25. Sophia

25

SOPHIA

I made a decision in the aftermath of the explosion at the clubhouse.

I am who I am.

Some would say that's not a particularly revolutionary sentence, but in my mind it is. Because I've been chasing her . I've been looking for clues to piece the old me back together. As if the me I am now is just a stepping stone to normality. When in reality, she's not coming back. Even if I get my memory back, my old life isn't coming with it.

From now on, it's about how to make the best possible life I can for myself. It starts here and now.

I run a towel over my freshly showered hair as I glance into the pitiful state of my wardrobe.

Theo walks past me, naked, his inked shoulders and taut biceps making my tender pussy clench. There is no reason for it to be needing anything.

Last night, he fucked me hard with his hand over my mouth so we didn't make too much noise. This morning, he used his fingers to get me off in the shower before forcing me to my knees so he could come over my breasts. I say forced . With one hand on my shoulder, he applied downward pressure, but the other hand held tightly to my forearm to stabilize me as I went down.

He also commanded me to squeeze his balls very tightly. I felt a sense of power that I could make him come that hard with a dizzy feeling of subservience in doing what he needed. The combination is as heady as it is confusing.

The two sides of me and Theo.

Need and care.

I sigh when I look at my clothing options. The girls have been gathering at the clubhouse during the day. In the evening, we'd return to the two separate houses with the men and eat together. Vex had moved in too and was sleeping on an air mattress in Theo's den.

Arms wrap around me from behind. "What's got you sighing?" He places his lips to my neck.

"Honestly? My clothing choices. The girls are coming over tonight so we're all together while you go on your run, and I have no clothes that I love. Finding out the state of my finances is the second question I have for the lawyer this morning."

"Good job I love you in nothing, then," he says with a chuckle. He slides his hand between the folds of the towel but does nothing more stimulating than stroke my skin.

"Sadly, the rest of the old ladies don't have quite the same taste as you do. I believe in polite society, clothing is not optional. And all I have is brain-rehab chic. Soft clothes for the even softer brain."

Theo places a kiss to the side of my neck. "That's an easy problem to solve. I'm taking you shopping when we've finished with the lawyer."

I turn to face him. "I'm not letting you pay for unnecessary things like extra clothing. The fact I'm here, married, protected, and building an unexpected life is enough."

Theo smiles. I like him best when he does. His eyes crinkle at the corners, and he has the most perfect lips and teeth. "Pretty words, Sparrow. But I'm buying you clothes today. You can pick ‘em. Or you can wear what I buy you. But you're getting new clothes, and I strongly recommend picking them yourself because I might have shit taste." He points to his closet. A thousand pairs of jeans in various stages of distress. Three pairs of boots that all look the same, three pairs of sneakers, and stacks of T-shirts. "See?" As he says the word, he tugs on the towel wrapped around my body, then slaps my butt.

"Hey."

Theo shrugs. "Babe. You're naked in my closet. You think I'm not going to take my chances to feel you up? Even if it's just a little slap."

This was the other thing I thought of as I huddled with Briar in the medical room. I have a man. A very attractive and attentive one who reassures me I'm beautiful most days in both his words and actions. It's time I believed it. Not just that Theo is a good man in saying them, but that deep down, at the most visceral level, I believe I'm beautiful as I am.

Even if my definition of beautiful didn't come anywhere close to the traditional standards.

I could own what I had.

When we get downstairs, Rae and King are already in the kitchen. "We made coffee. Hope you don't mind," Rae says.

"Fine with us," Theo says as if it's always been the two of us.

King glances up from his phone. "You headed to the clubhouse? The builders are arriving to patch up the front wall."

"I've got a few errands. Need to take Sophia to meet the lawyer and to pick up a few things she needs, seeing we split the center so quickly."

Clutch walks bleary-eyed into the kitchen. He's shirtless, and I can see why Gwen might be the way she is with a man like that at home. But there's something about Theo's leaner, fitter frame that makes me blush.

"Morning," he says, his tone a rolling grumble, before pouring himself a cup of coffee.

It's amazing how at ease these people are in Theo's home.

"Take two escorts with you," King says. "Clutch, you free to take Switch and Sophia to the lawyers?"

"Yeah, Gwen's just getting ready for work. If we can go past the hotel on the way so I can drop her off, that would work," Clutch says. "I'll go tell her to get moving and get Vex to come with."

We finish up and travel to the lawyer's office in Theo's truck. There's a biting cold wind, the kind that churns up the sea into a dirty, sandy, foamy wash. Theo loaned me a thick leather jacket with a fleecy warm lining. It's way too big, but it's comforting.

Unlike the look on Theo's face when my lawyer says he needs a moment with me alone before Theo can join us.

"Sophia. So good to meet you," Al Huston says as he shakes my hand. Then he leads me to a sofa opposite two taller chairs. Despite being guided to the sofa, I take the chair. It'll be easier to get out of when this meeting is done.

Al sits opposite me, opening the button on his jacket as he sits before rearranging the glasses on his nose.

"You too. Thank you so much for fitting me in."

"I needed to have a word with you first for my own peace of mind." He runs a hand through his white-as-snow hair. He glances in the direction of the closed door. "You are absolutely here under your own volition?"

"Volition?"

"Your own choice."

I nod. "Oh. Yes. One hundred percent."

"Good. Good. I would have found you a discrete way out of the building if not. But I am glad you are here by your own making. And one last question before we let Switch join us. Are you married by your own choice too?"

I glance down at the ring that sits on my finger. "Absolutely. I'm happy to be married to Theo. And you should be grateful that I know how to keep the peace, Al , because I won't mention you doubting his character to Switch."

I use his road name deliberately and deliver the lines with a smile.

"Of course. Of course. We can invite Theo to join us." He hurries to the door and opens it wide for Theo to come in.

There are frown lines on his brow when he enters. "You okay, Sparrow?"

I smile. "Al was legally obligated to ensure I was here of my own accord and not under duress, but I explained we're very happy together."

Theo's shoulders drop, and he smiles before taking my hand and kissing over my ring. "Understatement of the fucking year, Sparrow. So, what's the deal?"

It takes about an hour for us to pull together a full plan with Huston's guidance. We make calls, get witness statements. Dr. Polunin is as good as her word and has already begun the process of getting statements from the relevant members of staff at the center. And we submit a legal request for return of access to all my financial accounts.

When we leave, everyone relaxes. "You don't like lawyers?" I ask.

Clutch shakes his head. "Generally, if a biker needs one, things have gone to shit."

"Back to the compound?" Vex asks.

"Need a detour," Theo says, and then explains.

The shopping is chaotic. I watch as Clutch continues to tease Switch by attempting to pick out lingerie for me.

"I'm happy for him," Vex says, handing me a small pile of highly practical yet stylish clothes. An ivory blouse, cashmere sweaters, and high-quality denim.

I smile at that. "You are?"

Vex looks down at me. "Yeah. He has such a close family, like me. It's unusual in the rest of the brothers. But I think that's what he's been searching for. The foundation of a family of his own."

Switch punches Clutch in the arm, and Clutch laughs loudly as other shoppers keep their distance. I see two security guards watching the two of them but doing nothing.

Vex places his arm casually over my shoulder. "I think you're the difference. I love you and him together, Soph."

Friendship is such a foreign concept. But as I navigate my way to making friends with people, I realize there is joy in it. "Thank you for being such a good friend to him, Vex. I think you've been the difference to him too."

And that's how several hours later, I'm standing in Theo's kitchen, with the rest of the old ladies, in soft slouchy pants and a champagne-colored cashmere sweater that is buttery soft against my skin that Vex chose.

"I hear my man was useless at shopping today," Gwen says as she joins us in the kitchen.

"He wasn't useless, in a scenario where I wanted to work a pole. He picked out outfits that would have guaranteed epic tips."

Gwen chuckles. "Yeah. He likes it when the tits and ass are both hanging out. I save the things he buys me for alone time when we're at home."

"Remember that red thing he bought you for Christmas?" Iris asks with a chuckle.

Humorous exasperation etches Gwen's face as she grips my wrists. "It had cut-out hole access to all the good bits."

Rae throws her arm over Gwen's shoulders. "Men are simple, visual creatures. Lingerie does it for them. Especially when they can sneak access to your genitals."

Ari chuckles. "Genitals is such a weird word."

"Oh, God," Briar gasps. "I thought I was the only one who thought so."

I look down at the large kitchen counter and at the plethora of people and things in front of me.

"This is all amazing," I say finally. "Honestly."

"It was Catalina's idea," Rae says. "We each brought something we like to eat, something we like to drink, and something we like to read."

"I skipped the reading part and just brought a buffet of weapons," Catalina says.

I laugh as I take in the guns and knives of different sizes. There's a switchblade, and I reach for it before flipping it around as if it were made for my hand.

"Oh," Vi says. "Can you teach me to do that? Bates would lose his shit if I did that with one of his knives."

"Why would you deliberately make Bates flip his shit?" I ask.

"Oh, it's not that kind of losing his shit. It's the kind where she'd end up naked and pregnant"—Gwen glances at Vi's growing bump—"again. Or more pregnant. Whatever."

Catalina leans close. "Bates has a thing for knives and a thing for Vi."

"Oh," I say. Then: " Oh! "

Gwen laughs as Vi blushes. "Seriously, you are the worst keeper of secrets!"

Ari pats my hand. "You get used to her after a while. The group chat is outrageous."

Rae pulls out her phone. "We should add you. Then you'll get to know everyone's private business. What's your number?"

I recite it to Rae, who adds me, and then my phone screen lights up on the counter.

"I should have brought vomit bowls," Iris says, looking at the bottles. "If you're all gonna mix them, you're going to be hot messes."

There's gin courtesy of Gwen. Iris brought a hot chocolate mix with whipped cream. Briar brought a coffee-based liquor. Rae brought a chilled Pinot Grigio. Catalina brought tequila. Vi brought an herbal tea she likes. And Ari brought Wishniak black cherry soda.

"I was sitting here wondering how the fuck we were going to mix them," Gwen says.

Catalina rummages in her bag and presents lemon and salt. "Mine doesn't need mixing."

For food, there is an equally wide assortment.

Ari brought sour soothers. "I eat so many of them, they start to take the taste buds off the side of my tongue."

"I made the crumble from an old English recipe and rhubarb and apples I grew in the yard," Rae says. "I like gardening."

"I brought cheese…because who doesn't like cheese?" Gwen says. "Five different types, so you can pick what you like best."

Catalina grabs another bag. "Niro's cinnamon rolls."

The other women groan.

"Oh, let me have mine now," Iris says, reaching for the container. "I don't care what else any of you brought. In fact, I'm willing to trade. My share of the cheese for your cinnamon roll, Gwen."

"Um, let me think about that for a second. Nope."

"Niro bakes?" I ask.

Rae nods. "He's the best."

Then I remember the morning in the clubhouse and shake my head. "I knew that. He made me and Avery pancakes."

"Cupcakes," Vi says as she places her food on the counter. "They were meant to be pretty flowers, but Avery wanted to help."

I can't help but chuckle at the excessively rainbow-sprinkled globs of icing on each cupcake.

"I knew there would be no substantial food, hence the Irish stew." Iris glances to the pot bubbling away.

"We figured you might not remember trying some of these things, and you could decide if you liked them or not," Catalina says.

"That's really…" Tears sting a little, but I bite them back.

Ari places her hand on my back. "I've come to learn that this is really a group for the misfits. Except Rae, because she always has her shit together. And perhaps Gwen, who pretends like she has her shit together."

"Fake it till you make it, baby," Gwen says.

"And I don't always have my shit together, although bless you for thinking I do," Rae adds. "I find lipstick works when everything else fails."

"The things we've enjoyed reading are things like books from our book club and magazines," Briar says.

"I hate you for bringing mine and Bates's story," Vi says to Gwen as she winces. "I'm normally proud of my books."

"Hey, if the rest of us all know about all the ways Bates fucked you in your early relationship, it's only fair Sophia has to wash her eyes out with bleach too," Gwen replies.

I love that they've tried to do something unique for me, and the way they include me in their banter. I've been in a brain-rehabilitation unit, not living under a rock eating insects. I've eaten many of these things. I happen to love cheese and know that my stomach puffs up like a bowling ball if I eat too many pastries.

But they thought about me. And that's enough.

"I want to try something before it gets too dark," Catalina says, gathering the weapons. "I want to see how good Sophia is with all these."

Rae pats Catalina on the shoulder. "Wise to do it before anyone has had any alcohol."

We step out into Theo's yard. It's large and backs onto some woods. It's also handily set up for the makings of a target practice after Theo and Vex were out there letting off a few rounds this morning.

And I itch to get my fingers on those weapons, even though I can't remember why.