Chapter 30

CHAPTER THIRTY

NICHOLAS

Monday morning, I'm still buzzing and happy from my thirtieth. The garden party turned into a massive dinner takeover of Papa Papa's Pizza, and we all closed the night out with dancing at the dive bar next door, where the DJ blasted pop classics for me, Britney Spears and Shakira.

It was the perfect birthday, except for the fact that I kept thinking about Clay. Worrying that he wasn't okay, wishing he were there.

But I do my best to take him at his word. He's not a big social person, and I respect that. I've even avoided texting him, figuring that he might enjoy a little breather. I'll see him today, anyway.

It's just that he wore a silly flower costume for me. And even with all my favorite people around me, without him, something was missing.

The achy, tingly sensation goes through me again, starting behind my ribs and tracing all my nerves. I'm falling in love with Clay, and I need to tell him. He might leave either way, but he'll definitely leave if I don't say something.

It's time to put my heart on the line.

When I get to the shop, there's a note waiting for me, shoved through the mail slot and resting on the floor.

Nicky,

Sorry to run. Jacob wants to go ahead with the purchase, so I need to get things moving back in Missouri.

I'll be back through Buffalo to get my stuff.

See you soon. And happy birthday, Nicky.

Clay

My stomach sinks. "No," I whisper at the paper and crinkle it in my hand.

He's gone. I look toward the second floor of the building, as though I could see him there, where he's supposed to be.

My thoughts spiral, and the floor disappears beneath my feet. The note says that he'll be back, so this isn't the end. But even if he's just gone for a few days, I'm startled by this sudden disappearance. And without a proper goodbye, too.

Every minute we have left together is precious. But this note rips days away from us, all at once.

"Damn it, Clay," I mutter, but I'm just as mad at myself.

Why didn't I say something earlier?

My mind races. He says he's going back to start things up in Missouri, but that wouldn't require such an abrupt exit.

Maybe my birthday party scared him away. Maybe the attention and the jokes were too much for him. I've tried to respect Clay and the limits we set on our arrangement. But maybe I acted too much like his boyfriend, letting my wishes distract me from reality.

I plop down behind the counter, sick to my stomach with doubt.

He's gone. My man is gone.

Quickly, I pull out my phone and open our conversation to send a message.

Me: Hi! Found your note. Congratulations on finalizing the deal! I'm sorry not to see you today. Is everything okay?

I add a few flower emojis for good measure and hit send.

Much better to address this head-on instead of letting my thoughts circle all day. But even if he writes back with a perfectly good explanation, this still hurts.

A rap at the back door of the shop gets my attention, and I step over to the door. Sue and Nance are both waiting, mugs of coffee in their hands, dressed for another work day.

Sue smiles. "Morning, Nicky. I've got a truck full of flower vases from the party."

"I'll help unload," I say.

"Great party," Nance says as we push a cart to their garage. "Can't believe our little Nicky is thirty."

"My buns are going to burn all day—I danced that hard," Sue adds.

I can't help but laugh despite my sour mood. "Me, too."

We arrive at the truck, and they both look at me.

"Seen Clay today?" Sue asks casually.

I let out a deep breath. "No. He left town."

Nance scowls. "He did what?"

"There was a note. He says he'll be back for his stuff."

Sue frowns. "I'm sorry to hear that. Did something happen?"

I grab a box of vases. "I'm not sure. I've already decided I want to tell him how I feel, but I didn't get a chance."

We all work together, loading up the cart.

"If he left, it means he doesn't love me. Right?" I ask. "Because if he loved me, he wouldn't be able to leave. That, or I humiliated him so badly that he wants to forget me altogether?"

I know there's not one single answer to my questions, but I'm trying to wrap my head around this, and I just can't figure it out.

"Considering he's Randy's grandson," Nance says, "him leaving might be proof that he loves you."

Sue puffs out a breath. "Isn't that the truth."

I push the cart out, thinking about it. "He always said he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He's not looking for love. So, you're saying if this really is love, it would only make sense that he would run from it?"

My eyes are wet. The more I talk about it, the more worried I am that I've screwed everything up.

"Nicky," Nance says. "You really do love him, don't you?"

We stop with the cart at my shop. "Yeah," I admit weakly. "It's a little too late to realize it, but I think I've fallen in love with Clay."

"Well then," Sue says pleasantly. "There's really one thing to do about that. Don't you think?" She lifts a box of vases off the cart. "When you love someone, you go for it. That's what you'd say, at least, if anyone else were asking."

"Yeah," Nance jokes. "Unless it's all a marketing ploy."

I raise a wobbly smile. "So you've come along to liking Clay?" I ask as the three of us walk inside.

"I don't know," Nance says. "I still think he's too big for his britches! But he makes you happy. And Sue likes working with him."

I deposit my box on the work table. "He doesn't like romance. He plans to never get married. Clay has made no indication that he wants to live in Allentown for the rest of his life. What am I supposed to do, throw all my expectations out the window? If I'm not willing to give up my plans, how can I ask him to give up his?"

Nance huffs. "When I met Sue, I was about to move to Amsterdam. Good doll furniture there."

"And I was a bottom," Sue adds with a laugh. "For years and years."

Nance cracks her knuckles, eyeing Sue. "Until I came along."

I laugh. "Okay. So we change some of our expectations and plans when we fall in love. I understand."

Sue takes her wife's hand. "Show him how you feel, Nicky," she says. "He might surprise you."

They take off right before Monday morning business starts up, and I work over the conversation. The shock of Clay leaving has sent me reeling, but I don't want to give in to that.

What I experienced with him was real. It meant something. And Clay showed me that I mean something to him, too, in a million small ways and quite a few big ones.

He might not say it, but his actions show me.

My sturdy shelves. The renovated building with a good owner.

Niagara Falls.

My phone buzzes. I see he's replied, and I open it immediately.

Clay: Yeah, nothing to worry about. I'll let you know when I'm coming back through town

He follows it up with one blue heart.

Clouds settle over me again, the doubts rising back up.

I help out a few customers and then turn my attention to my email. Our biggest regional supplier sends out a list of the inventory and weekly market prices every Monday morning, and placing that order is a major component in planning the week's bouquets.

I scroll through the offerings, calculating how best I can make this diminished supply work. We're supposed to debut our revamped flower stand at the farmer's market this weekend, and with Flower Hub set to open, we need to make a splash.

Remembering Clay's encouragement, I click over and send an email to the freelance marketing team, too, telling them that I'm ready to put down a deposit. If I'm doing this, I need to commit fully. No more tiptoeing around in business, and no more balking in love, either.

After placing an order to secure what I can of the available stock, I busy myself around the shop. The building stress makes me want Clay even more. He gives good advice, and he's clearheaded about finances and work. But it's really his encouragement and sympathy I'm aching for.

I hope he knows what he means to me.

Late in the morning, the front door swings open, and Kavya comes in. She's still wearing her suit from last night, although it's a bit dirty, like she's been working in a garden.

I smile. "Morning. You're early. I take it you had fun at singles night, considering you're still wearing last night's party clothes."

Kavya pulls a twig out of her hair. "Actually. I didn't make it to the singles night." She rocks back on her heels. "I went back to Starlight Fields with Zooey."

I light up. "I love that! I knew there was something brewing between you two."

"Turns out we have some shared passions," she deadpans. "And now I need to go home and change. But Zooey gave me a ride back, and we have an idea that we wanted to share with you."

"Oh, sure." I walk to the window and wave at Zooey, who stands on the sidewalk, waiting. "Hi, Zooey!" I yell through the window.

Zooey startles. She's changed out of her party outfit, into a denim skirt and a white T-shirt, but she's still got a few flowers stuck in her now-messy hair.

She comes inside the shop. "Hi, Nicholas," she says, a little shy.

I grin at the two of them, glad my birthday brought a little romantic luck to someone. "Good to see you."

Zooey glances around the shop. "You're low on dahlias and lilies," she says, almost to herself.

"The Flower Hub supply crunch," I say. "And this week's refill is coming in short. Do you have any overstock you want to unload?"

Kavya steps in. "That's what we wanted to talk to you about. We were roaming the flower fields under the moonlight last night, and Zooey told me about a project she's been working on."

Zoeey takes Kavya's hand. "It's an old dream, but I've been meaning to build a booth for the farm for years, so we can visit farmer's markets in the area. I've only ever got as far as sketching it out, though. We've been so busy these last years, and the start-up cost is substantial. I'm sure you know."

"But then I thought—what about a collaboration?" Kavya adds, excited and more animated than usual. "We've got the business infrastructure. They've got the product we need. With Zooey helping me plan stock seasons in advance, and all their choice blooms available to us, I'll be able to make art."

Zoeey smiles longingly at Kavya. "You always make art."

I consider it, and the pieces immediately start to fall together in my mind. "It's a pretty great idea," I tell her, seeing all the ways this could benefit our businesses. "And I'd love the chance to work with you more, too, Zooey."

Zooey smiles, and I tap my chin.

"Let's schedule a meeting," I tell her. "See if we can work something out." I turn to Kavya. "Great idea."

This is just the boost we need to get back on track. Blossom and Starlight Fields have always collaborated. A joint venture now will not only make our flower stand financially feasible, it will strengthen our relationship and secure us a steady supply of fresh product from the best local source there is.

My eyes flit over to my phone. I've got to figure out what I'll say to Clay, but a new sense of determination fills me.

I've spent years building the life I want, and I'm not about to let my man walk away.