Chapter 35

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

SEVEN YEARS EARLIER

L aurie had no more tears left.

The funeral had been a quiet affair. Arthur was a pallbearer along with Dil and two other neighbours. Brenda had no family, and her parents were dead, but several people from the estate came to say goodbye and those that didn't, sent flowers. It warmed Laurie's heart that so many people loved her mother. Anika held her hand as they walked behind the coffin.

Today, she knew she had to be strong for Brenda. The vicar was kind and had said nice words about her mum, even though he'd never met her, but it wasn't the same as hearing someone talk about her mum who'd actually known her. Brenda hadn't been a churchgoer. In fact, this was the first time Laurie had ever set foot inside a church. At least her stomach had settled. She'd been terrified that she would throw up during the service.

‘Laurie McDuff is now going to say a few words,' said the vicar.

Anika squeezed her hand reassuringly. Laurie took a deep breath and walked to the podium. With trembling hands Laurie opened the sheet of paper that had her speech written on it. It had been well over a week since she'd had a drink. That, coupled with the pregnancy hormone changes, had left her feeling pretty rough.

Laurie swallowed and then leaned in towards the mic. ‘My mum wasn't perfect, and she'd be the first to say that. Don't sugarcoat it was one of her sayings. My mum didn't have it easy, but she made the best of everything and tried her best to give me a happy childhood. I loved my mum, and she loved me. There are many hateful people in the world…' Her voice broke when she thought of the life in her womb. ‘But my mum wasn't one of them. Brenda McDuff was kind and caring and accepted everyone for who they were. Yes , she drank too much, but as she would tell everyone, life had dealt her a bad hand of cards. I wish she'd been dealt a far better one because she deserved that. I will miss her every day and love her forever.'

The walk back to her seat seemed endless, but Anika and Arthur's warm embraces finally allowed her the freedom to cry. Anika had arranged for Laurie to move in with her family, and Arthur was set to move on.

‘You know I love you, girl,' he'd said. ‘But there's nothing here for me now. I'd make a lousy dad, and I know Anika will take good care of you.'

‘You've been a great dad,' she'd reassured him.

It had been her mother's wish that Laurie lived with Anika, and Laurie knew that at some point, she would have to tell Anika about the baby and her decision to have an abortion. There was no way she could give birth to that monster's child.

As she watched the curtains drape around her mother's coffin, like warm, comforting arms, she whispered one last goodbye.

When they returned to the estate for the wake at Anika's house, Laurie saw men from the council painting the inside of what was once her home.

‘Jesus,' she said, ‘look at them.'

Before Anika could hold her back, she was storming towards them. ‘What the fuck,' she shouted. ‘We've just cremated my mum. This was her home. Couldn't you have waited a few days? Didn't we move out fast enough for you?'

‘Sorry about your mum, love, but we're just doing our job,' one of the workmen said, clearly uncomfortable.

Anika pulled her by the arm. ‘Come on, Laurie. They don't understand. They're just doing what the council tells them.'

‘It's like she never existed,' Laurie cried.

Anika led her away gently. At that moment, Laurie wished she were dead, just like her mum.

So many people hugged her. ‘So sorry,' they said. ‘If there's anything we can do,' they said. ‘Such a terrible loss for you,' they said, and all Laurie wanted to shout was, ‘He raped me. I'm pregnant, and I didn't even get to tell my mum. What am I supposed to do now?'

Sometimes, she felt guilty for not telling the police and would think about all the other girls he would do the same thing to. If she did go to the police and it went to court, and she lost, which she surely would because he'd get the best solicitor, wouldn't that be even worse? After all, people like him had friends in high places.

What would she get? Legal aid, that's what. Girls would watch and see how humiliating it was, and it would put them off even more. No, there had to be another way. That's what her mother would have said. It might take her time to think of it, but she would. First, though, she would need to tell Anika about the baby and the abortion, which would be hard to do without a few drinks inside her.