Chapter 25

Nolan had been ready to walk out and never darken Ryder's door again, but he was glad the man had admitted that he was fucking up. Anger was a hard thing to get over. He remembered how Andrew had a hard time with anger after he talked to his mom. Sometimes, after missions, he needed help to calm down. Blowjobs usually did the trick, helping him release the pent-up anger and explain his feelings in a calm manner.

After the blowjob, he bagged Ryder's arm and then helped him get clean. After they dressed, Nolan sat on the couch while they watched a game.

“Do you even like baseball?” Nolan couldn’t help but ask.

“I like taking care of the field. Because I was involved in the industry, I’ve gained an appreciation for the game.”

Nolan hadn’t thought of that before. “You know, we don’t really know each other that well.”

Ryder shrugged. “I guess not. I mean, it’s been a while since I’ve dated anyone. Actually, since high school. I met Amy when we were young, and we hit it off.”

“I bet she didn’t put up with your bullshit.”

Ryder threw back his head and laughed. Once he recovered, he spoke. "Hell no. If I'd acted like a little shit like I did today, she would have gone to great lengths to show me the error of my ways. You gave me a blowjob. I mean, it did the trick. The anger is gone, but Amy would have made me grovel for hours."

“What exactly were you stewing over?”

"The same old crap my dad brings out every time he doesn't agree with me or really when I don't agree with him. He's been pulling this shit since I was a kid. It pisses me off, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Usually, I chop wood, clean something, or build something. Yard work is good, too."

“I’m sorry.”

Ryder turned to face him and shook his head. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”

“No, I don’t. I’m sorry you have to deal with shit like this. Parents should be advocates, not enemies.”

“I swear, my dad has been my enemy from day one. Maybe he’s jealous of my mom, or maybe he’s just a cantankerous asshole. I don’t know, but we’ve never seen eye to eye on anything.”

“It wasn’t just when you were a teenager?”

Ryder shook his head. “No, my whole life. He was a jerk when I was a kid.”

“That’s so weird.”

Ryder shrugged and then leaned over, bumping Nolan on the shoulder. “When I was really happy, I used to say that was my revenge on him. Then Amy died, and everything changed.”

Nolan sighed as sadness slid through him. “Yeah, everything changes when they die.”

Ryder sighed, and they leaned against each other more. If someone dropped by, they would hear the vehicle, and then they could move apart, but for now, there was no reason not to touch. He liked sitting here with Ryder. It was comfortable being next to him, their bodies up against each other as they watched TV.

It was late when the game was over. Nolan stood, but Ryder's hand on his leg stopped him. Ryder's eyebrows went up, and his head angled toward his bedroom.

“You don’t have to work tomorrow.” Ryder’s voice was low and sexy.

Nolan held out his hand. “I need to brush my teeth and make sure everything is secured. Want to walk over there with me?”

“Yeah. I need to get out of this house.”

They didn’t walk hand in hand, but he liked that Ryder came over with him to get his stuff. He felt young again. Like maybe he had a fresh start. It didn’t take long to grab his things. Before they stepped outside, Ryder trapped him against the wall and kissed him like he meant it. Nolan surrendered to the kiss, tilting his head back and letting Ryder take over. When Ryder let up, they both were breathing hard.

“How much does it hurt?”

Nolan narrowed his gaze as he stared at Ryder, unsure what he was talking about. “What hurt?”

“Sex. You know, with a guy.”

Nolan studied Ryder, making a guess. "You've never, you know, done?—"

Ryder shook his head. “Nope.”

“It’s been a few years for me. I mean, after Andrew, I didn’t want to really get with anyone. It would sting a little for me. For you, it would probably hurt, and you’d have to get used to it.”

Ryder rested his forehead against Nolan’s. “I want to think about it.”

“There’s so much we can do other than anal.”

Ryder nodded. “I know. I think I want to do that with you, though.”

“If you want to, we can do some stuff to get you there.”

Ryder kissed him again, and he wasn’t sure they were going to make it out of the house. But Ryder let up and then took his hand, holding it all the way back to his house. It felt good walking next to Ryder. Though they were trying to keep everything casual, he had a feeling it was getting serious between them.