14. We Don’t Always Get What We Want

My head is fuzzy, and the world looks the same when cracking my eyes open. I try to move, then find I can’t go anywhere. I look down to find a heavy parka wrapped tight around me.

What? I never needed a parka before in my life. Snow covers my body like I fell asleep in a blizzard.

“What, where am I?” My breath creates a frosty puff of air when I speak.

The last thing I remember… My parents, telling them I chose earth magic and they… they accepted my decision. They accepted? Are my memories right?

Yes. They accepted my decision. I headed to meet Ewan… then what?

I headed to meet Ewan and then—Percy.

“Good, you’re awake!” He looms over me suddenly, wearing a manic smile.

I jump and thrash at the sight of him, and the snow packed around me begins to give way.

”Stay put,” he orders, snapping his fingers.

In an instant, something coils around my arms and legs, constricting them tightly. Metal bindings chilled by the frost in the room secure me in place. Traces of the metal element run through his veins, just like the ice in my blood.

Where are we? Percy’s room. That’s where we are. His room of solid ice still stands. Worse than before, it looks like a cold front swept in and turned his room into an icy tundra. How?

”What are you doing?” I ask shakily, thrashing weakly against the bonds holding me.

”Don”t worry about it,” he commands firmly. ”Just stay right there.”

”Stop! You can”t—”

”Can”t? Of course I can,” he replies casually. How can he abduct me and tie me up without blinking? It is, well... chilling. ”Don’t worry. None of this is happening. You”re only having a bad dream.”

”I”m not falling for that,” I scoff.

He shrugs nonchalantly. ”Fine, you”re in a waking nightmare. Happy now?” No, not at all.

My head pounds where he struck me. I can barely think. I have Ewan’s mark on me, but I can’t feel my other tokens nearby. Percy probably took them. With so much snow and ice here, summoning earth magic will be a huge challenge in my current state.

A connection to the ice remains, running through my veins. The only way to remove it is by accepting the essence of another element. When tapping into the ice and trying to blow away some of the snow surrounding me, a glow near my feet illuminates the inert ice token I swapped with Percy”s. It lays neatly on top of the pristine snow covering me.

He”s done something to the token. Any time I try to cast, the token glows and nothing happens. He”s blocking my magic. I”m bound and helpless.

Percy’s own ice token remains safely in the custody of others. So how is it so freaking cold?

The head injury or the biting chill that goes so deep even I’m aware of it means that it takes far too long for me to put the pieces together. It doesn’t click until I watch Percy create a solid block of ice in front of my feet.

”W-what, no… Your token—” The token with ice”s blessing that allows him to cast safely is gone. He’s casting anyway.

“Yes, you stole it. Removing the wolves is a lost cause since you caught me, but I won’t give up on the rest.” He mutters to himself as he positions the ice block with his illicit powers, sliding it until it stops against the soles of my shoes. “Not the first setback, doesn’t matter, none of it matters… Nothing will stop me. Nothing, nothing…”

“You”re hurting yourself,” I realize with horror. “Stop casting! You need a token; this is too dangerous. You”re risking your life, your brand. Why in the world—oh.”

Percy said something when he found me. The Ice told me no too. If I didn’t accept its decision, why would I accept yours?

Realizing the truth, I ask, “Ice—the Ice rejected you?”

“I know!” he crows with a cackle of mad laughter. “It surprised me too. There”s no reason.”

”You”re insane. That’s reason enough.” Failing a test means a caster can try again later. Rejection is final.

”What better show of devotion than to be willing to risk my sanity, my health, my very life to change Ice’s mind?”

When I told the wolves that Percy was taken care of with his token gone, it was supposed to be the truth. He’d never risk the brand. But I didn”t have the whole picture. He already lost his chance at an icebrand. Percy had the option of finding another element, metal perhaps, but… instead he did the unthinkable. He went rogue.

He decided he’d rather have ice magic instead of any other element. Now whether he could see it or not, he was paying the price. We both were.

Creating this ice laden room, using magical frost to damage the wolf’s land, every single time he’s cast since rejection just digs him deeper and deeper. Being without the token simply escalates the process. He’s already deteriorated so much since I saw him last.

Without magic to depend on, I lick my dry lips and try to get assistance the human way. “H-help, help!”

”Oh, shut up,” he scolds. “My father is, grudgingly, on my side. He hid news of my rejection from everyone, even my own mother.”

What? Why would he do such a thing? The parka providing some protection only helps so much. The cold is starting to sink in under the layers. All I can whisper is, ”Why?”

“Come on, Jack, you must understand.” Percy looks disappointed in me for not getting it. ”I’m a Brass. Do you think branding in my second choice will spare me the shame and humiliation of being rejected? A Brass cannot be unworthy of an element, it’s a disgrace. My father agreed and realized we could solve several problems at once. He made sure no one else knew about the Ice’s decision and hid me here while I worked on getting a second chance. In exchange…”

“In exchange,” I fill in, “You’d finally drive the wolves away from their land here at your exclusive vacation home.”

Percy’s father helped him hide Ice’s rejection and in exchange Percy takes care of his father’s wolf problem. That way they each get something they want while buying more time to try to prevent the public humiliation they so fear suffering.

I was right when I concluded that ice magic was everything for Percy. Any shot at ice magic is better than none. He can’t handle the rejection and is desperate to believe there’s still a chance.

Suddenly I understand why us casters are supposed to have support systems and more in our lives than just magic. Percy only has ice magic and his father enabled his disillusion instead of making him face reality. I’d feel bad for him, if he wasn’t holding me hostage in this frozen deathtrap.

“I”m Ice”s most loyal follower. No obstacle will stop me.” He scowls at me. “...But your family kept getting in the way.”

“We did?”

“I told my mother I needed privacy to focus on branding, which did not stop her from telling her friends I was home.” Including my mother. The rest is obvious. They only sponsored Percy long-distance because they trusted his parents. They still demanded to see him whenever all three of them were on the same continent. “Gwendolyn demanded an appearance. I was supposed to have lunch with you first and then all four of us would get together and figure out exactly what you and I were missing and what we needed to do to brand.”

However, I had disrupted those plans by skipping our lunch, unintentionally doing Percy a favor.

He chuckles, finding a silver lining in my actions. “I planned to say hello, pretend everything was fine to buy some time, and then stall and make myself scarce. You ditching me gave me a wonderful excuse to avoid your family without arousing suspicion.” He was snubbed first, by me, so we thought nothing of it when he avoided us.

Percy creates another block of ice, boxing me in further. I have no idea what he’s doing, but it can’t be good. The snow goes up to my shoulders and a block of ice barricades me on all sides. The only clear area is the space above my head, though he stands over me and blocks out everything else.

A parka can only offer so much protection when buried under heaps of snow in a giant snow globe. The first tremor shudders through me. The cold is getting to me?

All this is more than I can handle, apparently. My natural tolerance for ice has hit a breaking point…the cold hurts. I shiver and feel the awful chill of being surrounded by snow and ice. Once I start shivering, I can”t stop.

Will he really bury me in snow and create an icy tomb around me?

”How will killing me solve anything?” I wonder.

He ventures closer to gape at me. ”I’m not trying to kill you, Jack. You’re unprotected. I saw the end of the ritual. You’re unprotected and my actions are catching up with me. We’re in quite the predicament, aren”t we?”

“So stop it,” I plead. ”Save us both.”

“Don”t you see? The Ice likes you, I feel it. It will accept you if you let it.”

”N-n-no, I-I—”

”God, why are you shivering?” He laughs and spreads his arms. “All this ice and my body feels like it’s on fire. How are you cold? I’m burning up, but it doesn’t matter. We’re so close. You can save us both, Jack. All you have to do is accept the ice element. Then the cold won’t hurt you. Once I deliver the caster Ice does want, it will see I’m worthy and take me too. God, why is it so hot in here? I like it cold!” He fires a jet of frosty mist into the air.

Surrounded by so much snow and ice that even I feel it, yet Percy doesn’t. He wants ice magic so badly he’ll do anything and he can’t even feel the cold in his glorified snow globe of a room. It appears he’s been given the opposite of what he desires. The more he tries to create cold, his body gets hotter. I’m freezing and he’s burning.

See, this is exactly why you don’t piss off the elements.

“Come on, Jack. Accept Ice. You”re the one with the power to save us both.”

I shake my head weakly.

A flash of anger crosses his face when I’m not convinced. “Stop looking so pathetic and helpless! Ignore the pain. All you have to do is ignore the pain! Soon, this really will just be a bad dream. We won’t hurt anymore, we’ll both be icebrands, and all this will seem so silly.”

Some method lurks in his madness after all. With my protections lifted, all this concentrated snow, ice, and ice magic is too much for me to withstand. The overexposure to this element has dwindled the grace period I have before branding down into nothing. I need a brand fast. But accepting the earth’s essence is not an option in his ice palace. If Percy can force me to accept an icebrand, he believes the Ice will welcome us both.

That’s actually a pretty good argument. Either that or I’m as bad off as him. I don’t even know if it’s possible for me to accept ice’s essence. The element never tested me. I’m almost positive that he’s never ever going to see any brand, including ice. But still, it’s a pretty good argument given the shape he’s in.

”Percy, none of this will work if the cold kills me first.”

”That”s a chance I”m willing to take.”

No, there”s one last hope. I have to use it to stay strong.

”Y-you won’t win… E-Ewan w-will come… h-he’ll find me.” The words are an incredible strain to get out, but he’s my last hope. We set up a time and place to meet. He’s helping me get my brand and then we’re celebrating together. He knows I won’t miss that. He knows I’m meeting him.

I just have to remember that Ewan is on his way. When I don’t show up, he’ll come looking. I only need to hold on. Hold on long enough for him to find me.

“Who’s insane now, Jack?” Still him.

But even the chattering of my teeth has stopped now… that is probably a terrible sign. I can’t speak. I can barely muster enough energy to glare at him.

”You’re an indecisive little wannabe wizard,” he gloats above me. “I sent Ewan a text from your phone while you were knocked out. I told him you changed your mind and couldn’t abandon the ice after all. Why would he doubt that? You weren’t willing to fight for what you wanted for so long. He’s probably expecting just such a text from you. He’s not coming. No one is.”

I wish I could deny that. We confessed our feelings to each other, and we promised to meet. He’ll come looking. He must know I wouldn’t change my mind, not again after everything. But I’d been so conflicted and unsure, wavering and never going after what I wanted. What if Ewan thinks I got caught up in the excitement last night and now in the light of day I panicked and changed my mind?

If he got a text from my phone…I don”t know. Maybe he will have doubts or eventually realize something doesn’t add up. But time isn’t a luxury I have. By the time Ewan realizes, it will be too late.

My defenses are down and all the ice keeps gnawing at me. Percy stands proudly above me, smirking down at me being trapped.

”Embrace the Ice, Jack. Save yourself while you still can.”

The final block is ready. Percy removes the metal bindings and the ice token at my feet that he used to block my powers. He lifts the last ice block by hand cheerily and puts it over my head. Percy fuses all the blocks in place, creating a seamless tomb of ice, whistling a peppy tune to himself all the while.

* * *

My ice prison is cold and dark. If a rescue from Ewan isn’t a certainty, I need to… do something… I can’t just freeze to death.

But I can barely move. Barely think. Everything hurts. The stupid pain won’t be ignored… with a supreme amount of effort, I raise a hand and pound on the block of ice closest to me.

Okay, instead of pounding, my hand presses feebly against the ice. Am I doing magic? I try to do magic… nothing happens, which is not a huge surprise. Several attempts to use ice magic fail.

I manage to shape my fingers into a fist… I do not think I will be able to unclench my hand anytime soon, but I make a fist and dig it into what remains of Ewan’s mark on my chest. I press against the bite and try, try to cast earth magic… I can’t, I can’t keep…

A voice says something, too far away to be heard. If Percy is boasting or sharing more delusional wisdom, then I’m glad this ice prison is thick enough to drown him out. Small mercies.

I think… I think this is it.

I’m alone in the dark. I don’t know where Ewan is. I hope he’s coming. I wish I could see him again. If only I could tell him I didn’t stand him up, that I was so excited to meet him. After hardly being away from him for a day, I still couldn’t wait to see him again. He needs to know that but… my eyes close…

The chill around me lessens… it isn’t warm exactly but neither am I so cold. Oh god, that can’t be a good sign. Strangely, though… I feel safe, almost protected. I still can’t really move but I don’t feel as tired. It’s easier to think.

Stay with me. We need to talk.

The voice from before comes back. It just gets louder.

You’re in trouble.

Duh. I know that. But that’s what the voice is saying. The voice? Maybe it’s my own thoughts. I’m probably hallucinating.

Pay attention. You’re in trouble.

”Oh, go away!” I growl.

I’ll forgive the insolence, given the circumstances.

The words come from nowhere. They aren’t spoken out loud but in my head. Am I going crazy… or is something really happening?

No need to waste effort talking when the conversation is taking place in my head. I think what I want to say instead. ‘Hello? Who are you? How am I hearing you?’

Given your state, this honor is clearly wasted on you. I rarely give voice to my wishes. Forces should speak for themselves through action.

‘Ice,’ I think. ‘You’re Ice.’

Obviously. There is no need for introductions. We aren’t strangers. I’ve known you your whole life. I’ve always been a part of you.

I’m not alone in the cold and dark. Ice is here with me. Ice is also killing me, but it’s still comforting to think the element is here. I was born with Ice’s blessing in my veins, so it seems almost fitting to go out with it surrounding me too.

No, you aren’t dying. Not yet. I’ve bought you as much time as I can. Can you stop being so human and frail and listen to me?

Oh, the Ice pulled me back from the brink?

Ice is talking to me and it has… a voice of its own. A cold, impassive voice that whispers dryly. Traces of humor occur, but no warmth, like the element is totally unconcerned with the life-or-death situation taking place.

In fact, all my ‘human’ worries only seem to annoy Ice. Oh god, I’m annoying an element… oh dear. ‘Sorry?’ I think. ‘I’m very, very sorry.’

Things have gotten quite carried away, haven’t they?

Yes. And I remember exactly who’s responsible for my frosty tomb. ‘Percy. You can’t give him what he wants!”

You’re quite dizzy, aren’t you? I suppose I’ll forgive that too. He will never wear my mark. Ruthlessness has its place, of course, but it also has limits. He does not. My decisions are final.

Good call. Except… ‘His plan worked. You’re here. You came.’

Not for him. I came for you, Jack.

Should I be proud or worried? I remind the Ice, ‘No, I want earth magic. I choose the earth element.’

Yes, you did. You passed its test. That’s truly something to be proud of. Earth and I both have our places in the world after all.

‘I already decided—”

You chose what you wanted,the element corrects. But we don’t always get what we want, do we? I’m here to offer you a chance.

‘I’m sorry it’s not going to work out. We-we aren’t right for each other.’ This is unbelievable. Freezing to death, I’m trying to let an element down gently.

No, no, I’m not here simply to give you a chance to change your mind. I’m offering you a chance to survive.

Oh. The situation is exactly as dire as I feared. The Ice is here because it’s my only hope?

Adversity can foster all sorts of partnerships. This isn’t what you’d select for yourself, but you are freezing to death, and I’m the one who’s here. I never had the chance to offer you a challenge, so I suppose it’s this… survive. Accept me and the cold will not harm you. You will live. That’s all I ask of you. Survive this. Embrace me and survive this. Be strong enough to do what you must to keep going.

All my defenses are down. The magical and physical damage is heavy. I can’t escape this on my own. But Ice thinks there’s still a chance. Accepting its essence will allow me to live…

There are no takebacks. I’d be alive as an icebrand wizard. I would be an icebrand forever.

“I-if, if,” this is important enough that I need to say it out loud. “If I become an icebrand, can Ewan and I still be together?”

Human hearts are not something I have the power to foretell with any certainty.The element thinks over the question anyway, trying to give me an answer. Such a partnership seems destined to fail.Wolves do survive in the winter. They survive, but they do not thrive.

Then the decision is clear. “I’ll take my chances without you.”

Even if this kills you?

I decided what I wanted. I want Ewan and earth magic. Even if I can’t survive this… “I know what I want and I won’t be afraid of the truth again.” Even if it kills me.

I really hope this doesn’t kill me, of course.

I just need to... I need to find a way out of this and… sleep. No, that doesn’t sound right. I’m impossibly tired all of a sudden. It’s been creeping up on me, getting harder to ignore. I must resist... I need to…

Hmm. You know, you aren”t alone in here.

Without much energy left and with my decision made, I switch back to thinking instead of talking. ‘Because I have you for company? Not very reassuring.’ I’m getting a bit too comfortable talking to the Ice. ‘I know, I know, you’ll forgive me that one too?’

No, that one I quite understand. I was talking about the people on the other side.

‘What, like, the spirit world?’

No, the other side of me. I cannot simply let them enter, but… oh, what’s that over there?Hold on a moment.

As if I can do anything else.

Aha. I found something that may help. Consider it a parting gift.

What—oh. A burst of color against the relentless white. Ewan”s pink hammer materializes out of thin air, summoned by the very element that threatens to end me.

No, Percy threatens my life. The Ice serves as an unwilling co-conspirator, one that may have just leveled the playing field.

The sparkly pink hammer is in my hand.

I think about the warmth of Ewan’s smile, how it felt to create a magical garden with the man, and his sandy blond wolf form. I remember his mark is already on me, a warm, welcome reminder of our connection to each other and the earth. With every ounce of strength left in me, I channel my magic into the hammer.

I swing the hammer at the wall of ice trapping me. Earth magic, my chosen affinity, surges through my veins and into the hammer, driving away the icy chill.

The impact sends a crackling energy through the prison walls. The ice shudders and cracks.

”Break,” I command, my voice hoarse but determined. I strike again. The icy prison relents, melting away from me drop by drop.

As the frigid barrier weakens, a faint scratching noise pierces the silence. Someone is on the other side, chipping away with urgency.

Strong hands dive through the icy slush and pull me free. Still in Percy’s icy lair, the room around us is cold but my head is on Ewan’s lap. Ewan’s hands are warm on my face.

”Ewan,” I mumble, disoriented. ”How did you...?”

He silences me with a gentle touch. ”Don”t worry about that now. You”re safe.”

”But how did you get past Percy’s traps?”

“I didn’t.”

”I-I”m hallucinating,” I whisper.

”Hey, can you feel this?” His fingers trace a path down my cheek. “I didn”t bypass the traps; I charged right through them.”

“Ewan! Are you hurt?”

He chuckles lightly, even though I can see the pain in his eyes. ”I”ll be fine.”

”Really?”

”Of course. As long as you”re safe.”

With no way to detect or get around the traps, he ran right through them. Ewan was willing to get hurt and deal with the metallic barbs that the traps delivered because he had to get to me. I try to move and check his injuries, and my world spins before my eyes.

”Hey,” Ewan says urgently. ”Stay with me.”

”You”re here,” I murmur. “You came.”

He smiles, his eyes filled with warm humor. ”We had a date, remember? I knew you wouldn”t break it.”