Chapter 8

Amber

I step inside and freeze when I hear my sister's voice. I'm almost about to turn around when I hear my name called. "Amber?" My mom comes around the corner. "What are you doing home so early?" Brielle follows my mom, and my moment of escape is over.

"I got off early from the library. I'm heading to my room to study." I walk past them, or at least try but Bri stops me.

"We were just talking about you."

"Oh goody," I can't help but respond.

"Amber," my mother scolds. "We're worried about you."

Anger and something else that feels a lot like shame wells up inside me. "Well, you don't need to worry. I'm fine."

"You're not," Brielle interjects. "Mom said you never eat, and I can tell."

"Why eat when I know I'm just going to throw everything up?" I bite out. I don't want to do this tonight; I don't want to fight. "I'm going up to my room, okay?" I head towards the stairs.

"You can't run away from this, just like you do every other responsibility," Bri says, and I freeze. "You're pregnant, Amber; this isn't going to just go away. You have a baby in you, depending on you. For once in your life, you can't be selfish."

"Brielle," my mother says, but I barely hear it. I barely hear anything through the roaring in my head.

I turn around, swallowing hard. I will not cry. I will not cry in front of them. " Selfish?" I repeat, proud of the fact that my voice doesn't shake. My hands, though, that's another story.

Brielle's face softens. "You're going to be a mother, Amber. You have to take this seriously."

I bite my lip. Hard . "I am taking this seriously!"

Bri shakes her head. "You have responsibilities now. You have doctor's appointments to attend, ultrasounds to schedule, baby products to start buying."

"And what? You're the expert with all the babies you've had?" I demand, hating it instantly when Bri's head jerks back. I squeeze my fists. "I don't want to do this tonight." My voice is softer now.

"You never want to do this; this is why you're in the predicament you're in," Bri responds.

"And what predicament is that, Dear Sister?" I ask, before I can help myself.

"Pregnant and alone. You have nothing. You haven't finished college, you're still living home with mom, and now you don't even have the father of your baby."

"Brielle!" My mother's voice is sharp, and I watch as Bri's face crumples.

I harden my heart, so I won't cry. Without a word, I turn and walk towards the stairs. I walk into my bedroom and lock the bedroom door and immediately throw up in one of the buckets I keep in my room for such a time as this. I slide to the floor as the first tear drops, followed by another and then another. I grab my pillow off my bed and hold it to my face to muffle the sound of my sobs because Brielle got one thing really right. I am completely alone.

The next week, I manage to avoid both Brielle and my mom. It's not that hard because of my schedule. On Saturday and Sunday, my days off, I leave before my mom gets up and don't come home until after she goes to bed for the night. One day bleeds into another, and I fight my way through another week of pregnancy. I read that the nausea should stop by now, but I'm approaching week thirteen and haven't had any relief yet. I'm worried this pregnancy might just kill me. I feel like things can't get any worse. And then of course, they do. I get my first bill in the mail.

I stare at it, feeling like I'm going to be sick, sicker than usual maybe because surely this is a mistake. I'm pretty sure my insurance isn't covering anything. I throw the bill on the desk next to the one I just got yesterday for mom's new medicine, the one the insurance isn't covering. I drop onto my bed as hopelessness overcomes me. We're going to get buried under medical bills. If this is just the first appointment, what about the birth? Nausea overcomes me, and I throw up for like the fifth time today. I realize we can't keep going like this. Between medical bills and my college bills, we're in serious trouble. I briefly think about asking Aiden and Brielle for money but disregard the thought immediately. I wouldn't be able to do it. I'd never be able to look at them again, and it would just prove to Brielle what she already thinks is true—that I'm taking no responsibility for this baby. Sleep is illusive that night.

The next morning, I'm out the door before I can run into my mom. I do put on a pot of tea for her and set out toast. I think about our financial predicament all through my morning classes and all through my shift at the library. An idea takes over. It's not a good one, and I hate myself for even thinking it. But once the idea hit, I haven't been able to shake it. We need help, but I can't talk to anyone about it. I can't tell Stephanie because she'll tell Sebastian, who can't keep his mouth shut about anything. It will get back to Aiden, who of course will tell Brielle. But if we had somebody that would stay quiet about it...somebody that could loan me the money just until the baby comes. I would pay him back everything after I get through the pregnancy and get back on my feet. By then my college bills would be done as well. I could pay him for the rest of the pregnancy bills and my college bills and be done. Then, I would just have to cover our house and the bills that go with it and my mom's medical bills. But hopefully, once I have my degree, I'll be able to make a good chunk more money. If not at the library on campus, I could try a different library. There's money to be had, I just have to get through this pregnancy and my degree. I take a deep breath, unwilling to think too hard about what I'm going to do.

The next day, I ask Mrs. Randolph if I can get off a few hours early. I don't tell her why, but I'm planning on being at the Green Thunder practice when it ends. I put a hand on my queasy belly. There's just a tiny bump there now, not one that anybody would notice. But I notice. I rub my hand gently over my belly. I'm going to get this figured out for us, Little One. It helps me remember why I'm doing what I'm doing. I take a steadying breath and head out the front doors of the library and right into Brielle. "Brielle? What are you doing here?" It hits me suddenly. "Is something wrong with mom?"

"No," she says quickly, putting a rest to my fears. She takes a small step forward, and I tense. "I just wanted to talk to you."

"I can't right now," I hedge. "I have somewhere I have to be."

She bites her lip. "Can we please talk, Amber? I don't have long either. I'm actually on my way to pick up Aiden from practice."

"Why?" I ask without thinking.

"His car's in the shop."

"Oh." I don't say anything more.

"Please, Amber," she says, putting her hand on my arm.

I cave. "Fine. Can I ride with you?"

"To practice?" she asks in surprise.

I play it off. "Well, then we can talk."

"Oh, well, yeah, if that works for you; but I thought you had somewhere to be."

"It's fine," I say without looking at her.

"Okay." She turns around. "My car's right over here." She leads us over to her car, the one Aiden bought for her. I slide into the leather seats and look out the window, wondering if this is a mistake. "Thanks for doing this, Amber. I really appreciate it."

I feel bad leading her on, but I can't tell her my plan so I stay quiet. It's silent as she navigates her way through the campus, but I know it won't be for long. She's going to want to talk, and I don't know if I can. Her phone rings through her car's system, and she lets out a small groan. "I have to take this; I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I tell her, shrugging it off. I try not to listen and settle back against my seat. The ride is smooth, and I find myself relaxing to the sound of my older sister's voice.

"Amber."

I open my eyes and realize we've stopped. I squint at the huge practice arena. "We're hear already?" My voice is groggy, matching how I feel at the moment.

"Yeah. You fell asleep, and I didn't want to wake you. You looked like you needed it." Her voice is soft. "Are you okay, Amber?" Her concern gets me moving. I don't want to have this conversation; I don't want to fight with her. And with how off I feel right now, that's exactly what will happen.

"I'm going to get out and stretch." I turn away before I can see the sad expression on her face, or worse—the disappointment. I shut my door and shiver in the cooler air. Fall is definitely in the air. I think about the date and realize with a start that October is only two days away. Where has the time gone?

"Amber," Bri says, coming around to stand by me.

"Bri, can we just not right now? I don't want to fight with you." I don't look at her again. Thankfully, the guys start coming out. "I need to talk to Rico for a moment." I take a chance and look at her face.

I can see the confusion on her face, and I'll take that. Anything other than her being sad or disappointed in me. "Rico?" she asks, looking back at me.

I shrug. "I just need to talk to him about something."

"Oh, okay." Aiden comes over to the car and distracts her, thank goodness. I walk away from the car, wondering if I really am going to do this. If I'm brave enough to approach the infamous goalie. He's been nice to me every time we've interacted, but I really don't know him all that well. He's a friend and teammate to my brother-in law; that's about it. But I'm desperate. Desperate times...

"Amber!" Sebastian calls out, when he sees me. He gives me a side hug. "What are you doing here? Coming to see your favorite player?" he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Is that supposed to be you?" I ask, keeping a blank expression on my face.

"Of course it's me," he returns. But his face turns, and I know what he's going to say before he says it. "You doing okay, Amber? You—"

"I'm good," I tell him, forcing a smile. And then I blurt out to the worst possible person why I'm here. "I'm just here to see Rico." His eyes widen, and I kick myself mentally. A slow smile starts to build, and I shake my head.

"Don't—" I don't get another word out before he whistles.

"Garcia!" he shouts, and I want to disappear into the pavement.

"Never mind," I say quickly. "I changed my mind." I start to walk away, but he steps in front of me, blocking my escape.

"Nope. You're committed," he says with a grin.

"What's up?" I hear behind me, and I close my eyes.

"Somebody's here to see you," Sebastian says gleefully. I figure if I don't turn around, he won't know it's me.

"Amber?" Rico asks.

Never mind.