Chapter 22

Chapter

Twenty-Two

They were taken to Clint’s police station to meet with the FBI. Autumn got through all the questioning from the authorities, keeping one eye on Jarom, wondering what he was thinking and feeling. Tonight had to have been horrific for him, but his natural bravery shone through, and he was focused outward.

It was over. Benjamin Oliver was finally arrested and the FBI swore they’d keep him in the highest maximum security prison available. She would’ve preferred to put a bullet in his head, but now that she wasn’t in warrior mode, she was grateful Clint had stopped her. The man’s reign of horror was finally finished. Elizabeth and Jacey Oliver, their brother Quaid Raven, and all their spouses could come out of hiding.

Easton had been life flighted to the hospital in Missoula. He was in a coma. The reports were a head injury and some burns on his face and arms, but he would live and his brain activity looked good. That was a relief .

It should be a day of celebration. She, Walker, and Clint had protected Jarom and taken down Benjamin Oliver. Why did she feel so heavy? She’d be leaving Jarom soon and she had no idea how to deal with that. Was he shocked that she’d killed three men and almost shot Benjamin when he was defenseless? He hadn’t said anything.

Mama and Papa had raced after the life flight with Walker and Marci driving them. Mama had grabbed Autumn in a fierce hug before she left and told her, “I was wrong about you. You are as angelic as your beautiful face. Be good to Jarom and turn to Jesus.”

Then she was gone. It was the first mama hug Autumn had ever had. Maybe the last. She wanted to cling to Mama, tell her she’d prayed, tell her why she couldn’t stay with Jarom, and have Mama counsel with her about it. Of course Easton was her priority. She didn’t blame Mama at all and appreciated the taste of maternal caring the lady had given her.

Her phone rang. Aiden. She nodded to Clint, the FBI guys, and Jarom, and walked outside to answer. The air was crisp and helped clear her mind.

“Hey, boss.”

“I hear great things about you,” Aiden said in his lilting tone.

“As if that’s something new?”

“Not at all. I’m proud. As always. Benjamin Oliver finally in prison.” He blew out a breath. “Is it wrong that I wished you’d just plugged him?”

Autumn laughed. “I’m with you.” She almost had.

“I’m still whirling that it’s over. That man has been the focus of my stress for too long.”

“Will it be a relief or will the mighty Aiden Porter be bored?”

“Too much evil to allow any boredom.” His voice was light, but sadly she knew it was true. “Speaking of … I’d love for my best female operative to join Nick in bringing down a trafficking ring from the inside in Venezuela. Paul is on his way to pick you up. He’ll drop off Mr. Love in Colorado first.”

“Do I get to say yes or no?”

“Autumn?” Aiden’s voice registered his confusion. “I apologize. I’ve never known you not to jump at the next chance to right wrongs. You’ve always been a machine that needs no break. Do you need a vacation?”

Autumn closed her eyes. He was right. But he wasn’t the one having to say goodbye to Jarom Love.

“I was teasing,” she said too quietly. “I don’t need a vacation.” Who would she even vacation with? Jarom , her heart cried out. He could take her to the Swiss Alps. It was a beautiful dream but as elusive as a rainbow.

“What’s happened?” Aiden’s voice was urgent.

Could she share?

“Mama Millie hugged me, and I prayed … and Jarom is incredible.” It wasn’t near enough but too much at the same time.

“Autumn. Did you fall in love with Jarom Love?” Aiden’s voice was incredulous now. He probably assumed Jarom was not her type, that she wanted a man with twenty-two-inch biceps who could shoot a bullseye at a hundred and fifty feet. She only wanted Jarom.

“It doesn’t matter,” she insisted. “Nothing can come from it.”

“It does matter,” Aiden said. “I want you to find your match and be happy.”

“Getting too deep now, boss.” Her heart thudded off kilter. “I’m not going to settle down and make babies.” Though that sounded amazing with Jarom. “When will Paul be to the airport?”

“He’s ninety mikes out.”

“Okay, perfect. We’ll head out soon. Thanks.” She hung up on her boss. And she didn’t answer when he called back.

She walked back in and asked Clint if he could drive them to Kalispell. He agreed. She avoided looking at Jarom and revealing everything she felt for him. The job was done. It was time to move on. Maybe she wouldn’t have to face Jarom rejecting her. She’d simply go on to the next job.

The FBI guys said their goodbyes and she, Clint, and Jarom loaded up. They stopped at the ranch so she could pick up her suitcase. She found she didn’t like saying goodbye to this location. She felt like a different person than when she’d come here only a few days before. She loved the homey feel and the love of the family and most of all the memories made with Jarom.

Returning to Clint’s truck, she thanked Jarom as he got her door, climbing into the passenger seat before he got in the back. The drive to Kalispell was quiet. Not uncomfortable, more reflective, but she was ultra-aware of the man sitting behind her. Was he quiet because he realized she was a killer?

Paul was waiting next to the plane and watching her perceptively as Jarom escorted her out of the truck. Paul and Clint shook hands and exchanged greetings. She thanked Clint and shook his hand. Jarom did the same and they walked with Paul to the Gulfstream. Jarom had her suitcase in one hand.

“It’s good to see you, Paul,” Jarom said.

“You too.” Paul smiled broadly. “You two took down Benjamin Oliver. We should be celebrating or something.”

“It does feel very anti-climactic, doesn’t it?” Jarom asked. He glanced at her.

“Oliver’s in prison and half a dozen minions have been proficiently un-alived by my friend Autumn,” Paul said. He was studying her, wondering if she forgave him. She wasn’t mad at him anymore, but she was a mess and not sure how to deal with anything right now.

“For sure.” She smiled. “Ready to go?”

Paul and Jarom both raised their eyebrows.

She hurried up the plane steps and they followed. Paul went up front and Jarom stowed her suitcase and then returned to her side, waiting for her to sit.

She plunked down in a recliner. Two and a half hours to Aspen, if she remembered right. How could she savor each moment with Jarom, not let her guard down, make any promises she couldn’t keep, or kiss the flight away? Actually, the latter sounded pretty great. If only she was still into non-committed relationships. Jarom had ruined her for that.

Jarom sat next to her and reached for her hand. She stupidly let him. Had he not realized how wrong she was for him yet?

“Are we going to talk about it?” he asked, studying her with those brilliantly blue eyes.

Her pulse sped up. “What is there to talk about?” she asked, hating herself. She’d let her iron melt and now she was a mess and they weren’t even apart yet. Any distance she could achieve now would be helpful in the long run.

Silence fell for a few beats as she felt Jarom stiffen next to her. He didn’t release her hand. The plane taxied out of the hangar and within moments they were on the runway and then soaring into the air.

“You have …” Jarom swallowed. “No feelings for me?”

“Oh, Jarom.” The words rushed out as she turned to look into his blue gaze. She’d hurt him. She was about to hurt him more. “My feelings for you are off the charts, something I’ve never experienced.”

His eyes softened but still looked concerned. “And yet …”

“Jarom, I prayed because of you. I let you melt the iron around my heart. You mean everything to me.” She was probably making this worse. “But I’m never going to be able to settle down, date you, maybe marry you. That isn’t my life or my future. If we try to stretch this out, it’ll only hurt worse in the long run.”

“It’s hurting something horrible already,” he admitted.

She nodded, pressing her free hand to her heart. “I know.”

“You’d never consider a long-term relationship?” he asked.

“Never. I’m a warrior. You saw that tonight.” She forced herself to hold his gaze. No matter how painful it was, her career was her life. She wasn’t going to get into the fact that she was not the right fit for him and would only hurt him in the long run. Wasn’t he going to reject her like Charles had for being a cold-blooded killer?

Jarom’s jaw worked, but he didn’t fight with her. She shouldn’t be surprised. He was such a gentleman; of course he wouldn’t push her to love him. She did love him, but she couldn’t reveal it.

He released her hand, and her heart thumped more painfully. Then, wrapping his hands around her waist, he easily plucked her off the seat and onto his lap.

“Jarom,” she gasped out in surprise.

“Can I at least hold you during the flight?”

She could only nod. Leaning her head into the crook of his neck, she melted against him. He wrapped her up tight and held her. She was safe, protected, home.

The minutes sped by far too quickly. They didn’t talk, simply held onto each other.

When they had to buckle up for landing, the fear and depression of being without Jarom set in.

Paul taxied the airplane to a temporary spot, and they loaded up in a waiting taxi service. The ride to Jarom’s house was quiet. She was getting tired of the quiet. She wanted to tell him so many things, but it would only make it harder on both of them. He’d realize soon enough she wasn’t right for him and look at their time together as the fling he’d initially proposed. He’d be relieved not to be with someone violent like her.

They cleared his security gate, his guard welcoming him home, and pulled up to his driveway. There was plastic sheeting over one side of the house. She’d almost forgotten about their first meeting and the explosion in the wake of everything else that had happened.

“It was great to see you, Jarom,” Paul said. “I’ll just wait here.”

“Thank you.” Jarom nodded to Paul and the driver, climbed out, and came around to get her door. It would’ve been so much easier not to say goodbye, but she couldn’t deny him or herself.

He took her hand, and they walked up to his porch.

“Autumn …” He shook his head and simply studied her face.

She arched up and kissed him. He wrapped her up tight and took the kiss to dizzying levels. It was blissful and desperate and she never wanted it to end.

The kiss slowed down, and he rested his forehead against hers.

“I should barely know you, but I have no idea how I’ll live without you,” he said .

Autumn’s throat was thick with tears. She didn’t know how to respond.

“I don’t understand why you can’t stay with me,” he said, straightening and staring down at her. “But I want you to know that no matter when you’re ready, no matter how far away you go, I will be here waiting for you. I love you, and these past few days with you have proven to me that no other woman is the right one for me. It will always be you.”

Autumn pulled from his embrace and backed away. It was too much. “You can’t mean that. I’m a warrior, a trained killer. I killed three men tonight, shot the guy right next to you who was going to cut out your tongue, almost killed Benjamin in cold blood. I’m not the right woman for you.”

“You are a warrior and a protector. You’re not cold blooded; you only kill to protect and right wrongs. You are exactly the woman I want by my side.” The words were intense and his gaze even more so.

“Jarom.” He couldn’t mean it. She didn’t dare let herself latch onto him not rejecting her but understanding and still wanting her. She searched for some way to reason with him. “You can’t just … waste away your life waiting for me.”

“Try me.” He gave her an infuriating smirk.

“Oh, Jarom.” She swallowed and wanted to cry. “Don’t do this. Please. We had a fling just like you said in the beginning.”

Jarom growled low in his throat. He crossed the steps she’d taken, wrapped her up, bent low, and kissed her very, very thoroughly. She soared to another dimension in his arms. No pain or loneliness could reach her here. She was loved completely and exactly where she should be.

He pulled back and said, “This is no fling. I love you, Autumn Cardon, and I will never stop.”

The tears raced down her face then. She loved him and wanted him to love her forever. Selfish. A killer. A mess. That’s what she was. The sooner she got away from him, the better. Jarom could get some distance from the situation, see it clearly, and realize he didn’t truly love her.

Autumn yanked herself away from him and ran for the car. Slamming herself inside, she ignored Paul’s penetrating stare and looked back to the porch. Jarom didn’t move as they drove away. He loved her. He’d never stop. He’d wait for her, waste his life away. She hated that and absolutely loved it at the same time.

Paul didn’t say anything until they climbed out of the taxi and into the plane. He shut the door to the plane and whirled on her. “What has happened to you?”

“I fell in love, all right? You fell in love with Shay and I was nice about it.”

He smiled. “You were nice about it, and I’m thrilled you fell in love. The problem is, why are you here, with me, instead of with your love?”

“I have a job. You’re not with your love.” She flung herself into a recliner. She was going to try that desperation praying again, this time praying she could forget Jarom and he could forget her. She touched her lips. Maybe not possible from her end.

“Who I’ll return to as soon as possible. So do your job, then get back to Jarom.” He eyed her perceptively. He knew she wasn’t going back.

“Not happening. Please. Let’s go.”

Paul stalked to her, bent down and placed his hands on the armrest. “Autumn. If you love Jarom and he loves you, no job matters. He’ll support you, but the way you left … you broke his heart.”

He was right and there was nothing to say about it. “I can’t be with him, all right? I’m a broken mess that nobody should love. How could I ever be worthy of Jarom Love?”

Paul’s eyes widened. He straightened and stared down at her. “Autumn. You obviously can’t see what Jarom sees when he looks at you, but I do. You’re more than worthy. You’re the woman he wants to be with, the woman he loves. If you can accept his love and trust him, he’ll help you heal and show you how worthy you are.”

She blinked, but more tears raced down her face. Paul didn’t move. Could she ever believe his words? Jarom had made her feel safe, valued, protected, loved. She craved all of that, but mostly she craved him. She’d let her iron melt, but could she stand by his side? What about her work and his media image and a hundred other obstacles? What about when he realized how cold and damaged she was and dumped her? Yet he’d seen men die around him tonight from her shots and he didn’t blame her.

Finally, after several long minutes, Paul arched a brow. “Do I need to get a driver to take you back to Mr. Love’s home?”

“No.” She let out a heavy breath. “I need time to process, and Aiden has a job for me.”

“Will you at least not close the door on the situation? Give Jarom a chance to love and lift you?”

She shrugged, not promising him anything, not even meeting his eyes.

Paul knew her well enough to know she wasn’t going to bend. He finally walked to the cockpit and shut the door.

Autumn curled into the seat and let the tears come.