand to where his pinky ended at the second knuckle. It didn't seem to be bleeding anymore but looked absolutely ghastly.

"Here." James handed him his severed finger.

Sebastian took it in his uninjured hand. "Help me up? "

James hoisted Sebastian to his feet and guided him around the fallen tree and into the clearing. The ground shook so violently that he might have needed the help even if he hadn't felt like he was about to pass out.

"Oh shit." James's worried voice captured Sebastian's frayed attention.

At the center of the hole, the ripples had gotten larger, and from their tumultuous depths came a stream of shades. Beasts flew out of the gateway by the hundreds, shooting into the night sky.

Sebastian staggered forward, supported by James. The shades didn't seem to notice them. Were they trying to escape before the veins exploded and the gateway closed?

James guided Sebastian to the glowing edge of the hole. The pulsing light sent the pain in his head and hand throbbing. Sebastian clung to consciousness. He gripped James with his uninjured hand as best he could and tossed his finger into the hole with the other.

"Fucking blood and bone," he grumbled as he watched it fall.

The finger hit the roiling darkness. Even though it seemed like the surface of a churning sea, the finger didn't disappear like it would have had it been liquid. Sebastian could see his finger falling into the void. It went down and down until it disappeared in a flash of blue light.

The shaking earth went abruptly still. Sebastian let out a gasp of shock and relief.

"Look." James pointed at the glowing edge of the hole in front of them. It receded, replaced by an undisturbed forest floor as the hole continued to shrink.

"It worked," Sebastian breathed, fresh tears streaming down his cheeks.

The shades continued to fly out of the center of the hole, but it was just a dark void and no longer rippling. As the hole shrank slowly, the pulsing light lessened. Everything seemed to calm .

Then it stopped. The hole had shrunk by about a quarter, but after a minute of no progress, it didn't seem to be closing any farther.

Sebastian's heart sank and he slumped against James, letting out a sound of pain and fear. "It didn't work."

"It did." James held him tight. "The earth stopped shaking. Everything is calm."

"But the hole is still here." Sweat broke out on Sebastian's forehead. "Does that mean I have to sacrifice all of myself if a piece of me wasn't enough?" He let out an angry laugh. "A piece of the missing piece wasn't enough. How many pieces of pieces do we need? I can't cut myself up into tiny bits." Everything was cruel and funny in a way that made him want to hurl.

"Wait." James spun Sebastian around so they were facing each other. If he'd let go, Sebastian would have fallen like a felled tree. "Wait," James repeated, his eyes wild like he was panicking or thinking too fast for his brain to process. "Pieces of pieces…"

Great, James was losing his grip too.

A shriek cut across the quiet clearing. Sebastian hadn't even realized the howling wind had stopped until now.

The shades had noticed them, probably wondering what had caused the change in the veins. No more streamed in through the gateway, but a large group hovered in the clearing, all eyes focused on Sebastian and James.

"What are they waiting for?" James whispered.

In unison, all the shades cocked their heads. They paused, then straightened and shot off into the sky.

Where were they going? Sebastian hoped everyone in town was all right.

Before he could say anything, a dark figure appeared across the clearing. The large humanoid shade stood at the edge of the hole, lit by the faint glowing light.

"Leave," the otherworldly voice commanded.

That wasn't happening. Sebastian had no patience left. He was in pain and filled with dread because it looked like he'd have to sacrifice himself after all.

Should he just throw himself into the hole now, shade be damned? No, that would leave James at risk. He couldn't have that. James was going to survive this. That was all Sebastian cared about.

He pulled the power of the veins to him. It came easily, whether from practice or because he was at the intersection, he didn't know. Sebastian didn't hesitate or give the shade a chance. He pulled power out of the earth and directed it at the being, holding nothing back.

The shade lifted into the air, and for a second, Sebastian thought it was flying toward him. But no. Blue energy poured from Sebastian into the beast, holding it suspended above the hole as overwhelming power ran through Sebastian, its strength almost unfathomable.

The shade screamed and disappeared in a flash of light, the eerie yell echoing around them.

Sebastian's vision blacked out. He was ready to give in to all the pain and just have it be over. "Throw me in," he muttered.

"No." James's response was harsh in his ear.

Sebastian breathed until his vision cleared. "We don't have much time. That thing might come back any minute. I don't know how long it takes to get through the gateway. I have to close it."

"We will close it." James lowered Sebastian to the ground and propped him against a tree. "But you've already made your sacrifice. Going into the veins to die won't help."

Sebastian watched James walk over to the two fuel cells at the edge of the clearing, too pained and overwhelmed to move. "Why won't it help?"

"Because you aren't the only missing piece."