Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

CLAY

I'm good at avoiding thinking about shit. All I need is a project and my tools, and I set my mind to work, and everything else disappears.

The day after I fix Nicholas's shelves, I do just that. Waiting for the shop to close for the day so I can unload the basement, I don't let myself rest. After making some phone calls and failing to get through to the electric company yet again, I rehang the upstairs bedroom door. Fix the leaky faucets. Sand the flaking paint off the windowsills.

I spend the whole day upstairs, sweating, but I still can't manage to keep the conversation from yesterday out of mind.

Was Nicholas suggesting that he wants to hook up with me?

I put the sanding block down, pause to wipe sweat from my forehead. Then I remember how good it felt to work alongside him yesterday. I consider the fact that I opened up, sharing more than I usually share.

Can't remember the last time someone asked me questions like that about myself, let alone the last time I answered.

And I think about the fact that he's right. I could experiment with a man while I'm in town. I've already outed myself, and if it's a disaster, I'll leave the state soon anyway. No one ever has to know about it.

But I don't catch myself wondering about a random hookup. I catch myself wondering about Nicholas. How'd he feel, how he'd smell.

I set the hammer down, my heart racing.

It's the end of the day, which means the shop should be closing. I'll probably just wait until I'm sure Nicholas is gone. Keep it easy today.

Fight this urge to walk downstairs and fix something again.

A pounding at the front door grabs my attention. Frowning, I go over and yank it open.

Nance stands at the landing with Nicholas behind her.

"Come on," she says. "We're unloading the basement."

I arch an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"We're the welcome committee," she adds bluntly and glances quickly to Nicholas, looking for backup as though I'm being difficult. "Now do you want help or not?"

Nicholas steps out from behind her and smiles, and something twitches inside me. Today, he has a flower-printed blazer over a plain black t-shirt, and he runs his fingers down the buttons as he talks. "Hi! We all decided to help you start the basement project. Is now a good time?"

I furrow my brow, not sure if I understand.

"You're going to… help?"

Why would they help me?

But Nicholas nods. "Unless you want to turn us down, which I would strongly advise against. There's a lot of old gay junk to move."

It only takes me a second to decide. "Okay. Yes. I'll be right down."

Confused, I step back inside to gulp a glass of water, devour a couple protein bars, and put on my boots.

I did help Nicholas out last night, so I guess it makes sense for him to return the favor. I shouldn't take it to mean that he likes me.

And I know for certain that Nance and Sue don't like me.

This must be transactional, I reason as I tromp down the stairs. It's in everyone's interest to clean out the basement and find out if the foundation will hold, and the sooner it's done, the sooner they'll be rid of me.

When I get to the stairs, I see that the door to the rear is open, and there's a dolly waiting and ready to be loaded. Sue is in jeans and a t-shirt, Nicholas has removed his jacket, and everyone has work gloves on.

I push a hand through my hair. "Cool," I say. "Thanks, uh, everyone. For helping."

Sue smiles sweetly. "Of course. What are neighbors for?"

I look to Nicholas for help, and he shrugs. "The thrift store down the street said they'll take one truckload of Randy's boxes. That should be enough to make a serious dent."

"My truck is up front."

"Don't you worry about your truck," Sue says. "It's easier to access our garage from here, and we open into the alley. I'll take it all in my truck. It's got more storage capacity anyway."

She looks at me like she's challenging me to compare trucks, and I fight the temptation to take the bait.

Nance squints at me. "You'll work in the basement. Check the boxes before you send them up in case there's anything you want to keep. We'll space out on the stairs to save our knees and get this done fast. Sounds good?" Before I can answer, she tosses me some work gloves. "Sounds good."

Nicholas pats me on the shoulder. "Teamwork activities with Sue and Nance are always efficient. Hope you don't mind."

"Hell, that's how I like to do it, too," I say.

A minute later, we're at it. I haul a box off the shelf, pop it open to discover it's filled with TV Guides , and heft it up the first couple stairs to Nicholas. Quickly, the group falls into a rhythm as smooth as the best crews I've worked on.

With dust in the air and cobwebs on my gloves, I watch the boxes disappear. Unlike every other crew I've worked on, though, this one starts talking, keeping a conversation over the huffs and grunts.

"Was Randy ever a nurse?" Nicholas ask he passes a box off to Nance. "Why did he have a nursing uniform?"

"Probably a sex thing," Nance says as she tosses the box to Sue.

"Thank god he wasn't a nurse," Sue says. "His bedside manner would be worse than the injury."

Nance lets out a cackle. "Remember when he broke his toe and couldn't get up and down the stairs?"

Nicholas laughs as he sends up another box. "He spent all day sitting at the open front window, yelling down to anyone and everyone who went by."

Sue stands at the top of the stairs. "With us hauling up his beer and groceries, I think he actually liked it."

They all laugh warmly at the memory.

"That's when he had that black bulldog," Nance says. "What was her name?"

"Ruby," Nicholas chimes out. "And every time Randy had a man over, she'd try to eat his underwear!"

I stand at the bottom of the stairs, another box in my hand. I'm glad to hear the stories and learn more about the guy. Hell, I always wanted a dog when I was younger, too. But it reminds me that I'm not part of this world. Randy had all these people in his life, but he never brought me into it.

A little resentment stirs up, but I push it aside, reminding myself that I don't need anyone, anyway.

I pull the top of the box open and see some notebooks inside. Shifting the weight in my arms, I pull one out and realize it's a journal from the nineties. Randy's journal.

Everything else in the box appears to be junk, the other notebooks blank. Tossing the journal aside but not saying anything about it, I send the load up with the rest.

When it's all done, a good half of the basement is empty. All four of us stand out back, dirty and sweaty, as the sun sets and the temperature dips.

"I can handle the unloading," I offer. They've already done too much for me.

Sue shakes her head. "The team at the thrift store will take care of it tomorrow morning."

I nod. They've really sorted everything out.

"Let me buy you all a pizza. Beer? Something to say thanks."

Nance puts her arm around Sue's waist. "Not necessary. We've got plans this evening, so we'll be on our way."

Sue flashes me her smile, and for once, I'm not immediately suspicious of it.

"I'm sure we'll be seeing you soon," she says, and the couple are off through the gate, back to their home.

I turn to Nicholas, and he smiles, his lips parting. He has a smudge of dirt right on the end of his nose, and it takes some self control not to reach out and tap it.

Fucked up thing to want to do.

"How about you?" I ask. "Pizza? Beer?"

I notice his tongue move across the blunt edge of his teeth, and I swallow the desire that rises up in me.

"I'm pretty filthy. I have a change of clothes here in the shop, but I shouldn't go out without a shower."

I gesture upstairs. "You're welcome to, uh, if you want to?—"

"Oh," he says brightly, talking over me. "Right. We could order a pizza in."

"Shower," I say, finishing my thought.

Shit. Why am I so awkward? He doesn't want to use my shower. That's weird of me to offer.

But Nicholas shrugs. "How about both? I'll rinse off and we can split a pizza. I'm starving, and there's nothing prepared back at my place."

Relieved, I nod. "Cool."

Nicholas goes to grab his clothes, and I head upstairs.

My face feels warm. My entire body feels warm, actually. Maybe I'm nervous. I have this feeling like I'm not getting away with something, like I know everyone is tricking me but I don't know how yet.

But there's also something determined and restless inside me that's awake. I'm drawn to Nicholas, and considering I'm not sticking around town, I should fit his casual hookup rules, as far as I can tell.

Fuck me. I can't believe I'm actually thinking about this, but I am.

I hustle around the bathroom, making it halfway clean, until Nicholas knocks on the door. He's got a backpack with him, hitched casually over his shoulder, and his floral jacket in his hand.

"Wow," he says. "I haven't been up here since you moved in."

"Come in. You probably know where the shower is."

"Thanks," he says as he kicks off his shoes. "What do you like on your pizza? I'm a vegetarian. I hope that's fine."

"Sure. Still a pizza."

Nicholas grins, I don't know why.

"Can you get a veggie supreme around here? Is there a Little Caesars or something nearby?"

He nods confidently. "The best New York-style pizza in town is literally down the block. Here." He walks over to the kitchen table, totally comfortable in the place. There's a napkin from takeout and a pen there, and he jots down a number. "Call Papa Papa's Pizza. Get the seasonal veggie, and ask them to make it for me. They'll be here in no time."

He hands me the napkin, and my pulse betrays me with a kick.

Soft hands. Damn.

Want him to touch me.

"Are you going to wash off, too?"

I stare at him. Is he inviting me into the shower? That can't be what he means.

Maybe Nicholas knows what I'm thinking, because he does that thing again where he seems to shiver off some nervous energy and flushes lightly. It makes a zing go through me.

I am increasingly curious about being naked with him.

Fuck.

I swallow and force a normal answer. "Sure. I'll take a shower after you," I say. "There's a towel and a washcloth by the sink."

"Great," he says brightly. "I'll just rinse off and be right back."

Nicholas disappears into the bathroom, and I hear him stripping, and it's almost more than I can handle. When the water starts blasting and he hums to himself, I turn and order the pizza.

It's creepy to stand outside a bathroom and listen to someone hum, and the fact that it got my dick hard only makes it creepier. How I feel about men might be theoretical, but it's getting damn difficult to ignore how my body responds to Nicholas specifically.

Just as I'm finishing my order with the pizza place, the lights in the kitchen flicker and the whole apartment goes dark. It's night, and only dim, gray light flows through the windows from the street outside.

"Shit." I walk through the near darkness, toward the bathroom. "Nicholas?"

"I'm okay!" he yells, but his voice is pinched.

"Are you?"

"Yes! I'm just using the last of the warm water before it turns COLD!" I hear him jump out, and he lets out a laugh. "Cold water!"

I'm horrified that my power just went out. But he's laughing, so maybe Nicholas isn't angry with me that he's been left in a dark, cold shower.

"Sorry," I holler. "I've been trying to wrap up everything with the house, but I haven't been able to get through to the electric company." Another thought hits me. "Will this affect your shop?"

Nicholas pushes the bathroom door open. "It's okay," he says. "We're on separate accounts."

I swallow. He's wearing nothing but the towel that's wrapped around his waist. In the dusky light, I can barely see the shape of him, but the details come in and out of focus.

The dark of his nipples. The V above his hips. His bare feet on the floor.

His face is half-covered in shadows, but his features are familiar enough now that I can still see him and read his expressions.

"Will you be okay without electricity tonight?" he asks.

"Fine," I say with a wave of my hand, and I will be.

Nicholas is nearly naked, and it's challenging for my brain to get beyond that fact.

When he hitches the towel at his waist, I catch my eyes lingering, and I jolt myself into action.

"I'll just rinse myself off, too," I announce.

Nicholas tilts his head to the side. "In the cold water?"

"Yup," I say as I hurry past him and step into the bathroom, tearing my shirt off. "Cold shower won't bother me."

Nicholas swoops up his clothes. "I'll get dressed in the other room," he says as he backs away.

My cheeks are burning. "Okay, sure. I'll be a couple minutes."

I close the door, strip, and jump in the cold shower. Water sprays me, soaking me in a wide blast, and the bolt of cold is like the icy grip of reality. It clutches me from the inside, taking the heat right out of me, and my dick thankfully deflates.

"Shit," I say against the tile. "What is wrong with me?"

When I'm good and cooled, I put on a fresh pair of jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt. I'm still embarrassed that I don't have electricity, but I see Nicholas has found some candles, which he's lit and scattered around the room.

"Enough light to eat pizza by," he says.

Nicholas sits on my couch, and I get that feeling again.

Like I'm about to get myself in trouble.