Chapter Nine

Finley

T he room differed from the ones Finley had seen before. It had a bigger TV, and the walls were covered in a dark crimson wallpaper, not painted. By the time they made their way into the tiled bathroom with a clawfoot tub in the middle, Finley was fully aware of his surroundings.

As if he'd woken up from a dream.

"I recommend taking a bath, but you can lie on the bed if you prefer." Kage's kind voice paired with his soothing touch on Finley's back put a smile on his face.

"A bath sounds nice." Finley climbed in and turned on the taps.

Kage washed his hands and handed Finley a set of soaps and salts. "Do you want me to wait in the room?"

"Stay." Finley lowered himself into the water. Would Kage join him if he asked?

"Okay." Kage smoothed Finley's hair back in a gesture that struck Finley as nearly intimate. "I'll take a shower over there in the meantime."

That was a no to sharing a tub.

Finley listened to the sounds of Kage undressing, and the running of water, then turned to the side towards the shower stall in the corner. It was huge, as if designed for more than one person at a time. Finley thought of the article on Kage's website about watersports. Yup, that would work.

The outline of Kage's body was visible through the steam and glass, all perfect lines, long legs, and lean muscle. He was humming a melody that Finley vaguely recognised, his deep voice filling the bathroom. Soapy water streamed down his half-hard cock but Kage didn't stroke it.

How would it feel in my mouth?

Fuck, he was so inexperienced for a man his age when it came to other men. Hopefully, the scene had not been a huge mistake.

Finley dunked his head under the surface and when he emerged, Kage was sitting on a chair next to him, a towel wrapped around his waist. His black hair swiped back in an unruly fashion looked so different to the perfectly-styled do Kage always wore.

"How are your shoulders?"

"A bit sore. Like a few other places." His chuckle was weak. He was mentally and physically tired, but far from sleepy. Kage's smile in return perked him up. "But feeling so good. I loved all of it, especially—" He shook his head and reached for the soap.

"Tell me." Kage took a sponge from a nearby drawer and dipped it in the tub, next to Finley's knee.

"You'll laugh at my vanilla ass."

"Not so vanilla anymore, but I won't."

Finley raked his gaze over Kage's torso, the ever-present necklace, and up his long neck to his lips. "The kiss. It was a cherry on top." Did it mean anything to you? Did you feel the fire between us?

"You marked kissing as a turn-on in your form," Kage said matter-of-factly.

Why did this answer feel like a slap? "Right. I did."

Kage squeezed the sponge over Finley's shoulders, letting the warm water slide down.

Finley had placed his body in the hands of a near stranger who accepted the gift and cradled it like it was precious, but only in the boundaries of the scene.

"Was it what you expected?"

Finley took a moment to ponder the question. "Yes and no. It was intense. I suppose witnessing a scene is very different to taking part in one. I've always thought BDSM was about pain, domination, and Doms barking orders. It never occurred to me that there was such a huge mental aspect to it all."

Kage chuckled. "It's different for everyone and the meaning can change depending on the individual. There can be as many kinks as there are people. You—" Kage dragged the sponge down Finley's shoulder. "You like watching."

"Yeah." Finley leaned forward, exposing more of his back. "And you like when people look at you and admire your work."

"The best job in the world. I wasn't sure if you'd sign up. You didn't just watch me with your eyes. You watched me with your entire being. I loved that. But you give off an inexperienced vibe."

He loved me watching him.

"I said so in the form. Is that why you went easy on me?" Finley leaned back in the tub, the warm water sloshing over his chest. It had been the most intense experience of his life, but from what he'd seen on the stage so far, his scene had been the most vanilla of them all. "You could have fucked me." The thought sent heat through Finley, even though he was completely spent.

"I did what I thought fit you at the moment."

"My first time." Finley took the sponge and dragged it over his chest, washing away the oil Kage had used to finger and jerk him off with.

"Your first session."

Finley cleared his throat. "Yes." It had been a first for so many things for him, though.

"What are you running from, Finley?" Kage danced his long fingers over Finley's shoulder, above the date tattoos. "You don't have to tell me. But you mentioned new beginnings, and you haven't done anything like our session before. I just want to know you're alright."

Finley patted Kage's hand, and the man kneaded the spot gently, then leaned back on his chair.

"I needed something that would take over my life." Finley took a deep breath then released it slowly as loss and sadness swam to the surface. "I've cried myself to sleep long enough to know passivity doesn't fix anything. But whatever I do won't fix my past or my mistakes. Won't bring back the people I lost. Throwing myself in head first and booking a scene with you was the most selfish and out-there thing that was available to me."

"Parachuting is not for you, then?" Kage was clearly joking, but Finley's mood was not quite there yet. Kage wiped his hands on the towel at his waist and it parted, revealing his thigh. "Doing something for yourself is not selfish. Neither is being vulnerable during a public scene. That was very brave. Did it help?"

Finley wanted to lie and tell Kage that he was a magical balm. "I don't know," he said. The session had added one more thing Finley would miss in his life.

"Do you regret it?"

"No." Finley met Kage's gaze. "Definitely not. But I got a taste, and what am I supposed to do now?"

"Come on." Kage stood up and offered Finley a huge white towel. In the process, his own slipped to the floor, revealing his cock, as well as a thick, ragged scar from his hip all the way to his ankle.

Fucking hell. Whatever happened to him was serious. What was the story behind it? Did it still hurt?

Finley wrapped the fluffy towel over his shoulders but his gaze bounced back to Kage's dick and the piercing on the underside of the cockhead with two steel balls at each end. The urge to drop to his knees to taste them filled Finley.

"That's so fucking hot," Finley whispered before he realised he said it out loud.

Kage's chuckle caused Finley's cheeks to pinken.

"You say the loveliest things."

"Sorry, it just flew out of my mouth."

"Oh no, I don't mind."

In the bedroom, Kage swapped Finley's towel for the fluffiest crimson blanket. Wrapping it around himself, Finley climbed on the thick duvet and rested his back against the headboard. Kage took a pair of boxers out of a drawer and headed for the armchair, but Finley patted the spot next to him.

Kage sat at the foot of the bed, his cock now hidden under the thin black fabric. Shame. He had been hard the entire scene, but he'd showered so fast that he definitely couldn't have wanked.

"Can I—?" Finley looked up then back to Kage's crotch. "Suck you off?"

"I appreciate the offer, but I'll take care of it myself." Kage manoeuvred Finley's feet to rest on his lap. "This evening is about you."

Disappointment hit Finley. Sure, he'd paid for the session to be what he needed, but sucking Kage's soft cock until it grew and filled his mouth with come could lift his mood. Why am I so sad?

"I can order something to eat. Anything you fancy?" Kage asked, and fished out a phone from a bag on the floor.

Normally after sex, Finley would either nap or demolish a burger, but a queasy feeling settled in his stomach. "I'm not sure what I want right now." A shiver ran through him, even though he wasn't cold.

Kage gave an understanding grunt as his thumbs flew over the keyboard. "We'll snack, then." Kage set the phone aside and traced the barrels of Whiskey in black ink on Finley's calf, raising gooseflesh in his wake. "Rumour has it you used to run a distillery. Your tattoos are your life story, aren't they?"

"I guess you could say that. Who did you ask about me?" He perked up, intrigued.

"People talk at the club." Kage shrugged. "Well, Mat was closed-lipped, but I had to know if I could trust you to guard the scene and focus on what I was doing. He swore by you and then you proved yourself that day." He tossed Finley a bottle of water and Finley took a healthy gulp. "The first night I saw you behind the bar, I wanted to see your tattoos up close."

"Ah, so that's why you accepted my application." Finley wiggled his toes playfully and drank more water. Damn, he was parched.

"Obviously. It was the only reason." Kage smirked, digging his thumb into Finley's foot.

"You ass. Ouch. Is this supposed to be a foot massage?"

Kage lifted his brows in a hilariously mock-offended expression. "You weren't bratty on the stage and now you start? What do you have against me fondling your feet?"

"Nothing." Finley bit his lip not to grin. "Except you're not very good at it."

"And you're an expert?"

"No. But I know this and that. I worked as a physical therapist for footballers in my early twenties. That's why I offered to look at your scar. If I knew what kind of injury it was, I could massage it."

"No, thanks."

"Come on."

"Fuck, you're stubborn. I prefer you tied up. Now, a gag would work better."

Finley swallowed hard. Did I offend him?

But then Kage smiled softly as he stood up. He tucked the blanket around Finley and sighed, his expression falling. His feet were silent on the thick carpet as he paced the room.

"It was a car accident. I survived with a broken hip, several breaks throughout my leg, and muscle damage. They told me I'd never walk again. But after dozens of surgeries and years of rehab, here I am." He opened his arms in a ta-dah gesture right as a knock sounded.

"Thank you," Kage said to whoever was at the door he'd opened, then wheeled in a tray with bottles of juice, a jug of water, an array of fruits and sweets.

"Now you know my story. What's yours?" Kage nudged a bowl of cashews at him and added a few pieces of dark chocolate.

"What do you mean?"

"What did you escape? A man in his late thirties doesn't uproot his life and start in a new place not connected with his profession for no reason."

Finley huffed. "Just because you tied me up doesn't mean you know me." Finley's anger simmered to the surface despite his best intentions. It was not a subject he talked about casually and mockery made his blood boil. He wasn't trying to forget his life, rather the opposite. But his memories were personal.

I should leave.

A warm hand on his ankle grounded him like a weight on a helium balloon.

"I don't. That's why I'm asking." Kage's tone remained calm, collected. The fucker was hard to read. "Your submission was beautiful. Nearly flawless for a first time, but you didn't let go fully. Do you plan to book another session with me?"

"Yes." Finley hadn't thought of it yet, but the answer flew out of him so fast it was clear he'd already made up his mind.

"Then I want to get to know you, Finley. It would help me understand what you need."

After that confession, Finley didn't feel like leaving anymore. Kage's fingers, like ribbons of warm comfort, rested on the side of Finley's foot in a gentle touch, his thumb tracing lazy circles over his ankle.

His story wasn't a secret, but it was difficult to share with someone who wouldn't understand. He'd spoken to Jagoda during and after the interview, because she was grieving too. She understood.

Keeping his old life closed off from his present had led him here, and as much as it hurt to talk about it, staying quiet was painful as well.

With a grunt, he stuffed a piece of dark chocolate and a handful of cashews into his mouth and chewed, giving himself time to collect.

"She didn't want to get married at first," he said, looking into the bowl of snacks.

"You have my interest." Kage peeled a banana and split the inside into two, handing one half to Finley.

"Good. Because now you'll have to listen." Finley put Kage's hand back on his ankle and poured fresh water into a glass on the tray. "We were kids, both only eighteen. It was a fling. A whirlwind of passion until she told me she was pregnant. Something shifted in me then. I was at a place in my life when it all made sense. I was training to do sports massage and physio for local teams and applied for a job at a clinic. I told Maggie we could get married, be a family. She refused. But when she was showing, her mom convinced her to accept my proposal. It was a small ceremony, but I was so happy." Remembering the moment filled him with that same sliver of light he'd felt back then. "I had been bouncing from one foster home to another since I was born, and now I was about to have a family. I couldn't believe life was finally turning for the better."

"You're a foster kid?" The soft look on Kage's face suggested it meant something to him.

"Yeah. What's wrong with that?" Finley was used to judgement from people but he reined in his defensive reaction.

"Nothing. It must have been hard. I was lucky in that regard. I was found as an infant on the steps of some church, and my parents adopted me right away." A fond smile played on his lips. "They gave me a comfortable life."

Finley had so many questions, but he was on a roll and had to continue. He'd much rather Kage offer his story than try to pry it out of him.

"That's amazing. I wanted a family of my own, so my dreams came true then. When Alice was born, I landed the job at the clinic, but it was only a few hours a week, and the sports gig didn't pay much. I'd go for walks with baby Ali and apply for jobs, but I couldn't get anything that paid better." The happy memories mixed with the pain of the constant struggle. "Maggie was not doing well. Her hormones made it hard to take care of the newborn and we couldn't afford everything she needed to be comfortable. Then Ali got sick and—" Finley sighed, took a sip of water and looked into the glass. Kage sat patiently, his soothing touch willing Finley to continue. The ache in his chest equalled the amount of relief he felt in telling someone the story. "I borrowed some money for Ali's treatment, but then I couldn't repay it. So when I got a job offer I couldn't refuse, I took it."

"Sounds like you had a close encounter with Ronan Murphy's guys." Kage handed Finley bits of dark chocolate to eat as if he needed sustenance to continue. Maybe he did. "And the Liverpool Mafia can be a blessing and a curse at once."

"How did you know?" Finley shoved the chocolate into his mouth.

"An educated guess based on facts about the area and your story. It's not a secret that Handcuffs is a mafia family-owned business. Szef Kwiatkowski doesn't come here a lot, but his wife runs the place. Besides, I've been working here for years and I went to school with the owner's nephew. So I heard things here and there."

"So that's how you know Mat. I mean, Mateusz." Facts clicked into place. Lucy was right, people working at the club were connected in one way or another.

"Yeah. We went to the same schools in London. I told you I got lucky in terms of adoptive parents. Unfortunately, I couldn't come to his wedding, but I heard it was beautiful, and that you officiated it." He patted Finley's ankle. "Despite bad rep, both Mafia families are known to help people." He grimaced. "In their own way. Especially when you're in serious trouble. They can smell desperation like wolves with their prey, I swear."

Finley scoffed. "My whole life went to hell in a handbasket. Even with all the money, it was too late." Finley tightened the blanket around himself, wringing the soft corner in his hands. "Ali died in her sleep. I tried resuscitating her, but it didn't do anything. Maggie blamed me. She said I was into medical crap so I should know how to help. Maybe if I… I got my hands on some cash quicker. Or—" Finley's throat closed as he held his tears from spilling over. He sniffed and sipped more water. It happened eighteen years ago, yet it still hurt so fucking much. "She didn't want to see me after and blamed me for it. And she was right."

"It wasn't your fault." Kage covered Finley's legs with another blanket and snuck his own legs underneath it as well.

"You weren't there. It was my fault, all of it." His voice trembled, and he forced himself to calm down. "Sorry, it's hard to talk about it." Truthfully, he'd never told the story to anyone after he cut ties with Maggie and their mutual friends.

Kage repositioned himself. Shit, did I make him uncomfortable?

"Of course. I'm sorry for your loss. And your split as well." He looked ahead at nothing in particular, as if he was lost in his own memories. "Did you love Maggie?"

"In a way… I don't know. I loved the idea of her and a baby." Finley raked a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm a mess." He moved to get up, not wanting Kage to see him completely broken. With a hand on Finley's arm, Kage pulled him into a hug and Finley collapsed into the fierce embrace, releasing his sorrow in silent gasps into Kage's neck.

Finally, he pulled away, his eyes still dry, his throat hurting from holding the tears in. He had to get the story out now. Maybe then he could solidify that dumping his life and moving to London had been a good idea. "She demanded a divorce and for me to move out. It was a tough time for both of us, so I understood her actions. Six months later, she sent a text that she was in labour. She put my name as the dad, but didn't want hers to be on the birth certificate." Finley scoffed and smiled through unshed tears. "So, I lost everything, then had a child again. I had a purpose and a new priority. My son, Max. That's when Don Murphy offered me a job on an island in the middle of buttfuck nowhere. I took my boy and worked my way up at the distillery there until I bought the land around it and built a house. We had such a good life, a quiet one. Far from the dangers of a big city. But Max grew up, and he was suffocating with no access to big parties and clubs. I took him to the mainland from time to time, but it wasn't enough. He was seventeen, and he wanted to see the world and help me with the business. Who would blame him? I finally allowed him to supervise the delivery of whiskey barrels to Northern Ireland." Finley recalled the time they packed and hugged goodbye, his boy's red hair, the same shade as his own but slicked back, all professional. "He was so happy and I was so proud. That was the last time I saw him alive." His voice broke. "He didn't look like himself before the cremation, but I had to make sure it was him." A sob wracked Finley's body, but he swallowed it. "I feel like the worst has already happened to me, but I have so many good memories. Beautiful but painful ones, because the people in them, my children, are never coming back." He shook his head. "That's why I couldn't stay on the island. I tried, but after Max's funeral, I saw him everywhere."

"I know what you mean," Kage said. "Like the places and the things had a little bit of him in them and reminded you of the loss."

"Exactly." Finley nodded and saw the faraway look in Kage's eyes. "Who did you lose?"

Kage shook his head.

Fine. He can keep his secrets.

"After I witnessed Mat uproot his life and move to Barbados, I figured I should take drastic measures too." Taking Max's surfboard and running into the ocean with no surfing skills had been his first thought, but he couldn't go without knowing if Max's killers were caught. "So I talked to Don Murphy, and he was understanding about it. Mat put in a good word with Jagoda and she sympathised with my loss, which in the end landed me a job here. I kept thinking, ‘What's the most outlandish thing that I've never had the courage to do?' Then I saw your session and like a chasm opened in me. So I signed up."

"Wait a second." Kage sat up. "Fucking hell, Finley. You said on the form that you've been with men before."

Finley shrugged. "Yeah, I got a few blowjobs in a bathroom stall here and there."

"Are you telling me you've never bottomed before today?" Kage bristled, glaring at Finley.

"No. But I did buy a plug before the session to try."

Kage huffed. "What if I fucked you today? Not with a tiny plug, but a dildo or my cock?"

"I was ready for that." Finley thrust his chin up.

"Were you really?"

"Don't treat me like a child." Finley jumped off the bed and loomed over Kage.

Despite looking up to meet Finley's gaze, Kage didn't budge. "I'm not. I'm treating you like an adult who should respect his limits."

The most delicate touch on Finley's thigh threw him off and he sighed, his shoulders sagging. "I think they're extended after today, not the other way round. I needed guidance to this—" he waved a hand at himself, "sexual awakening or whatever it is I'm going through. Midlife crisis?" He released a dry chuckle. "I like what I witness at the club. Some kinks more than others, and I want to see what's me . I have nothing to lose." I have nothing else to live for but the next day and what it brings.

"I get that. I would hate for you to get hurt." Kage guided Finley back to bed. "I could suggest what I think would be best for you to experiment with, if you like."

Heat filled Finley's abdomen at the thought of Kage picking sex toys for him. "Yeah, that would be great."

"Mistress Renata owns the shop next door to the club and has a fantastic selection. I'll have her prepare a package for you to pick up before work next week." Kage fished his phone out of his bag. "If you give me your number, I'll text you the details."

Finley rattled off the digits and typed Kage's info into his contacts.

"I'd offer to watch a movie, but we'd better get some sleep," Kage said. "Can you stay the night?"

Finley's heart beat faster. "Only if you stay with me."

"You negotiate well." Kage's lips quirked into a smile. "Scoot over."

They lay next to each other, Finley propped on his elbow to look at Kage.

"Sealed with a kiss," he said, grinning. "That's the song you were humming in the shower. I remember the video with a guy sitting by a bonfire. It was on the telly when I was little."

Kage smiled then pursed his lips. "You're thinking of the Jason Donovan version from 1989. I was humming the 1962 one by Brian Hyland."

"Oh. Are they a lot different?"

"Uh, no. Not really. In style, but not melody. As was the original 1960s one by the Four Voices, but it never became popular."

"Ah, I get it. You're a music snob, Master Kage," Finley said in an exaggerated posh accent. Quite similar to Kage's actually.

"I'm absolutely not. I just like sixties music."

"Mmmhmm." Finley bit his lip to hold onto his grin.

"Alright, Mr smart-ass, what's your music?"

"From the oldies, definitely the 70s."

"Rolling Stones or more Boney M.?"

Finley traced a finger over Kage's forearm. "The Clash, UK Subs, Sham 69, those kinds."

Kage gasped theatrically. "You punk!" He shoved Finley playfully.

"I prefer when you call me your Toy."

Kage's eyes grew dark and his Adam's apple bobbed. This time he pushed Finley harder until he rolled onto his back.

"Me too," he said and turned the lamp off, bathing the room in darkness.

Tentatively, Finley reached for Kage's hand and put it on his hip. The man didn't protest, and soon they ended up snuggled together. Was Kage like that with his other subs? Would it be na?ve to feel special? Yeah, it would. Finley released a sigh as he drifted off to sleep.

It had been a night of firsts, and now playing the little spoon to a man was another one.