Chapter Thirty-Four

Sebastian

Alessia tosses the wiffle in the air at the end of the match. "Jeez. it's not even fun kicking your asses like this."

Enzo points his paddle at his sister as sweat beads down his face. "You're cheating."

"How does one cheat at pickleball? Plus, you two have the advantage, playing me as a team." Alessia looks between us with pity in her gaze. "You're flopping around like two inflatable tube men over there, no fight from either of you."

I hinge forward to catch my breath. "Fine. Next time we play, I'll put laxatives in your Gatorade. Is that enough of a fight?"

Her shoulders rise and fall. "That would be better than you moping."

She's not wrong about the moping. I've been miserable since the second I left Nora's store. All I have is the photobooth strip I keep in my wallet to remind me of what I can't have.

The best thing I ever lost.

Ending things hasn't stopped me from making sure she's okay, though. I've sent Benji into work several days in a row with Nora's favorite things and strict orders not to tell her where they came from. I don't want to hurt her more, but I need to know she's taken care of.

In case this stuff with Nora didn't suck enough, I'm also growing more aware by the day that my time with Nella and the two knuckleheads staring at me right now are numbered.

Alessia clears her throat. "I'm going to ask you again—"

"Please don't."

"Do you want to talk about Nora?"

I grunt. "And say what? I'm leaving, she's not coming, and therefore we are done. End of story."

"She knew you were leaving, though, right?" Enzo asks. "You've been honest. I'm glad you told her up front."

" You knew you and your fiancées' families hated each other," I point out. "Did that make it suck any less when Ro pointed it out?"

"No. I guess it didn't."

"Any change there?" I ask, eager to pivot subjects.

"She's been texting me the last two days."

Alessia cocks her head to the side. "About what? Reconciliation?"

"She keeps asking me about random unimportant stuff, like what the password is to our Hulu, whether or not certain mail has come for her, and whether or not I've been taking my vitamins. Weird, right?"

"Interesting." Alessia has that voice she usually reserves for my dumbassery. "It's almost like she wants your attention."

"She's got it," he grumbles. "She's always had it. Since the day I met her."

"I'm going to give it to you straight, Enzo," she says, meandering toward the sideline to fetch her water bottle. "You need to do something dramatic or you aren't ever going to get out of this weird limbo you're in."

His brows climb to his hairline. "Dramatic? Hasn't there been enough drama for one lifetime?"

"The good kind, not the shouting-in-the-bowling-alley kind."

Enzo crosses his arms. "What did you have in mind?"

"I think you know what you need to do," she lobs back. "You just don't want to do it."

His head tips back as he rakes his hands through his hair. "I really don't."

"You need to ask her terrible, annoying, possibly well-meaning parents out for dinner. Benji, too. And then make it a monthly thing. That is specifically how you make an effort." Alessia takes a small bow. "You're welcome."

"Monthly?" he says through a groan.

"That seems like an easy fix, considering the scale of the problem," I tell him.

He shoots me a death glare. "Easy, my ass. You met her parents. If you'll recall, they were the ones dragging you within an inch of your life at brunch."

"Yes, but at least there's a solution to your problem. We should all be so lucky."

Alessia moves to our side of the net and takes a seat, patting the ground so we'll follow suit. "There's a solution to yours, too, Sebastian."

"Yeah, brother." Enzo sits beside her with almost the exact same posture, looking like someone accidentally stuttered over the same key on the keyboard twice in a row. "Your only problem is you are head over heels for a woman who also seems to feel the same for you. Cry me a river."

I kick the bottom of his shoe and drop down next to them. "It doesn't matter how we feel. We aren't going to have a long-distance relationship."

Nora was clear about that.

Alessia's gaze is pointed, if not laced with challenge. "Why not?"

I almost laugh at the thought. "Because that never, ever works. Especially not without an end date. You've said the same thing to me in the past, mind you. Don't fall for townies ."

"I said that when you were still living in this town and hadn't had a chance to follow your dreams yet. I didn't want anything holding you back. But that was years ago. I wasn't aware your dreams required a lifetime of travel at the expense of your personal life." She lets that point hover in the air before she adds, "What if long distance goes well and she wants to follow you? In a permanent way?"

"She's happy here. I'm not dragging her along with me."

She cocks her head to the side. "C'mon, Rossi, don't be such a martyr. What if she wants to go?"

"I'm no martyr. I asked her to come." Shame settles over me like a sunburn. "She said no."

And I never should've asked her to. It's the one thing I promised myself I wouldn't do, and it was exactly as terrible as I knew it'd be.

But like most things when it comes to Nora, I couldn't fucking help myself. For her, I break every rule and do things I never thought I'd do.

"Okay, so she doesn't want to uproot her life. That's okay. Reasonable, even. But it doesn't mean she doesn't want to be with you. So, what are your other options for making this relationship work?" Alessia asks.

"It can't work. That's why we broke up," I mutter miserably.

If we were ever even officially together.

"I think you're creating a situation where it feels like this relationship is impossible, when really it's not," Alessia continues. "You're scared to go all in because it'll be difficult, and it requires sacrifice."

I run my hand down my face. "Please don't psychoanalyze me."

"I'm just giving an opinion. Only a licensed professional is equipped to analyze you and your baggage."

"What a treasure you are. A shame I won't be around for more of these chats."

"Our chats will continue whether you like it or not. There's always FaceTime." There's a note of finality in her tone that I know better than to argue with.

My chest hurts as I meet her eye. She hasn't wanted to talk about me leaving any more than I've wanted to talk about it, as it pertains to us, too. "I'm sorry. That was a shitty comment. You know I love you and our chats."

Her expression softens. "I know. Don't apologize. We're all sad sacks sometimes. Today is your day."

I scowl at my paddle. Spin it in my hand. "It's more than just a bad day. This is all turning into a nightmare. It's unreal how much I think about Nora. And I can't stop imagining what it'll be like when she's here after I'm gone. It tears me up inside to know she'll move on, maybe with someone I know."

The thought is like a rope tightening around my ribs. It takes a lot to keep myself from throwing my paddle at the fence. "That someone else could give her what I can't—I can't fucking stand it."

Alessia's eyes are wide. "Wow. Okay."

"What?" I grouse.

"Just never thought I'd see you lovesick like this."

"We're not in love."

Her face pops up in my brain as the sound of her laughter rings in my ears, almost as if to test me. All it does is make me miss her.

Enzo hits me with a schoolboy grin. "I've never seen your feathers ruffled before. You're always so calm and collected. This is fun."

"I'm glad you're enjoying this." I lean back on my hands. "I'm afraid I'm making a mistake by going. But the only way not to make it is by making what might be another, different kind of mistake by staying."

Alessia's eyes are soft. "You are moving to middle of nowhere Nebraska when you have an entire life and the woman you love—sorry, very strongly like—here. That sounds like it could be a mistake."

"It's not the middle of nowhere to the people who live there," I say. "And it matters to me. I wouldn't do it if it wasn't important."

"I know it does. And it is important. But what about you? What is your end goal?"

"Same as it's always been—do something with my life. Maybe not bring shame upon the family, if I can swing it."

She sighs. "Listen. I love my job and all," Alessia says, "but a job is just a job. Even if it's your passion. It won't keep you warm at night. It won't hold your hand when life takes a really scary or shitty turn. It can't be all of who you are."

"But that's what it's been for me. For my parents. For my grandparents. They always put their careers first."

"Yeah, they put their careers first so much you never see them. I know my dad and I don't always see eye-to-eye so I shouldn't be commenting, but your parents aren't perfect, either. They are humans following a passion, but they missed out on a lot with you, their only son, because of it. Are you really willing to sacrifice everything like they did just to feel like you're contributing to the world the same way they have? That's not fair. Or sustainable. Your parents have each other. So did your grandparents. Who do you have?"

I massage my temple, determined to stay objective, even as my heart and brain go to battle. "Say I stayed—say Nora wanted to give this a try. Genuinely what the hell would I do then for work? I don't want to just paint houses all day."

"You're going to tell me that other nonprofits don't exist?"

"I'm pretty high up with the club, believe it or not. I've built my reputation with them. That's not easy."

"I do enjoy you complimenting yourself for a change." She takes a swig from her bottle. "Okay, but couldn't you use that experience in some other way? I don't know how it works, but can't you manage the club here, even if it's a pay decrease? Or maybe you move into a different position with the organization."

"Traveling is partly why I chose this in the first place—because I get to take it far and wide. Reach the most people possible."

"You are a nauseating and wholesome missionary, but you don't have to be. You can do plenty of good right where you are and make a real impact day in and day out in people's lives over time. And then you'd have a real shot at making a relationship with Nora work. Bottom line: can you be happy here? And not just because Nora is here."

My mind wanders back to a cold lake and the warmest eyes I've ever seen. To something Nora said about a show with a bar where everyone knows your name. "I think there's something about Great River I'll never be able to shake. I like walking into Home Depot and being recognized by the guy stirring paint. I love turning off my GPS and recognizing last names when I meet kids through the club here in town. And I may even like you two, against all odds. My people are here."

"There's a word for all that, you know." Alessia pulls up her calf socks, a smile stealing her lips. "Home."

Home .

As I look between my two best friends, there's nowhere else I'd rather be.

"Who would've guessed all it would take to get Sebastian home permanently is a hot woman?" Enzo teases, though there's a fondness to it.

"Watch your mouth. She's a hell of a lot more than a hot woman ."

Alessia and Enzo exchange a look and a guttural laugh.

"Touchy, touchy," he goads.

"All right, fine." I throw up my hands. "Maybe I am halfway in love with her."

"I think you're more than halfway there, buddy." Shockingly, Alessia doesn't sound smug. Just happy. "You two will make a cute if not nauseating couple, if all your eye-fucking at poker is any indication of what's to come."

"There's the rather large issue of the club I'm supposed to start in Nebraska. I can't bail on that."

"Do you really need to be there in person for it? I've had gyno appointments that didn't require my attendance, you're going to tell me you can't run an organization from afar?"

My head spins trying to take it all in.

"Yeah, I have to be there," I say. "But maybe to get through this particular contract, I can be creative with my time. I will surely rack up some frequent flyer miles."

"And when the contract is done?" she asks.

Great question.

I rejected other career ideas like teaching and coaching because it didn't feel like it'd compare to what my parents do in terms of reach. A class of twenty, or a few classes of twenty, or even a team didn't feel like enough . The word enough has always haunted me. Every club I start has the potential to reach thousands of kids over time, and I've clung to those numbers like they are markers of my worth.

But maybe quality is just as important as quantity. If Alessia's right, there's got to be something I can do here.

"Lord, you men and your problems keep me busy," she grumbles. "It's a good thing I'll have all this cash I won at poker the last two weeks to keep me company after I've fixed your lives and you abandon me for your women. But I guess it's better than being abandoned for Nebraska."

"You are the queen of abandoning people for your woman," I remind her.

"Well, yeah, have you met her? Eloise is perfection incarnate." A group of four passes through the gate. Alessia rises to her feet and beckons us to follow to free up the court. "Don't steal that line, by the way. I'm using it in my vows."

We move toward the exit that leads to the YMCA's parking lot. "You don't even have a wedding date and you're already writing vows," I note. "Nice work."

"Someday, when you're all the way in love, you'll understand."

"I'm going to put ‘perfection incarnate' in my vows."

She knocks off my hat, forcing me to circle back to pick it up. When I catch up, I pull Enzo into my side, lighter than I've felt in years. "Who are you texting?"

"I can't just stand here miserable while you two ride off into the sunset with your girls." His finger moves as he scrolls. "I'm fixing my relationship once and for all."