3. Judd

Judd

The whole babysitter situation is a bust. I’m working through my contacts, scrolling past names, and double-checking schedules, but one by one, each option falls through. Mom and Dad are busy this evening and my sisters won’t be in town until tomorrow. I could ask one of my neighbors to sit with her for a few hours but that doesn’t sit right with me. My sisters or my parents, sure—they’re family. But anyone else? Not a chance.

The whole child support thing last year, fighting for Ava to even acknowledge Stevie’s needs, was a nightmare. I hate the thought of Stevie being left with anyone who doesn’t really know her. And now I know why the payments stopped. She had no intention of supporting her own daughter.

And as much as I’d like to cancel this dinner, something makes me hesitate. It’s not just dinner. It’s Nakul. Maybe I’m lonelier than I realized, or maybe I just need to feel like myself for a night, to talk to someone who remembers me before all of this. Either way, I’m stuck in a bind and I don’t want to back out now.

After one last look at the list of names, I let out a sigh and pick up my phone. Nakul answers on the second ring and I can already hear the understanding in his voice.

“Hey, Nakul… about dinner…” I start, a bit unsure. “Bundling Stevie up and getting her out tonight would be too much. I’d hate to cancel on you, but…”

“No, I get it,” he says quickly, an edge of disappointment in his tone. “Don’t worry about it. We can do this some other time if that’s easier.”

A silence falls between us and before I even know what I’m doing, the words are spilling out. “Or… you could just come over instead?”

I hear the surprise in Nakul’s pause, but then he laughs, a warm sound that I’ve missed in my house. “Are you sure?”

I don’t know why I offered it. Maybe I’m desperate for some company that doesn’t revolve around diapers or work deadlines. Or maybe I just need a reason to look back on something other than spreadsheets and bills. “Yeah, I’m sure. Just, uh… don’t mind the mess.”

“Deal. See you soon.”

I hang up, unsure of what I’m hoping for—just some friendly conversation, maybe—but the thought of having Nakul here, of just talking with someone who knows a bit about who I used to be, feels like a small lifeline. I quickly text him the address and then rush around, trying to tidy up as much as I can.

There are toys and blankets everywhere, the kitchen is a mess, and Stevie’s trail of goldfish crackers snakes across the living room floor like breadcrumbs. I do my best, ordering from her favorite Italian place to keep things easy.

By the time the doorbell rings, I’m half-asleep on the couch with Stevie nestled on my lap, her little hands gripping my shirt as she dozes off. I gently shift her off me, placing her on a pillow and head to the door, trying to shake off the grogginess.

When I open it, Nakul is there, holding a bag with our food, an eager grin on his face. He resembles the kid I knew in high school, the man donning a sports jacket, his hair pulled back into a tight ponytail.

“Come on in,” I say, trying not to sound as nervous as I feel. “And, uh… sorry for the mess.” I know I already apologized for it, feeling even more self-conscious than this afternoon. Why did I invite him over, again?

Nakul waves a hand, brushing off my apology. “Don’t even worry about it. You’ve got a four-year-old. It’s impressive the place is as clean as it is.” He holds up the bags. “I grabbed it from the delivery guy. Hope you don’t mind.”

I chuckle, leading him inside. He follows me to the table, setting down the food. I quickly get Stevie settled with her own plate of pasta and some breadsticks, her face lighting up as she digs in. Nakul watches her with a warm smile, a look I don’t often see from someone who’s not family.

Once Stevie’s taken care of, we sit down with our own plates. At first, the silence between us is a bit awkward, filled only by the sound of forks scraping against plates. I’m not sure where to start, how to find common ground after so many years and the only thing now linking us is our disdain for our ex.

But then I decide to break the ice. “I remember you, you know. From high school.”

Nakul’s eyebrows raise in surprise, a hearty chuckle coming from him. “Yeah? You and I didn’t exactly run in the same circles.”

“No, I guess we didn’t,” I admit, a faint smile crossing my face. “But I went to some of the football games. You were one of the all-stars, right?”

He shrugs, his gaze dropping to his plate. “Something like that. Feels like a lifetime ago, doesn’t it?” Nakul almost seems embarrassed of those days as if they didn’t carry the same excitement that I believed they would.

“Yeah,” I agree, both of us falling into silence again, memories drifting between us. “So, what do you do now?” I ask, genuinely curious.

“I work at Hanson Contracting,” he says, his voice a bit quieter. “Mostly construction projects, some renovations. Keeps me busy.” I would have thought he ended up on a professional team somewhere or at least as a coach. It seems that even time is our enemy when it comes to things. Nakul lays down his fork and leans back in his chair, studying me for a few moments. It’s an intense stare as if he’s trying to unpack me. “And you? Where did you end up?”

“Riocen Chemicals as an accountant. I had my own gig for a bit and then Ava ended up pregnant with Stevie so I needed something a little bit more… stable.” I would never trade my baby girl for the entire world but Ava’s actions set me off course. Not that my idea of running my own firm would have worked but I couldn’t even experiment with Stevie in the picture. I didn’t want to chance my finances when she deserved the entire world.

I’m not even sure why I told Nakul that just now.

His eyes widen, a flicker of recognition before he glances at Stevie who is hands deep in meatballs and sauce. “You’re balancing that with all this? Jesus Christ.”

“Barely but Stevie makes it worth it.”

I sigh as Stevie lets out a giggle, a sound so pure and free that it warms my heart. I gesture toward the napkins sitting beside Nakul and he grabs one to lay it on Stevie’s tray. Her entire face lights up as she whispers ‘thank you’ and then proceeds to bury her face in the napkin. Of course, that makes it worse, Nakul and I laughing at the sauce now spread around her face.

I retrieve a washcloth from the sink and wet it before wiping her down as Nakul stands and gestures to the tray. “Are you done, sweetie?” My entire body freezes as I pull away, waiting for Stevie to acknowledge him, to respond. Other than the few people who have babysat her in emergencies or my own family, no one has shown Stevie that kind of endearment.

It’s my fault for keeping her so close to me but there’s always a little disdain when people see I’m a single father. The tight looks, the ‘aw, where’s her mother’ questions. It never ends. But Nakul isn’t looking at me and Stevie like that.

Stevie looks down at the mess left on the tray and then nods, giving Nakul a full smile. “Yes. All done. Thank you.”

Nakul lightly pats her shoulder and then picks the tray up from the table before walking it to the sink. He doesn’t even say anything as he washes it off. It’s such a small thing but it means everything to me. By the time he returns with the tray, dried off too, I hand Stevie a few slices of apple from the fridge and take my seat again.

“You’re good with her,” I say, the words slipping out before I can stop them. “You’d make a great dad.” My cheeks heat but it only makes it worse with Nakul’s response.

His expression changes slightly, a shadow passing over his expression and I instantly regret saying anything. “I, uh… I can’t have kids,” he mumbles, his gaze dropping to his plate just after I catch a pang of guilt in those eyes.

I pat my lips a few times, silently punishing myself for going down a road that neither of us is ready for. “I’m sorry,” I say, not sure what else to say. “I didn’t mean to—”

He shakes his head, cutting me off. “It’s alright. Just… life, I guess. You think you’re going one way and then suddenly everything shifts. Besides, I offered that information.” He forces a smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “For some reason, it’s easy to talk to you.”

I feel the same way. I’m always so on guard with Stevie but Nakul’s presence feels more comfortable here than strange. We lapse into silence again until a squeal and then a cheer interrupts us.

Stevie has her hands raised. “Daddy, all done!” The widest smile is on her face as she kicks her legs, showing that all of the food is gone. Her little curls bounce on top of her head as I free her from the confines of the booster seat.

“Just give me a few minutes, Nakul.”

“No worries. I’ll be right here.”

It feels like a promise rather than just words as I head down the hall. Stevie clings to me as I help her brush her teeth and then I tell her to pick out her favorite jammies. There are three choices, all of them with sparkles and snowmen. It doesn’t matter the time of year, those are the only ones she wants to wear.

“Red!” Stevie squeals as she stands beside her bed. She waits patiently as I shuffle through the drawer, instantly hating that I didn’t do laundry last night. In the next second, she changes her mind to pink which is just my luck. I help her into the little dress, Stevie giving me a playful twirl before climbing into the bed.

I don’t even have to remind her as she reaches to the little stand next to her bed and grabs the silk bonnet my older sister bought for her. She slips it on and then looks at me before throwing two thumbs up. “All done!”

A chuckle rumbles through me as I lean down to press a kiss to her forehead. “Yes, baby. All done.”

“I like the man with the kind eyes.”

“His name is Nakul.”

“Na—ool?”

I try not to laugh at my little girl as she butchers his name. “No. Nah-kuhl.”

“I’ll try later.” Then she plops her head onto her pillow and starts pretend snoring, her signal for me to leave.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.” I flick off the light and blow her a kiss, Stevie making audible sounds as she catches it and chews on it. She’s my little ball of joy especially in moments like this that make it worth it to keep going.

Closing her door, I head back into the kitchen, surprised at the scene before me. Nakul has cleaned up most of the kitchen, stacking the dishes and wiping down the counter. He stands there awkwardly, his hands still holding a dishrag, giving me a small smile as I approach.

“Thanks,” I say, awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck. “I would have done all of that.”

He shrugs, setting the dishrag down. “I don’t mind. Besides, I’m glad we got to meet up. It was… nice.” He moves toward the door, clearly getting ready to leave and I nod, trying to find the words to express my gratitude, my awkwardness, everything all at once.

But before I can say anything, Stevie is running back into the living room. “I forgot! Goodbye!” She zooms past me before I can catch her, running straight into Nakul’s leg, and wrapping her arms around what she can reach.

Nakul freezes and then leans down to softly pat her head. “Goodbye, Stevie.”

“I hope you come again,” she whispers, looking up at him with her wide, trusting eyes. My face heats, my embarrassment growing as she turns to me and adds, “Daddy, can the guy with the nice eyes come again?”

Nakul’s gaze shifts to me, his own cheeks reddening as he stares at me, clearly caught off guard by Stevie’s words. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but then he simply nods. “I’d love to come by again,” he murmurs, glancing from Stevie back to me.

“Thank you,” I manage, feeling my heart beat faster, my thoughts a mess of conflicting emotions. Nakul gives me one last nod, his expression lingering with something I can’t quite place and then he slips out the door, leaving me standing there, my head spinning.

As I watch him leave, something shifts inside me, a sense of something new, something I haven’t felt in a long time. I close the door, my mind still reeling from the awkwardness of it all but as I turn back to Stevie, she’s grinning up at me, her eyes bright with mischief.

“Okay, bedtime now,” She tells me. She rarely leaves her room after I put her to bed and I haven’t ever seen her attached to someone. Stevie reaches up for my hand, gingerly trying to drag me down the hallway.

She’s right about two things. It is absolutely bedtime.

And Nakul does have kind eyes.