Things I Can’t Say Out Loud

To Mum: I would quite like to frisbee your Boyzone CD out of the car window

To Dad: Can you PLEASE make Mum put another CD in her car?

To Gran: Your garden is amazing and beautiful but I would rather fill my bra with broken glass and perform star jumps than get my hands dirty out there

To Claire: I want to put you in a headlock and repeatedly drag my knuckles over your scalp every time you mention bad boys. THEY SUCK

To Russell & Jed: Your cat is the devil in fur