13. Kayan

THIRTEEN

Kayan

S eeing Alana like that, with Eldrion, made me feel numb. If I'd thought about it beforehand, I'd have assumed it would fill me with rage, or bile, or hatred.

But I feel none of those things.

Just emptiness.

I don't even think of the night we spent together. I don't see visions of Alana and I, bodies entwined, promising to love each other forever. I don't even see Eldrion's face as he threw me to my death.

I see nothing.

And I don't know if that's because I'm not really here or because it is too much to absorb.

When she sees me, that changes. Something shifts in my gut and uneasiness fills my lungs. She hates herself for wanting him and that is what hurts me.

To know she is giving herself to him and that afterwards she will be filled with disgust for herself; that is not something she should ever feel.

I follow them back to the castle. She is bristling with anger, and yet when she looks at him, there is something else simmering in her gaze. It is not affection. Is it need? The need to be close to him?

Perhaps in some strange way, he makes her feel safe amongst all this death and carnage and decay.

Approaching the citadel, I look up at the sky. It is still bruised with storm clouds. They hover ominously above the castle while the rest of the city rests beneath pale blue sky and fluffy white clouds.

They are an omen of what's to come. Because, undeniably, something is coming.

Finn has unleashed a darkness I haven't felt before.

And I realise now that this is my purpose. Whatever is coming, I was sent back to help.

Following them over the bridge and into the courtyard, remaining completely invisible even to Alana, I try not to let the thud of guilt settle beneath my ribs. Could I have stopped her trusting him? Would it have made a difference?

Something tells me it would not have; that all paths would have led to this even if I had made Alana see that Finn was not to be trusted.

When I see her embracing Briony, my heart lightens a little. At least she has one, true friend who can ground her. She needs that.

She has always been a deep thinker. She takes other people's emotions and her own and she dwells on them. She allows them to fester and turn her into something more muted than she should be.

Her parents and the elders of our village always tried to encourage her to ignore her power, bite down on it, keep it hidden and quiet and buried deep inside her.

I always felt as though they should do the opposite, and teach her how to use it.

Because fighting it has not helped anyone.

Used properly, her powers could help not just Alana but everyone else, too. The way she helped the Leafborne in the dungeon after my death.

She could be a healer. She could be something great.

If only they gave her the chance.

Perhaps after all this is over, I can help her see where her strength lies.

She is walking away from Eldrion with Briony when a group of Sunborne arrive at the gates. They have seen the clouds above the castle, and they want to know what is happening.

Eldrion tries to give them a half-answer, hoping to encourage them to leave without a fight for more truth. The woman he's speaking to does not believe him. She wants more, and I am shocked when it is Alana who gives it to her.

With ease, she steps into a lie that rolls expertly off her tongue.

And she blames us. The Leafborne.

She blames her own kind for what happened in the sky, and she praises Eldrion for vanquishing the threat.

That does not sit well inside me. Seeing her come to his aid like that doesn't feel right. And the way she looks at him afterwards doesn't either.

I try not to let myself think about what it means, but as I follow her and Briony towards the healing wing of the castle, I cannot help feeling like something is changing.

She is not the same girl I knew back in the Leafborne forest, or even the same girl who was sold at auction to a cruel fae lord. She's becoming something else, and I'm not sure I'm prepared for what that is.

As she moves, I study her.

I am not imagining it. Her mannerisms are the same, but they are a little sharper. Her voice, too, is different.

I want to shake her and tell her to come back to me. But I can't even touch her, let alone shake her.

She stops outside a large oak door and taps on it with her knuckles. It is Maura who steps outside.

"How are they? How is Raine? Is the baby—" Alana's eyes are wide, and her fingers are entwined in front of her.

Maura looks her up and down, then sighs heavily. "You are not welcome here," she says, turning away.

Alana catches her elbow. "Maura, please. We are kin."

"We are not kin." Maura draws her shoulders back and narrows her eyes at Alana. "We never have been."

I watch as Briony braces a hand on Alana's back, and Alana's wings droop. Her shoulders drop too, and the overwhelming, acidic taste of her rejection fills the air. Why must they always do this to her? Do they not see what they're doing?

With a flick of my own wings, I materialise in between Alana and Maura.

"There you are." Maura looks me up and down. "I wondered where you had gone, Kayan."

"You can see him?" Alana steps around me, looking at Maura.

"Of course, I can see him." She looks at me again, then shakes her head. "But I have nothing to say to him. I have more important things to deal with."

"Maura..." I try to catch her arm but, of course, can't take hold of her.

She shudders, a flicker of my energy zipping through her. "She is yours to deal with, now, Kayan. If you want to do what's right, you'll take her far away from here and drown her in a lake."

Briony releases an audible gasp. Alana turns away, clutching her stomach as if Maura's words have physically wounded her. Purple smoke begins to curl at her feet. Her shoulders stiffen. She spins back around, and her wings fly out to the sides, glowing with flickering purple light.

"See." Maura looks her up and down. "If she's not out of control now, she will be soon." She looks at me and holds my gaze. "Don't say I didn't warn you, Kayan."

By the time we reach Alana's chambers, she is shaking from head to toe. Briony lingers in the corner of the room, watching us.

"How are you...?" she asks, her voice almost a whisper.

"He's been here for weeks," Alana says, pacing the room.

"You didn't tell me?" Briony sounds hurt.

"I thought you'd accuse me of losing my mind," she replies, casting a quick glance at me. "I'm not convinced that I'm not."

"Briony sees me too, Alana. So does Maura."

"How? I thought it was only me?" she asks, then shakes her head. "It doesn't matter. What matters is..." She hesitates, then glances at Briony. "I'm sorry. I need to talk to Kayan."

Briony smiles at her, although it's a sad smile. "I'll go and freshen up." She looks down at her clothes, laced with dust and some traces of blood.

When she closes the door behind her, Alana rushes towards me as if she wants to fall into my arms. She stops a few paces away, then lets out a frustrated growl.

"I'm sorry," she says. Tears are in her eyes. "I know you saw me with Eldrion and I'm sorry, Kayan."

"We don't need to talk about that."

"Yes, we do."

I shake my head, and sit down at the end of the bed. "No, we don't. What is happening between you and Eldrion is not important right now. What's important is whether you are all right?"

She studies me for a moment, then shakes her head and laughs. "All right? No, of course I'm not all right. Finn was lying to me. From the very day I met him, he was deceiving me. At least, I think he was. Unless his intentions were good and then they changed?" She is almost talking to herself. Her thoughts tumble from her lips, dancing around each other as she tries to piece together what has happened.

"There is no way to know what Finn planned or when he planned it, Alana. All we know is what he has done. Focus on that. His actions don't lie."

She meets my gaze, and I know she is thinking of Eldrion as well as Finn.

Both have done horrendous things. She loved Finn. Does she love Eldrion? Could she still love Finn after what she's witnessed?

If the answer is yes, I'm not sure I know her at all.

"What do we do now?" She sits down hard on the coffee table opposite the bed. "Do you know? Can you tell me?"

"I know I'm here to help you." I hang my head a little, sincerely wishing I could give her a better answer. "That's all I know, Alana."

"And how can you help me, Kayan?" She tilts her head, waiting for my answer. "What can you do to fight a demon when you cannot even touch?"

I breathe in deeply and pinch the bridge of my nose. My thoughts are racing. "I could help you track him?" The words form at the same time as the thought.

"Track him?"

"I tracked Rosalie." I try not to flinch as I say her name because the need to be closer to her is almost too much to bear.

"Rosalie?"

"I needed to know if she was all right."

"Is she?"

I hang my head. "No. She's not."

Alana rises from her seat and crosses the room towards me. She rests her hands on my legs, but I don't feel them and she doesn't feel me because she sighs a little and takes them back.

"She's living with the man who bought her at the auction. He is..." I trail off, combing my fingers through my hair. "I need to help her."

"We will." Alana meets my eyes. "I promise, Kayan. Help me find Finn, and when all this is over, I'll help you rescue Rosalie."

"You promise?"

She nods firmly. "I promise. Solemnly. With every breath. We won't leave her there, Kayan."

And there she is... the Alana I know. She's still there. Her warmth, and her kindness, and the sincerity in her eyes that has always made me feel so at home and so seen.

"Thank you." I reach out and touch her face. She leans into me even though she cannot feel me. "Thank you, Alana."

True to my word, I leave Alana and hover above the citadel, my ethereal form shimmering in the dimming light. The city below is eerily quiet, as if holding its breath in anticipation of the storm to come. I don't know if the Sunborne believed Alana's lie, but the fact the storm clouds are still gathered above the castle, and only the castle, makes me think they are still in hiding.

I close my eyes and try to focus. Searching for Rosalie was different. Her essence was familiar, and I had our memories, and our feelings for one another to draw me to her.

I wanted to find her, and while I want to help Alana, there is no part of me that truly wants to see Finn.

Ever again.

But if I want to help Rosalie and stop what's coming, I need to do this.

Perhaps this is my purpose.

I take a slow, shuddering breath and look towards the storm clouds.

An idea forms in my mind, and I fly towards them. They crackle with a dark energy that makes my translucent skin flicker with trepidation.

But his energy is here. I feel it.

Bracing myself, I move into the centre of the storm clouds.

Here, the energy is darker still. Colder. Trying to catch hold of it and tame it feels like I'm trying to grasp smoke with my bare hands.

I breathe it in and try to remember how it feels, then I drift lower, skimming the rooftops of Luminael.

As I near the outskirts of the city, I feel a faint pull. It's not Finn, not exactly, but something... adjacent. I follow the sensation, letting it guide me towards the shoreline.

The beach stretches out before me, pale sand growing darker as the sun dips below the horizon. I scan the area, looking for any sign of disturbance. That's when I spot it – a set of footprints leading towards a cluster of cliffs in the distance.

I follow the trail, moving faster now. The footprints lead to the mouth of a cave, barely visible in the shadow of the cliffs. As I approach, I feel a surge of energy – dark, pulsing, alive. This has to be it.

I pass through the cave entrance, the rock offering no resistance to my spectral form. The air inside is thick with moisture and something else... something that makes my non-existent skin shiver.

I drift deeper into the cave, following a winding passageway that seems to descend forever. Finally, I emerge into a vast underground chamber. At its centre lies a pool of water so dark it seems to absorb all light.

I hover at the edge of the pool, peering into its depths. There's something down there, I can feel it. But unlike with Rosalie's mansion, I can't simply will myself to the other side. Whatever magic protects this place, it affects even spirits like me.

But I do not need to go inside.

All I need to know is that this is where Finn has brought the Shadowkind.

And that something very bad is happening here.