Chapter 36 | Zoey

Chapter 36

Zoey

“ T ell me again.”

“Absolutely not.” I roll my eyes behind my sunglasses and switch positions on my towel. The last thing I need is a sunburn on top of everything else.

Despite all my whining about the tourists, I agreed to take Haley to the beach—on a weekend, no less. It’s crowded, but we snagged a spot nearish the water and away from anyone too obnoxious. Liz and Spencer decided to come as we were packing up the car. It’s been a fun day. Over twenty minutes ago, Liz dragged Spencer to the boardwalk for funnel cake, and they’ve yet to come back, providing Haley the perfect opportunity to bombard me with more questions about my almost kiss with Max. As if I didn’t spend all day yesterday overthinking it.

“Come on,” Haley whines from her supine position, “your former teacher slash new hot coworker told you that you were welcome in his bed anytime, and then tried to kiss you. If there is ever a time to dish.”

“It sounds like you have a full understanding of the situation.”

“But what if he had kissed you?”

“What if he had kissed me?” I repeat incredulously. “What do you mean? It’s not like we were going to strip our clothes off and have sex with six people in the next room.”

Haley grins. “Not without locking the door first.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

Haley rolls onto her stomach and rests her head on her arms. If she stays like that too long, she’s going to have wicked tan lines. It would serve her right for being nosy. “Your sister, by the way, totally slept with that guy.”

Gross. It’s obvious, but still... gross. In the last two days, Liz is different. It’s like some wall came down and not one built this summer. She’s looser and louder and somehow brighter even with the sadness that still sometimes shadows her eyes. My sister is happy in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever seen before.

“Yes, thank you for telling me. Again .”

“I’m saying if your sister can get it on with that dude while still married—”

“They’re separated.”

“You can totally make out with your former teacher.”

“He wasn’t my teacher. Ever.”

“Semantics.”

“Not in the least.”

Haley’s head pops up, and I’m certain she’s glaring at me behind the designer sunglasses she paid far too much for on the boardwalk. “When you explained him to me, you literally said he was one of Andrew’s football coaches and taught geometry.”

Why am I cursed with a Big who remembers everything? Why? It’s easy to forget that Max isn’t my coworker at Ardena Heat but a coach and teacher at the high school. We almost never interacted at school. It took several texts with Becca and a look through my yearbook before I remembered he taught math. And Max only knew me by my association with Andrew and a mile time. Even now that we’re friends, our lives don’t overlap outside the track. We exist in this safe little bubble where nothing matters but what’s happening that day on the field. At least we did until the party.

What’s tomorrow going to be like? Back at work for the first time, that kiss hanging over us. Joe’s scowl burned into my memory. Max walking away. And Haley there to witness it all.

“Do you think people will care?” I clear my throat. “That he works at the high school?”

“Some people,” she says with a shrug, though her eyebrows pop up over her sunglasses. I guess my question is a declaration of sorts. A pretty big one considering Haley drove halfway across the country to help me grieve my cheating ex-boyfriend some more. “But it seems to me that you met pretty organically outside of school and over a year after graduation. And no one is going to believe anything less than kosher was going on while you were with Andrew. I mean, you two were...” Her face scrunches as she searches for the word. “ Repulsively in love. Literally sometimes looking at the two of you made me want to vomit.”

I giggle and ignore the fact that something less than kosher had been going on while I was with Andrew. We were repulsively in love, particularly in high school. Claire shared the same feelings as Haley on the matter more than once. An ache flares deep inside me. I don’t want my relationship back, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt or that I don’t miss it. Because I do miss a lot about my life, myself, before I walked into that dorm room. But grief is a process, and my therapist advised me to allow myself to feel whatever I feel, accept it, and carry on. There’s no guilt in missing someone you loved. There’s also no guilt in moving on.

“But seriously, if you like him...” She trails off as Liz and Spencer return, carrying not one but two funnel cakes and a basket of fried Oreos.

My sister hands me the fried Oreos with a knowing look. Liz does not share funnel cake; Spencer’s lucky he got a bite in. I pick up an Oreo and reach for the other funnel cake, but it has magically moved from the towel to Haley’s lap. She doesn’t like to share, either.

“See!” Liz points at her plate and the pile of powdered sugar coating their towel. “I told you we would have to share if we only came back with one.”

Spencer laughs and pulls Liz into his lap. His hands linger at the bare skin of Liz’s waist. She smiles and wraps her arms around him, wiping powdered sugar off his face. I look away, a different ache building in my chest. This isn’t the sister I’ve always known—reserved because a little kid was around, and then comfortable in a long-term relationship, and then married. Yes, Julian would come into a room and have only eyes for his wife. Or Liz would plant a kiss on him when she passed between rooms, but this is unlike anything I’ve ever seen from Liz. It’s like she’s coming alive right in front of me. It’s exhilarating to watch but also such a deviation from what I know. It gives me hope for the future but crushes the idea that first love can conquer all.

Haley bumps me with her shoulder, and the smell of sugar overpowers the saltiness of the ocean air for a moment. She grins and leans in close. “Totally did it.”

I stifle a laugh by shoveling fried dough into my mouth.

“So,” Liz says, eyeing me suspiciously, “what do you two have planned for the next few days?”

“Work,” I say, grateful that she’s back on the blanket. “Hanging out with Becca, maybe Grounds for Sculpture one night.”

“Make sure you make a reservation at Rat’s if you go to Grounds for Sculpture,” Spencer says. “Best food around and beautiful at night.”

Haley nods along to all of this, absently playing with her food. She glances at me, a small smile forming on her lips. “And then on my last night,” she says, and I cringe because my Big has no filter, “we’re burning everything Zoey still has from Andrew in effigy.” The statement is met by silence. “It’s cleansing. Dr. Goodwin agrees.”

Liz’s face registers surprise at the name of my therapist out of my roommate’s mouth. But Haley knows pretty much everything about me. We’re not friends but sisters. Big and Little. We’re bonded in a way that it would be weird if she didn’t know the name of my therapist.

“Okay.” Liz shrugs. “Don’t leave any burn marks that would negate my safety deposit.”

“We’re doing it at Dad’s. Outside.”

“And don’t worry,” Haley says around a bite of funnel cake, “we’ve done this before.”