Chapter 36

Stephanie

“I...I never said...”

He squeezes my hand again. “I know. You”ve never said it, but I know you don’t enjoy it.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

“I know more about you than you think I do. I know that you got into teaching because of Brielle, and you’ve stuck with it because of your relationship with her and because even though your parents don’t approve of you teaching, they approve less of you writing. So you stick with it, even though you don’t enjoy it.” I am at a complete loss for words because everything he said is one hundred percent the truth, even if I’ve never admitted it to myself. “You can do whatever you want. If you want to write full time, you should go for it. Finish off the year and don’t return next year,” he says with a shrug. I let myself consider what that would be like to write full time. Then he has to go and make it worse. “We could turn one of the extra rooms into an office for you. Get you a good desk and chair and fill the walls with things that inspire you to write. We could take each of your covers and get them printed on canvas and hang them up.” He glances over at me. “That would be so cool. What else inspires you to write?”

I just stare at him. “I don’t know what to say; everything you’re describing is like a dream. I can’t imagine being able to do all that.”

He shrugs. “I’m living my dream; why can’t you live yours?

I can see it then. I can see myself sending him off to practice while I stay at home, take a cup of coffee into my office and write for the day. “I can’t imagine how many books I could write if I didn’t have to teach every day or grade papers.”

He grins. “Right?”

The dream continues in my mind—sitting at my desk, looking around the room and seeing covers of books I’ve already written, as well as art, poetry, nature...all the things that bring me joy. I could go out and take nature walks when I need a break. I could prepare dinner each night, so we could have dinner together when Sebastian gets home on the nights he doesn’t have games. On the nights he had home games, I would be there in the stands, cheering him on. During the away games, I could get extra writing time in or spend time with Brielle. “Sebastian, I—” my throat clogs, and I can’t say anything.

“You don’t have to tell me how wonderful I am; I know,” he says smugly, earning him a shake of my head. But I know what he’s trying to do, and I appreciate it. He’s trying to give me a chance to compose myself.

“I really, really like that idea,” I finally am able to say softly.

“Good. Then let’s do it. Put in your notice that you’re not going back next year.”

“Even though we wouldn’t get married for a while?”

“Stephanie, I’d marry you tomorrow. You don’t need to wait on my account. Let’s get on with your dream, with my dream. Let’s make a beautiful life together.”

I take a deep breath. “Wow, that’s a lot.”

“Yeah, and it’s not even nine in the morning,” he says and squeezes my hand again. “Just think about everything; there’s no pressure. It’s your life.”

“Our life,” I quietly correct him.

He smiles as he faces the road. “Yeah.”

The conversation ebbs and flows after that, and the drive passes somewhat quickly. When we park in front of my parents’ house, I’m not sure if I’m ready to be here already. I wasn’t sure if they’d actually even be home today, but I’d texted early this morning and my dad said they would be home today because they fly out first thing tomorrow morning. My stomach is a ball of nerves, and Sebastian must sense it because he pats my leg. “It will be okay; I’ll be with you the whole time.”

I nod. “Let’s get this over with.”

Sebastian knocks on the door, and we wait for somebody to answer. My father opens the door and stares at us in surprise a moment before his manners kick in. “Stephanie, Sebastian, hi. Come on in.” He closes the door behind us. “I didn’t realize you were planning on coming today, but I guess that’s why you texted to ask if we were home,” he says somewhat absently.

“Yes. We won’t take much of your time. I just wanted to talk in person. Is mom here?” I ask as I look around.

“Yes. I’ll let her know you’re here.” He gives us another curious glance as he walks toward the back room.

Sebastian reaches out and takes my hand. “I’m here.”

Just that reminder gives me strength to say what I need to; this isn’t just about me. It’s about Sebastian too, and what I have to say needs to be said. It doesn’t take long for my father to come back with my mother in tow. “Stephanie. Everything okay?” she asks.

“Yes, I just wanted to talk with both of you, and I didn’t want to do it over the phone.” Sebastian tugs on my hand and pulls me down onto the couch next to him. My parents both take a seat as well.

“What did you want to talk about?” my father asks.

I take a deep breath. “William showed up at a family and friends’ game a few days ago.” Sebastian stiffens next to me at the mention of William. “He said that he’s now part of the legal counsel for the Green Thunder.” I cross my arms. “I have no doubt about who put him in that position,” I say, looking pointedly at my father. “I’m sure I know why you put him in that position, too. I’m only going to say this once, so listen very carefully. I love Sebastian, and I want to marry him. You’re not going to change my mind, and neither is William. You can either accept that, or not. But Sebastian is going to be in my life. Don’t make me choose between him and you because I already know what my answer will be. So I am asking you to back off and let me make my own decisions. Pull William from the legal counsel. You don’t need him to be there.” I take a breath, kind of surprised, shocked actually, that I was able to say all that. “Oh, and I’m no longer going to be a teacher. I’m going to transition into writing full time. I don’t need your support; I already have Sebastian’s. I just wanted you to know, so it doesn’t become awkward later when you find out.” I glance over at Sebastian. “Was that it?”

He gives me a smile that I feel all the way to my toes. “I think so, Baby.” My face warms, but I love that he’s not afraid to be affectionate to me in front of my family.

“Do we get a say in any of this?” my mother demands.

I feel Sebastian lean closer, a visible sign of support; but I appreciate that he doesn’t try to talk for me. The first thoughts that come to mind, I don’t say. Those thoughts are more on the line of, ‘You didn’t have a say in raising me, so why should you have a say now’? But I keep those thoughts to myself. Instead, I say, “I’ve made up my mind.” I don’t shout the words; I say them in a calm manner. But the effect still feels the same. My mother recovers first.

“Talk some sense into her, Steve,” she says, throwing her hands up.

I feel sick to my stomach. Sebastian reaches out and pulls me into his side, wrapping an arm around my waist. “I think you said what you came here to say. Are you ready to leave?”

I stare at both of my parents, wanting to say so much more and realizing...they’re just never going to get it. It hits me, I think for the first time, that it’s not going to change. It doesn’t make me sad for me; it makes me sad for them. I wish they could realize there’s more to life than work, the next case, the next chance to rub shoulders with somebody important. In the end, it’s so...empty. I don’t hate them; I just wish they could change. But wishing they could change is like wishing the sun won’t come up each day. It’s futile and a waste of energy. So I take a deep breath. “I love you both.” I don’t wait for them to say it back; I know they won’t. I stand to my feet and walk out the door without looking back. Sebastian follows me out, and we climb in the car. I look at the clock and almost laugh. Three hours for less than a five-minute conversation.

Sebastian starts the car and pulls out as I stare out the window. He puts his hand on my thigh. “I’m proud of you.”

“For telling my parents off?” I say dryly.

“For saying what needed to be said,” he corrects. It”s quiet for a little bit. “Do you feel better?”

“You know? I do. Maybe that’s terrible, but I really do. I think I”ve needed to have a conversation with them for a long time. This just brought it all about.” I glance over at him. “I do feel bad about taking six hours to have a five-minute conversation.”

“It’s good you did it in person. That’s the kind of conversation that needs to be done in person. I’m really proud of you for standing up for yourself and for us.” I get lost in my own thoughts and don’t realize that we’ve stopped. I glance out my window and realize we’re at a restaurant.

“What are we doing?”

“We are going out on a date,” he says and then slides out of the car.

He opens my door before I’ve even moved and puts his hand out to me and waits patiently for me to take it. “I don’t get it.”

“I realized recently that we’ve never even been on a date, and I want to rectify that,” he says as we walk towards...I don’t even know what restaurant.

“And you want to go on one, right now, the way we’re dressed?”

He grins and tugs me forward. “You can go out on a date and not be dressed up. It’s called a casual lunch.” He puts his hand on my back and ushers me inside where he tells the hostess that we need a table for two. A few minutes later, we’re seated at a small table.

I glance around the restaurant. “I don’t even know where we’re at.”

“Didn’t you grow up here?”

“I did, but I’ve tried to avoid coming back ever since I left for college. And this restaurant definitely wasn’t around when I was growing up.”

“I looked it up online before we came; it’s got really good reviews.”

“You planned on coming here?” I ask in surprise.

“I figured we’d need to eat, and I already knew I wanted to take you on a date.”

Our waiter approaches. “Welcome, have you both...shut up!” Sebastian and I both look up at him. “You’re Sebastian Hart!”

Sebastian gives him his easy grin. “Last time I checked.”

He looks around, like he’s looking for the rest of the team to appear. “I can’t believe I get to serve Sebastian Hart. You’re like my favorite player!”

Sebastian fist bumps him. “Always good to meet a fan. Thanks for waiting on us. You want a drink or just water?” he asks me, smoothly moving the attention away from himself.

“Just water for me, thanks,” I tell him.

Sebastian smiles at him. “Water for me as well and thanks for keeping this quiet. My girl and I are sneaking in for a date, Randy,” he says, glancing at his name tag.

Randy’s eyes widen. “Oh, right. I’ll take great care of the both of you and keep things quiet.”

“That would be appreciated,” Sebastian says. We both watch him walk away.

“He’s not going to stay quiet is he?” I ask.

“Not a chance,” Sebastian says without looking at me. A few seconds later, no less than four guys peek their heads out of the kitchen. The whole thing just makes me laugh. “What?” he asks me.

“Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life?”