Chapter 25

Chapter 25

“Me, skate with Garrett ? You’re not serious.”

“You two looked incredible together in that picture,” Bella said. “And you’re tall enough. His height wouldn’t be an issue the way it is with me. You’d balance each other out.”

Heath and I were fiery and passionate—but as we’d shown in our awful free dance, the fire could snuff out as quickly as it flared. Garrett was the total opposite: steady, calm. Too calm sometimes. I could bring out his passion, he could temper mine. I knew Bella was right. Her brother and I would be an ideal match on the ice.

I also knew Heath would never forgive me.

“Your mother knows about this?” I asked.

After my failure at Worlds, I couldn’t imagine Sheila would want to keep working with me at all, let alone allow me to skate with her prized, perfect son.

Bella nodded. “She knows you and Heath have been having problems.”

Heath and I were unraveling. We had been ever since we moved to LA, and I couldn’t deny it any longer. For better and worse, we were incapable of keeping our personal feelings off the ice. If we broke up, that would be the end of our athletic partnership too. Heath didn’t love skating. He loved me.

But on the ice, he couldn’t keep up with me. I was skating down to his level, instead of pushing myself to new heights.

“You can still date Heath,” Bella said, “if you’re skating with Garrett. It might even be better—separate the skating and the romance, you know?”

I shook my head. “He’ll be devastated.”

“He’ll get over it.”

He wouldn’t. People had abandoned Heath all his life. Now I was considering doing the same.

Except, I told myself, I wouldn’t really be abandoning him. We could be together off the ice, like Bella said. We could get our own apartment, the way we’d always talked about.

In a sport like figure skating, there are no sure bets. But skating with a partner like Garrett Lin? That’s about as close as you can get. The endorsement opportunities alone meant I wouldn’t have to worry about money anymore. And neither would Heath. I could follow my dreams, while giving him the time and support he needed to figure out his own.

“Can I think about it?” I said.

“Sure,” Bella told me. “Just make sure you’re thinking about what’s best for you, okay?”

—

After dinner, Bella took the car back to the hotel. I told her I’d rather walk.

“Suit yourself,” she said. “Don’t freeze to death!”

The mist had given way to soft rainfall, cold enough to be bracing even for someone used to Midwest winters. I took a slow, circuitous route through the hushed streets of Nagano City, hands buried in my coat pockets.

I tried to think—about what I wanted, regardless of my relationship with Heath—but my head was roiling. Back home, when I felt like this, I would go to the lake and look out at the water until everything became clear. In landlocked Nagano, I had to settle for the next best thing.

I knew the garden was near the hotel, but it still took me a few tries to find the stone lions in the dark. When I stepped past them, I felt like I’d fallen through a portal into another world. My shoulders relaxed as I made my way down the rain-slick stone path to the edge of the pond in the center. Water rushed under a miniature wooden bridge, and I shut my eyes, savoring the sound. It wasn’t Lake Michigan, but it would have to do.

“Excuse me, this is my moping spot.”

I spun around. Ellis Dean sat in the shadows under the arbor, smoking.

“Ellis.” I stepped closer. The cigarette smoke stung my eyes. “You know if Sheila catches you with those—”

“You gonna tell her?” He took another drag, the glow of the cherry carving out the hollows of his cheeks.

No, I wasn’t. If he wanted to wreck his lung capacity, that made one less competitor for me to worry about.

I sat down on the other end of the bench. “Sorry about you and Josie.”

Hayworth and Dean had barely qualified for the free dance, and ended up in twenty-second place overall. As disappointed as I was in our result, it could have been much worse.

“Eh, there’s always next season,” he said. “Unless she trades me in for a newer model. What about you, where’s your other half? I heard there was trouble in paradise.”

“Something like that.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

I hesitated, pressing my hands into the cold stone.

“You can trust me,” Ellis said.

That, I didn’t believe for a second. But I needed to talk to someone, and I wasn’t ready to face Heath yet. Not until I figured out how I felt on my own, without all our history and heat clouding my judgment.

“The Lins are looking for new partners,” I told him.

“Shit, really?” He blew out a long stream of smoke. “Don’t tell Josie, she’ll cream her chastity belt. Any idea who they’re going with?”

I bit my lip. Ellis stared at me.

“They want you to skate with Garrett.” He stubbed out his cigarette and turned to face me. “So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

Ellis pursed his lips. “Yes you do.”

“I have to—”

“You’d have to be a fucking idiot to turn down the chance to skate with Garrett Lin. And you’re a lot of things, Kat Shaw, but you are not an idiot.”

“But…” I swallowed, heartbeat fluttering in my chest. “What about Heath?”

“Boyfriends are easy to come by. Skating partners like Garrett, not so much.”

Especially for women like me—with my body type, my above-average height. If I turned this opportunity down, Garrett would have a hundred girls begging to skate with him by morning. Creating yet another high-performing team for Heath and me to compete against.

If Heath even still wanted to skate with me. Maybe all this soul-searching was a moot point. I might go back to the hotel and find him ready to break things off for good.

“Look, Kat.” Ellis dropped the smug look. Without it, the angles of his face softened; I might even have called him handsome. “I like you.”

I scoffed. “Really.”

“I’ve always liked you. You’re scrappy. Most of the other girls in this sport are spoiled little bitches like Josie. You may be a bitch, but you aren’t spoiled.”

“Wow, thanks.” I rolled my eyes, but I knew that was high praise coming from Ellis.

“You want to be a champion, right?”

“Of course. Don’t you?”

Ellis shrugged. “When I started out, I did. But at some point, you’ve got to be realistic. So here’s my question for you: do you think you can get to that level skating with Heath?”

I could have hesitated. Pretended to consider. I could even have lied.

Instead I looked Ellis right in the eyes, and I told the truth.

“No. I can’t.”

It was such a relief to say it out loud. I exhaled, breath clouding the chilly air. The rain was coming down harder now, turning the pond into a tessellation of ripples.

“He’s holding me back,” I said. “He’s been holding me back for years.”

“Well.” Ellis smiled and shook another cigarette free of the pack. “There you go.”

He wasn’t looking at me anymore. He was looking behind me, toward the garden entrance. I started to turn, to see for myself. But a part of me already knew.

Someone stood between the stone lions. It was too dark to make out his features, but I could see the outline of his body, the hunch of his shoulders, and that was enough.

“Heath.” His name came out in a horrified whisper.

I shot a panicked glance over at Ellis. He lifted the smoldering cigarette to his lips, but it wasn’t enough to conceal his smirk.

He’d known all along Heath was listening. He had wanted him to hear.

I stood. “Heath, wait!”

Heath turned, disappearing behind a curtain of raindrops. I ran after him. My shoes slipped on the wet stone, and I went down, gravel biting into my knees.

By the time I’d scrambled to my feet again, he was out of sight. I kept running, calling his name until my throat was raw. The few people out in the torrent gave me strange looks, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. I had to find him. I had to explain.

Finally, I spotted him a few blocks ahead—head bowed, leaning into the driving rain.

“ Heath! ” I screamed.

He froze for a moment. But he didn’t turn back.

That’s when I knew I’d lost him.