Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

NICHOLAS

Two weeks later…

It's the first scorching hot day of the summer, and we've got Fire Island on the TV at Blossom while customers wander in and out.

Finn is in for a visit, dropping off some milkshake experiments that he wants an opinion on. He and Kavya sit on stools in the back, and I hang out by the counter while we all chat.

"The fudge swirl is very good." Kavya tells Finn. "Just the right amount of swirl."

He laughs. "You know I appreciate a little swirl."

I suck on my coffee cream milkshake. "Who doesn't?"

The door to the shop pops open, and Clay steps in. I'm already smiling, but I feel myself brighten when we catch eyes. He's in a white sleeveless undershirt and cargo shorts, and he's got a work bag in one hand.

"Hey," he says. "I'm working late with Sue today. You mind if I leave that mess out back?"

"No problem at all," I say brightly.

Clay grunts. He raises up a hand, offering a short wave to Finn and Kavya in the back. "Hey," he says and nods before he disappears out the door again.

My heart beats steady and fast.

I really love running into Clay around the building. There's the fun of having a secret, but more than that, it's just nice to see him. I'm watching him adjust to life in Allentown, find his place on Sue's crew, and transform the building with his renovations.

He texts me sometimes now, too, questions about where to get stuff around town, or little comments about the neighborhood. It's given me permission to send him pictures of bouquets in response, which he always hearts before replying nice one or looking good .

And we're having mind-blowing sex every few days. That's pretty spectacular, too.

Maybe now that I've had sex that's this unbridled and indulgent, I'll bring that spirit to my next relationship. It's not that I haven't enjoyed sex in the past. I definitely have. It's just never felt quite so raw and instinctual. I've never enjoyed it quite as much as I'm enjoying myself with Clay, whether we're naked and dirty talking or just making out on the couch.

But the reality is that Clay leaves soon, I remind myself. This is going to come to an end, and that sucks way more than I am prepared to admit.

I scale my fantasies back down to reality, doing my best to guard my heart from the hormones surging through my veins.

"So," Finn says casually, and when I turn, he takes a long sip of his milkshake. "How is Clay?"

"Clay? He seems good." I school myself to not show any emotions. These two know how to read me like an open book. "Sue says he's a great addition to her crew," I add, some pride welling up in me.

"Has anyone succeeded in asking him out?" Finn asks. "I hear he might not be available."

"He hasn't gone on any dates," I say quickly. Insisting on that gives me a bizarre spasm of feelings, which I swallow down. "And I don't think he's looking. But that's his business, not mine!"

All technically true.

"You two are friends," Kavya says. She tilts her head to the side. "Or as close to friends as Clay gets."

"I guess. But you know Clay. He's not exactly a chatterbox. Why are you asking, anyway?"

Finn shrugs. "Maybe I was wondering if I sensed something there."

A spark goes up my spine. "You're interested in Clay?" I ask, alarmed.

Finn and Kavya both laugh.

"I'm monogamous with my ice cream shop right now, thank you very much."

"He means," Kavya says, "something between you and Clay."

They both look at me expectantly.

And for a moment, I want nothing more than to just tell them.

There is something between me and Clay. Something purely physical. But it's starting to feel like so much more .

But that would be betraying my arrangement with Clay. And even though I trust these two to keep a secret, telling them would mean bursting the bubble. Expanding beyond the private world Clay and I have made together.

It would mean having to admit how I feel about him leaving.

According to my standing agreement with Clay, it's not an option anyway. I'll happily process all of this with my friends once he's safely several hundred miles away.

Instead, I summon a laugh as I glance around, making sure no customers are close enough to hear us. "Me and Clay? Can you imagine?" Incapable of lying, especially under pressure, I keep it vague. "He's not at all my type."

Which he isn't. At least not historically.

"You do smile at each other a lot," Kavya says as she returns to her milkshake.

"I smile at everyone a lot! Literally all people receive a smile from me. It's part of the work I was put in this world to do."

Finn taps his chin. "Okay. You and I have a shared value in spreading cheer."

"Like Christmas elves," Kavya deadpans.

"But a smile can mean a million different things," Finn adds.

"Do you really think that the way I'm smiling at Clay means I'm sleeping with him?"

"Not at all," Kavya says. "What we're saying is—what if you did sleep with him, though?"

She and Finn both give me knowing looks.

I take a few steps back mentally. They haven't figured out the entire truth yet, so maybe this is okay. Maybe I can actually get a little advice.

"There are a million reasons Clay and I would be a bad idea," I answer, lowering my voice although there aren't any customers near. "He owns this building, for one, and could make or break my future if he decided that's what he wanted to do. Plus he doesn't even live in the state. He's like Randy, opposed to relationships and love. In fact, Clay and I are fundamentally incompatible in several important ways." I swallow. "Right?"

"Maybe," Finn says, although I see he's skeptical.

"You smile at everyone," Kavya says. "Clay only smiles at you."

That stuns me momentarily, and sends a warm shiver through to my core.

"If I were interested in Clay, I would ask him out," I say, walking us back to safer ground. "Thank you for the encouragement, but it is not needed."

Naomi walks up to the counter with a bundle of flowers. "Are you talking about asking Clay out? I've thought you two were meant to be together since the first day you walked into my pastry shop."

"I'm not asking Clay out!" I object. "I'm not even considering asking Clay out."

Because I'm already sleeping with him. But no one needs to know that!

Naomi drops the bouquet on the counter and smiles at Kavya. "You put this one together, didn't you?" she asks her.

Kavya nods. "You know my style."

Naomi leans forward. "So does my girlfriend. The way she talks about your bouquets, it almost makes me jealous."

"It's not my fault flowers are erotic," Kavya jokes, and Naomi laughs.

I clear my throat. "All set?"

Naomi hands me a twenty. "Live a little, Nicholas. Ask the man out. For Randy's sake."

"Exactly," Finn agrees. "For Randy's sake."

I hand Naomi her change. "Call me when you find a nice young man who lives in town. That's when you'll get some gossip out of me."

After Clay leaves, I should try to find someone new. The separation is going to hurt, and I don't want to get hung up on something that never could have been in the first place.

Naomi takes off, and Finn soon follows her. The shop keeps up a steady pace of business, which is reassuring. I've already tightened the budget for the next couple of months, saving for an expected drop in business when Flower Hub finally opens.

The math holds, but doubts linger. Thank god we're in farmer's market season. Our booth gives us a much-needed boost.

Shortly after I put on Princess Diaries 2 , Clay comes into the shop, and my eyebrows raise in surprise.

"I thought you were going to be working late today?"

"Storm coming. There's a rain delay." He holds his phone up. "I just checked my messages. The architect from Himari's firm called. His name is Jacob, and it sounds like he wants to buy the building."