Chapter 19

Olivia

The morning light gently filters through the kitchen window, casting a golden hue on the countertops as I busy myself with preparing my lunch. The weight of the upcoming engagement shoot lingers as I pack my bag, a nagging thought that it should be Van and I capturing our love in the back of my mind. Why did things have to turn out this way?

Besides getting drunk with my best friend, the past two days have been nothing but gloom and self-pity. With no alcohol in my system, I am faced with the emotions that I have been desperately trying to avoid.

Last night, I took the time to unblock Van from my phone and various social media platforms. Just as I was about to send a text to him drunk as a skunk, Bre swiftly knocked my phone out of my hand, rescuing me from myself.

Thank the lord.

It's disheartening that he hasn't even tried to contact me after I ended things. Granted, he was blocked so he could have just given up which, rightfully so but I'm still feeling a certain kind of way about it. If he truly loved and cared for me, wouldn't he be checking my social accounts daily, still trying to call, beating down my door? He's done nothing but go to lunch with her.

I have no right though. Logical me knows that I was messing around with Grady and Kipp, so how can I be upset that Van hasn't continued to try to reach out? And despite everything, I can't help but miss Van while there is also a part of me that longs for Grady and Kipp.

I'm a fucking hypocrite.

It's confusing and complicated.

Despite receiving a few texts from Kipp and Grady, it doesn't seem like they are putting in much effort to fight for me, either. Perhaps I was wrong about all of them; it's possible that none truly held any real feelings for me. I've come to the conclusion that men who aren't willing to fight for me are not worth my energy or affection. Instead, I'll focus on my work and consider becoming a fucking nun.

I grab my camera bag and head out the door, the thought of Van and our hypothetical shoot lingering in my mind.

Greeting the couple with a warm smile, I take in the sight of the picturesque location and the feel of the gentle breeze on my skin. "Hi, it's nice to meet you in person. I'm Olivia. Do we have any poses or a vision for the photos you want? "

"No. We're clueless." The young woman giggles. "We're just gonna let you run the show." She holds her hand to me. "Nice to meet you, too. By the way, I'm Calli and this is my fiancé Nate."

I guide them through the session, directing them to pose in a way that showcases the sparkling engagement ring on her finger. They laugh and embrace, lost in their love for each other.

Behind the lens, I capture every moment, the joy and love in their expressions. But amidst the click of the shutter, my thoughts drift back to Van. If it were me in front of the camera, where would that leave Grady and Kipp? Are they meant to be a part of this story too?

I push aside the questions, focusing on the couple before me. Today is about celebrating their love, not dwelling on the what-ifs of my own life.

The shoot is over, and I hand Calli a card with the password to their folder so they can view it when it's ready. "Thank you so much for choosing me for this special time in your life." I offer them a genuine smile. "I'll send you the link to your photos via the online portal on my site as soon as they're ready."

"Thank you so much. You made it fun and effortless. I was worried it would be awkward." Calli smiles.

"That's my job. I love taking pictures and want you to love them too," I assure her. "Oh! No pressure, but if you love them and want to book me for the wedding, there is a coupon on the back of the card."

"Awesome! Thank you so much."

As I watch them head to their car, a tingle runs through me. A quick glance at my watch reveals that it's just one pm, giving me plenty of time to grab a coffee.

I have an online consultation for a destination wedding so I can get a coffee and get home in plenty of time for the meeting. Balancing my camera in one hand, I walk to my car and tuck it back into its bag. After sliding into the driver's seat, I start the engine and drive my well-worn path to the nearest coffee shop. The familiarity of the route helps to quiet my racing thoughts.

Ordering my usual, I find a quiet corner to sit and enjoy my caramel macchiato.

I take a sip and hum at the rich flavors on my tongue. From my corner booth, I observe a constant flow of people—singles, couples, and families—coming and going. A woman enters, flanked by two men tightly holding her hand, while a third man follows closely behind.

As they order, I observe their stolen glances and gentle touches, unmistakable signs that they are all in a relationship.

Polyamory. It's a concept that seems to be catching on in the media, but is it just a made-up fantasy meant for amusement? Is it possible for multiple partners to peacefully coexist in a relationship with one woman, all receiving her love and attention equally?

With each sip of my coffee, I can feel the warmth seeping into my bones, providing a soothing sensation as I ponder the various possibilities. Can Grady, Kipp, and Van win me back and build a shared future together? Are they worthy of such a dynamic arrangement, and more importantly, could I handle it?

The idea is both enticing and intimidating. On one hand, the thought of being loved and cherished by multiple partners is undeniably appealing. However, I can't help but think about the difficulties and obstacles navigating such a relationship would bring.

Perhaps polyamory isn't merely a fictional concept in some of my beloved novels. Maybe it's a legitimate and satisfying way to experience love and relationships.

Before I can dive deeper into that thought, a message from Bre pops up, reminding me that tonight is the premiere of our favorite show. RuPaul's Drag Race new season starts and I can't wait to dive in after my meeting.

I finish my coffee and head out the door, ready to get home, change into my sweats, and lose myself in queens and fashion.