Chapter 9

chapter

nine

Annabelle

"Yeah, and then he just walked out of the house," I say to my sister.

"What are you going to do?"

"Wait him out. I brought my toys with me. I can torment him with them. He'll crack in a day."

Lizzie hums into the phone.

"What?"

"Did you hear anything that man said to you?"

"Yes. He's withholding sex until I agree to his terms of this marriage."

"And you can't simply agree with those terms?"

"Stay married to him? Forever?" I blow out a breath. "Lizzie, I'm strong, but I'm not so strong that I could be married to Greyson Hendricks for forever without him loving me. I mean I know he loves me. But I want him to be in love with me. Without that, I can't stay married to him. It will break me."

"Did he tell you he doesn't love you?"

"Well, no, but he's made no mention of it either. You know him. He's an honorable guy, the most honorable. He would do anything for just about anyone. But especially me."

"You still believe all that bullshit about him feeling protective of you because of the incident?"

The incident. What my sister and I had ended up calling the day I almost drowned. I was thirteen and thought I was immortal. "He saved my life, Lizzie. You were there. You remember."

"Yeah, I remember. Scared the fuck out of me." There's a pause and then… "No, Mommy can say that word, but you cannot. Eat your snack."

I laugh, just imaging my niece's expression. "She always looks so sweet and innocent."

"Yeah. Unfortunately, she's just like us. Back to your jacked up views about Greyson. That man does not stay in your life out of some misguided sense of obligation."

"Okay, so yes, I still believe that Greyson feels responsible in many ways for me. I mean he was ready to propose when we were teenagers to let me stay in Saddle Creek because he knew I didn't want to go with Grandmother."

"And that couldn't possibly be because he wants to be married to you?"

I snort. "Don't you think that might have come up over the last decade or so? We've kept in touch. We have weekly video chats where we watch old soap operas on mute and then act out our own dialogue. We are hilarious."

"You are hilarious. But also, you were made for each other," Lizzie says.

Just hearing those words, knowing my sister believes them, rattles the hope I keep caged by my heart. I want to believe her. But I know how this goes. "Lizzie, if he loved me, he would have told me by now. Especially during that particular conversation. He made things very clear."

"Did you tell him you love him?"

"No!"

"Then how can you be so convinced he doesn't feel the same. Maybe he's just as stupid and scared as you are."

"Hey," I say, feigning offense. But I know she's right. I am scared. Scared of rocking the proverbial boat. Scared of changing the way things are between us.

"I think if you're not willing to be the first to tell him how you feel about him, then you can't be upset with him for withholding information. And his dick."

"I can't be the first."

"Why the hell not?"

"I'm old fashioned, the first one to profess love should be the man. Everyone knows that."

Lizzie guffaws on the other line. "You are about as old fashioned as Lady Gaga. Do you not remember it was you who proposed to Devon and then you again who proposed to Greyson? That's not old-fashioned!"

"Doesn't count because it's not a real marriage." Even saying the words out loud feels wrong. Still, I'm not ready to risk my heart.

Greyson has had a hold on me since I was a teenager. My infatuation with him has to explain why I've never fallen in love with anyone else.

"So, you're not willing to risk your heart, but you are willing to risk your vagina," Lizzie says.

I sigh. "I am. He has a really nice dick. I mean really nice. But also, don't you think taking the mystery out of that with him might alleviate some of my girlish crush?"

"No, I don't think that at all. I think you're fooling yourself. But I would never tell you to bypass a great dick."

Greyson and I aren't meant to be a forever couple. We're buddies. Temporarily married buddies who can fuck. Hopefully.

Ugh. I just know I can't risk losing everything on a wish and prayer that someday Greyson will love me back.