Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

The camera pointed at Josh Winterton. No matter how many times he'd been in this position in the last year, he never got used to it. Josh wasn't a vain man but whenever he had to speak to that lens, he spent longer shaving his head and plucking his eyebrows. He had on a fuchsia pink shirt that contrasted with his dark brown skin. It had taken quite some time before he'd got it right.

"Do I look okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, fine," Winston replied without glancing up from his phone.

Josh sighed.

"Josh," Winston said, finally raising his head. "We've been married for three years. I think I know what you look like."

Winston had always been the spitting image of his Irish mother. His pale skin and blond hair were set off by sharp green eyes. Today he had paired a blue shirt with faded jeans, which worked perfectly.

When they'd got together, Josh had helped to pick out Winston's outfits. Nowadays, he never got asked. Still, it gave him heart that Winston had learnt some tips from him. Gone were the band T-shirts and cargo shorts. Josh thanked his blessings for that every day.

As a fashion designer, most of his friends called on him for advice if they were attending a function or red carpet. A lot of the time they would beg for something from the boutique he part owned. Yet, Winston had soon stopped wanting him to help.

"I guess you're right," Josh said. "Are you nearly ready? Madeline's expecting us any minute."

Winston stood back from the camera and frowned. That expression reminded Josh of when they'd first met. He'd organised a pre-show of his latest women's wear collection and Winston had been hired to make a fly-on-the-wall documentary for some of the fashion buyers. It was in the days before everyone simply watched from their phones, no matter where they were in the world.

Winston had asked Josh if he minded being filmed. When Josh accepted, Winston had said it was a good thing as he was too handsome to say no.

The rest became history.

"Okay, rolling," Winston said. "First question. Tell the people what happened today?"

Josh smiled. "You were given the all-clear."

Almost a year ago to the day, Winston had been diagnosed with testicular cancer. Words that had brought both their lives crashing down.

"That's right. How do you think I've been coping with things?"

"Amazingly. You've been so brave," Josh replied. "Mind you, we're lucky that we were both able to stop working to focus totally on getting you well again."

Winston sighed. "This film isn't about you, Josh."

"Sorry."

"Are you happy that I don't have to have chemo?"

Josh nodded. "I'm so relieved but either way we would have faced it together."

Winston flicked a switch on the camera and glared at Josh. "Would it kill you to talk about me for one second? Fucking hell."

"I'm sorry. You did ask. What am I supposed to say? Maybe you should give me a script then I won't upset you."

Winston had a face like thunder. "Forget it. If you can't say something authentic about me, what is the point?"

He seized the tripod and collapsed it.

"No, wait," Josh said. "We'll shoot it again. Give me a chance. I know what to say now."

"I said forget it."

Winston unscrewed the camera and banged it down on the kitchen cabinet, making Josh jump.

"As usual, it's too bloody much to ask you to do anything."

Josh took a step toward him but Winston stomped over to the door.

"Where are you going?" Josh asked.

"Aren't we going to your friend's house to discuss my news? I'm sure she'll go on and on about my supportive husband too. She thinks the sun shines out of your arse after all."

"She's my friend. We like each other. That's how it works."

Winston didn't bother with friends. He had many acquaintances. No real friends. Josh had found that strange from the offset. He would be lost without his.

"Come on," Winston said as he snatched his coat from its hook. "Don't keep the diva waiting. You know how she gets."

He had a point. Madeline hated it when people didn't arrive on time. Even so, surely, she would forgive a little faux pas on a day like today. Josh also didn't want to go round to her place with an atmosphere. Madeline would home in on like a hawk. He'd never been able to keep a secret from her.

Josh hurried across the room and put his hand on Winston's muscular shoulder. Thanks to all those obsessive trips to the gym. Winston had a huge issue with the fact he was nine years older than Josh. He countered this by keeping in tip-top shape. Not that Josh had seen much of Winston's body in recent months.

"This is a good day, Winston," he said softly. "Let's not argue."

Winston pulled away. The temperature in the kitchen appeared to have dropped.

"This film is important to me," he snapped. "I need to get it finished. What's the point in releasing something about my cancer journey if it's old news? You know how long it takes me to edit as well."

Josh didn't have a clue how this had become his fault. Over the years, he'd grown used to Winston's rages. They'd been a fixture of their marriage long before the dreaded diagnosis. Although in the last twelve months they'd taken on epic proportions. Josh found if he ignored them, things would usually right themselves quicker than if he tried to fight his corner.

With that in mind, he dutifully followed Winston down the hallway and out onto Queens Crescent. The row of grand Georgian townhouses never failed to give him a kick. He had worked so hard to take his place on this street all those years ago.

They walked up to Madeline's in silence. Josh hoped Winston would have time to work out his annoyance before they got there.

It's intense to hear the words we've been hoping for. He needs space to process it all.

As an A-list movie star, Madeline was seldom at home. Josh had been good friends with her ever since he'd arrived on Queens Crescent. She'd proven herself a true friend on more than one occasion.

Winston didn't know some other neighbours were waiting too. Madeline had insisted on a full dinner party to celebrate their happy news. Her social media influencer son, Mercury, would be there to capture it. Winston could use it in his film.

Josh grinned to himself. He'd thought of everything. This would be perfect to show Winston how many people were behind him.

"One drink and home," Winston said as he stomped up the steps leading to Madeline's front door.

"One drink," Josh repeated, trying to keep the smile from his face.

The door swung open and there she stood. Resplendent in an ink-blue maxi dress, her raven hair falling loosely around her face, Madeline Morrison looked incredible. Then she always did.

"Darlings!"

Winston allowed himself to be hugged and ushered inside. Josh followed and beamed at Madeline.

" Thank you, " he mouthed.

She winked.

"Go on through, Winston. Mercury's here."

Winston walked into the dining room. A chorus of celebration rang out. Josh saw him go rigid. He dashed to his side and instantly placed a comforting hand in the small of Winston's back.

"What on earth is going on here?" Winston spluttered.

"Darling," Madeline shouted, squeezing in next to him and taking his hand. "Josh told me your wonderful news and I thought you would like to celebrate with your friends. And guess what? Mercury has captured it all for your little film."

Mercury held up his phone.

Winston wrenched his hand free and glared at Josh.

"You didn't think I would want to know about this…ambush?"

Terror flooded Josh's system.

Shit.

"Winston. I… What's the matter?"

"We need to discuss this at home."

Winston turned on his heel and stormed out of the house, leaving all eyes on Josh.

"Guess we got that one wrong," Josh said. "I'm sorry. I'd better go."

He left the shocked faces of his friends behind and followed in Winston's tracks.

"Josh."

As he got to the door, he found Madeline hot on his heels.

"I can't wait," he said. "I need to sort this out."

She held on to his arm. "I'm here if you need me."

Josh nodded. He ran across the cobbles after Winston.

When he got inside the house, it was eerily quiet. Not a good sign. That meant Winston had wound himself up to be too angry for a dramatic outburst. The crockery would appreciate it.

"Winston," he called. "Where are you?"

Predictably, the words were met by silence.

"Fuck, he's not going to make this easy," Josh said to himself.

His first stop was the drawing room. It had been the scene of most of their quarrels over the years. Josh supposed Winston liked the floor space to pace angrily up and down in.

Sure enough, Winston sat in the window seat overlooking the gardens which the big white houses of Queens Crescent presided over. The trees were already showing an orange tinge as autumn began to claim the carefree summer days.

"What was that all about?" Josh asked.

He chanced walking closer and stopped in his tracks when Winston faced him. Anyone who knew them would describe the marriage as volatile. That day, the expression of venom took Josh's breath away.

"It always has to be about you, doesn't it?" Winston sneered.

Josh couldn't believe his ears. He took a second to swallow down his anxiety. An argument was not the right course of action right now. Even so, Winston wasn't making any sense.

"What are you talking about?" Josh stammered. "How can a surprise dinner party to celebrate your health be about me?"

Winston settled in his seat and looked Josh up and down.

"Your fabulous friends doing the right thing by you," Winston said. "Great for Mercury's socials too."

"He did it to give you the footage. I asked him if he would help. It will be a great addition to the film."

Winston slammed his hand down on the seat, making Josh jump.

"This film is mine," he said. "For fuck's sake, Josh. I suppose you'll be editing it and promoting it as well? Mr fucking Wonderful."

Adrenalin coursed through Josh's veins.

"Okay, fine," he said. "I'm sorry. I misjudged things. I only wanted to make you happy. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"Why don't you go back to your fan club?" Winston interjected. "I'm going to edit all night anyway. I need some space."

This project was driving Josh crazy. He understood that it had been a lifeline for Winston. Yet, deep down, he yearned to be that instead of a stupid documentary.

"What are you going to do when this film is released?" he blurted out. "You're obsessed and it will be a hell of a comedown."

"I'll make another. That's what I do, if you remember. Or do you think we should sit on our arses all day? You've thrown your career away and now I'm expected to?"

"I stopped working to support you."

"Oh here we go. Another instalment in how great you are," Winston fired back. "I should have just filmed you. I can call it Josh Winterton, Hero ."

Winston got up to leave the room.

"This is the best we can do, is it?" Josh said. "The day comes that we prayed for and we're going to spend it arguing and apart. What the fuck is going on with us?"

Winston stopped. They were facing each other. The room had never felt so big.

"I don't know what to say to you," Winston replied. "I…I think I'm done."

Each syllable hit Josh like a bullet. If he searched deeply, it wasn't a shock. Even so, hearing them finally uttered hit him like a sledgehammer.

He opened his mouth but words refused to form.

"I'm sorry, let me rephrase that. I know I'm done," Winston continued. "We haven't been operating as a couple for ages. You have to admit that."

Tears pricked at Josh's eyes as he nodded miserably.

"I thought it would get better once we were through all this shit," he said. "Can't we try?"

Winston shook his head. "I've been thinking about it for a while now. I don't love you anymore."

"Did you ever?" Josh asked.

Winston shrugged. "Who knows? I'll go to Nice for the autumn. Get this film finished. Perhaps don't contact me."

"Are you sure?" Josh managed.

Winston stared into his eyes. Josh searched frantically for that glint that used to shine, even when they were quarrelling. He couldn't see it anywhere.

"Yeah. I'm sure."

"Then there's no more to say, is there?"

Winston shook his head and walked out of the room. He closed the door softly behind him. Josh would have preferred a slam than that defeat.

He sank down on the sofa, trembling.

Was it really over?

"I'm back to square one," he said to the empty room.