Chapter 3

CHAPTER3

"You must be out of your mind if you think I will marry that man!" Leah could not control her shock, her disappointment, her anger with her own powerlessness in this situation.

"You placed yourself in this mess," her father reminded her as he paced about their drawing room like a caged tiger, unable to find release.

"I already told you that I have no idea how I ended up there," Leah reminded him angrily, placing her hands on her hips. This situation was getting worse by the minute, and she was becoming more and more helpless. She was stuck in a vicious cycle of rage and helplessness.

"And I already told you that I do not believe a single word of that," he snorted with disbelief. "How on Earth does one end up in man’s chamber, in one’s nightclothes among others!?"

"I was probably kidnaped!" Leah exploded, gesturing with her hands wildly about. "Did that ever occur to you? That perhaps, that man was behind this the entire time?"

Leah missed her mother more now than ever before. It seemed that the chasm between her and her father, which had opened up even before her mother’s death, was becoming bigger and wider, threatening to swallow them both, unless they were careful. Now, her father was taking the word of some stranger over the word of his own daughter. She simply could not believe that. Her mother would trust her. Her mother had always trusted her, and Leah in turn, felt like she could tell her anything, even her most secret wishes and dreams. That was the sort of relationship they had.

Then again, her mother had always been different. So different that it made her husband almost weary of her, cautious, always careful not to allow her too much freedom, when freedom was all Leah’s mother ever needed to be truly happy. Leah considered herself much like her mother in many respects, which only seemed to enrage her father even more, and make that chasm between them even bigger.

"You did not seem to be all that frightened of him, if he had indeed kidnapped you," her father said, more calmly, but with an undertone that Leah did not like at all.

"I did not claim that he had, only that this was a possibility," Leah reminded him stubbornly as she watched him continue to pace about the room. He almost seemed as if he wasn’t even listening to her, but every once in a while, he would look in her direction, his eyes filled with hopelessness and despair. "You know that whispers about him murdering his parents have been spreading like wildfire."

"We do not know if any of that is true," he said gravely. "You know that the ton likes to gossip, more than anything. They gossiped about your mother as well. Need I remind you of that?"

Leah pouted, her full lips circling into a silent ’O’. Of course, she did not need to be reminded of any of that. Those words, those accusatory looks were forever imprinted onto the canvas of her mind.

"No," she managed to muster through clenched teeth.

"Just because some Lord or Lady says that something is true, it does not necessarily make it so," he said with a heavy sigh. This conversation was a burden to him, just like it was for her. But she needed to make him see that this marriage would be a mistake.

"I have only ever been interested in the truth," she revealed something she hoped he already knew about her. "That is why I have been trying to find out if there is something that we might have missed regarding Mother’s death."

The moment she mentioned this, she knew she had made a mistake. This was the worst moment she could have mentioned what she had been up to for the past several weeks. However, she knew that this could all be connected.

"Please, hear me out," she continued, realizing what the expression on his face meant. She only had a few precious seconds left to speak, then the conversation would be brought to an abrupt end on her father’s part. Even though her mother had died two years ago, the wound was still as fresh and as painful as when they first heard the news. So, she quickly continued. "I believe that Mother’s death wasn’t an accident. There are simply too many things that don’t add up. What if someone orchestrated this whole thing, kidnapping me and then setting the fire, to kill me for trying to find out the truth about Mother’s death? What if–"

"Enough!!" Her father’s voice was so loud that it made Leah’s blood turn cold. She had never felt more detached from her father, the only family she had left. Right now, at a moment when they were supposed to be closer than ever, she felt them drifting more and more apart, without any hope of finding their way back to each other.

"You are just like your mother!" he shouted again. To him, this was an insult, a threat, a warning. However, to her, it was something completely different. It was proof that she was unlike anyone else in the world, that she was able to see what others did not and she was able to appreciate what others could not even see.

Leah wanted to remind her father that a long time ago, he loved this woman for exactly those same things which he was now accusing his daughter of possessing. But she dared not say it out loud. She bit her tongue instead and lowered her gaze.

"You are letting your imagination run wild again, and you are coming up with insane theories, just like she was prone to do," he said, more calmly this time, but that did not mean that he was any less furious. It was actually the opposite. When he was speaking in a calm and composed manner, Leah knew that he meant every word of it. Nothing was spoken in the spur of the moment. He knew exactly what he was saying.

"They are not conspiracy theories," Leah dared to say, but with much less confidence and determination. Her father was extinguishing that spark inside of her, just like he had done with her mother, someone he claimed to love more than life itself.

"They are exactly that," he corrected her, finally stopping in the middle of the room, occupying what seemed to be the bigger portion of it with both his body and his shadow. He was the dominant one here, in this conversation, just like he was the dominant one in Leah’s life, in her mother’s life while she was still alive. But her mother managed to keep a little bit of that freedom to herself, and according to Leah’s father, that was what killed her.

"I know you and your mother always wanted to make it seem as if life is this complicated affair, but it’s not," he continued. "Things are rarely as complicated as we like to make them out to be. Life is much simpler than that, and fantasies only do you harm. Just look at what happened to your mother. Her fantasies, her need for adventures ended up killing her."

Leah wanted to scream back at him that it wasn’t that at all. Her mother’s adventures were actually what was keeping her alive and full of joy and happiness. Her own husband’s lack of belief was hurting her more than she was willing to admit. Leah could see that. Her mother was the happiest when it was just the two of them. A perfect mother and daughter duo.

Her mother would take her to different places. She would show her the beauty of nature, of hidden spots that no one else seemed to know about. She showed Leah the preciousness of a kind word, the true feeling of the word tenderness and what it meant to be truly helpful to those who needed it the most. It was their secret. They never revealed much to Leah’s father regarding their outings. He would never understand. His mind was simply not wired in such a manner. Words of explanation would be wasted on him, so why explain when that served absolutely no purpose?

Then, she was gone, just like that. Leah was devastated. She refused to believe that her mother’s need for adventure ended up killing her. That was, at least, what her father said, what he claimed happened, without a shadow of a doubt. Leah could simply not accept that.

"You never understood either me or Mother," Leah said, knowing that this would hurt him. Good, she thought to herself. She wanted to hurt him, because she herself was hurt beyond measure.

"What is there to understand?" he asked, sounding incredulous. "Your mother lived in a make-believe world, and she threatened to take you there with you. I could see that you wanted to go. You wanted to believe her, but your mother... she was... lost in a fantasy. Eventually, we both lost her. I will never forgive her for that." His voice suddenly turned grave. It was as if he was not even talking about his beloved wife, but someone completely irrelevant, someone he once knew, someone who had hurt him immensely. "As for you," he continued, clearing his throat. "I see exactly what has happened, despite your desire to spin a web of lies over my eyes. You are having an illicit affair with the duke."

"Father, I swear I–"

"I do not know how long this has been going on," he interrupted her, lifting his hand with his palm turned out toward her, which signaled that this was her turn to be silent and listen. "I suppose it does not even matter. What does matter is the fact that you were caught in flagrante with the man because of an accident. That is all that fire was. An accident. You want to make it appear that someone started it with some hidden intentions, but sometimes, accidents are just accidents, Leah. There is no hidden explanation behind them. There are no villains. Only accidents."

Leah was listening intently, thinking about the term accident. She knew what it was. She knew the definition well. Only, she did not believe her mother’s death was an accident.

"And the duke," her father added, raking his fingers nervously through his thinning, graying hair. "There are so many speculations, hinting at the fact that he might have had something to do with his parents’ death. To tell you honestly, I believe he fared far better with them alive than dead. Apart from the title, he gained very little. My opinion is that his parents were killed by someone, a madman, which was an awful ordeal certainly, but there was no conspiracy there either. You create these things in your mind, because of some twisted need for adventure!"

"That is not true," Leah said, but nothing about her words was defiant. Her voice was losing its strength, little by little.

"Whether you want to admit it or not, it doesn’t make it any less true," her father pointed out somehow sorrowfully this time, almost as if he himself had just realized what was truly happening. He was growing apart from his daughter, and he, just like she herself, did not wish to see this happen, only neither of them knew how to rectify this situation. "Life is full of accidents, Leah. Sad, strange and horrific accidents, but accidents, nonetheless. We as humans need answers, explanations, but the truth is, sometimes, there are no explanations, and life must go on. Whatever has been happening between you two must now be made decent. You are to marry the duke and that is final."

Leah’s entire body wished to protest against this order, but she knew it would be to no avail. She could hear the determination in her father’s voice. She also knew the situation she had somehow fallen into. The fact that she was seen by their entire neighborhood in her nightclothes, running out of the duke’s mansion in the middle of the night was enough to completely destroy her reputation. Leah could not allow that to happen, if for nothing else, then for the memory of her dear mother. She had to comply. There was no other way out of this predicament.

Her father’s questioning glance hung in the air about her, waiting.

"All right," she finally acquiesced, lowering her gaze all the way down to her feet, as she always did when she knew that she was defeated. That was exactly how she felt. None of her explanations were taken into consideration, and she was considered to be a liar by her own father.

What could be worse than that?