22. Undoing

Finnian let them go.

Theon transported them back into the brewery.

Naia followed along on autopilot as they guided her back into Ronin's office and took a seat on the sofa again.

Her mind was numb and unable to process anything more from the day.

The chilled leather felt good on the backs of her legs, where her dress had torn.

Avi, Theon, and others whose faces were unfamiliar came and went. She remained silent, fixated on a speck of dirt on the window, which overlooked the empty street in the late hours of the night.

When someone offered her water, she shook her head. Another held out a plush blanket, probably assuming her blank stare and lack of life had something to do with shock. She knew little about the symptoms, but perhaps one was to feel cold? Either way, she rejected the blanket.

Eventually, the office cleared out, and Ronin stayed on the couch across from her.

She brought her gaze up to him. He was pale. Sickly pale. Hollow circles bruised beneath his eyes, and his lips held a pasty tint of blue she didn't think was a good sign of health.Her pulse jumped as all sorts of frightening diseases she'd read about filled her mind—she couldn't recall the proper name of any to save her life.

He placed a half-eaten rice ball, an unopened can of a nitro cold brew, and an unmarked glass vial, filled with green concoction, on the table between them. Shifting around on the cushion to get comfortable, he downed the bottle of water meant for her in one giant gulp.

Her eyes fell onto the rice ball, reminiscing the first time she'd tried one and the bright smile on Akane's face.

"Naia," Ronin said gingerly. "Talk to me."

She wasn't sure what he meant. Tell me what's on your mind or tell me your truths—if she had any left to spare.She didn't have the mental capacity to delve into either, so she asked the first thing that came to her.

"Why do you look as if you are minutes away from being escorted to the Land of the Dead?"

He picked up the rice ball and took a bite. "I lost a lot of blood today," he said in between chewing.

It sent a pang of worry through her. The need to lecture him stirred her awake. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Once I eat some food and down this elixir, I'll be fine."

Her head fell back on the cushion, and she looked over her cheekbones at him. "You sound well-versed in the routine."

"Considering how I perform bloodletting every day, yeah, I guess I am."He pulled his hair tie out, letting his hair down fully. The dark, wavy strands fell over his cheeks.

Naia ignored the pleasure unfurling in her, seeing him wear it down. He rarely did. "Bloodletting?"

Ronin set aside his rice ball and slowly tied back his hair. "If I don't drain some of my blood each day, I'll get sick. I was born to use my blood to keep deities in line. I guess you can call it insurance for the High Goddess of Life and Balance when she created our bloodline? Hell if I know, but if I'm not doing what I was born to do, my blood will eventually claim my life and I will fall to disease. It's how my mother died."

Naia's brow furrowed, her stomach twisting from the information."Isn't losing blood just as dangerous?"

A corner of his mouth slipped up into half a grin, his rice ball hovering inches from his mouth. "Is this your way of admitting you're worried about me?"

Naia floated in the space where their eyes were joined.

A few hours ago, if she were in this situation, she might've responded with a sarcastic remark, or maybe denied it by looking away. Because while it was clear she had feelings for Ronin, she was petrified of where those feelings would lead. The worst torment in life was to lose someone dearly beloved.

Whatever chasm she'd fallen into had absorbed all her worries and fears, leaving only a tremendous amount of courage, a damaged ego, and a hint of carelessness.

"Yes," she said. "It is."

Something flashed in Ronin's gaze, like glass catching the glint of the sun. A heat kindled in her bloodstream in response to it.

He took a bite of his food and downed the elixir in one swig.

"It's bullshit," he said after he swallowed. "But I have this elixir that restores my blood loss, so don't worry. I've been doing it since I was old enough to remember."

"That must be difficult." She swallowed, keeping her squeamish nature at bay. The talk of blood made her palms clammy.

Ronin hung his head back to down the coffee. His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat, and Naia was profoundly astounded by how much she enjoyed the sight.

He placed the can back down on the table, shaking his head. "My blood is my niche. I've always had a talent for manipulating it with my magic. It's how I could stop your brothers at the hall."

Her eyes grew slightly, intrigued. When Malik and Vex had groped their heads in pain."In the jazz bar, when Damian stopped talking mid-sentence and grabbed his head…"

Ronin chuckled quietly, scratching the bottom of his chin as he nodded. "Yup. The fucker was taking advantage of your innocence. It's exactly why I kept him out of the taproom all week and assigned Vi, Noah, and Avi to hang out with you."

She sat up, her mouth popping open. "They don't really work in the taproom?"

"No." He pursed his lips to downgrade his amusement. "We assign those sorts of jobs to the lower ranks of the organization."

She was partially mortified they had babysat her all week, and partially in awe of the lengths he'd gone through to make sure she was taken care of.

Slinking back down on the cushion, she made a face. "I can't believe you can burst blood in people's brains. That's horrendous."

"Not as horrendous as your psychotic fucking brother carving you open."The humor of the moment evaporated from his face, replacing it with a somberness she did not know how to dissect.

Naia exhaled; the trauma of the memory too exasperating to relive.Instead, she stared down at her fingers in her lap. Beneath her nails was residue the color of rust. She couldn't wait to shower and cleanse herself of the reminders of the dreadful day.

And then what?

The reminder of Cassian's lingering curse invaded her mind, as if her brain tried to line up all her major problems in life one-by-one for her to confront. Though she refused to go down thatroad now. It was a struggle to envision the next hour, let alone where she would be tomorrow. Therefore, she didn't.

She crammed them away in a box buried in the farthest crease of her mind and continued the conversation with Ronin. "I had a customer at the brewery tell me the Blood Heretics were on the news for murder; how you dismembered and left a hex mark on the bodies."

He ran a hand over his face, like he was trying to erase all visible signs of his exhaustion. "It was a pack of Finnian's ghouls snacking on some tourists a block from Tempest. They were in my domain, so we handled it. The hex is the only way to put them down permanently."

His answer snuffed her apprehensions. Finnian's ghouls were remarkably grotesque, an infection spreading all over the city.

There was still one thing bugging her, though."And the awful screams I heard in your secret lounge in the basement?"

Ronin's brows perked, a slight curve sliding up his mouth as he chewed. "Have you been snooping around?"

She scoffed. "Of course."

He laughed quietly, reaching for his coffee. "It's where my members unwind and relax. When needed, we resort to using a room on the upper level for interrogations. What you heard must've been when they caught one of Runa's guys. She's a leader of an organization that follows Finnian. It took Theon freezing the bastard's balls to get him to tell us where Finnian's house was."

"And not your blood bursting technique?" It came out sarcastically.

He stuffed the rest of his rice ball in his mouth, chewed, and washed it down with another swig of coffee. "The objective wasn't to kill the bastard, and he was testing my control."

"I don't know what to think of you when you say things like that," she confessed.

"I'm the leader of an underground witch organization, Naia. I don't exactly have clean hands."

He painted himself out to be dangerous and merciless, but she had a hard time believing such things.

Naia fidgeted with her fingers in her lap. "And why were you searching for Finnian's house?"

"In case I couldn't locate him at the charity event. I knew it was important to you to find him, and I was going to make it happen no matter what. I didn't think Theon would fucking transport you there without my permission, though," he muttered the last part.

Her chest went soft like dough.

Fuck.

The lengths he'd gone through to get her what she wanted…

"I loathe violence. I do not wish to be a reason for inflicting it onto someone." She chewed on the inside of her cheek. "But thank you for everything you did today. I know stepping foot in his territory twice in one day wasn't easy."

"I hear you." He dipped his chin to grab onto her gaze. "I will be more mindful of my actions, as much as I can be with a job like mine."

She gave him a half-hearted smile of appreciation.

"Naia," Ronin said again, gently. "Are you okay?"

Against her will, her bottom lip trembled. She couldn't recall the last time someone thought to ask her such a simple question.It was precisely why she did not know how to respond to it.

Tears filled her eyes, blurring her hands in her lap. The weight of her emotions made it impossible for her to speak, causing her to shake her head in silence.

No, I am far from it.

Ronin came around the table and took a seat on its edge, his knees inches from hers. Like always, he maintained a safe distance from touching her.

"What do you need?" he asked.

A safe place to go.

She gritted her teeth, tasting the salt of her tears as they made their journey over her lips. "I don't understand why you're being nice to me when I am what you despise most."

Her fingers came up to her brow to hide herself from him, with Finnian's words floating around in the back of her mind. You still cry so easily.

Slowly, Ronin's hand hovered over her knee.

"May I?" he asked. "I know you prefer not to be touched, but it's the only way I know how to comfort someone who is crying."

Her body involuntarily leaned towards him with the desire to collapse into his arms and be embraced by the comfort only he could give her. Unlike anyone else in her life. He had a mysterious way of calming her frazzled nerves and ridding the nightmares lurking behind her eyes.

She felt like a weeping child as she wiped the snot from her face, more confused than ever by his generosity, loyalty, and obvious affection. In a week, he'd taken her in, tortured a man for information, voluntarily walked into enemy territory, exposed his family secret, and intervened in a fight with a High God.

"What do you want from me?" The words broke through her in another woeful sob.

His fingers curled into his palm, still awaiting approval to touch her. "I don't want anything from you."

The constant battle of resisting him was wearing her down, and she could feel herself inching closer to giving in. She'd walked such a road, met its happiness, and lost it all in one breath.It was a pain she couldn't endure—ever again.

"I need to leave." She created distance from him by scooting back against the cushion. "Staying here is not a smart option."

There were other horrors to consider. For every second passed was a miracle Marina had not come for her yet.

Ronin retracted his hand but made no effort to return to his spot on the couch. "You'll be safe in the city."

"You do not know Marina." Naia continued to dry her face with the heel of her hand, unable to hide the unsteadiness in her tone when she mentioned her sister. "She is not to be underestimated."

"As am I."

"Don't be stupid," she scolded. "She is of the night, and your city is shrouded by it."

He smirked. "If you think I'm going to let you go off on your own, you're insane."

She held his intense gaze, refusing to back down from his silent challenge. Stubborn, idiot mortal.

Against her will, she could feel a gentle warmth blossoming inside her. Proof of an attachment she had developed for him. Perhaps he was as foolish as she was.

Naia inched her knee closer to deliberately touch him. Tingles scurried up and down her leg. "Take it as a compliment that I do not wish to expose the gods' wrath onto you or the ones you care about."

Ronin glanced down at their connected knees and then back up to her eyes. "Your sister doesn't scare me."

"The High God of Fire?"

He scoffed. "Your fiancé doesn't scare me, either."

She jutted out her chin, annoyed. "I am the eldest daughter of Mira, High Goddess of the Sea."

He didn't seem the least bit taken aback by this as his smirk deepened. "I know who you are, and I know what you're trying to do. The thing is, none of the gods scare me."

"Nor the idea of death, apparently," Naia muttered.

"I told you that the night we met."

"I have to do this. You do not know what is at stake. I thought Finnian could help me, but I…" She pushed out a breath as she searched for the right words. "My mother won't give in until I am bound to Solaris."

Ronin's eyes sifted between hers for a long second, studying her intently."Has anyone ever asked you what you want?"

She gave a cynical laugh. "No. Not once."

He moved in, bringing his face dangerously close to hers, and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "What do you want?"

A tremor rolled down her chest.

I want…

She rotated her head away from him. "Why do you care so much?"

"Isn't it obvious? I care about you."

She could feel the familiar graze of his eyes probing the side of her face.

Determined to hold on to her resolve, she pursed her lips, concealing the flush on her cheeks. "You hardly even know me."

"I know you love sweets. Your favorite flower is a dahlia, and you were close with your father. You love Finnian deeply. You are sensitive and emotional and are the strongest person I've ever met. But you also have this look in your eyes, a desire of some kind. To go, to be, to do something, anything but what you've been doing. I saw a glimpse of it lighting up the night we went to the jazz club, or when you ordered three coffees in a row."

To be.

Her tongue was frozen by the adoration slipping out of each of his words. She refused to look over at him as her truth sat in the back of her throat.

Ronin's presence was warm, like standing beneath the sun after centuries of being drenched in a cold rain.

Naia wished to remain warm.

You are selfish, and in the end, you will only bring him death and your heartbreak.

With resolve, she said, "I will not be your undoing, Ronin."

His lips skimmed her jawline. "You already are."

An inferno scorched her body, crackling embers beneath her skin where he touched.

"Naia," he whispered, his breath stroking the corner of her mouth. "What do you want?"

A shiver ran through her. Hearing her name exit his lips made her lose the will to fight.

I want…

His question was one she'd never considered before.

The answer bubbled up inside of her, shattering her sense of stability.It was in the desire coiling behind her navel and reaching up into her heart, freeing a yearning she'd been squashing away since he clumsily danced with her to jazz.

I want you.

Naia turned her head and, with no attempt at grace, met his lips with her own.