28. Reed - Two Year Earlier

28

REED - TWO YEAR EARLIER

“HEADING SOUTH” – ZACH brYAN

W hen I get to my apartment, I pack a bag of essentials. What do I really need, anyway? My guitar. A few changes of clothes. My toiletries.

My heart pounds.

After a half hour or so, I remember I made coffee. When I go to get some, I find Mason standing at the kitchen island.

“Dude, what the fuck is going on?” he seethes.

“I think we both understand what’s going on. A huge coincidence.”

“Yeah,” he scoffs. “Turns out the girl you were with is coincidentally my ex—and a huge slut, by the way. You’re not seeing her again.”

“Excuse me?”

“Dude, I never told you. She’s a ho. And you can’t turn a ho?—”

“—into a housewife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck are you even talking about? You need to lay off those weird influencers you follow. They are warping your brain.”

“Just because you don’t like them doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

“Yeah? Well first of all, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Look at you. You’re the most miserable person I know. You’re so ‘masculine’ that you’re so fragile you can’t even handle it when I’m making ‘loud typing noises.’ Second, and more importantly, I’m in love with her.”

“In love…with her? You don’t even know her.”

“And we’re moving to Nashville.”

He huffs. “You’re not moving anywhere. We have five months left on our lease. I’m not paying it by myself.”

I laugh. “I’m leaving, man.”

“Dude, you can’t just leave . This isn’t a debate.”

“You’re right. It’s not a debate.”

“What are you doing? Going to Nashville and then…what? You’re gonna play your crappy songs? Bro, you can’t even hold a crowd at Murphy’s in Wrigleyville. You’ll never succeed. But most of all, you can’t just leave. You’re paying half the rent here. So it’s not up for discussion.”

I just laugh.

“What the fuck? Is this funny to you?” Mason yells.

“Let me ask you something. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?”

He stops, chuckles, and falls silent. I can see he’s having trouble answering my question. So I answer it for him.

“I’ll tell you what I see. I see through the fa?ade of the handsome, rich-yet-stingy guy with a trust fund who has everything made for him. I see an incredibly insecure man child who has nothing going for him, who doesn’t even have the hope I have of finding something outside of his nine-to-five job that holds meaning for him, and who assuages his lack of confidence and fear of commitment with a sex addiction where he preys on girls through dating apps. Sometimes you don’t even tell them your real name.”

“Fuck you. Bro, you’re wrong. She’s crazy. You don’t know. She’ll leave you the second you make one tiny little mistake.”

I just smile. “Dude, I’m going.”

“What the fuck, dude? Why the fuck are you smiling? My name’s on the lease! I’m not paying double the rent.”

I look down at my phone where I had texted Luna my address. It’s been about an hour and she should be here by now.

I take a few bags and bring them down to the alley, where she’ll come by.

Then I come back up to grab my guitar, the last thing in my room.

I stop in the kitchen to say goodbye to Mason. I’ve never understood those emo memes about how sometimes you’ve got to drop your old friends if you want to grow. But suddenly, they all make perfect sense.

“Yo, I don’t know what’s going on, but we have an agreement here,” he says as soon as he sees me. “We’re friends, man. Come on. Friends don’t get with friends’ exes. That’s bro code. And you can’t just stick me with a pile of bills I wasn’t expecting.”

It’s funny to me that he gives a shit about rent with all the money he has. But for Mason, maybe it’s not about the money. Maybe it’s about controlling everyone around him.

“I’d never treat a friend the way you’ve treated me the past few months.”

“Pssh. That’s some poofy emo shit. Be a man. Tell the girl you don’t like sluts. My name is on the lease, bro. You can’t just dip out like this while your bed and your other stuff is still here.”

I shrug. “I don’t need it where I’m going. You can have it.”

“I’m not getting some random Craigslist roommate.”

“Is that an MP or a YP?” I ask.

“The fuck are you talking about?”

He’s so riled up he doesn’t get that I’m throwing his own comeback at him.

“Sounds like a YP,” I confirm. “A ‘You Problem.’”

“Dude. She’s not even here. She’s a flake. She’ll fuck you over, too. Trust me.”

I head out the back door and take a deep breath on the deck.

Mason follows me. She’s not there.

I check my phone for the time. It’s been an hour and half now.

“What? She leave you? Dude, I told you. You can’t trust her. You can’t trust any woman.”

“She’ll come,” I say. “I have faith.”

I shoot another text to Luna, and there’s no immediate response.

But a few moments later, my phone rings with Luna’s number.

“Hey.” I walk back inside and into my room for privacy. “What’s up? Where are you?”

“Reed…I have some bad news.”

I instantly feel a knot twist in my stomach. “Luna. Where are you?”

“I’m at the end of the block, parked.”

I hustle out the door, then start down the front staircase so Mason won’t see me. “Which end?”

“It doesn’t matter, Reed, because I can’t do this. I can’t…” She sniffles, her voice laced with teary emotion. “I’m doing this thing I always do. I’m falling for you too quickly. And I barely know you.”

My heart is beating a million miles a minute. I run out the stairs to the sidewalk, then glance both ways. It’s hard to miss Luna’s big red van at the end of the street. I start running.

“Luna. It’s going to be okay. I see you. Wait for me.”

I run full speed until I reach her van, and peer in. She’s sitting at the steering wheel, and her eyes are foggy with tears. I open the front door and get in the passenger’s seat.

“What’s the matter?”

“I’m scared.” She says the words looking straight forward with her eyes on the road, like she’s getting ready to run again. “I was thinking about everything on the way over here. I barely know you. I slept with you. And now you’re roommates…with him?! I always do this. I fall head over heels for someone just like that.”

“I can see why you’re scared. This is crazy. But look at me, Luna.”

She turns her head, with her eyes looking down, and brings them up to meet mine. “It’s going to be fine.”

I kiss her, and she nods.

“It’s going to be fine,” I repeat. “You’re unsure. Of something. What is it?”

Her eyes are wet with tears. “How can you love someone like me? I don’t see it. Why couldn’t I have met you like five years ago, before I was all fucked up?”

“Luna, don’t you see? It had to be like this. I wouldn’t have been ready for you five years ago, and you wouldn’t have been ready for me. You had to go through these things. So did I. And I love you, now. I love all of you. I love the parts that you think aren’t ‘healed.’ I love you, all the way through. You’re the one I want.”

There’s silence in the vehicle for a few moments.

“Okay.” Her voice sounds choked up. “Okay.” She sounds more resolute now. “Let’s go.”

She throws her ridiculously oversized van into drive, and I guide her how to get to my alley so we can pick up my things.

I jump out, load up a few of the bags that I already brought down, then head up the stairs for my guitar.

“Dude,” Mason says when I get to our deck on the second floor. “Really? Not her , man.”

“Look man. Every person is complicated, and you’re no different. You’ve got a lot of great qualities. Your main problem is, you refuse to admit you might not know everything there is to know. You’ve got your point of view and that’s okay. But not everyone will see the world like you. And that’s okay, too. I love her. Now. Here. I don’t care where she’s been. I trust her. And if she makes a fool out of me? Well, I’ll deal with that.”

My smile threatens to crack my face. I’ve never felt this happy, or this sure of what I want.

As I start down the stairs, guitar in hand, I hear Mason’s rapid footsteps rattling down the metal stairs after me.

“Dude, no. I’m telling you, she’s a fucking slut, dude. She’ll sleep with anyone.”

I get to the van, open the door, and throw my guitar inside along with a couple of other bags just as he gets to the bottom of the steps. “Nah, man. You’re projecting,” I tell him. “You’re talking about yourself. You’ll sleep with anyone.” I laugh, sticking my tongue out the side of my mouth. “That’s beta shit.”

“The fuck?—”

“You gotta get off those weird male influencer videos you watch, man, like I said. They’re poison.”

I wrap around the passenger’s side, get in the van, and close the door behind me.

“Hey,” I say, turning to Luna. I can’t even explain how happy I feel right now.

“How’d it go?” she asks, looking in the side mirror where Mason is still ranting.

“As well as I figured it would.”

I reach over to the driver’s seat, cradle the back of her head, and pull her in for a lingering kiss. It’s a kiss like nothing else I’ve felt in my life.

Then there’s a tap on her window.

“Roll it down a little,” I tell her.

Nervously, she does.

“I should fucking kill you,” Mason seethes. “You can’t do this. And I’m not a fucking beta male.”

I shake my head sadly. “Your head is so far up your ass you’ve become a trope of a man. You know what an alpha does? He looks out for others’ interests above his own. Like Charlie fucking Dunn, who loses sleep over the men he’s lost. Who looks out for his friends and takes care of his wife and kid. You want to be a fucking alpha male? Go join the military or something, man. And an alpha male sure as hell doesn’t talk about how alpha he is.”

“You don’t know what she’s like.” He looks at Luna now, his tone desperate. “You have no idea. She’d do anything for me.”

“Get a life, loser. You’re an alpha-male LARP. And that’s the worst fucking kind.”

Luna giggles.

“What the fuck is so funny?” he growls.

“Not that it matters—because his personality is why I fell in love with him—but his is…bigger than yours anyway,” she tells him. “Thought you’d want to know since you’re so obsessed with being alpha. And he doesn’t talk about it, which makes it even better.” She looks at me and smirks. “You’re way bigger,” she repeats, confirming my theory about guys who can’t stop talking about their dicks.

Mason’s jaw is wide open. But for once, he doesn’t have any fancy comeback.

I guess it’s not up for debate.

“Anything else to add, Reed?” She asks me.

I shake my head. “I think it’s time for a new chapter.”

Luna puts her van in drive and pulls away. Mason shouts something in the distance.

And neither of us could care less.