Chapter 1

Chapter One

KARMEN

What if I am supposed to be here ?

My gaze sweeps across the common room that's filled with the other patients at Bellevue Asylum. My single room was too much to handle all alone, so I ventured in here and plopped down on the couch. Maybe I should have asked for a roommate. The silence can be maddening when I'm all alone.

If there wasn't something wrong with me, then surely they would have let me go.

There's a man sitting on the window sill with his face pressed against the glass. Every now and then, he licks it. There's a girl at a table putting a puzzle together, and I can see her mouth moving. It sounds like she's counting the pieces.

Bored out of my mind, I roll off the couch, but before I hit the ground, I spring to my feet and twirl on one foot. When I look around, no one has seen my acrobatic stunt or is paying me a bit of attention.

I attended an all-girls school and ultimately never made friends. I was always the strange girl who talked to herself. I'm awful at making friends, but I guess I could try and shoot my shot while I'm here. It would be better than being totally unseen.

When I walk over to the puzzle girl, she's stopped counting but seems frustrated. "No, we need to tackle the corners first. Why do you always do this?" she whispers loudly. It defeats the whole point of whispering, if you ask me, but I decide to say hello anyway.

"Hi," I chirp when I'm on the opposite side of the table.

"Hey," she says without looking up at me.

"You need some help?" I start to pull the chair out so I can sit down.

"No!" she screeches and then jumps up from her chair. "Miranda is sitting there." She points to the empty chair I'm touching.

"Oh, sorry," I apologize and grab the other empty chair. "I can take this one."

"Are you blind? That's where Georgia is sitting," she hisses.

I take my hand off the chair before she loses her mind—or more of it. This time I try to keep my voice calm as I make conversation. "Are Miranda and Georgia with us right now?"

"Of course they are, you stupid girl. Leave us alone," she huffs before sitting back down in her chair and focusing on the puzzle.

Great. Now people choose their imaginary friends over me. I didn't think I'd be subjected to more bullying at an asylum, yet here I am.

"Nora doesn't like new people," Window Licker tells me.

"Yeah. I got that impression," I say and leave Window Licker to whatever it is he's doing.

The guy I dubbed Mr. Scary is sitting by himself in the corner of the room with a book in his lap. He's giving off don't fucking look at or talk to me vibes, so of course I plop down next to him.

I wait a beat, but he doesn't bother to look up from his book. He's used to everyone staying away from him.

"How long have you been here?" I ask, but he doesn't respond. "I'm stuck until I can get a doctor to clear me."

There's a fat chance of that happening. I'm staying as far away as possible from Dr. Crane. He gives me the heebie-jeebies. I've been admitted to Bellevue because I stabbed a man with a pencil. I really don't need to do it a second time. Everyone acted like it was the end of the world when I did it. If they only knew I missed when I stabbed him in the leg. That wasn't where I'd been aiming.

The other doctor I could see is Dr. Rourk, but he won't even look at me. Those are the only two I know of so far, but I haven't been here long.

"Do you know what doctor is on call tonight?"

"I'm fucking busy," he mutters, and it's then I notice he keeps looking out the window and checking the parking lot. Is he watching for something? Or maybe someone.

"Whatcha looking at?" He snaps his book shut, and I notice a few people jump. The older security guy focuses his attention on us. "Is that you being scary?" I lean forward and click my tongue. "Cause you're not." I strum my nails on his chair's wooden arm, and his jaw clenches in irritation. I don't know why I'm poking this bear.

Oh yeah, because I'm bored.

"I need you to do something for me." He says this while still staring out the window.

"You're not my type." I click my tongue again.

"What?" He finally spares me a glance, and his eyes are solid black. I'm pretty sure he would enjoy killing me with his bare hands. No thanks. "I need you to make a scene."

I blow a raspberry while thinking about it. It's not like I'm doing anything else. The only problem is, I don't know what kind of trouble I might get into.

"Dr. Rourk is on call tonight. There, I answered your question. Now go over there and make a scene."

"You're bossy." I hop up from my seat now that he's said the magic words. Dr. Rourk. I haven't seen him since I arrived, and it feels like eternity. "Any request?"

I perform a pirouette, utilizing the ballet lessons my mother insisted on. I used to love to dance until my mother tried to make it my entire life.

"Whatever it is, do it the fuck over there." He waves his fingers and motions for me to move away from him.

I take a deep breath as the head orderly watches me, and then I start to sing. Loudly. I'm singing at the top of my lungs, and Window Licker covers his ears with his hands. Nora screams, and part of me wonders if I'm that terrible of a singer. I shrug it off and keep going then do a cartwheel. When I do another, I accidentally kick the head orderly, who is now holding restraints in his hands.

Kinky.

We both tumble to the floor, and the restraints go flying. I scramble to get them, but he beats me to it, and then one of the nurses comes out to help. While he's securing me, I don't put up much of a fight. I'll save that for Dr. Rourk.

Although I don't struggle while they strap me down, I continue to sing at the top of my lungs. If they're going to keep me here, then I might as well play the part.

My mother always says that I should live up to my full potential.