Chapter Eighteen

Finley

K age's one-bedroom flat gave off the feel of being bigger than it was. The dark wood floor, fluffy carpet under the sofa, and maroon wallpaper added to the royal cottage vibe. Next to a record player, a stack of vinyls was threatening to tip over, but that was the only visible clutter. The shelves with more albums and picture frames created a homely atmosphere that took Finley aback.

"Not what you expected?" Kage hung his leather jacket on a hanger by the door and ushered them inside.

"Not really. I mean, I didn't give it much thought, but I guess you don't need a dungeon at home when you have it at work."

Kage chuckled. "No. And I don't have guests often, anyway."

A recluse.

Like me.

"Can I put some music on?" Finley asked.

"Sure, pick anything you want." Kage waved to the shelves packed with records.

Finley rubbed his hands. "You're playing a dangerous game there, Mister."

Kage chuckled and turned the amplifier on. "I'll risk it."

After a quick browse, Finley found a record of White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane. He slid the vinyl out, delicately placed it on the platter, and put the needle on.

The psychedelic music filled the air from speakers hung around the room. When he was putting the cover back on a top shelf, he felt Kage's fingers caress his side where his t-shirt rode up. A shiver ran through Finley and he caught Kage's hand, bringing it to his lips. He nuzzled the inside of his palm, kissing it again.

Fuck, he was ready to bend over for him after just a look and a delicate touch. He was so far gone for this man it was scary.

Attempting to keep his composure a fraction longer, Finley traced his fingers over book spines. Some were philosophy, business, the kink ones he'd seen at the bookstore, and others he'd never heard of. The fiction books ranged from Tom Clancy to titles that sounded like romance. He pulled out a few to make sure he was right. Yup. Gay romance. Damn.

"I think you'd like these." Kage tapped over the volumes by Colin Dereham and Nick Christie. "The spice is top-notch."

Well, damn. Maybe it was time to reconsider his view on the romance genre. "Can I take them home?"

Kage's hands on Finley's hips were pure licks of fire. And tonight, he wanted to burn.

"How about you read one while I eat you out spread and tied to my bed?" Kage said into Finley's ear. "Then I can enjoy how you slowly lose focus until all you can think of is my tongue in your ass."

"Fuck. You can make even reading a book dirty."

Kage barked out a laugh. "Clearly, we've been reading different books if you think they're not dirtier than what I said."

Finley placed his hands over Kage's. He cared too much to fuck with whatever tentative thing they had cultivated, but his head filled with more and more questions every second. "Are we patching our wounds with sex?" By now, they both knew they were broken in one way or another.

"Partially, maybe." Kage ran his thumb over Finley's bottom lip. "I've been doing that for six years."

"But this—" he kissed Kage's hand, "doesn't feel wrong." The pull between them was so intense, Finley fought against yanking Kage close, wrapping his smaller frame into a hug and keeping his face buried in Kage's neck for hours.

"Because it isn't." Kage said, leading them to sit on the couch. "Until recently, I was certain my work and lifestyle was enough. But you made me crave things I didn't know I'd ever want anymore."

"It hurt when you called me out on my bullshit, but now I want to take you up on the offer of a therapist. I was convinced I wouldn't need help like that." Need anything at all on this plane of existence. "But a lot has changed lately. I did some research and finding anyone close to the scene seems near impossible. I just need more time to come to terms with it before I commit."

"It's a big first step." Kage intertwined their fingers. "And I may have something to celebrate it with." He kissed Finley's temple then disappeared into the kitchen. Returning with two bowls and spoons, he presented his offering.

"Mint chocolate chip ice-cream? You like it too?" Finley perked up, reaching for his bowl.

Kage grimaced. "It's an abomination, if you ask me." Holding onto the armrest, he lowered himself to the couch next to Finley. "I asked Lucy what was your fave and got it for myself last week after we fought." He shrugged, inspecting his spoon. With the sheepish expression on his face, he looked so young, and it made Finley understand why he was keeping such a harsh facade at all times. Hopefully, he wouldn't feel the need to do that when he was with him.

"I'll get rid of it for you now, so no worries there." Finley elbowed Kage playfully and dug into his ice-cream. "What's your favourite?"

Kage grinned, lifting his bowl up. "Vanilla."

Finley snorted so hard, ice-cream shot up his nose. Tears sprang to his eyes, but he coughed and swallowed what remained in his mouth. "You? Vanilla?"

Kage huffed in mock annoyance. "Well, they don't have cuffs and rope flavour, Finley."

His beautiful laughter wrapped over Finley like a warm blanket knitted of everything that was good in this world. They finished their ice-cream and drifted to each other. Finley luxuriated in the lazy way Kage traced the tattoos on his forearm, the touch making his hairs stand on end. His sigh was of utter contentment and one he hadn't released in years.

With his head on Kage's shoulder, he wrapped his arms around his slim waist and took in more details of the living room. The neat space was sparse in decoration, so the pot on the windowsill drew Finley's attention.

"Is that a real cactus?" he asked, eyeing the palm-sized plant.

"Yup. I can't take care of anyone for long. Not people, not flowers. But the cactus hasn't given up on me yet."

"Well, then, I have something in common with it. I'm not going anywhere, either." Finley nudged Kage's cheek with his nose. "Why does the pot say Hug Me?" The explosion of colours on it made it stand out even more on the white sill.

Kage chuckled. "Well, Latif got me the plant, but his daughters decorated it. The cactus represents me. Kids are perceptive like that."

"Ah. That also explains the glitter." Finley grinned, imagining the girls running around the pristine flat. "That's priceless."

"I was humming the Paw Patrol theme song for hours that time they visited. Now they're watching something else. I don't know the title but I do remember the opening song." He groaned, but his smile was far from annoyed.

"Did you ever want kids?" Finley asked. Kage already knew his stance on the matter.

"I don't know. I never got to that part of my life where I was supposed to think about it. Now I'm fine with being the cactus uncle." He looked towards the plant that brought a sliver of ridiculousness into the posh music lover vibe the place had going on.

Finley pulled Kage into his arms. "A prickly one that still wants hugs."

"Yes." Kage snuggled into Finley and the pure closeness squeezed Finley by the heart. Tears pricked in his eyes, proving how much he'd been touch starved. Given Kage's steady breathing and the tight grip he had on Finley, his prickly Dom needed the cuddle just as much.

Finley took in the myriad of picture frames on shelves that held Kage's memories from childhood, and trips to so many places in the world, Finley couldn't recognise some of them. He'd travelled with Max during every school break, but his work prevented him from leaving for long. Oh, how different their past had been, yet they'd ended up in this moment in time when they somehow matched. Or at least that was how Finley saw it.

"Who's that?" Finley pointed to a picture of a small Kage next to a girl with two pony tails and wearing a frilly pink dress.

"That's Mike. He transitioned at sixteen." Kage pulled away and got to his feet. "Tea?"

"Yes. Let me help." Finley stood up and followed Kage to the kitchen. "I'm sure Mike was happy to have you as support." He poked at the fancy porcelain jars of several types of tea, then plucked a bag of English Breakfast for himself.

"We always had each other in that special way siblings do. We fought but remained close. When he came out, my parents were initially scared but not surprised. They were fully on board to do whatever it took to help Mike become his true self." Kage put the kettle on and pulled out two mismatched mugs that were clearly bought in a gift shop. One was from Tuscany, the other from St Martin.

Kage must have seen Finley's stupefied expression at the random mug choice in a house where even tea sat in porcelain.

"Mum and Dad brought those from trips. Initially, I put them on display but Mum said they were made to be used. So, enjoy." He poured the water over the bags and waved a hand at the steam like a magician.

Finley kissed his cheek, unable to help himself at the utter adorableness wafting off Kage when he was relaxed. He took his mug and the tiny jug of milk Kage had poured for him. "Tell me about them. They sound like good people."

"When we were growing up, they were the type of parents you see on children's TV—always there and ready to answer questions," Kage said as they sat back on the couch. "They both worked, so we had a nanny when we were little and she was like a member of our family. I fell in love with sixties and seventies music and soul thanks to my mum. She played it while she was cooking and she and Dad danced to it in the living room." Kage's smile was fond and Finley had a hard time imagining what his life looked like, being so much different from Finley's childhood.

"They adopted Mike and me within months of each other. I was left at the steps of a church. Only my name, written in Japanese letters, suggested my ancestry. My parents brought me up in their culture, white and British, but they attempted to incorporate Japanese traditions for my benefit." He shrugged. "They tried their best, but I was never Japanese enough but also not white either. I didn't want Mum and Dad, the people who gave me a home, to think I didn't appreciate their efforts."

"It must have been hard growing up."

"Kids are mean to anyone whether they have a reason or not, but being visually different in a school full of rich, mostly white kids was a bit of a war zone. I couldn't hide. It took me years to accept that I didn't want to hide my heritage. I can explore it, and as an adult I can pick and choose what I want and build my own identity. I learned the language and know enough to communicate when I travel to Japan, but that's about it. It feels like a betrayal. My birth parents must have had a good reason to leave me, but I don't owe them anything."

Finley put his arm over the backrest and repositioned to face Kage. "Did you try finding them?"

"No. I wouldn't know where to start. But also, I don't want to. Have you looked for yours?"

"Yeah. But they left a toddler at a gas station so I didn't have any trace. And I was too young to remember what they even looked like. Then it was a bouncing game from one foster home to another until I was old enough to live by myself." Finley shrugged, wanting to change the subject he'd started himself.

"Come here." Kage reached out, and Finley let him reposition them both until Finley's head was on Kage's lap. "I love your freckles." Kage traced a finger over the bridge of Finley's nose. "They're like stars in the sky of your face—each one different and unique." His delicate touch and soft words threatened to break Finley into a million pieces and he wasn't ready to leave or burst into tears.

Finley had hated them when he was little. He thought they made him look girly and pretty. Then, he'd realised that was not a bad thing at all.

He cleared his throat, dislodging the lump there. "So does today count as our first date as a couple?" He danced his fingers up Kage's chest to the vee of his open shirt, tracing the delicate necklace there.

Kage pulled it out, dangling the padlock charm as the room filled with P.P. Arnold's The First Cut Is the Deepest .

"Now, in all seriousness, Finley. How do you think this is gonna work between us? Because I can't just wing it." He tightened his hand around the padlock and dropped it back behind his shirt.

"I'd be surprised at the extensive discussion of details but I'm talking to a Dom who deals with contracts on a daily basis."

Kage snorted in amusement. "I found a way to protect myself and even though it's not the same with you, I need to know what to expect. What you want out of this—" He swallowed. "—relationship."

"I would never ask you to abandon your job, if that's what you're worried about. Can I be your sub? Just yours?" Finley asked, not hiding the hope in his voice.

"What if I have a scene with a sub at the club? You can avoid them sometimes, but what if you're working that day and have to see it up close? Won't you be jealous?" Kage asked the questions with a calmness that told Finley he might already know the answer.

"I wouldn't."

Kage narrowed his eyes. "You're not possessive?"

"I am. I want you, your cock, your smile, and your," Finley placed a hand over Kage's chest, "commitment. But I know you and your approach to being a Dom. Besides, watching you dominate other people turns me on. And since you don't climax during the sessions, I could help with that."

An evil glint shone in Kage's eyes, his sultry expression telling Finley that he was about to be tested. "You want to be my cumbucket? My slut? You want to watch me come after someone else aroused me? My hands would be all over you after I touched another sub moments before." Kage's words were harsh on purpose.

"Yes, please," Finley said on a breathy exhale and shifted his hips. His cock stiffened at the imagery Kage presented. "I'll be the only one who'd make you come. You can draw a contract for me if you want."

"We'll see. BDSM has a set of rules. To me, as long as it follows SSC and RACK, I see the rest more as guidelines. Some people choose to live the lifestyle 24/7 or become slaves and masters, never dropping their roles." Kage buried his hand in Finley's hair. "But I'm greedy and I want everything. I need you as my sub, but also my lover and partner. I want you to be you. For me, revising hard and soft limits once in a while would suffice for play. How do you see it?"

Finley knew the answer to that one.

"Be mine and fuck me like I'm yours. Let me be a part of your life in and out of the club." He had to stop himself or he would word-vomit his feelings all over Kage. "Would you carve space for me in your life?"

"I already have." Kage sighed. "And you just told me that you'd be comfortable with me touching other people four times a week. You propose a relationship while everything else in my life stays the same. You understand how unreal that sounds to me, right? A smile spread on Kage's face, accompanied by Janis Joplin's version of Piece Of My Heart that started playing.

"A lot less weird than it does to me. But I honestly believe we could find a way for us to work."

"Good. Because I have to be out there. The scenes, the people, the spotlight. It's narcissistic but—"

"And I love watching you. I always liked watching other people, but seeing you woke up a deep need I didn't know was in me."

Kage cupped Finley's cheek. "My voyeur…"

"Then you're my exhibitionist."

"Hmm more of a showman." Kage's grin grew wicked. "I have an idea. Are you off tomorrow?"

"And the day after, yeah."

"Be at my room at the club at four. I'll text you the code for the door and instructions." Kage traced a thumb over Finley's bottom lip. "Be naked and ready. We'll test your theory."

"Yes, please." Finley nuzzled into Kage's hand. "I can't wait. I want all of you. Including the dirty, the tough, and the things that are important but hard to talk about." He touched the padlock on Kage's necklace. "That's from him, isn't it?"

"Yes. Rohan gave it to me after a year of dating. He was buried with the key around his neck." There was acceptance in Kage's voice more than sadness.

"I don't want to replace Rohan," Finley said. "And not only because he is perfect and will always be in your eyes. He can do no wrong anymore. I'd love to be your future, not patching a hole someone else left. I want you to know that you can tell me anything." Finley had a suspicion that Kage was still holding back one more important thing that stemmed from his accident. But he wouldn't pry. Not now.

Emotionally tired, he sought comfort.

He sucked Kage's thumb into his mouth and looked up at his lover, his Dom. Hopefully, Kage could see the pleading in his eyes. For what, he wasn't sure. But he trusted Kage to figure it out.

"I know. I need time." A rumble rose in Kage's chest. "But you need a lesson in patience."

Finley nodded.

Giving Finley a show, Kage undressed from the waist down. Wearing only his open shirt, he sat back and parted his knees.

With every inch of skin he uncovered, Finley grew more aroused. He feasted his eyes on the sight of Kage's thighs on display, his flaccid cock and his sac hanging close to his body.

"Sit on the floor." Kage directed Finley between his legs with a hand in his hair.

With rapt attention, Finley focused on Kage's dick and the beauty of it in rest. Then he buried his face in Kage's groin and inhaled. Fuck, he could sleep there with Kage's scent surrounding him, feeling nothing else but the warmth and musk of Kage's body. He nuzzled Kage's cock, which started hardening.

"Hold it in your mouth. You can suck but only gently."

Finley rested his head on Kage's inner thigh and did as told. Kage's dick was soft and small enough for him to play around with his tongue. His brain was still loud with their discussion and more things they should tell each other.

Kage stroked Finley's upper back where his shoulders were still tense. "There's something still bothering you."

Finley shook his head. He'd love to tell Kage about the deal he had with Don Murphy. That he was waiting for information about his son's killers and didn't know what he'd expect from Finley in return. He didn't think he could kill someone, but if he came face-to-face with the person who had murdered his son, and put in a position where he'd be protected by the Don, his moral compass may be flexible. But knowing when to keep his mouth shut was what had helped him stay alive and thrive for seventeen years. He wasn't about to risk that when waiting for the last thing that could give him closure over his son's death. Only months before, that long-awaited moment would have marked his end too. Now, however, he saw going through the club's doors and meeting Kage as taking a new lease on life. He should let himself enjoy it.

Finley let go of Kage's cock to speak. "No, I'm just relaxing."

Kage's fingers found Finley's hair, stroking gently, sending shivers down Finley's back. "Good Toy. There's one thing that I need you to promise me."

"What is it?" Anything.

"That you won't leave without telling me. You won't—"

"I'm not going anywhere, Kage. I promise." Not anymore. "I'll just sit here and wait for your come."

Kage released a long breath. "Thank you."

Finley sucked Kage's cock into his mouth and held it there. A new sense of relief washed over him and tension left his shoulders. Kage didn't expect him to perform an elaborate blowjob, talk, or do anything he could fail at. He was only supposed to sit and enjoy the feel of his cock in his mouth.

Soon his head lolled to rest on Kage's thigh, and his mind drifted off to All Along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix playing from the speakers. He hummed the familiar melody as Kage stroked his hair. Maybe it was an hour, maybe two. But the music stopped, and the flat had been quiet for a long time when Kage shuddered and flooded Finley's mouth with come.