Chapter 13

Amber

The next few weeks fly by. Between going to school full-time, working full-time, and growing a baby, I'm exhausted all the time. I had my sixteen-week appointment last week, and I told my doctor that I'm still sick all the time. But he waved off my concerns and said it was normal for a first pregnancy, especially because I'm under so much stress.

I haven't seen Rico since that night at his house. I'm kind of surprised I haven't heard from him but kind of not as well. He's somebody that I can't quite figure out. But it's a good thing. I can't be in another relationship, and being around the handsome goalie makes me question that. So, keeping my distance is really good. Sadly, he's not the only one I've been keeping my distance from. I haven't spent any good quality time with my mom or Brielle for a while. It's not on purpose; it's just sort of happened. Part of me mourns the loss of what used to be, but the other part knows this is just how it is. I got myself into this mess, and I need to see it through. I've never been a super dependable person. Looking back, I see that now. I see that my mom babied me, and maybe Brielle did too. And I let them. But that all ended when I got pregnant. I had to grow up and face my new reality. There's no time to feel sorry for myself. Whenever I do, I remind myself I'm not working hard enough, and I get back to work. I'm not going to be able to keep my distance today, though. It's my mom's birthday, and Brielle is having a small party at her house. I get dressed for the day, frowning at the way my t-shirt fits over my growing belly. It's still not super noticeable, but there's definitely a bump now. I run my hands over it; it still always amazes me that there's a baby growing inside there. "I'm going to take care of you," I say softly as I run my hand over the small bump. I've already been looking at apartments, but I haven't told my mom yet. But there's no way I'm going to stay here once the baby is born. She doesn't need that added pressure; it would be too much for her. I've been trying to pick up as many weekend shifts at the library as possible to start saving for it, but it all seems so impossible with what I'm still paying for classes and for my mom's medicine. I haven't told my mom yet just how behind we are. I keep hoping I can just get to the end of this pregnancy and college classes and then be able to start catching up, but I don't know. But I refuse to tell her. This is my mess; I will figure it out.

"Amber, Honey, are you ready?"

I open my door. "I'm ready, Mom." She doesn't say anything, and I look at her face. She's staring at my stomach.

"Amber," she breathes. She reaches out and rubs my belly, and I stand still. Her teary gaze meets mine. "You're showing."

"I'm not really able to hide it as well anyway."

"Amber," she scolds. "You don't need to hide this."

I don't respond as I grab my wallet and phone. "Ready to get to your party?"

She sighs. "I guess. I wish you girls wouldn't make such a fuss."

"We're barely making a fuss, Mom," I tell her as we head down the hallway. "We're just celebrating you; I think we're allowed to do that on your birthday."

"Well, I hope you didn't go to too much trouble."

I kiss her cheek. "We love you." I detour to the kitchen and grab the dessert I made for today.

"What did you make?" she asks.

"What's your favorite dessert this time of year?"

Her eyes light up. "You made your famous pecan bars."

"Well, they're not famous; but yes, I made them."

"You're too good to me," she says, giving me a hug, being careful not to smoosh the bars. My throat tightens because I know I haven't been.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out.

She pulls back and looks at me. "For what?"

I shake my head. "I should be taking better care of you."

"Amber, why would you say that?"

"I just...I need to do better." She studies my face, but I don't want her to see all the ways I'm so broken. "We'd better get you to your party."

Thankfully, she lets it go, and we head out. When we pull up to Aiden and Brielle's place, I park on the street. "Are they having other people as well?" My mom asks.

"I don't know." I really don't. The last I discussed it with Brielle, she said it was just going to be the four of us—her and Aiden and my mom and I. Of course, that was over text; so maybe things have changed. I grab the pecan bars and put a hand under my mom's elbow as we walk to the front door. Before I can open the door, it opens for us.

"Well, if it isn't the guest of honor," Sebastian says, stepping out onto the porch.

"Sebastian, what are you doing here?" my mom asks.

"I'm here to celebrate a pretty amazing woman," he says with big eyes.

"Who?" my mom asks conspiratorially.

"You!" He says with a big grin as he puts out his arm. "May I do the honors?" My mom laughs and puts her arm through his, and he leads her inside. I'm left standing on the front porch, wondering if I can get away with just dropping off the bars and leaving. If all of Aiden's hockey buddies are here, I'm definitely not going to fit in. I'm like the odd shoe out with that group.

"Amber?"

I look up and see Rico standing in the doorway. Because of course. " What are you doing here?" I blurt out.

"Brielle invited me." Of course she did. I take a deep breath.

"Here, do you mind taking these inside?" I thrust the bars at him. "Can you just tell my mom that I didn't feel good and went home?"

"Amber, wait." But I'm already turning around and heading back to my car. My mom will get a ride home; Brielle will make sure of it. "Amber, wait. Please." Rico steps in front of me, halting my progress. "Did I do something?" he asks.

"What?"

"Why are you leaving? Is it something I did?"

Because I'm confused, I blurt out again, "What?"

"You won't answer my calls or return any of my texts. And then tonight, as soon as you see me, you're ready to bail. Did I hurt you somehow?"

His eyes are so sincere, and he sounds...I don't know. Hurt ? "Rico, you didn't do anything." Then his words hit me. "Wait. What? What do you mean I don't answer your calls or return your texts. You've never called or texted me."

His eyes widen. "Amber, I've called multiple times and sent more than a few texts."

His words surprise me, and I remind myself not to look into it at all. I'm not interested in dating, especially another hockey player. Once was enough to make a mess of my life. "Rico, I'm serious. I've never gotten a call or text from you."

"What in the world? What's your number?" I rattle off my number. "Seriously? Then what is this number?" He shows me his phone, and a small smile forms on my face.

"Where did you get that number?" I ask.

"I thought it was yours," he says in frustration. "Who have I been calling and texting then?"

Not willing to tell him just yet, I ask, "Who gave you my number?"

He frowns for a moment. "Aiden did." And then a small laugh escapes me. He smiles despite his frustration. "Who have I been calling, Amber?" he asks softly.

"That would be my brother's number," I inform him. His face immediately pales, and I know in that instant that he's heard about my brother.

"You mean the one that drops into countries all the over the world and takes out threats?"

I nod. "Yep, that one." He swears softly, and I laugh again. "Your face!"

He takes a step towards me. "This isn't funny, Amber."

"It really is, though," I tell him, not stepping back.

"Somebody's going to pay for this," he says taking another step closer.

"Well, it wasn't me; so I'm clear of any wrongdoing."

"Are you, though?"

My mouth opens. "Yes. I didn't do anything."

"Yeah, but you're enjoying my discomfort."

I can't help but grin at that. "You mean the fact that you looked like you were going to throw up?"

He steps closer. "Yeah. That. And Amber?" I look up and realize just how close he's standing. "You should laugh more often. You have a beautiful laugh; it's almost as beautiful as your smile."

My smile falters, not because I don't appreciate what he just said. I just don't know how to respond. And then I'm saved by my sister calling my name. "Amber, there you are!" When Bri gets to us, I realize Rico has stepped away, giving us space. "Amber," she says in almost a gasp. "Your belly." She rubs my belly, and I try not to twitch or respond awkwardly. "You're showing."

I don't know what it is about tonight, but apparently nobody's noticed until now. I don't know why, but my eyes shoot to Rico's for just a moment. He has a soft smile on his face, but he's not looking at me. Well, at my face, that is. His gaze is on my belly. He must feel my gaze, though, because his eyes meet mine a moment later. He gives me a tiny nod and then disappears into the house, still carrying my pecan bars.

"I wasn't sure you'd come," Brielle says softly.

I turn to her, puzzled. "I told you I'd be here." Of course, I don't tell her I almost just left.

"I'm really glad you're here."

I swallow and nod, unsure what to say in return. "I thought it was just going to be the four of us," I manage to say as I follow her towards the house.

"You know how Aiden's friends are. They didn't want to miss a party."

"You mean Sebastian didn't want to miss a party," I correct.

She turns to me with a big grin. "Yes, that."

Something eases in me at her smile, and I follow her inside. The noise hits my ears, but it's the smell that turns my stomach. I swallow hard and mumble some sort of excuse to Brielle as I walk quickly to the bathroom. I barely get there before I empty my stomach. I hear the door to the bathroom open and shut quickly and expect it to be Brielle, but it's not Brielle's voice that hits my ears.

"Hey." I feel Rico's hands gather my hair back for me. I would tell him not to bother, but I can't talk because I'm still throwing up. When it feels like the worst of it has passed, Rico somehow finds a washcloth and a water bottle and hands both to me.

"It's the salmon," he says, and I gag again. "Sorry."

"I can't go back out there," I say weakly. I can barely stop gagging in here even now.

"Let's get you outside where there's fresh air." He crouches next to me and pushes my hair behind my ear. "Do you trust me?" I try not to see into it too much and nod. "I'll get you outside quickly. As soon as we step out, just don't breathe in. Breathe through your mouth, and I'll get you outside." I find myself nodding because the alternative is spending the entire night over the toilet. Shockingly, that doesn't sound like my idea of a good night.

"Okay."