20. Adam

20

ADAM

W hen I arrive at Janus’s apartment block, there’s a towering Christmas tree in his foyer and I admire it for a couple of minutes while the doorman calls up. A few moments later, I’m staring at my reflection in the glass walls of the elevator, heading to Janus’s penthouse. Two amazing apartments in one day. I don’t think I ever expected to be rich with my business, but I’d like to live somewhere a bit better than a tiny studio in an old rundown building where half the time the heating is off and the water system doesn’t work properly. But then Janus opens the door with his crazy mop of hair, wearing some nerdy glasses, sweats, and an old T-shirt, and my heart lifts. Perhaps we’re not so different: Reassuringly, he looks just like he did in college, minus the weight.

“Don’t let the press catch you dressed like that,” I crack.

He glances down at himself. “This goddamn code,” he grumbles, turning back toward the huge space that houses his open-plan kitchen and living room. “I’ve been stuck in the weeds for days. Sorry, I probably also smell at this point. Not that you’ll find that at all unusual. Come on in. I am so fucking pleased to see you.”

There’s no awkwardness that I’ve turned up to stay with him, no probing questions. I release a long breath I didn’t know I was holding .

“Beer?” he says, diving into his fridge, as I take in the warm yellow lamps and beige couches that someone’s added some cushions to since I was last here.

He turns and scans down my body. “Why are you in your gym clothes?”

“Long story.” And one I don’t want to get into. “Mind if I take a shower?”

“Be my guest. Come and join me in the study when you’re done.” He gestures down the corridor on the far side of the kitchen. “You can take the blue room, third door on the left.”

I’ve always liked how Janus doesn’t sweat the small stuff. He’s always on a mission with his business or with Jo and sometimes pushing you along too, if you let him. If I told him about all the media speculation and Arty Maroz, he’d probably just say, “Idiots. Forget them, Adam.”

I dump my bag down in a gorgeous bedroom, all fluffy rugs and navy walls. Stripping off, I dive into the shower and, as the hot water rains down on me, I soap up and wash off the remnants of the last few hours. I wish I could rid myself as easily of the shame. I dry-humped Anna Talanova in her gym. You know, the international tennis star. Smooth, Adam . What would Janus say if I told him? Good for you? I laugh for the first time since this whole thing started.

As I pull on some jeans and a fresh shirt, my stomach grumbles from a lack of food. I walk through to the kitchen to track down Janus, and the lights of New York glitter beyond the long windows on the far side of the space. I’ve been here before to do stuff with him, so I make my way to the study, tucked away in the farthest corner of the apartment. Two cats are nestled together on a beanbag beside a desk that runs all the way down one wall with two chairs and a bank of screens. A window at the end frames the roof of the old warehouse building next to his. I smile.

“Every time I’ve been here, I’m always struck by how this is a den for two techies … even before Jo moved in.”

Janus laughs as he spins around in his office chair, the screen behind him covered in code that makes my fingers itch.

“We have this huge, beautiful apartment, and Jo and I spend ninety percent of our time holed up in the tiniest space in it with two cats.”

“They look pretty cozy. ”

“Yeah, they have their moments. Just like Jo and I. They don’t argue as much as we do, though. That’s what I get for shacking up with a woman who’s smarter than me.” He winks at me.

“And she puts up with you,” I say, with a grin. “The press was so much fun while you were dating.”

“Not sure I’d call it fun,” Janus grumbles. “She thinks I’m a lightweight. She likes talking to Fabian about security stuff. I struggle to keep up with them most of the time.” A wry smile twists his mouth as he looks down at his keyboard. “I still can’t believe how lucky I am to have found her.”

And that’s all you’d want, isn’t it? To feel lucky? I feel incredibly lucky to know Anna … if I haven’t messed the whole thing up.

Janus raises an eyebrow at me. “Pull up a chair and tell me what’s wrong with this code,” he adds, gesturing at his computer.

“Take me through what it does.”

And all the thoughts of being hungry, the shame of what I’ve just done, drift away in the clarity of functions and algorithms. We’ve just got on to discussing the problems with relational databases when the apartment buzzer goes.

“Are you expecting anyone?”

“It’ll be a delivery,” Janus says.

“Get some more beers, would you?” I add as he heads out the door, and he gives me the finger. I lean closer to the screen and examine a routine he’s written, but in seconds he’s back.

“Apparently, Anna Talanova is here,” he says, glancing at his wrist and narrowing his eyes at me. “I’m assuming she’s here for you, since internationally renowned tennis players don’t usually spontaneously drop by my apartment.”

My stomach sinks as I nod. “Probably.”

“She’s running around after my buddy, huh?” He winks. “She’s on her way up. I’ll shut myself in here while you two do your thing, whatever that is.” He grins a shit-eating grin, and I roll my eyes at him.

But as he heads toward the front door, I’m right on his heels, coming to a halt behind him when he opens it up. Something sour turns over in my gut at the way she aims her big smile straight at him and how he envelops her in a warm hug. But then I feel small paws pressing against my leg, and I peer down to find Pepper, wagging her tail like a maniac. I bend down to give her a rubdown.

“Hey, Janus,” Anna says.

When I look up, Janus is giving her his casual lady-killer grin, and I want to punch my fist through a wall. How did I ever snag a girlfriend in college standing next to Janus, all golden, cute-boy charm, and Fabian, Mr. Bad Boy personified with a hint of dangerous and fucked up thrown in for good measure? The memory of the girlfriend I did get, and how lucky I thought I was and how wrong I was, makes me light-headed for a second.

“I presume you’re here to see this idiot,” Janus says, jerking his thumb toward me, and oh, for once, he doesn’t know just how right he is.

“Come in and have a drink,” he adds. “What would you like?”

Her eyes skim over me, and my face heats, but hers dart away, a hint of pink hitting her cheeks, and something warm ripples through in my groin. For fuck’s sake .

“Do you have an herbal tea?”

Janus rolls his eyes. “Athletes! Not even a glass of wine?”

Her eyes sparkle as she shakes her head and says something in Russian that I don’t quite catch.

I haven’t heard her speak Russian before, and a shiver runs from my head to my toes. She’s sexy in these unconscious little ways, Anna. But my head is like a runaway train. Now I know her face and the sound she makes when she comes, I’ll never put the genie back in the bottle.

“What was that?” I say, taken aback by the growl in my voice.

She grins at me, and it’s almost shy, and that does nothing to persuade the possessive asshole who’s suddenly seized my body to step down. Her eyes meet mine, and in seconds, I’m back over her watching her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks and the red building under her gym top, feeling the tingling in my pelvis. My cock doesn’t seem to want to forget being pressed into her. The idea of just being friends flew right out of the window the minute I sat on her and started talking about jujitsu. Fuck .

“My body is a temple,” she says.

I’m less like a temple and more like a raging inferno.

Janus pulls a sad assortment of teas out of his cupboard, and Anna manages to dig out a mint one. He putters around in the kitchen making her a mug then turns to the fridge, pulls out a six pack of beer, and hands me one, raising his eyebrows and smirking. He waves his hand in the direction of the den.

“I’m in the middle of some software, so I’m going to leave you guys to it.” And he pivots on his heel and exits the kitchen.

Pepper is sniffing along the kickplate under the cabinets. Anna rolls her lips together and takes a sip of her drink, not meeting my eyes. “Adam, I’m so sorry,” she says.

My mouth falls open. “What? Why?”

She runs a hand over her hair. “I’m so embarrassed! I rolled my hips up into you, and then I …” She stops abruptly.

Then you came all over me and it was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen? What is she apologizing for? Without a second thought, I step forward and wrap my arms around her, and, because I’m an idiot, I kiss her forehead. I made her come and then shot off like my ass was on fire. I think I’m the one who needs to apologize here.

“It’s me who should be sorry. I feel like a creeper.”

Her head tilts back, and her wide eyes meet mine. “What? Why?” She bites her lip. “I can’t believe I did that. You left so suddenly, and I’ve co-opted you into this crazy shit and turned everything upside down for you. You can’t even go home! Two minutes in contact with your body and I’m rubbing all over you like a cat in heat.”

Two minutes in contact with my body … I tip my head back and examine the ceiling. “I left because I was embarrassed, Anna. I couldn’t control myself. I rubbed all over you and lost it completely and …” I can’t say that I came in my pants like a teenager. I tighten my arms and whisper in her ear. “I came, too.”

“Oh!” Her face flushes, but her eyes are bright when she tips back to look at me. “I’m glad it wasn’t just me. ”

“No. Fuck, Anna. No.” I groan. “That whole thing was as hot as hell.”

Her body relaxes into mine.

“You’ve been messed around by all these guys behaving like jerks and then I offer to teach you self-defense, and once I’ve got you on the floor I’m all over you because I couldn’t control myself. I am the worst kind of guy.”

Her breath is a warm puff over my neck as she laughs quietly. “Do you think we could stop apologizing to each other? Stop debating who rubbed off on who?”

I squeeze her closer and kiss her temple again. “Okay.” But being this close to her, my body is amped up. “It was amazing.”

She groans into my shoulder. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Me neither, I don’t say. The tight antsy feeling in my chest starts to ease for the first time this evening.

“I don’t think that’s a training session I’m going to forget in a hurry,” she adds, laughing quietly again.

“Tell me about it.” I start chuckling. “I think you’ve ruined jujitsu for me.” I pull back to look at her. “It’s been a long time for me, Anna. I know that probably sounds weird, but the woman I was with in college, I don’t want to get into what happened with her, but I’ve found it difficult to trust anyone since. Even for a hookup. That’s why I lost it.”

She rests her head on my shoulder. “I don’t mind you losing it, Adam.” Her face turns pink again. “Are we okay?”

Anna’s fast becoming my favorite person, but I’ve fallen hard and fast before and I need to keep a guard on myself.

“We’re good.”

When I look down at her, her lips are right there, and all I can think is how soft and warm they were under mine, the taste of ginger and toffee. I lean down and brush my mouth over hers and her lips part, our tongues tangling. The whole thing goes from a lip touch to a scorching kiss in three seconds flat. My cock hardens in a heartbeat. “Oh, this one!” it seems to be saying. “I remember her. That was a good time.” The sex bit of my brain, now it’s woken up, doesn’t want to go back to sleep .

“Do you want to stay over?” I say, pulling back, and fuck, my restraint has taken a long dive off the top of a cliff.

“With you?”

“If you want to, although I’m sure Janus has other bedrooms.” I glance at my wrist. “It’s late. Have you eaten?”

She shakes her head.

“If you stayed, I could rustle us something up and you could avoid the paparazzi in the morning.”

“I have practice.”

I smile at her. “How early?”

“7 a.m. I’d like to stay, but I have nothing with me and I’d need to get up at the crack of dawn. Will Janus be happy with having Pepper? He has cats, doesn’t he?”

“You can sleep in my T-shirt. I’ll talk to Janus. I’m certain the cats will survive for one night.” Am I railroading her? Maybe. “Let me show you where I’m sleeping.”

When I tap on the study door, Janus peers over his shoulder with that grin on his face again.

“Enough already,” I say before he opens his mouth.

“My lips are sealed. What do you need?”

“Anna’s going to stay tonight. Is it okay if Pepper’s here? I wasn’t sure about the cats and …”

“They’ll be fine.”

“Have you eaten? Is it okay if I raid your fridge?”

“Yeah, I’ve had something. Feel free to raid anything you like.”

“Have you got a spare toothbrush?”

“Of course, anything else?”

“Just that, I think.”

He stands, smiling. “Guess my tech help got a better offer, huh?” He heads off to hunt out a toothbrush.

Janus turns up with a toothbrush just as I’m raiding his fridge, and I cook some toast and eggs and we chat with him as we eat at his kitchen island. Then we bid him goodnight and head into the bedroom.

After Anna showers, she appears in the T-shirt I’ve given her and slides into bed. Seeing a woman in my tee … it makes my chest tight in an unexpected way. It’s been a long time. I take another quick shower and pull on my boxers, examining my face and the inky smudges beneath my eyes as I brush my teeth. Nothing’s happening tonight, Adam. We’re sharing a bed, that’s all.

The room’s dark when I open the bathroom door, so I pad across the floor and climb under the covers, settling on my back and tucking my hands behind my head. Anna doesn’t move or say anything. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I listen to her breathing. Did she fall asleep that fast?

“Anna?” I whisper. Nothing.

I guess she did.

When I wake again in the middle of the night, I’m wrapped around something warm, something else pressing into the hollow of my back. It’s such a foreign feeling. I live alone. When did I even last touch someone out of affection? I peer over my shoulder and can dimly make out the shape of Pepper curled up. My nose is surrounded by a cloud of tickling hair, and I’m inhaling rose and mint. My arm is tucked over Anna’s waist, every fingertip resting on abs that are firm under my palm, her bottom snug against my crotch. Her lungs move against my torso, the steady in out, in out of the deeply asleep. Protectiveness roars through me, and I curl in a bit more, wanting to absorb her. The warmth surrounding me seeps in everywhere, stirring something deep in my body, like a peace and light I haven’t felt for a long time. Perhaps not ever.

We had a cat when I was younger, and my mom didn’t let it any farther into the house than the kitchen, but sometimes it snuck into my room and hid under the covers down by my legs. When my mom asked whether I’d seen it, I said I hadn’t, so the cat got to spend the night in the warmth with me, like a furry hot-water bottle. I’d sneak him outside early in the morning to do his business so my mom wouldn’t find him in the house, and in this way the cat and I avoided the trouble that that would bring. He always seemed to understand. He would look back at me as he headed off down the path in the backyard as if to say: We know what we’re doing, you and I .

For the last eight years, I’ve always thought I enjoyed the peace of my apartment. A quiet little space where I can sit and think and do my own thing, nobody needing me or asking me to do anything. After Celine and realizing what she’d done, having the apartment was like throwing off a huge weight, like I’d dodged a bullet and cheated life, and I’ll forever be grateful to Fabian for what he made me understand about how Celine behaved. Living alone without the oppressiveness of first my mother and then her, I was giddy. But now all this with Anna is making me wonder. Has it been peace or avoidance? Have I buried myself away? My eyes drift shut. The heat, the comfort of a shared experience, holding on to something and being held in return. I loved that old cat at home. He was my best friend.

When I wake later, Pepper and Anna have gone, and when I turn, blinking at the clock, it says 8 a.m. Light is seeping around the edges of the blinds and casting lines across the ceiling. I can’t believe we slept curled together like we’ve been sharing a bed forever.

You don’t have to head into the office today.

Would Janus be up for working with me this morning? We haven’t done that in a long time. I fling back the covers. I want to sit next to an old friend and chat about software. But first, coffee.

I whisk through the shower and head through to the kitchen to find the machine has already brewed a pot of coffee, so I pour myself a mug and make my way to the study where Janus is peering at his screen, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. He turns to me with a smile.

“Have you been here all night?” I say.

He shakes his head. “Bed at about 1 a.m. I heard Anna leave around six, so I got up about 7 a.m. and put the coffee on, came and sat down, and now you’ve appeared.”

“You want a refill?” I nod at the mug on his desk.

“Yeah, please. Good night?” he adds, smiling.

He didn’t give me shit last night, but I think I’m going to get it today.

“Thanks for letting Anna stay.” I sink into the seat next to him and pick at my hands. “We’re in a funny place, I guess. ”

“Funny place?”

“Friends, maybe more?”

“You want more?”

I laugh. “Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Why would she be interested in a guy like me?”

“That’s not what I meant, buddy.”

“I have nothing to offer a woman like Anna Talanova.”

“You have everything to offer her, Adam! Loyalty, kindness, commitment, honesty, friendship, other talents that I don’t know about and wouldn’t want to know.” He winks at me then sighs. “It’s no surprise you’re in an odd place. She’s had a bad time of it, and so have you. People took advantage, but you’re both amazing people, and if it becomes more … then I couldn’t be more delighted for you.”

“Thank you.” I chew my lip as I stare at the code on his screen. “I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten over what she did.”

He understands immediately who I’m talking about, of course he does. “It’s been a long time, Adam, and if you still feel like that, then you should get some help, some therapy. It was abuse.”

“It was.” I take in the concerned frown on his face, and I know that expression only too well: the Janus-is-about-to-wade-in look. I tap his arm and pick up his mug. “I’ll think about it, okay?” I nod at his computer. “Same issue as last night?”

He studies me for a beat, as if he’s not going to accept the subject change, then he huffs and turns back to his screen. “Yeah. Wanna help?”

“Let me get your coffee.”

Five hours later, I think we’ve broken the back of his problem, and Janus is bouncing around talking about how this is going to solve lots of issues with his company’s software.

“Lunch?” he says.

I pick up my phone to find pictures of Anna, looking like she’s arriving at the place where she practices tennis. When I click on the link, it takes me to some gossip site:

ANNA TALANOVA DEFENDS DECISION TO TAKE OUT RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ARTY MAROZ

Fuck! Was she doorstepped this morning? The article has today’s date on it, but they could be using old shots and regurgitating old news.

I glance at the time: 3 p.m. I shoot her a text:

Got fed something from a news website. Were you ambushed today?

There’s no immediate reply: She’s probably still playing. I pad through to the kitchen where Janus is brewing some fresh coffee.

“Looks like Anna was ambushed by the press this morning,” I say.

“Really?”

I hand him my phone.

“Goddammit, I hope she’s okay.”

“I sent her a message. She’s a tough cookie. Seems to think it goes with the territory.”

Janus nods at this. “Yeah, you can’t raise your profile and benefit from that in terms of business or sponsorship or whatever the fuck it is, and then expect them to back off when there’s some more juicy stories around. That’s why Carly is so invaluable: She manages to spin it to your advantage most of the time.”

“She’s been a godsend. Even in such a short time, I don’t know what I’d do without her. I can’t thank you enough for insisting I use her. Are you sure that …”

“Adam, I don’t know what you think happened with my business, but I didn’t make it on my own. I had investors and loads of advice and help. Success is a team effort.”

I nod at this. I don’t think I’m bad at being a team player exactly; I just know my role and it’s not being a leader. I’m more the one who keeps everything on track .

About an hour later, my phone buzzes with a message:

Bit of a nightmare day.

Then:

My dog walker picked up Pepper from the practice facility at 7 a.m. this morning and the press gave her a bunch of hassle. One of them even tried to grab Pepper. The walker was freaked and ran, then bailed into a cab. She took Pepper to her mother’s house in Queens.

Crap. I tap in a reply:

Can I do anything? Come and pick you up from somewhere?

I’ve got Pepper back now, but the media are still outside my apartment building according to the doorman. Making a real nuisance of themselves. Where are you?

Still at Janus’s. Come here. We can have dinner here and chill.

“Is it okay if Anna comes here again?” I say to Janus. I turn my phone around and show him the texts.

“Goddamn it,” he growls. “Tell her to come and stay. Why don’t both of you crash here for a few days? It’ll take them a while to work out where you are, and you could do with a break from all this hassle, yeah? Tell her to bring Pepper. The cats will survive having a dog here. It’ll be good for them to have some more excitement in their lives. Plus, it’s Thanksgiving on Thursday, and I’d be on my own otherwise, so let’s do a proper dinner, the whole works.”

Janus says to come and stay for a couple of days. By then, hopefully things will have died down a bit. He said to bring Pepper, and that having a dog would be good for the cats. Hahaha.

Sounds amazing. Is he sure? He must have lost his mind.

He never had any sense to begin with. But his place is as cavernous as yours. We can put Pepper at one end and the cats at the other. He says we can do a Thanksgiving dinner together on Thursday.

I add a winky-eyed emoji. Then I type:

We can sort something with Pepper if it’s a problem.

Thanksgiving! I always forget that.

I guess we’ve both been a little distracted.

Let me organize some stuff. Give Janus a big hug from me.

You can give it to him yourself when you get here. And me!

I’m an equal opportunities hugger.

When Anna arrives an hour later, she has Pepper on a leash and is still wearing what I presume to be her practice gear. I take in her tight shorts and top and drag my eyes away, stepping forward and pulling her into my own hug. So warm and solid.

“You found some workout clothes,” I mumble.

“Yeah, I keep some stuff in my locker. It’s surprising when it comes in useful, and, despite everything, I had a decent practice. Mainly fueled by anger at all this bullshit.”

“I know the feeling,” Janus says from right behind us. “All the speculation in the press Jo and I dealt with drove us mad. Come and have a drink.”

“Is the glass of wine from yesterday still available? It’s rest day tomorrow. I might as well celebrate with half a glass.”

Janus grins. “Absolutely. Let’s go wild. Adam?”

“I’ll have whatever Anna’s having, thanks. Make mine a full glass.” I wink at him.

Anna claps her hands like an excited child. “I’ve none of my nutritionist’s food! Can we do a takeout? Oh, this is like a holiday!”

Janus starts to laugh. “I’m up for that. What do you want?”

“Indian. The full works—tandoori chicken, korma, samosas, rice, naan. I’m starved. All I had was an energy bar because I didn’t have my prepped meal and we couldn’t buy a sandwich without being hassled.”

“Sounds like a nightmare,” Janus says.

“Gah, I wouldn’t have got anywhere if I buckled under a bit of media aggravation.”

She absorbs pressure like a sponge. She doesn’t take any bullshit from anyone. She reminds me of Jo. Perhaps you have to be like that when people are snapping at your heels all the time.

Janus winks at her. “So, what are you doing hiding out here then?”

“Someone else is here,” she says, cheeks going a bit pink as her eyes dart to mine and away again.

And my whole body roars. She likes me? We were friends, and she was okay with the jujitsu debacle, but this feels like a deeper admission. An admission that she wants to be with me . That this is good for her. This remarkable woman who is made of titanium. And for the first time it occurs to me that perhaps she was as eager as I was for what we did on the floor of her gym and I didn’t cross some boundary I shouldn’t have crossed. I want to smack my head. I’m always two steps behind, like I’m so rusty I can’t keep up with how this works. I made her come, and I ran away like an idiot. I should have lifted her over my shoulder and taken her to bed. I want to push Janus to one side and pin her against the kitchen cupboards.

Now I’m turning into an antsy, aggressive guy.

“Let’s order Indian,” Janus says, like I’m not exploding inside.

I can hardly manage sitting quietly nursing a glass of wine while Janus and Anna chat about their days. I am mute.

“So, you’re going to stay for a few days, right?” Janus says, after the food has arrived and containers are spread out across his dining table. I can almost see the cogs in his brain whirring, how he’s sliding into the role of matchmaker. He’s invested after he persuaded me to go to that event. He’s never been Mr. Subtle.

Anna’s eyes dart from him to me, and I smile at her because, dammit, I was already down for staying at her apartment. As far as I’m concerned, we’ve just switched venues.

“To be honest, you’d be doing me a favor,” Janus adds. “We can do Thanksgiving together. It’s shit on my own when Jo’s away, and you can’t leave me with this guy.” He jerks his thumb toward me.

Manipulative bastard.

Anna forks some rice into her mouth. “I’m sure you guys would have an amazing time being geeks together.”

She’s not buying his smokescreen. A laugh bubbles up.

“It’d be good to escape the media attention, though, wouldn’t it?” Janus counters with a smile.

She shakes her head. “I can’t believe I thought it was a sensible idea to encourage it. ”

He shrugs. “It’s difficult to make publicity work how you want, especially when you’ve got assholes working against you.”

For a hot flash I think he means me, but then I realize he’s talking about Arty Maroz.

“Why did I get involved with Arty the Asshole?” Anna says with a deep sigh. “I’d love to stay, Janus. I’ll ask someone to bring my stuff over here.”

Later on, we all veg out on the couch in front of a soccer game. Anna’s case arrives, and soon after, at about 9 p.m., she declares she’s tired and is going to bed. Janus decides he’s got some more work to do on his software, so I chat with him for about ten minutes and then follow Anna into the bedroom. She’s sitting on the bedcovers in the T-shirt of mine she wore last night, her long bare legs crossed as she studies her phone.

Somehow this is more loaded than yesterday. “Are you okay with sharing a room?”

She raises her head, smiling. “That’s a question?”

I walk around to lie down on the other side of the bed from her and prop my hands behind my head. She turns to study me, and I stretch out my hand and beckon her closer, and she shuffles up, placing her phone on the nightstand. Her head settles into my shoulder, and her hand lands on my stomach, which my libido finds far too interesting.

“I’m sorry I left you lying on the gym floor after what we did,” I say. “I can’t believe I bolted. It seemed logical at the time, but …”

She chuckles. “The whole thing was a bit of a surprise if I’m honest.” She squeezes my middle. “A good surprise.”

She lifts her head to look at me, and my gaze roams over her lips, cheeks, and deep-brown eyes. My hand invades the back of her hair, loosening her ponytail, the strands like silk against my fingers as I lean in to brush my lips across hers. Her mouth chases mine, and my body tightens as her hand moves from my abs up my chest.

She pulls back. “You said it was really hot. It was for me, too. Clearly! ”

I groan. “Don’t say things like that. I’m about to share a bed with you, and I won’t be able to keep my hands to myself.”

“You don’t have to keep your hands to yourself! And I’d do another jujitsu lesson with you any time.”

I laugh, rolling her onto her back and nuzzling into her, and that smell of ginger and toffee fills my nose again. I kiss up her throat, and she tilts her head to give me better access. Fuck, I’ve missed this. Touching. Being touched. Warm skin under my fingertips. I trail my mouth over her cheek and find her lips. I’m hard already, and I don’t want a repeat of the gym where my control went out the window, so I ease off a little, rolling onto my side beside her. She turns her head on the pillow to look at me, reaching out to stroke her thumb across my lips.

I can’t quite rid myself of the thought that she’s this megastar and I’m a random guy who hasn’t had sex in a really long time. “So, what are we now, friends with benefits?” I blurt out. Can I not be smooth for one second? Open mouth, engage brain later.

She shrugs. “I don’t want to label it at all to tell you the truth. Perhaps we’re doing what feels good, what we’d both like to explore. God knows, the boyfriend/girlfriend thing hasn’t worked for either of us.”

I reach up and capture her hand, squeezing her fingers. “I like you, Anna.”

This gets me a beaming smile. “I really like you, too, but I want to be cautious. I’ve dragged you into a mess of my own making—rather selfishly, I’m thinking now.”

“Maroz created the mess, not you.”

She nods, and her pink lips are right there, so I lean in and touch my mouth to hers. It’s like my body has woken up from some deep slumber, like I have no say anymore in where this goes. But she’s just as eager, opening her mouth as our tongues meet in a heated tangle. Perhaps resisting whatever this is is an impossible dream right now.

Kissing down her neck, I move the T-shirt with my nose, and her palms trail down the front of my shirt across all the buttons, so I shift over her propping myself up on both hands as she fumbles and starts to pop them open, strong fingers working their way down from my chest to my waist. Holy hell, I want them somewhere else. My hips tilt forward into her of their own accord, and she wriggles against me, eyes meeting mine with a smile.

“Are you rubbing all over me again, Anna?” I say, grinning.

“I hope so. I went off like a bomb last time.” Her answering smirk makes me laugh.

But her questing fingers have reached my zipper, and she trails a thumb down the front of my jeans. Vibrations spread out from where she’s touching me, and I close my eyes, heart thumping.

“Anna.” My eyes pop open to fix on hers. “I haven’t … I haven’t done this in a while.” Shit, I don’t want to admit how long it’s been. I’ve been celibate, sort of by choice, for the best part of ten years. It wasn’t even a conscious decision—my business just sort of took over my life.

Her eyes are fixed on mine. “How long?” she whispers, and I shake my head. “What have you been doing instead? I mean …”

“My hand has been my friend if I’m being honest here.”

“But why?”

I rest down on my elbows. Maybe I don’t need to tell her the whole story. “The relationship that blew up in my face in college broke something in me. At first, I didn’t want to be anywhere near a woman, and somehow I let that feeling carry on and I buried myself in my business. The idea of doing this …” I swallow thickly. “You’re the first woman I’ve wanted to be with in years. That’s what happened in the gym: I had a mini freak-out.”

She squeezes my waist. “Just to reiterate, I liked what we did in the gym.”

I grin down at her. “Despite me disappearing into the bathroom like my ass was on fire?”

She laughs. “Despite that. I enjoyed being sat on and ground against.”

“That sounds good.” I tilt my hips into her.

“Actually, I just liked seeing the pain on your face.”

“Oh, so you’re a masochist? No, that’s not right: a sadist. You like torturing men. ”

She laughs. “Perhaps it’s my new kink.”

I raise an eyebrow. “So, it’s not just men you like to torture; it’s this particular man right here?”

She hums a little. “Well … men like to dominate in bed, or at least the ones I’ve been with have. You didn’t do that with me. It was all push and pull.” She bites her lip. “It was … hot, Adam.” She goes a bit pink.

“Here and now … best-case scenario, my control will be terrible. Worst-case scenario, I won’t even be able to do it.”

“We don’t have to do anything .”

Do nothing ? When she clearly wants to? I chuckle and run my nose across her cheek and nibble her earlobe. “Oh, yes we do.”

She shifts her pelvis, rubbing against me, then wraps her legs around my waist and rolls me. And I don’t even think about it: I shift my hips to the side and lock a leg over her thigh and roll her straight back.

“Fight moves,” she says with a grin.

“Oh really? You want to fight me?” I groan and close my eyes. “I’ve never had so little control as I did on the floor of your gym.” I laugh. “Perhaps we both discovered a new kink on that mat.”

But in the heat of being over her again, I’ve forgotten how strong and competitive she is. She rolls me again, putting herself back on top, shifting backward an inch into just the right place, and all my fight moves fly out the window as my pelvis tightens. The only thing stopping me from pushing inside are two flimsy little bits of fabric. I can’t help but push up and rub my erection against her, and the warmth and the ease of movement tells me she’s slick and ready. I run a palm up her leg and tease my thumb over the crease at the top of her thigh.

She blinks down, lips parting, so I burrow under the elastic of her panties, and oh yes, this is so much better. Concentrating on her instead of me. That’s how this works . My finger brushes along the edge of the smooth skin there, all soft and warm. A shudder rolls through her body.

“You’re so good at this,” she whispers.

I am ?

Emboldened, I dive deeper, my thumb stretching farther across her skin, into the wetness that makes everything slide around. She gasps and grinds down on my erection, widening her legs, and I’m embarrassingly close all of a sudden. Maybe that’s just how it’s going to be. Maybe it’s her.

With both hands planted on my chest, she rubs against me in earnest, eyes roaming my face and a slight crease between her eyebrows. Warning tingles travel from my balls and up my cock. Oh, fuck.

“Adam! I need …”

“Yeah, me too, baby, hold on. I need my wallet.”

“Did your condoms expire in 2009?” She grins.

“No, smart-ass.”

She laughs. “Where is it? I’ll get it.”

I nod toward the bureau, and she levers off my legs, my T-shirt sliding over her strong thighs, her dark ponytail cascading down her back, all mussed up from my grip. When she comes back with a condom, I place it on the comforter next to us and urge her back over me. My hands drift over her hips, up into the T-shirt, and when I reach her ribs she arches back, so I rub my thumbs along the underside of her breasts. She grabs the top and pulls it over her head.

I am not prepared for the muscle definition of her torso and naked breasts. They’re toned, full, and round, a perfect handful, and I slide my palms over her, thumbing her nipples as her thighs tighten around me.

“You’re so gorgeous,” I whisper.

With a half smile, she shuffles back, her gaze snagging on my open shirt, her hand coming out to stroke the trail of blond hair down the center of my stomach, and my abs flex under her questing fingers. She’s too close to my erection pressing against my fly. But there’s no hesitation as she undoes my top button, fingers exploring where I’m hard. A groan rumbles up my throat as she parts the fabric and my hips lift almost of their own accord. She drags my jeans down, feeling the shape of me through the front of my boxers, touching my balls when she gets to the base. Goosebumps ripple over my arms and chest.

Sitting up, I press my body into hers as I twist to shrug out of my shirt, finding her lips as she pushes the cotton off my shoulders. My hand steals up to take the tie out of her ponytail, hair spilling around her face and over her collarbone, and I grasp huge greedy handfuls of it, as I rub my chest against hers and trail my lips from her mouth down her neck, skin warm and damp. My hand slides up to cup her breast, bending my head to suck on a rosy nipple, lapping at it with my tongue and then testing my teeth on it. It tightens in response, so I roll the hard nub between my lips.

“I want these off,” she gasps, hands scrabbling at the elastic of my boxers as she pushes them down, and my cock springs free. She wraps a tight hand around it.

“Oh, this is so sexy,” she whispers as a long groan shudders out of me. I can’t take her hot hand on me, not if she carries on exploring the way she’s doing now, her thumb rubbing over my tip and down, finding the sensitive area at the base and playing, playing, playing. And I must be leaking because the movement of her finger is easier and slicker with every passing second. She’s swiping back and forward as shivers run down my back and my legs.

“Anna!” I gasp. “Stop. Stop. Too good.” I take her mouth in a bruising kiss. I’m burning up, heat radiating off my body, sweat breaking out across my skin. She leans sideways and grabs the condom, tearing at the wrapper with her teeth, swiftly examining it, and rolling it down over me. The whisper of her fingers on my cock makes me jerk.

She shifts over me, and I press into her and fuck … I’d forgotten this: a tightness along my length like I’ve never felt before.

“Christ, you feel good.”

Can I remember how to do this? I give an experimental push forward, and my eyes roll into the back of my head. Christ, how long am I going to be able to last? But I don’t think she needs me to. She’s already gasping, hands on my shoulders and grinding down into me like she can’t hold back, like she wants what I gave her on the floor of the gym.

Okay then.

I roll her over .

“Adam,” she exhales on a gasp, her long dark strands splaying like a spider’s web across the pillow.

I prop myself up on my hands, and her fingers tickle down my side and over my abs, exploring where I disappear inside her. A trailing hand drifts back up to play with the hair on my chest. It’s ticklish but sexy how much she likes touching . All my nerve endings are on fire. Everywhere her fingers land sets up an answering call in me, electricity snaking through my torso and pulsing in my cock.

“This is so good,” she gasps.

Damn right it is. I reach down and run my thumb over the soft skin between her legs, finding her nub and playing gently. I want to do everything here. I want my mouth all over this sweetness. She’s so wet and tight, making the slide in and out easy but so fucking good. Fit and strong, she’s rising up to meet my hips on every stroke; she’s active under me. It’s missionary position but like something else entirely. I’m watching her abdomen contract and the muscles in her arms move as she trails her long fingers all over my torso, tangling in the hair on my chest and my stomach.

I lean down into her and trail my lips across hers. “How are you doing, sexy girl?”

“Oh God, Adam, it’s just … I never want to come.” She lifts her knees and locks her feet around my ass and she’s lost the friction of me against her, but some memory of how this works makes me push deeper, playing with her between her legs.

“Oh … Oh … Oh. More, Adam .” Her torso arches off the bed.

“More what?”

“I don’t know!” she gasps. “More everything.”

“So demanding.”

“Sorry … I …”

“Shh. I like the demands, Anna.”

I firm up how I’m rubbing against her and thrust harder. How am I holding on here? It’s like a tag team of her losing it then me losing it. The tingling in my balls started so long ago, but if I concentrate on her, on giving her pleasure, somehow I can override the pressure that’s building at the base of my cock like a huge dark cloud on the horizon.

I like strong women, I realize now. I think Janus and I have that in common. Celine turned out to be needy in the worst possible ways, though she appeared strong when I met her. There’s something so hot to me in a woman challenging me and not having a problem with me challenging her back. Not shying away from anything, even rolling me during sex .

I start to laugh, and my hips falter as Anna’s eyes widen on mine. “What?” she whispers.

I lean down to kiss her, still laughing. “I’m sorry,” I mumble. “I thought the fight moves were funny.”

She growls at me and rolls me again, and I’m weak with laughter as she widens her knees and sinks deeper, hands on my chest as she leans forward and moves her hips.

“Yes,” I gasp, trying to grasp onto the last threads of the rope that’s rapidly unraveling. “Take what you need.”

My thumb finds her nub again, rubbing softly. I’ve no hope of holding off now, her wetness is all over my fingers and the sight of her breasts moving and the muscles of her strong arms and shoulders is too much.

“Anna, I’m going to …” The tingling races up my legs and into my balls.

“Yes,” she hisses, forehead dropping down to meet mine, and I tilt my chin for a sloppy kiss as she starts to contract around me. My whole body locks, my cock jerking inside her, and I roll her fast, thrusting, once, twice, and empty myself into the condom as I grind all over her. Her eyes widen, unseeing, fluttering shut as her head goes back and she jerks and shudders under me.

I bury my head in her throat, my length still twitching as I inhale her sweet smell, now mixed with sweat and sex. “That’s called a power move,” I gulp out. “The final killer roll.”

She snorts, then blows a raspberry into my neck.