Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

Miles threw himself on his lumpy sofa and covered his face with his arm. He stayed in a similar position for hours, regretting his choices one minute and regretting nothing the next. Though she had rejected him, at least she could not doubt his feelings. His secret was out.

For years, he had battled to hide his affection and for good reason. He firmly believed there was a time to swallow a desire if it would not grow into the path one wanted. Why follow a road leading to a dead end? He had imagined confessing a thousand times, but it had always pointed to the same miserable destination—heartache.

Everything had changed, however, that day in the church with Jemma's sudden decision to marry. And now look at him. He was in the very place he had feared being in. At least Lisette had been spared thus far. Well, wallowing around for all eternity was not going to be his fate. He needed to do something useful before he went mad.

His mind latched onto an idea, and he sat up in a rush. The room spun, and he clutched his head until the dizziness passed. Jemma had wanted him to talk less and act more. She might actually be proud of him for what he was about to do, if she ever forgave him. Moving to his secretaire desk, he sat and pulled out his writing box.

He would not renew his feelings to Jemma but put his efforts toward something she would approve of. He intended to write a letter to every person he knew for this secret project. He'd learned long ago that Rebel work had the capability of distracting him better than anything else. He dipped his pen in ink and breathed, "For Jemma."

One sheet of paper after another, he scrawled his request. Long into the night, he wrote until his fingers ached. Thoughts of Jemma compelled him to keep going. Twice, he rose to stretch his stiff muscles before sitting and writing again, refusing to think again on his bleak future. In the early hours of the morning, he picked up the remaining nub of his candle and took himself to bed.

There was nothing more exhausting than a broken heart. That was the last thought he had before sleep overtook him.

y

Jemma pushed aside the sketch of the gown she had been working on. She had sent out a few to magazines but had yet to hear back. She ought to send more to London to the dressmaker she knew there, but concentrating was madness.

Miles had wanted to kiss her.

He loved her.

Heat flooded through every limb, infusing her with incomprehensible happiness and utter terror at the same time. Despite the cold fireplace, the room was suddenly overbearingly hot. She propelled herself out of her chair toward her bedroom window. Fumbling with the latch, she pushed it open, throwing her head through the opening. "It's not real!" she squealed.

"What?" came a distant voice.

Her eyes darted about only to see the gardener working a shovel into the ground directly below her. His gray clothing blended directly into the stone wall. And he had heard her girlish scream of delight mixed heavily with denial.

"What's not real?" he asked again.

She looked around for something—anything to comment on. "The flowers ... are not real. They are too beautiful. Well done, Mr. Hansen."

He gave her a strange look and nodded. "Thank you, miss."

She pulled her head back inside her room and took several steps backward. She had gone from an intelligent, logical woman to a hysteric fool. Miles was completely to blame. He wasn't supposed to care for her. Not in that way. Her heart leaped with elation in one breath and plummeted in despair in the next. It was everything she'd secretly dreamed of and her worst nightmare too.

She covered her face with her hands. She had narrowly kept herself from kissing him. She groaned. How could she fix this? Miles had to hate her now, and if Lisette ever found out, she would despise her too. She wanted to put aside her promise to see Lisette happily married and take Miles for herself.

"It is selfish!" she announced to the empty room, dropping her hands to her hips. How could she break Lisette's heart—her own best friend?

A true friend would bind up her feelings. She had done it once, swearing off love entirely, so certainly she could do it again. What was the point of being born with such willful resolve if she did not use it?

A knock sounded at the door.

Jemma whirled toward it. "Come in."

Mrs. Manning stepped inside. "I assumed Lisette would be in here. I thought I heard voices."

"Just me." She produced a sheepish smile.

"Even better. There was something I wanted to ask you privately." She pushed her drooping coiffure up, but it fell directly back down to its odd angle when she released it.

"Go ahead."

"Frankly, I am worried about you. You came home from your walk yesterday with puffy eyes and tearstained cheeks. Is there anything amiss? I do not want you to feel trapped in this house or in your soon-to-be engagement."

Jemma had managed to hide most of her emotions from the Mannings, but yesterday's encounter with Miles had left her undone. "I might not be perfectly happy, but I am getting there. And it is all thanks to you and Lisette and this family," she added quickly.

"So ... everything is well with Mr. Bentley?"

Jemma swallowed. "As well as can be imagined." She hadn't meant to sound hesitant, but her tone betrayed her. "It's just not how I expected it to be. I have much to learn, it seems."

Mrs. Manning came fully into the room and tucked Jemma into a hug. "Dear girl. Even the most capable humans have much to learn in this life. Remember not to settle for the easy road. Not when the harder path takes us toward a greater happiness." Mrs. Manning pulled back and gave Jemma an affectionate smile. "We love you, Jemma. And we will support you in whatever you decide." She released her and quietly left the room. Mrs. Manning's advice lingered long after her departure.

Even the most capable humans have much to learn.

Miles. He was her teacher ... In fact, he was all of Brookeside's spiritual instructor. But even he did not know everything. Maybe he needed lessons of his own. She would take the harder path toward Mr. Bentley so they could all be happier. It would be up to her to remind Miles of why he had fallen for Lisette and not Jemma all those years ago. His feelings for her cousin were likely hidden by insecurities. Miles had willingly helped Jemma in her time of need. Could she help him in return?

Jemma rushed back to her desk, pushing aside her sketches and pulling out a fresh sheet of paper.

Dear Miles,

Lesson one . . .