Chapter 9

What on earth was she doing?

Emily hadn’t a clue. All she knew was that she’d been completely bowled over by Stratton’s confession about her making him nervous. It was hard to believe she was able to have such a potent effect on anyone. But it had made her think over all of their previous encounters in greater detail.

What if his face hadn’t grown red with anger as she’d always believed, but rather because he’d been flustered?

She thought that adorable if it were true, though she’d never dare tell him as much.

Add to this the manner in which he’d held her after saving her in Hyde Park, the occasional touches he’d delivered while at the fair, and the distance he’d put between them after she had suggested a marriage between them would not be a love match but rather one of convenience.

All of it reminded her of Ada’s and Harriet’s words.

Perhaps they were right.

Maybe Stratton did have an interest in her beyond simply having her help him with Peter. And if so, wasn’t it worth exploring when she herself had recently realized she wanted more than friendship from him?

Wasn’t this what had caused her to come up with this insane idea of a fake courtship to start with? So they could play-act a little and maybe let their true feelings show?

It was all meant to be very proper of course. No impassioned lapses in judgement to put them at risk of actually having to marry. Unless they chose to.

If Stratton proposed, she wanted it to be from the heart.

The first part of her plan, to discover if he might be open to more than friendship with her, had presented itself when he’d asked to stretch out his legs. She’d imagined it might be like last time: comfortably reassuring.

However, she’d not anticipated his response, never mind the effect it had upon her.

With just one look, he’d turned her into a woman intent on seduction, even though she hadn’t the foggiest clue how to do it. Somehow, by simply responding to him, she’d figured it out though. If the heated look in his eyes was any indication.

She gripped her reticule firmly in her lap and stared straight ahead, at the man who sat before her, looking much like he tried to undress her with his gaze. Heat swept the back of her neck and her pulse quickened to such an extent it rendered her breathless.

The edge of his mouth rose with smug satisfaction, as though he knew precisely what he was doing to her and how needy it made her. Heavens, she actually wanted to pull him toward her and press her mouth to his.

Thank goodness Georgina was with her to stop her from being so brash.

The carriage began to slow. It pulled up in front of Seaton Hall’s entrance moments later. The door was opened and the steps set down. Stratton alit and turned so he could assist her. Their fingers touched, sending a jolt up her arm. She gasped, missed the next step, and fell.

A strong arm caught her and pulled her upright. She reached for support until her palm came to rest on a muscular chest. Tilting her head back, she stared into Stratton’s captivating eyes and saw temptation.

His hold on her tightened a smidgen. It seemed his throat worked as he swallowed.

“My lady,” he murmured right before easing her gently away and adding appropriate distance.

He helped Georgina next before offering Emily his arm. “Shall we?”

She accepted his escort, which kept her weak knees from buckling, and allowed him to guide her inside Seaton Hall’s medieval foyer. Tapestries hung on the walls, adding color to the otherwise grey granite stones. Emily’s heart ached at the sight of the flowers placed on display, precisely as her grandmother liked them.

“How is she?” Emily asked her grandfather when she and Stratton met him in the parlor.

“Much like yesterday,” Grandpapa said, his voice hoarse. “No signs of improvement.”

“I’m so sorry.” Emily stepped forward and wound her arms around him in an affectionate hug. Releasing him, she said, “I was hoping I might be able to see her again.”

Grandpapa tilted his head. He glanced at Stratton with an assessing look that brooked no nonsense. “You’ve every right to, Emily, but why on earth would you bring the Duke of Stratton with you?”

Emily blinked. She’d believed her grandmother might have mentioned their conversation, but it seemed this wasn’t the case.

She raised her chin. “The duke and I have been secretly courting these past two weeks. Mama and Papa don’t even know, but it’s the reason I turned away Millfield. I wasn’t planning to say anything yet, but in light of what’s happened, I’d like to share the news with Grandmama. It will please her to know that I’ll soon be settled.”

Grandpapa frowned. “I agree, but I don’t understand the secrecy, Emily. Stratton’s an excellent match, unless there’s a reason your parents do not approve?”

“Oh no.” She waved a hand while trying to think of an explanation. “It’s not that. It’s just…um…”

“Lady Emily and I have had our differences in the past and have only recently become reacquainted,” Stratton said, stepping forward. He placed his arm around Emily’s shoulders and drew her close to his side. When he spoke next, the warmth in his voice turned her legs to mush. “We wanted to get to know each other properly without the attention and fuss we’d face if our courtship were publicly known.”

“This may surprise you,” Grandpapa said after a brief hesitation, “but I rather approve of that notion. It’s important to know who you’re planning to spend your life with. Figuring that out is far more easily done when you’re not under scrutiny.”

“Our thought exactly.” Stratton spoke so convincingly Emily almost believed they truly were courting.

It’s just pretend. You mustn’t forget that.

“So you’ll keep this a secret until we’re ready to make a public announcement?” she asked even as her heart gave a few extra beats.

“Of course.” Grandpapa’s eyebrow’s dipped. “Your grandmother’s maid was tending to her when you arrived. I’ll go and see if she’s finished so you can be shown up.”

He departed, leaving Emily alone with Stratton and Georgina, who remained some distance away, near the door. Emily glanced around, feigning interest in the room despite being very familiar with the space. She was keenly aware of Stratton’s proximity. One small step to the right and she’d bump into him.

It was strange how bold she’d felt in his presence while in the carriage. Now that they were more or less alone – or at least out of anyone’s earshot if they chose to whisper – their flirtation, if that was what one might call it, made Emily feel awkward.

She supposed the incident needed addressing, only doing so would be acknowledging that she might possibly harbor some deeper feelings for Stratton. The whole situation was made worse by the fact that she was the one who’d placed her ankle against his boot. He’d simply stretched out his legs.

Should she apologize?

No, she did not dare.

Instead she said, “The explanation you gave Grandpapa was very inspired. Thank you.”

“It wasn’t much different than the truth.”

She glanced at him then and saw that he was studying her with sharp interest. A shiver slid down her spine. She quickly averted her gaze and went to admire the porcelain figures that stood on the fireplace mantle. They’d been gifted to Grandmama by her parents when she was a child.

“She’s ready to see you,” Grandpapa said, returning a few moments later.

Emily turned and saw that Stratton offered his arm. She crossed the floor to where he stood, ever conscious of the heat flooding her cheeks. Unable to look him directly in the eye, she kept her gaze firmly upon the door as she linked her arm with his. Together, they followed Grandpapa from the room and climbed the stairs in the foyer.

They’d almost reached the upstairs landing when Stratton slowed his pace, holding Emily back. He dipped his head and when he spoke next, the low rumble of his voice had the most delightful effect on her nerves.

“Regarding what happened between us in the carriage…”

He wished to speak of this now?

Emily shot him a hasty look. “Nothing happened.”

“I disagree.”

“Our legs touched, that’s all.” She’d returned her attention to Grandpapa, who’d stopped to wait for them outside Grandmama’s bedchamber door.

“Yes,” Stratton agreed, “but it was the way in which they touched that demands addressing.’

She knew he had a point, but she really had no wish to discuss it. Certainly not now. “It will have to wait until later.”

“Just tell me it meant something to you.”

How could she possibly find the courage to do so when it felt as though her world was ending?

Impossible. Stratton demanded too much.

She shook her head. “I think you’re making too much of this.”

He stiffened slightly beneath her touch. “Of course. How foolish of me.”

She wished she were able to say something more but they’d reached Grandpapa now, denying her the chance.

If only Stratton had waited for a more suitable time to broach the subject. Now she was left feeling like she’d betrayed him somehow.

Emily huffed a breath and followed her grandfather into the bedchamber where her grandmother lay. The curtains had been drawn to let light in and a window stood open to allow for fresh air to enter the space. Swallowing hard, Emily let go of Stratton’s arm and approached the bed.

It was in many ways harder today than it had been the day before. Time had passed in the meantime, bringing her grandmother closer to death. Emily’s throat tightened and her eyes began to sting when she saw the difference twelve hours had made. Her grandmother seemed a lot wearier now, as though she found life too exhausting and longed for a rest.

Emily took her hand and lowered herself to the edge of the bed. “I’ve returned, and I’ve brought the Duke of Stratton with me. Grandmama, I’d like for you to meet my suitor.”

Her words were so raspy, Emily wondered if her grandmother could understand what she said. A handkerchief materialized before Emily’s eyes and when she glanced up, she saw that it was Stratton who’d come to her aid. What stunned her though, was that his eyes glistened as though he too were struggling to keep his emotions at bay.

“Thank you.” Emily took the handkerchief from him and dabbed at her eyes.

Grandmama’s pale blue eyes found the duke. “A…pleasure. Emily did say…but I didn’t…believe her. You’re not…you’re not…didn’t think you the marrying sort.”

Stratton placed one hand on Emily’s shoulder. When he spoke, his voice was so soft and tender it made Emily weep even harder. “I wasn’t until I met your granddaughter. That is, she and I met many years ago, but our encounters with one another weren’t the best. It took time, years in fact, before the chance to get to know each other properly presented itself. Having spent more time in her company these past two weeks, I’ve grown to appreciate how incredible Lady Emily is. In truth, she’s the most remarkable woman of my acquaintance.”

Emily struggled to breathe on the heels of this speech. Her heart was thumping madly against her breast. Goodness, the man played the part of smitten beau well. She almost worried she might be in danger of swooning.

“When…will you…marry?” Grandmama asked.

A startled laugh rose from Emily’s throat. “Goodness gracious, Grandmama. We’ve only been courting a short while. I’ve yet to receive a proposal.”

Her comment seemed to remove what little energy Grandmama had been able to put on display. “My…dearest…wish… See you married.”

“And I shall be,” Emily told her while tears streamed down her cheeks. “I promise.”

Grandmama shifted her gaze to Stratton. “Can you…give the same…assurance?”

“Of course,” Stratton said without hesitation. “Allow me to put you completely at ease, Lady Seaton.”

Emily breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t sure how she would ever thank him for what he was doing for her today. It was beyond kind. She caught his gaze in the hope of imparting her gratitude, and was stunned when he lowered himself to one knee before her.

“Oh my,” Grandpapa murmured.

“What are you doing?” Emily asked. It seemed obvious, but she simply couldn’t believe it. This wasn’t part of the plan.

Stratton carefully took her free hand while holding her gaze. “I see no reason to wait any longer. Not when these past two weeks spent with you have given me so much joy. Your kindness is unmatched by any other, your companionship so delightful I cannot imagine living without it. I want you in my life, Emily. As my wife and duchess. If you will have me.”

“I…” Emily stared at him, at the sincerity burning in his eyes. It was confounding and had the effect of making her mind go blank. All she knew in that instant was him. And yet, what he was asking was no small thing.

Get a hold of yourself.

It’s all part of the act.

“This is the part…where you say, ‘yes’,” Grandmama rasped.

Emily blinked while a thousand thoughts sped through her mind. She’d come here to make sure her grandmother died with the peace of knowing that one of her grandchildren would get married. It was never her intention to pretend she and Stratton were engaged. By getting down on bended knee, he was forcing her hand. How could she refuse without letting Grandmama down?

She had to say yes, there was no other choice.

“Yes,” she told him while feeling as though she were watching herself in a tragic play. Not even the happiness bubbling inside her when Stratton responded with a broad smile, was real.

This had gotten completely out of control.

“Well get off the floor, man,” Grandpapa said, “and kiss your fiancée.”

Concern flickered behind Stratton’s eyes for the very first time. He gave Emily a hesitant look before rising. The happiness bubbling inside her died. She’d been right. It was just for show and this proved it.

“I don’t think that’s very proper,” Emily said in an effort to stop the situation from escalating further. Stratton clearly had no desire to kiss her and, while she could not say the same, she really didn’t want to be kissing a man unless he wanted to kiss her as well.

“Nonsense,” said Grandpapa. “You’re engaged now, we’re family, and you are not out in public. So go on. You ought to seal the deal.”

“He’s right,” Stratton said. Without further warning, he pulled Emily into his arms and pressed his mouth to hers in a kiss so swift she scarcely had time to register what was happening before it was over.

Her legs wobbled and she reached out her hand, grabbing hold of Stratton’s lapel while she fought to regain her balance.

“Well done,” Grandpapa cheered. “Congratulations on your engagement. I can’t wait to share the good news with your parents.”

Emily froze. “You said you would keep it a secret.”

“When you were just courting I saw no reason not to. Now that you’re getting married, your grandmama and I will both want to celebrate with them.”

Oh God. What had she done?

“I’m so…so…happy for you,” Grandmama said between strained breaths. “Once you have children, you’ll know what it means…to be truly blessed.”

Emily stared at her. This could not be happening.

“Thank you,” she managed, feeling as though every part of the orderly life she knew was coming apart at the seams. To say nothing of Stratton’s life. He’d done this to help her and look where that had led him. She couldn’t even look at him on account of how awful she felt. It didn’t matter that he was the one who’d made matters worse. The only thing of importance was that he’d never have done so if she hadn’t asked for his help.

At least Grandmama smiled. That was something, but was it enough to make up for this utter disaster? Somehow, she’d have to find a way to fix it, but now wasn’t the time. The promise of loss was too crippling. She couldn’t think, could barely find her next breath.

It felt like the air had been sucked from the room. Yet somehow, she had to find the strength to hold it together, just long enough to get out of the house.

So she took a deep inhalation and spoke past the lump in her throat.

“It’s been wonderful seeing you again, but we probably ought to get going.” Leaning forward, she placed a kiss to her grandmother’s cheek and told her softly, “I love you with all my heart, Grandmama.”

“I love you too, Emily.”

The words caused additional tears to fall as Emily took her leave. She wiped them away with Stratton’s handkerchief while making her way to the carriage. Once inside, she focused on staring out the window as they drove away from Seaton Hall. She could not look at Stratton, even though she knew there was so much for them to address.

If only it would all go away by itself so they could return to normal.