Chapter 17

Chapter

Seventeen

Autumn was walking on clouds from Jarom’s kisses, touch, and flirtations, and then slammed back to reality with one trigger word.

An angel?

She was more of a she-devil. Someday he’d see that, and it would horrify him just as it had Charles. No matter how deeply she was falling for him, she wasn’t worthy of Jarom. They would never have a lasting relationship.

She brushed her teeth, washed her face, used the bathroom, and slid into bed. Sleep came slowly as she relished replaying their teasing and kisses in her mind. Jarom made her feel safe, happy, loved. Had anyone truly loved her? Her mother hadn’t, that was for certain. Paul and Aiden cared for her like brothers, and she supposed they loved her in a platonic way. Nothing compared to what Jarom bestowed upon her. If only she knew how to love him back.

Drifting off, she imagined she was in Jarom’s arms .

She was under the water and Jarom was gone. Unable to break free of the icy grave, she cried for Jarom, but he didn’t come. She could see him fighting with Benjamin Oliver, focused on the battle. Benjamin knocked him down and yanked out a knife. She screamed for help, but nobody seemed to hear. One of her mother’s boyfriends appeared above the water, leering at her in the distorted gloom. He pushed her down, cutting off any hope of rising to the surface, surviving, finding Jarom, and being with him. On the shore, Benjamin plunged the knife into Jarom’s chest.

“Jarom!” she screamed over and over again.

“Autumn … Autumn.”

She jerked awake. Jarom was calling to her and his strong, dependable, safe arms were around her, lifting her up and into his chest.

“Jarom!” She buried her head in the crook of his neck and clung to him. Her tears wet his neck and T-shirt.

“I’ve got you, love. I’ve got you.” He cradled her close and all her fears disappeared. Her mother’s boyfriends couldn’t find her; no one could hurt her here, not even herself. Until he rejected her or she left him. She shoved that painful future event away.

“Thank you,” she said, burrowing into him and letting him take the pain and the worries away. She was loved and safe.

He kissed her forehead and shifted to put his back against the headboard, cradling her against his chest. “Are you all right?”

“I am now.” She bravely tilted her face up and meshed her lips with his.

Jarom responded as beautifully as their other kisses. Their lips danced in beautiful synchrony. She was happy. She was loved. She was complete. Nothing mattered but Jarom never letting her go.

As the kisses slowed, he tenderly held her. “Would you feel safe … telling me about the nightmare?”

She swallowed and glanced up at him. It was an odd way to phrase the question. Jarom gave her safety she’d never experienced in her life. Of course she felt safe sharing with him, trusting him. It blew her mind, but she couldn’t deny it was the truth.

“I was drowning and you were fighting with Benjamin Oliver and then he was sticking a knife in your chest.” She shuddered.

His gaze was serious in the darkened room. “I saved you from drowning,” he said softly. “And you’ll save me if Benjamin comes around.”

“I will,” she said fiercely.

He smiled.

After a few beats, he asked, “You said the nightmares are from childhood terrors, but sometimes they’re reminiscent of what you are dealing with? Such as security details?”

“This is the first time.” She knew it was because of how much she loved him, but she wasn’t about to admit it.

A few seconds passed, then he said, “You’ve seen so much, been scared. I wish I could take that away.”

He did take the fear away, by loving her and being here for her. Would she ever be able to completely let down her guard and tell him that?

“I haven’t been truly scared since I was a child. I’ve become a machine.” She swallowed and admitted something she shouldn’t. “But I felt fear watching you fight Easton. I prayed for you. ”

He jolted. “Autumn … You’ve been through far too much death and been surrounded by evil, yet you were afraid while I fought in an innocent sparring match? You prayed for me?”

“Don’t make a big deal of it, all right?” She was being too transparent.

“I’ll try not to.” His voice was semi-teasing but also full of emotion. “You said you weren’t a believer.”

She disentangled herself from his arms. “I need to get some rest. I can’t sleep in your arms every night.”

“You in my arms every night would be incredible,” he murmured huskily.

Autumn’s stomach pitched happily, and her heart soared. She agreed but knew it could never happen.

When she didn’t respond, he stood next to the bed. He bent down and gave her a lingering kiss. “Goodnight.”

He strode out of her bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Autumn had never known a gentleman to equal Jarom. Instead of pressing her on prayer or asking to stay in her room and hold her, he respected her wishes and walked away.

She relaxed into the pillows. Instead of sleeping like she’d said, she replayed each touch, kiss, verbal exchange.

She loved him. Far too much.

How was she going to survive without him?