Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

Kat

L ooking around my small apartment, I wonder what memories this will evoke for Gabe today. It was so different when we were using it to sneak around back in college during the summer months, all bare bones living for transient employees. Now it screams Kat Blackburn with all my redecorating, but I'm not sure Gabe really knows who Kat Blackburn is anymore.

We agreed to let Gabe and Sylvie have time here today rather than at the big house. While the police have let our family know that their investigation into both Gabe and Rosemund has confirmed that Lionel acted alone, Ethan is still tense about anything dealing with the Mardraggons and it's best to keep the men separated. Ideally, we'd spend some time outdoors because the end of May in Kentucky is beautiful, but it's been raining steadily all day.

So it's going to be me, Gabe and Sylvie in my little seven-hundred-square-foot apartment that holds the ghosts of memories of my time with Gabe.

For over a year, we kept our relationship secret and met up here on school breaks and summer vacations. It's above one of the smaller tack rooms out near the retirement pastures and can't be seen from the main house. It became a special place for us because the more time we spent together, the harder we fell for each other. It wasn't all the time but it was enough that I can see Gabe in nearly every corner of this place.

Sylvie is at my small kitchen table that only seats two, finishing up her homework. I watch as her pencil flies across her math problems, her brow furrowed in concentration. I'm surprised she can focus because she's been nearly beside herself with excitement that her uncle is coming over.

It nearly broke my heart when she said, "Gabe is proof the Mardraggons have good in them."

She really needs to believe that. The betrayal of Lionel in attempting to kill her, and the further betrayal of Rosemund who has stuck by his side, rattled my niece something fierce. But Gabe loves her, has shown he will protect her, and this is evidence to Sylvie that the last connection she has to her mom is a trusted family member.

Personally, I wouldn't trust him as far as I can throw him, but that's not for me to say to Sylvie. At this point, no one wants to give her doubts and she needs security in the knowledge that we all love her. That includes Gabe.

The sound of a vehicle coming up the gravel lane approaches and Sylvie's head pops up. "He's here."

Yes he is, and my heart thunders within my chest. There was a time when Gabe could just look at me and I'd feel faint from the thrill of it. Now my traitorous heartbeat has more to do with the confusing circumstances I find myself in, having to deal with a man I once cared a great deal for and then had more reason to hate him than any long-standing feud could deliver.

The reason it's complicated is because even though we snipe at each other, I saw something in Gabe yesterday that I thought I'd never see again.

Care.

Lying in the dirt, the breath knocked out of me from my fall off Shadow, Gabe came into view and I saw genuine, deep-rooted fear etched on his beautiful face. Not just concern for another human being, but terror for my well-being, and it told me that while things ended very badly between us, Gabe still cares about me.

I've been trying to wrap my head around that fact all day and now I'm about to come face-to-face with the man who is plaguing my thoughts both day and night.

A wooden staircase leads up to my apartment door and we can hear Gabe running up it, most likely to avoid the steady fall of rain. Sylvie is there to greet him and I hate that he looks so damn good as he steps in after shaking off his umbrella.

I truly never gave Gabe Mardraggon much of a second look during childhood and our adolescent years. Our families would run into one another at various occasions, my brothers played football and baseball against him, and Shelbyville is so small, we'd sometimes have occasion to meet on the streets. It wasn't until Gabe sat beside me that day in math class and offered to tutor me that I let myself see past the ingrained hate.

Allowed myself to appreciate how tall and muscular he was. The way his dark gold hair and molten amber eyes seemed brilliantly kissed by the sun and made him appear godlike. The way other women tried to catch his attention and other men tried to emulate him. Yes, he had gobs of money and dressed in the best clothes and drove the fanciest cars, but it was the way he listened to me that really had me looking at him differently. Our tutoring sessions were legit and he helped me tremendously, but we spent a lot of time talking about things other than math.

I got to know who I thought was the real Gabe Mardraggon and God help me, I was attracted to every inch of him. It wasn't long before I cared so deeply for him, I couldn't imagine a life without him by my side.

Even now, dressed in a polo shirt and dark jeans, he exudes wealth, confidence and sex appeal. His eyes briefly land on me but the stare is broken when Sylvie flings herself into his arms with enough force he stumbles back, a laugh rumbling from him.

I wince, hearing that sound. Unrestrained and joyful, deep and resonant, it fills the room with its warmth. It's genuine and a potent reminder there's a real man under the veneer of wealth and selfishness.

"Uncle Gabe," Sylvie gushes, pulling him inside by the hand. "I'm so glad you came over."

She hugs him again and it's then that I notice he's holding several bags in one hand and can't really reciprocate. I lunge forward, grabbing the bags from him as he lets his briefcase slide off his shoulder. "Here… let me take those."

Gabe doesn't look at me but the way his eyes light up when he's able to wrap his niece in a hug tells me she's extremely important to him. She's not a means to a winery and he's not acting out of intense guilt. He loves her. It's that simple.

"I brought you some presents," Gabe says, and Sylvie pulls back, her eyes sparkling. He nods at the bags in my hand but says, "First, catch me up on how school has been."

I'm stunned as the two talk, Sylvie having led him over to the couch. I set the bags down on the floor next to them and move into the kitchen to start prepping dinner. Sylvie is going back to the main house to eat with the family but Gabe is staying here to give me a winery 101 lesson. I hadn't invited him for dinner nor does he have expectations I'll feed him, but I'm hungry after a long day of working and have more work to do with Gabe after Sylvie leaves. I intend to eat so it's just as easy to make enough for two.

I listen intently as Gabe asks Sylvie thoughtful questions about her understanding of math concepts, how her opinion writing is progressing—not even sure what that means—and even discusses world events that he's clearly taught her about in the past. The conversation doesn't lag and I can see that Sylvie is not only completely comfortable in his presence, she respects him. More than anything, I note that Gabe provides something for her none of us Blackburns can.

Within the ease of Sylvie's smile and her obvious connection on a familial level, Gabe is healing the wounds that Lionel wrought. He's validating to his niece that there is good in the Mardraggon blood and conversely, there is nothing bad in her.

Tears prick my eyes at the revelation and I don't even try to dismiss it as bogus. My brothers, my sister and my parents all have their misgivings about Gabriel Mardraggon but they don't know that I've observed the goodness in him before.

Just as I know inside lurks the potential for harm.

The difference between my experience and Sylvie's, however, lies in the fact that he loves her probably more than anything in this world. No matter what Gabe and I had, it was never real love, as proven by how easily he abandoned the ideals we were striving for.

As I put together a cold grilled chicken salad, I continue to listen to the interplay between uncle and niece. My ears tune sharp though, when Sylvie says, "I have something important to ask you and I'm nervous about it."

My hands still on the strips of chicken I'm dicing, my head turning slightly their way. Gabe is on one end of the couch facing her, his arm draped casually over the back. Sylvie is on the middle cushion, head bowed and black hair hiding her face.

"You can tell me anything, squirt. You know that." Though his words are light and encouraging, I see the distress in his eyes. It clears when she lifts her gaze to him and he smiles at her.

"My birth certificate has Mardraggon as my last name. Originally, it didn't list my dad as my father. Now it's been added, but my last name has stayed the same." Her words trail off and I see where she's going with this.

Gabe does too and his smile softens with understanding. "You want to change your last name to Blackburn."

She nods, head ducking again and voice small. "I talked to my dad about it and he said that would not be a problem, but I wanted to let you know." She takes a deep breath, perhaps garnering courage, and lifts her eyes back to the one person who might be hurt over this. "I don't want you to be mad at me."

Hand lifting from the back of the couch, Gabe tugs playfully on Sylvie's hair in an attempt to lighten things. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because…" She fumbles for the right words but gets them out in a mad rush, indicating to me that she's been practicing. "Because I don't want you to think I'm trying to erase my mom by giving up her last name."

"Oh, honey," Gabe murmurs, his hand going to her shoulder for a gentle squeeze. "You couldn't erase your mother if you tried. I see so much of her in you and that will never change. Mardraggon is just a last name, but I do understand that it's a name that will never inspire pride or represent love to you, and for that, I'm sorry."

Sylvie shakes her head. "You shouldn't be sorry."

"I'm sorry it's making you feel bad about yourself and I think it's a brilliant idea for you to change your last name to Blackburn. Your mother wanted you to be with Ethan, and I have to believe that means she'd want you to share his last name too."

Sylvie's eyes round with pure desire to believe those words. "Really?"

"Really," he assures her. "You get your father working on that as fast as possible, okay?"

My conflicted feelings make my stomach roll. How easy it is for Gabe to grant respect to Sylvie, Ethan and the Blackburn name. Gone is the ire for our family and the shame in having a connection to it. He gives it so willingly to Sylvie and yet denied it all to me.

I'm not selfish enough to try to refute that this is an apples-and-oranges situation. He and I were barely nineteen, trying to navigate this ages-old feud between our families. Now Gabe is older, more mature.

Sylvie is also his blood, the closest tie he has to his beloved sister. He'd gladly give his niece the world. I wasn't even quite his girlfriend. More of an infatuation if I had to put a label on what we had.

At least, that's how I felt in the end. The same old arguments took up the precious moments we had to steal to be together.

"Gabe, we can't keep hiding. Let's tell our families." That was my mantra. My most fervent wish.

His was radically different. "Kat, you know we can't. It'll be a disaster. Do you think our families will just accept this? It'll reignite everything."

Over and over again, the same old words. The same wishes and denials. And yet, I couldn't walk away from him. My heart was involved and I was sure, deep down, his was right along with me. That when it truly mattered, Gabe would be brave enough to step under the microscope of our families' scrutiny and we'd both force them to accept that the feud was ending with us.

It didn't work out that way and even after eight years apart and plenty of moving on, I'm still as bitter and resentful as I was back then.

I was making my way across the quad, the crisp autumn air of my sophomore year filled with the chatter and laughter of students back from fall break. While Gabe and I managed to see each other a few times, now that we were back on campus, we could be freer to be the couple we clearly had become. We still stayed in the shadows but the acreage was greater here in Lexington than it was back home in Shelbyville.

I was on my way to meet Gabe at his off-campus house. His roommate was away for the weekend and we had unfettered time to ourselves. I was running a little early but Gabe had given me a key to his place, surely a sign that he was ready to commit even deeper to me. I smiled as I crossed an intersection, only a few blocks from his house. Maybe I'd strip down naked and just wait in bed for him.

The one thing Gabe excelled at was getting me to release my inner sex goddess. I never knew physical intimacy could be so profound and yet liberating at the same time. He made me feel beautiful, no more so than when he was worshipping me in bed.

My head was in the stars when I reached his house so I didn't really see Derek Mardraggon until I almost ran into him. He was coming down the porch steps, his cell phone pressed to his ear as he was talking to someone.

Derek was Gabe's first cousin, second son to Terrance Mardraggon. He and Gabe weren't overly close, but Derek was a freshman and Gabe had been helping him navigate first-year life at the University of Kentucky. I was so shocked to see him, and him me, that we came to a stop and just stared at each other.

My heart pounded as I realized this did not look good, me waltzing up to Gabe's place as if I belonged there. While I wanted nothing more than for me and Gabe to tell the family, I knew that this was not the way to do it. Mind buzzing with potential excuses as to why I was here, it hit me that I was merely walking down the block. I wasn't necessarily headed to Gabe's place as far as Derek knew.

With that in mind, I continued walking down the sidewalk, intending to make a wide berth around where Derek stood at the bottom of Gabe's steps. My eyes were on the ground, my shoulders hunched as I held tight to the pack on my back, hoping it would look like nothing more than a Blackburn wanting to avoid confrontation with a Mardraggon.

No such luck though, as Derek stepped into my path, bringing me up short. He wasn't overly big, standing only a few inches taller than my five-seven height. But as I looked up at him, the smug superiority on his face made me feel about three inches tall.

"I knew I smelled something foul on the wind," he said as his eyes ran up and down me in disgust.

I had to bite my tongue not to hurl back an insult. "I don't have time for childish assholes."

I tried to step around Derek but he moved quickly, blocking my exit. "Oh, don't play so coy with me, Kat. I mean… you're a Blackburn and all, but I could make an exception if you wanted to see what a real man was like."

I almost gagged when he reached out and brushed hair back from my face. Once again, eyes ran down my body and this time, they weren't mocking and cruel but held lewd intentions within their muddy brown depths.

His fingers trailed along my neck and the touch was so abhorrent that I scrambled away from him, coming up against a large oak tree in the corner of Gabe's yard.

Derek was fast, moving to cage me in against the tree with one palm on the rough bark and the other tugging on a lock of my hair. "What do you say we go back to my place? It will be a step up for you and I've never been too proud to slum it."

Enraged, my hands flew to his chest and I shoved him hard. "You're a pig."

"Hey," I heard Gabe call out and my head turned to see him walking down the sidewalk, his eyes flicking back and forth between me and Derek. "What's going on?"

Derek's smile widened as he saw his cousin and moved his way, holding out his hand sideways. "What's up, cuz? I just stopped by to see what you were doing this weekend."

Gabe took the offered palm and they clasped hands, pulling each other into a quick bro hug. I took a few steps back, unsure of what to do or say. I should leave, therefore alleviating any risk that Derek might see something between Gabe and me.

But Derek was having too much fun playing. He jerked his thumb my way and sneered, "Found a Blackburn sullying your block." His gaze moved to me, eyes glittering with malice and lust, a combination that made me furious and sick at the same time. "But she's hot, right cousin? We could probably both take her out for a spin."

I saw the fury and hatred blaze across Gabe's face over Derek's crude suggestion, and I thought to myself… Oh, wow… it's all going to come out now.

Derek turned back toward Gabe, laughing at his suggestion, and I watched as the rage melted right off Gabe's face and to my horror, he started laughing with Derek. "Seriously, dude… even I'm not willing to slum it with a Blackburn, no matter how hot she is."

My heart shriveled up right there. Logically, I knew Gabe didn't mean it and he was merely trying to hide his true feelings for me. But it was a betrayal because this wasn't just about pretending we had nothing—it was his failure to stand up to someone attacking me.

It was immediately unforgivable and no matter how crushed I felt at that moment, it was anger that had me spinning on my heel and walking away from them.

Derek's laugh followed me but I heard nothing from Gabe. I didn't look back and the tears didn't start until I was in my dorm room. I wasn't surprised when no more than ten minutes passed until Gabe was banging on my door.

He barged into my room, scrubbing his hands over his face as he turned to me. "I'm sorry about Derek. He's an idiot and I had no choice but to play along with him or else I would have outed us."

That hurt far more than it should have. "Derek is a predator and you're a coward." Gabe flinched which meant I'd hit my mark as intended. "You not only stood by while he said vile things about me, you ended up doing the same."

Gabe's voice rose with anger. "You know why I couldn't. If our families found out about us—"

"That's always your excuse," I snapped. "What we are, who we are—it's always hidden and I thought that was the biggest cross I had to bear in this relationship. But it's not. It's the fact that you don't care enough to even defend me."

"Derek was just talking out his ass—"

My voice was eerily quiet, soft with defeat. "Derek was making sexual suggestions, possibly hinting at assault. If you and I were an actual couple, he never would've done that. If that was any other person who didn't know about the rift between our families, you would have kicked their ass for speaking that way about me."

Gabe muttered a curse under his breath because he knew I was right. He was extremely overprotective of me in all ways—except when his family member was the predator.

He reached for my hand, but I pulled it away. "I don't want to be your secret anymore, Gabe."

Expression etched with pain, he said, "Just give it more time, Kat. Please."

I felt the rift growing between us, a chasm widened by unspoken words, the heavy weight of our secret relationship suddenly unbearable. "I can't do this anymore. It's us, out in the open, or nothing at all. Your choice."

Gabe's jaw locked hard, his hands clenching until his knuckles turned white. "Is this an ultimatum?"

I lifted my chin, unwilling to back down. "It is."

Gabe nodded, his voice raw with restrained emotion. "I guess that's it, then."

The finality of the words hung heavy in the air as the realization that we were over settled in. A strange mix of relief, along with a profound sadness, washed over me.

I reached for the door and opened it. "Goodbye, then."

Gabe didn't reply but walked out. I shut the door behind him, sank to the floor and cried my eyes out.

My cell phone rings and I startle out of the horrible memories I've done my best to not think about. I connect the call, seeing my mom's name on the screen. "Hi, Mom. What's up?"

"Wonderin' how things are gettin' on," she says, her Irish brogue softened with worry.

I glance at the couch and see Sylvie is opening a stack of presents. She's holding up a necklace with a locket charm on it. Gabe helps her with the hinge and when she opens it up, Sylvie gasps. I can't see from here but I assume it's a picture of Alaine when Sylvie throws her arms around Gabe's neck for a long hug.

"It's going great," I tell my mom.

"I'm fair chuffed to hear that," she says upon a contented sigh.

"I'm happy too," I agree softly, so very happy that Sylvie is getting the type of uncle every little girl deserves, some validation that her Mardraggon roots have good in them, and that she has one more person to love her dearly.