Chapter 17

Ryder wasn’t wearing a shirt when he stepped into the den, so now Nolan could see the smattering of hair across his chest, and he liked it. He wasn’t big and muscular like Andrew had been, but he looked good. He was older by a few years, but that didn’t really matter.

“Why are you here? To rub it in my face?”

Nolan held the glass of wine up but didn’t take a sip. “Do you really think I’m the type of guy to rub that in your face?”

Ryder’s shoulders dropped like he was deflating. “I don’t know. I didn’t mean?—”

“Don’t lie.”

Ryder's lips thinned. "Fine. I woke up the other day hard as a board. I've been doing that a lot lately, and it's not for some woman. It's you that's in my dreams. I can't get you out of my mind."

Nolan felt a flash of guilt but pushed it away. "I didn't encourage you."

Ryder shook his head. “I didn’t say you did.”

"Later, when you try to convince yourself you didn't do this, don't blame it on me."

Ryder closed his eyes as pain crossed his face. “Do you hate me?”

Nolan stood and set the wine down before closing the distance between them. “Why would I hate you?”

Ryder’s gaze studied him. “I forced you?—”

“You didn’t force me. Do you really think I would have done any of that if I didn’t want to?”

“You wanted me?” Ryder asked, shock tinging his voice.

Nolan reached out and touched Ryder’s bare chest. He was taking a chance and hoping it didn’t blow up in his face.

“I didn’t move here thinking I would find anyone. I planned on staying in the closet with that door shut firmly.”

Ryder shook his head, a lost look shining in his eyes. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“It’s not a great place to be an out gay man,” Nolan said.

“I can’t be gay.”

"It's okay. We can just chalk it up to an experiment and forget about it." Nolan moved to turn away, but Ryder stopped him. He glanced back, seeing lust shining in Ryder's eyes.

He'd played this game when he'd been in high school and college. Being the straight guy's fuck buddy wasn't really fun. Eventually, the guys would get spooked and find some woman to be with, some of them even jumping into marriage just to escape the fact they were at least bisexual.

“I can’t play this game,” Nolan said.

Ryder stepped closer, his hands and his gaze straying over Nolan’s body. “What game?”

“The straight dude wanting to fuck the queer but then treat him like shit because he can’t admit he’s at least bisexual game. I’m not a toy.”

Ryder leaned in, resting his head against Nolan’s. “I don’t want to use you. And I’m scared as fuck.”

“I’m a real person with feelings.”

Ryder moved closer and slid his lips over Nolan’s. “So am I. And I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. While I was in that shower, I vowed to never touch you again, but I can’t keep my hands off you.” Ryder pulled up Nolan’s shirt and ran his hands over his bare skin.

“If you decide this isn’t for you, being with a guy, you can’t be mean to me. We’re neighbors.”

Ryder nodded. “I won’t.”

"Are you even listening, or are you just thinking with your dick?"

“Fuck, I don’t know. All I can think about is seeing you naked.”

“Fine,” Nolan said as he stepped back.

“Fine. What does that mean?”

"Let's both get naked. You want to see me, and I want to see you. Take off your clothes, Ryder, and show me what you got."

Nolan tugged up his shirt, enjoying Ryder’s reaction as he watched intently. Dating a guy who had previously only been straight had its ups and downs. He just hoped Ryder didn’t freak out and become an asshole.