1. Rainer

1

RAINER

A beautiful woman slept in the chair next to Rainer's bed. Her dark, curly hair was pinned up neatly, her silk dress immaculate as if she was going to a formal dinner instead of sitting by the bedside of an ailing warrior.

According to King Vincent, she'd been at his side from the moment he was hurt. Eloise Spellman had led Rainer out of the dark of his mind with the words of a fairy tale. It was her insistent voice that had reached him in the dark.

Something about seeing her now didn't resonate with what he'd felt and heard when he was half-conscious. Her voice, while lovely, did not feel familiar, but then everything about waking up was disorienting.

Rainer didn't understand why the daughter of the wealthiest landowner in Argaria would waste any time on him. He wanted to say something profound, but he did not know how to express gratitude to someone who'd saved him from the turmoil in his mind.

He wanted to ask her to tell him the fairy tale about the village where it rained stars again. Or maybe he just wanted to feel the comfort of her body pressed against his, or her hand gently brushing his chest, though none of that was appropriate, and mentioning it might embarrass her.

An unwed lady shouldn't share a bed with him. That Eloise had risked her reputation only showed her commitment to helping him. But now he missed the certainty that touch brought him. The only other times someone had touched him since he'd woken were in a clinical way.

Rainer kept searching for the warm tingling feeling, but he hadn't felt it since waking. Maybe he just wasn't close enough to her.

"Lady Spellman?" he rasped, his voice stale from lack of use.

She jumped, her eyes snapping open. She was on her feet in a moment, smoothing her dress and hair before bringing him a cup of water.

He smiled at her. "I wasn't waking you so you could wait on me. You just looked uncomfortable."

She handed him the cup. "How did you sleep?"

"You don't have to keep watching me while I sleep. I have had no issues waking since the first time."

A blush rose on her fair skin. "I know. I just didn't want you to be lonely. You must feel so disoriented without your memories."

Rainer studied her. "Why are you so kind to me, Lady Spellman?"

"Eloise," she said insistently. "I'm kind because you once comforted me in a bad moment and I feel compelled to do the same for you."

"And if I were to absolve you from the responsibility?"

Eloise frowned. "You don't want my company?"

Rainer scrubbed a hand over his face. "I'm finally back to full training today. I hardly need a babysitter."

Eloise winced, wounded by his words.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't take it out on you. I just hate that you're wasting your time watching me sleep, even if I appreciate it," Rainer sighed.

Eloise nodded, her smile tight. "I understand. I'll leave you to it."

She turned on her heel and left him alone with an apology on his tongue .

Great. Now he'd lost not only his memories but also his tact, good manners, and the company of the person he wanted most—or at least the person he was pretty sure he wanted most. There was a wrongness about her, like he'd expected her to look or sound a certain way and upon waking she was someone new.

He threw his legs over the side of the mattress, his back and limbs stiff from time spent in bed. They'd finally moved him out of the healer's suite to his bedroom, but after weeks spent in bed, he was dying to get back to active guard duty. He couldn't remember much of his life, but he was certain he'd not had a month off from workouts since he began training as a boy.

The healer, Magdalena, had him on bed rest for almost a month, only allowing him up to stretch and take his meals. She released him from the clinic when he agreed to nap both in the mornings and afternoons. She said that he'd suffered significant damage to his brain and he needed time to heal. But he couldn't stand all the sleeping. Every time he closed his eyes, he was afraid he'd be trapped once again. His body was constantly buzzing with nerves. For years, he'd kept the persistent, creeping anxiety at bay with a relentless training schedule. Now, with nothing to burn it off, the agitation was twisting him in knots.

He splashed water on his face, pulled on a clean tunic, and looked in the mirror. Neatly combing his sleep-tousled hair, he studied his face, searching for something that would illuminate a memory.

He ran his fingers over the scar on his neck, trying to call up the memory of how he'd received it. The injury must have been harrowing. It looked like an arrow wound. The longer he looked, the more frustrated he became. Finding his body littered with scars was like living a history written by someone else. He couldn't connect any of the marks with the events that had created them.

He ran his thumb over the crescent-shaped scar on the outer edge of his left palm. Warmth bubbled in his chest, like his body had a fondness for that particular scar. Still, nothing came to mind.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, turning away from the mirror, rubbing his sternum. His tunic dragged over his most mysterious scar. The gold line over his heart looked to be a mortal wound and yet he had no recollection of receiving it.

He'd spent an hour the night before staring at it in the mirror, his body rolling through so many emotions: fear to grief to relief and joy. Every failure to make sense of the havoc in his body only left him more frustrated.

A knock on the door interrupted his daydream. A moment later, King Vincent Savero walked in.

Rainer waited for Grant to appear. Vincent's right-hand man was always lurking and something about his assessing gaze and silent smirking made Rainer furious.

"Your Grace," Rainer said, bowing to the king.

Vincent waved him off. "That's not necessary when we're alone. Please just call me Vincent."

Rainer's gaze darted to the door again. "Where's Grant?"

"He's giving us some privacy," Vincent said. "How are you feeling, Rainer? I understand you are very close to being cleared for training."

Rainer nodded. "I can't stand the sight of these four walls much longer."

Vincent grinned. "That's very good. Can you tell me what you remember?"

Rainer sighed, trying not to sound like a petulant child. It was all anyone asked him these days, and each time he failed to remember more, he felt worse.

"King Marcos sent me here to help ensure a peaceful transfer of power from Xander to you. I remember Xander handing over power to you and that he was relieved about it. He prefers to play the role of prince and the aristocracy didn't take him seriously. He was exhausted and overwhelmed. I remember there being an attack just after Xander's wedding. The wedding itself is foggy. I only remember pieces of it. But rebels who wanted to reinstate Xander attacked the castle and we were trying to get the staff out safely—and then it all gets foggy again."

Vincent placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "That's great. You have all the important bits. "

Rainer swallowed the lump in his throat. "But I have this feeling like something went really wrong. I know I was hurt and a bunch of my memories were stolen by a slayer, but there's something more and it's just a black hole in my brain. I feel?—"

Shame . Rainer felt shame that he didn't understand at all.

Vincent held up his hands in surrender. "I know you're frustrated, but I need you to take your time. As happy as I am to have you back, the last thing I need is for you to have a setback when you're doing so well. I am counting on you, Rainer." He hesitated, his brow pinching. "Listen, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. I know you've been feeling bad about the attack, but I would like to promote you. Between you and me, Grant is a good soldier, but he's not a leader and he doesn't have your talent or warmth. You know how to inspire loyalty."

Rainer frowned. "But I was bested. I was hurt?—"

"By an army of men, Rainer." The king shook his head. "Even you are not above being overwhelmed by a large group of well-trained hunters."

There was one last nagging question Rainer had been too afraid to ask since waking, but the anxiety of not knowing was driving him mad. "I know that I'm a guardian. Where is my witch?"

Vincent's eyes darted down to the floor and he swallowed hard. "I'm afraid that she was a casualty of this fight."

"No—" Rainer gasped, breathless.

He'd failed at his most sacred duty. From this day to my last day, I promise my sword and my strength . That was the guardian vow and he had failed. He could not even recall her name, her face, or her magical affinity, but he felt her absence like a limb that had been hacked off. Suddenly, the empty feeling inside him made so much more sense.

Vincent placed a gentle hand on Rainer's shoulder. "I can't imagine your grief, as confusing as it must be with no memory. But you fought valiantly against an army of men and you protected someone very important to me."

Rainer straightened. "I did? "

Vincent nodded. "I know you were only visiting to help with the transition and acting a temporary member of my king's guard, but I see a permanent place here if you want it—a chance to redeem yourself. I know you have a life back in Olney, but I also know how a family name and expectations can follow you like a shadow."

Rainer swallowed hard. He knew Vincent was speaking from his own experience, but the words hit close to home. All that waited for him back in Olney was a father who was never satisfied and an empty house full of memories of his late mother. He'd miss his morning swims in the warm sea, but what Vincent was offering was the opportunity to make a name for himself away from expectations. He was offering a way to overcome the monumental failure of not protecting his witch.

"You could be my top advisor on all things."

"What do I need to do to prove that I'm ready?" Rainer asked.

Vincent's grin grew wide. "I knew you'd be interested. The first thing we need to do is root out the traitors who helped organize the coup attempt. I suspect that there are still spies within these walls waiting for their next opportunity. We need to find every single one and rip the entire organization out by its roots so that the people of this court and kingdom are safe again. Discord serves no one."

Rainer nodded solemnly.

"While you were convalescing, we ran raids and patrols of every known rebel hideaway in Ardenis, but for all the extra manpower I haven't seen results. I'm pulling back on daily patrols to hopefully lull the rebels into a false sense of security. If they think it's safe, they might make a mistake and we will be ready." He met Rainer's gaze. "You will be my eyes and ears."

"I can do that." Rainer sounded pathetically eager.

Vincent gave him a pat on the back. "I know you can. I will also need you to monitor someone for me."

"Like spying?"

Vincent shook his head. "More like guard duty."

Rainer nodded. "That's not a problem."

"I know. It's what you've been doing for years. "

Rainer frowned. It was. That's what guardians did, though he could only vaguely remember guarding a particular person.

"Finally, I'll need you to settle down."

Rainer choked on his surprise.

Vincent shrugged. "I know it seems archaic, but both men in the council and in the army appreciate knowing their leader has roots here. A family man is one that everyone trusts."

Rainer nodded slowly. He'd always wanted a family, and he had a strong recollection of imagining how he'd raise his children differently than his father had raised him—with praise and empathy and kindness. He'd never make them feel like love was something they had to earn.

"I'm inclined to agree with you, sir, but I imagine courting someone will take some time."

Vincent nodded. "I understand that might be overwhelming, but I assure you there are plenty of ladies who are interested in a hero. I expect you'll be breaking a lot of hearts when you finally settle down. You were always quite popular at court."

Rainer tried to call up memories and saw a parade of women, though none seemed like a significant relationship. He supposed he would have to reform his casual ways and court someone properly. Still, settling down felt right, like it was something he'd been planning to do but hadn't quite had the time.

Vincent wasn't just giving him the opportunity to redeem himself; he was offering a pathway to success. Instead of constantly moving the finish line, Vincent was offering Rainer a few simple steps to garnering the recognition he'd always wanted. After the attack, Rainer had as much to prove to himself as he did to the rest of the world, but if he became the king's second-in-command, not only could he ensure peace for both kingdoms, but no one would be able to deny his value not just as a soldier, but as a leader.

Rainer wrung his hands in his lap as he considered it.

"I can do that, Your Grace," he said finally.

Vincent grinned, clapping a hand on his back. "I'm counting on it. I know you won't let me down." He nodded to the nightstand. "Your latest carving is in there. I hear you haven't picked it back up since you've woken, but I know it used to settle your nerves."

Rainer slid open the nightstand drawer. Inside was a wooden blob that very vaguely resembled a flower with star-shaped petals. Beside it were two other wooden star flowers, more finished than the first. The vaguest hint of a memory tugged at the corner of his mind, but it was just an argument with his father and his hands carving away at a similar flower.

"I made these?" Rainer asked.

Vincent nodded. "A skill you picked up to help with dexterity and to still your anxious mind." He patted Rainer's shoulder. "You and I both know an active mind is great in the field, but it can be hard to settle that vigilance when we're at home. It will be good for you."

Rainer was flattered the king cared about him enough to know his hobbies and talents and to remind Rainer of something that might help him get his mind and hands back into shape.

Vincent Savero wasn't just a good king. It seemed he was also a good friend.

Rainer smiled as he watched the king depart. For the first time since he woke up, he could see the path forward out of the dark and doubt in his own mind.