Chapter 8

Nolan watched as Ryder brought out the vegetables and put them on the grill. He was about to ask if there was anything he could do when Ryder came over and sat at the table and motioned for Nolan to join him.

Being here in Texas, hanging out with a regular guy felt nice but kind of weird as well. He used to do this at home, but back then, everyone knew he was gay, and they didn't care. Would Ryder be so openly nice if he knew the truth?

A bit of sadness slid through him remembering how after Andrew died all the barbecues and picnics got awkward. He should reply to the email he got from Liv, his old next-door neighbor, and tell her he was fine. So much had changed since Andrew passed. Happiness seemed harder to achieve now. Hey, some days just living was harder than others.

He pushed the thought away and focused on Ryder. The guy was probably decent. He was younger, though some of the younger people in conservative states were troublesome. Maybe he wasn’t giving the man enough credit. He didn’t know what type of person Ryder was. His neighbor wasn’t old, maybe a few years older than him.

The thought of not dating anyone for two years hit hard, and he picked up his wine glass and took a sip to cover the irritation running through him. Why had he moved here? The pay was about on average to what he'd be paid in other places, but there'd been a huge bonus that allowed him to buy a house. Since property out here was very cheap, his payments were super low. But had it really been worth it having to go back into the closet? He'd lived as an out gay man for years, and now he was avoiding conversations and hiding his past.

"You mentioned your uncle, Steve, owning this place before. So, how long have you lived here?" Nolan asked.

"About four months. I came back recently. It was just time. And my uncle's health was failing. He moved into a place across town that is taking care of him. He kept leaving the oven on, didn't flush the toilets, and had the windows open all night during the winter. The last straw was when he ended up in the middle of the highway in his underwear. Damn near got himself killed. It was time, and my mom convinced me to move here."

“Where’d you live before this?”

“In Marietta, Georgia. It’s north of Atlanta,” Ryder said.

Nolan smiled and nodded. “Nice. I used to live in Atlanta. Went to school there. Then I moved to Virginia.” He didn’t mention a few of the other places he’d lived before Andrew was sent to Virginia.

“Nice.”

“Do you like being back?” Nolan asked.

Ryder rolled his eyes. “My parents are here, and it’s okay. I liked my job so much better in Atlanta. It was fun.”

Nolan took another sip of wine. “What did you do?”

“I worked at the Atlanta Braves ballpark maintaining the field.”

Nolan's eyebrows shot up. "Really? That sounds like a dream job." Nolan swore he saw sadness pass over Ryder's face, but the man took a sip of beer and got up to check on the grill. Nolan wasn't sure if Ryder was using it as a tactic to avoid talking about something or if the food really needed his attention.

“I’ll be out in just a second. I need to get the steaks on,” Ryder said as he stepped into the house.

Nolan nodded and picked up his glass of wine, taking a sip as he stared out at the animals in the barnyard. It was weird that they'd both lived in the Atlanta area at one point. He wondered if Ryder had been there when he'd been in school. They wouldn't have hung out at the same places. Nolan had spent his free time at gay bars and hanging out with other gay guys and a few theater types. Of course, that had been when he and Andrew had been getting together. They'd spent so much time fucking each other that their time outside of bed had been limited.

With Ryder working for the Braves, he probably hung with the jock types. Andrew had been into sports, but he hadn’t. They had gone to a few professional sports games together and watched some sports on TV, but it wasn’t his thing.

He wanted to know more, but if he asked for more about Ryder's past, the man might expect him to talk about his own past. He couldn't chance it. It totally sucked that he couldn't openly say that his husband dying was a huge reason he'd left the east coast and moved here. It had taken a while to claw his way out of his stupor. Once he was more aware of what was going on, he realized he couldn't stay in Virginia. Too many guys knew he'd lost his husband and either tried to take advantage of him or steered clear of him like Andrew dying in a car wreck was contagious. He'd grown tired of the gay scene and wanted a change.

Moving to a small town in Texas was a huge change. Maybe too big.

Ryder stepped out and put the steaks on the grill. The food smelled great and his stomach rumbled. Instead of asking the man more about his past, Nolan stood and moved to the grill, taking in the set up. It wasn't a small grill available at a hardware store. Instead, it was huge and built in what looked almost like an indoor kitchen, but it was outside.

“This is impressive.”

"Yeah, my uncle liked to grill. He had this added on about ten years ago. It's nice. I like the set up. It does get cold in the winter so I have to check the insulation on the pipes for the sink, but it's great having a kitchen out here. After working with the animals, I can wash my hands without going inside, which keeps my kitchen and bathrooms cleaner."

“It’s pretty amazing. I’ve never seen an outside kitchen in a regular home.”

Ryder turned, and his eyebrows raised high. "But you've seen an outdoor kitchen like this?"

"A few times. One time, it was at a doctor's house in Atlanta. Buckhead, actually. The doctor was married to another surgeon. They were both very wealthy. Then there was a—" he almost said general, but he didn't want to talk about Andrew and the military. "Another guy who had a similar setup in Virginia. I'm not sure how they kept their outdoor pipes for the sink from freezing over in the winter. Maybe they just let them freeze, I don't know." Nolan left out the part that the doctors were gay. He didn't need that information hanging over his head.

“Wow, that’s wild. Yeah, some of the players had houses that were over the top.”

“I bet. Did you know any of the players?”

Ryder shook his head. “Not really. There were a couple of guys I helped out with their lawns, but I wasn’t friends with them. I worked one week at one of the player’s houses doing some landscaping. They’d just moved in, and the lawn was a wreck. The place had been a foreclosure. The previous owner had done some bad shit in that house and ended up in prison.”

“Oh, wow. When was that?”

"The guy attacking his family? It was at least six, maybe eight, or nine years ago. I don't remember exactly when."

"Oh, I was working in the ER that night. I still lived in Atlanta at the time. I was finishing my last semester before I became a nurse practitioner. It's what made me want to work in an office and not the ER. Now, here I am at the clinic, but it's honestly not as bad as an ER in a big city."

“Do you like the clinic?” Ryder asked as he flipped the steaks.

“It’s good. I like the atmosphere. It’s not bad at all.”

"That's good." Ryder checked the corn and nodded. "Oh, that's nice. The corn looks done. I bet the vegetables are done, too."

“Can I do anything to help?”

“No, I already got the plates ready. I just need to take everything off the grill. You can wash up in the bathroom. It’s just to the left of the kitchen.”

Nolan stepped back, watching Ryder attend the grill for a moment. He didn’t need to let any of the fantasies in his head run wild. Ryder was his neighbor, not a conquest. The man may be cute, but he wasn’t in this town to hook up. If he wanted to play, he could go to one of the larger cities and pick up someone. He needed to keep his sex life totally separate from his life here. That was the only way he would survive.