Chapter 9

Iwasn't talking much as we walked because I was trying to control my emotions. Belisarus lied to me. I was just trying to chase that bear off, but he wanted to fight me instead of run. I had been hoping to chase him off, run away, and continue looking for my food. It wasn't my intent to expose myself to any of them.

But they knew now, and they didn't think I was a freak. Tollam did, but he also smelled like he slept in goat shit. I was glad he kept away from me. Leodos was mad, but the rest of them kept peppering me with questions. They understood right away that I didn't really know why I could do the things I could. They mostly wanted to know what it was like. The four human soldiers seemed to think it was amazing. Leodos kept scowling at me like he thought I should shut my fucking mouth.

Esylle was another story. I really didn't know how to act around her because I didn't think I was her kid. Belisarus was her tutor and mine. He wasn't a warm man, and he kept things from me. Sometimes, he wasn't very nice, but he wasn't cruel enough to keep a mother from her child and he knew I wanted to know who my parents were. He would have used that to get me to deliver this message.

Belisarus raised me, but he treated me like a student, not a daughter. I wasn't used to someone wanting to touch me. He used to sit me in his lap and tell me stories, but after I made Frog, he was so mad at me and stopped. Frog slept in a cot in my bedroom, but we didn't do that. I didn't know how I felt about it when Esylle did it.

I sat a little further away from everyone with my stew. I'd wanted friends my entire life, but I also just wanted to be normal. I thought I would have loved sitting around the fire eating and chatting if everything that made me different wasn't the topic of conversation. I understood why they were curious, but I didn't see why we couldn't talk about other things, too. Especially since the more I talked about it, the angrier Tollam got and Leodos got more annoyed with me.

Tollam had the reaction I was expecting. Oh, that man hated me. He probably wanted to kill me, but he was afraid of me, too. I wasn't worried much about him, but I could tell the others were. Tollam wasn't scarier than a giant bear.

Leodos came over to fetch me back. I thought he was going to yell again, but I was surprised.

"So, we were all talking. We don't have your powers and none of us can boast besting a bear with no weapons, but if you're going to speak like a Guttertown brat, we're all going to teach you to fight like one," Leodos said with a smile.

"We'd all pay coin to watch you punch Tollam in the face with a fire fist," Kibal said.

"Seriously, none of us liked him even before this mission," Mafir whispered.

Esylle smiled at me.

"We're mostly spoiled and domesticated now, but the Tempris used to be known as fierce warriors. You should bring that back. Even if you are somehow not Lisana, and I really think you are, you could do so much good being named heir to the throne."

I just stared at her. When Belisarus was teaching me how to forage, he went over mushrooms. He specifically told me to be careful with mushrooms.

"Did one of you accidentally put the wrong mushrooms in her stew? I think she's seeing things."

"It's actually not a bad idea," Leodos said. "And no, we didn't use any mushrooms in the stew."

"Just because these four humans aren't afraid of me doesn't mean they would accept me as a ruler. I don't want to go back there and hide like you do. You don't know what it's like to fly, breathe underwater, or run freely. I don't want to give that up just because you don't want to remarry."

"Who says you have to? When you come back, maybe we can finally be honest about who we are. We can tell them about you. Maybe the tensions with the tribes and the humans would cease with someone who can do what you do ruling."

"I don't want to rule. You heard Leodos. I don't even talk properly."

"It would be a few years before you were queen. My father has to end his rule and I would have to end mine before you would take the throne. That's plenty of time to prepare you."

"I don't want to rule, and I don't want to come back with you."

She wasn't getting it. Belisarus tried to teach me that all humans and the tribes wanted to hurt me, but Frog and I had different conversations at night. I hadn't met many people, but Belisarus was complicated. Frog used to be an amphibian, and he wasn't simple. I'd like to think I wasn't either. I knew even before I left that even if there were a lot of people who did want to hurt me, there would be good people who didn't.

I met some nice people so far, but there were bad people who wouldn't want me anywhere near the throne. Her family could have easily wiped out the Barons with their fire, but they chose to hide. She was asking me to do something she wasn't willing to do herself.

"Even if you aren't her, you're still a part of my family. Only my father and I are left. You belong with us."

"I don't belong anywhere. Don't you get that?" I snapped setting her bowl down and stalking off.

I liked to run to clear my head or when Belisarus pissed me off. I could only ever run in circles in our yard because he wouldn't let me out, but it helped. I needed to be alone. I saw Leodos get up to tell me that I shouldn't be leaving in the woods in the dark alone. I just shot him a look and he sat back down. Esylle asked if he was just going to let me leave and not go with me. I didn't stay to hear the answer, but he didn't follow me. I thought I was alone as I angrily slapped a tree limb away from my face, then I realized Frog was behind me.

"Frog, go back. I just want to be alone."

"I don't want to leave you when you're upset, and that man dislikes me as much as he does you and he doesn't know anything about me."

"Just ignore him, Frog. He doesn't know about you. I want to run and you know you can't keep up with me."

Frog never wanted to leave me when he knew I was angry or upset, but he knew running calmed me and turned to leave. I blew out an exasperated sigh when he turned to go and ran straight into Esylle. Why couldn't Esylle just me be? The tall man at least seemed to get it.

"I didn't want you to leave knowing I upset you. I'm not trying to and you shouldn't be out here alone. What if you get hurt again?"

I turned away. If Esylle knew she was upsetting me, why did she keep doing it?

"Frog, show her back to Leodos," I called over my shoulder.

I let myself turn into a large, sleek, ebony cat and just began to run. It was so much better having an entire forest to run in instead of just our yard. It was bigger, and I didn't have to hold back. I didn't have to stop my momentum to turn around when I reached a wall. I was free to use the Theran part of me the way it was intended.

I was upset with Belisarus about a lot of things, but I was trying not to be upset with him for keeping this from me, too. He was only human. I knew what humans smelled like because they came to our cottage to bring us food or buy one of his remedies. I was only able to scent the four tribes in the dungeon. I don't think he actually knew what he was keeping from me by not letting me out to do this.

It was amazing. I got to experience flying free in Nestran, too. It would be nice to eventually use my Tark gifts and swim somewhere bigger than the pond in our yard, but I wasn't sure if I'd get that chance. I ran for hours until I eventually made my way back to our camp. I had hoped everyone would be asleep, but I'd spent all night in the forest as a giant cat and now everyone was awake and eating breakfast.

"Do you know how dangerous it is for you to be out there alone all night? What if someone had seen you or worse, shot at you? You're not on Idric anymore and you don't know this place. I don't know how many more ways to tell you to stop acting on your emotions. You're either going to reveal yourself to someone you shouldn't again or you're going to be hurt. What if one of the tribes were out there and saw you?" Leodos yelled at me.

"So, what if they did? You think I don't have questions for them? I want to know why they said what they did when they touched me."

"You're not going to ask them anything!" Leodos yelled. "You're going to stop changing and you're going to make the rest of this journey looking like a regular girl. You know you're going to get the answers you want when you get back. I know you've been waiting a long time for them but stop risking yourself and the rest of us because you think you might get them sooner!"

I was trying to understand the Tall Man. Sometimes, he seemed to understand me better than anyone here and other times, he got mad at me. I knew what he was saying was true and I should be more careful, but I really needed to know what the tribes meant when they all said the same thing after they met me. But I understood I was also putting them at risk and they didn't heal like me. Belisarus said he would answer my questions now.

"Then tell her to stop broaching the subject with me about coming back with you. I don't want to be her heir and I don't belong there with her."

Esylle opened her mouth to say something, and I knew I wasn't going to like whatever it was. Leodos put his hand on Esylle's shoulder to stop her and look down at her.

"If it bothers her this much, don't bring it up again. She's just a kid and Belisarus should have let her be around people."

Esylle looked at me like she still wanted to say what she had intended, but she finally dropped it.

"Can you heal your face, please? I don't like looking at it with all those scratches on it from whatever you were doing last night," she said, going back to the other humans.

Frog handed me a bowl. I ate and ignored the itching sensation on my face while the cuts healed.