49. Adrianna

49

ADRIANNA

T he door to Holloway's office is open, revealing my vampire on the other side of the threshold. I pause where I am, leaning against the door frame as I take him in.

His fingers trail over the wooden desk planted in the center of the room with a wide window centered behind it. He rolls his lips in, exhaling heavily as a blank stare consumes his eyes.

I've never seen a contemplative look on his face before, and it's not one I'm all too happy he's wearing. A part of me wants to charge inside, demand to know what's wrong, and make it all better with a snap of my fingers, but the other part of me knows that's not what he needs.

He might need me, but it's clear from the expression on his face that he's processing more than I can imagine, and the least I can do is offer him the space to do so. With his focus set on the desk, I peer around the rest of the room, noting how bare it actually is. Besides the gray desk chair in front of the window, there's a brown leather sofa to the right and a gray cabinet set up in the far corner of the room. That's it.

Not a single photo, or ornament, or feminine touch graces the rest of the space, almost as if a woman has never stepped inside these walls before. It's strange. Every time I saw Holloway, she was dressed chic and elegant, and for some reason, I would expect that to translate into her surroundings too, but that's clearly not the case here.

"Do you ever wish you weren't a fae?" My gaze darts to him as his words pull me from my thoughts. My eyebrows gather as I step into the room, a soft smile trying to form on my lips as I tilt my head at him.

"No, never," I admit, approaching the desk with caution. He nods, dropping his stare back to the table as another sigh passes his lips. Intrigued with where that question came from, I slip around the desk, gently pushing for more. "Why?"

He taps his fingertips on the desk.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Before lifting his eyes to mine. "Because sometimes I wish I wasn't a vampire." His Adam's apple bobs as he attempts to swallow down the emotion I know those words summoned. The sad smile curling the corner of his mouth looks far too pained, and before I can think better of it, I eliminate the remaining distance between us.

My arms tighten around his waist as I plant my face against his chest, breathing him in as he envelops me in his arms, rocking us from side to side.

Brody rocks his emotions and understands his feelings in a way only a mage can. Kryll grumbles that they exist sometimes, but he always seems unfazed for the most part. Cassian knows how to snarl and growl, but accepting the elements of his life that have caused him the most pain has been a real journey for him so far. It's a lesson he's learning with every step he takes.

Raiden, however, may be able to express his feelings and emotions when they come to me, even better than I do, but when it's about himself… this is the most I've ever heard, and it doesn't fully make sense.

I rub my lips together nervously, wanting to ask what's going on in his head without doing it at the worst possible time, but after an eternity passes, I realize there's never going to be one, and if I want to help, I'm going to need to guide him.

"What makes you say that, Raiden?" I ask, tilting my face so my chin rests against his chest as I strain to look up at him. His eyes find mine instantly, a ghost of a grin touching his full lips as he takes in our height difference before my question seems to register in his mind and he sighs. "You don't have to," I ramble, backtracking quicker than I thought possible, but he quickly tightens his hold on me.

"I'm okay, I'm just processing," he offers, a reassuring glint in his eyes as he takes a deep breath, and this time, the weight of the world doesn't echo in his exhale. "Cassian killed my mother." My eyes widen and my jaw falls slack as surprise floods my veins. I try to formulate words, but my brain fails me. "It's okay, I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. Not that I think it's necessary either, I'm just sorry because I know you've felt the same things I'm feeling today."

"Yeah," I breathe lamely, his words swirling in my mind. A part of me feels guilty for not hiding away to mourn my mother's death, but it lingers with me, and I'm sure it will be the same for him. "I'm sorry, Raiden."

"Don't apologize. She deserved it. I'm more annoyed that Cassian basically saved my life so now I'm screwed having to live with him holding that over my head forever," he says with a sigh and a dramatic eye roll, but my narrowed gaze must make it clear that further details are needed. "She was a breath away from snapping my neck. He saved me at the last minute." His words grow quieter, that truth behind them thickening the air as anger coils in my gut.

"I'm not sorry she's dead," I blurt, cringing at the bluntness before I quickly add, "I'm sorry she's left you feeling like this." He nods, lifting his hand to cup my cheek and stroke a thumb over my skin. "And just to clarify," I continue, looking up into his deep eyes. "I would love nothing more than to bring her back from the dead and kill her myself for even thinking about laying a hand on you."

It takes everything in me to bite back the raw snarl that threatens to take over me. I want him to know those words, but he doesn't need me redirecting my anger toward her at him instead.

"I can't decide if I like it more when you're jealous or protective. Both are pretty sexy," he muses, and it's my turn to roll my eyes at him, but when I settle my stare back on his face, a tightness grows across his features.

"I'm starting to hate everything about myself."

His words are a swift kick to the chest, stealing my breath as I shift my hands to grip his shoulders. I rise as high as I can go on my tiptoes, until we're almost eye to eye. "How can you hate the man that I love?" I rasp, the truth weaving its way through each word as I struggle to breathe.

"You love me?" His pupils are wide, his hands back at my waist as he pins me against him.

"Don't make me regret saying it," I grumble as he lifts me off my feet, spinning us around so much that a small giggle slips from my lips.

"But you did say it," he whispers, bringing us to a halt as he presses his lips softly against mine, and I hum.

"Yeah, because I feel it," I admit, a giddiness creeping over my skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

"What do you feel?" he pushes, lifting me once again, but this time, he places me on the desk, slipping between my thighs as he cups my face, giving me all of his attention as I struggle to find the words.

I consider rolling over the desk and hightailing it toward the door, but decide against it when I see the earnest look in his eyes. When was this man ever told he was loved? His mother could have said it moments before she tried to kill him, but realistically, after everything he's mentioned about being a vampire, it doesn't feel all that likely.

He didn't grow up in the environment I did. He had luxury, opulence, and materialistic things. But that's just what they were; things . I had my father, my sister, and our love. Those are the polar opposites of the same stick. Attempting to guess each other's lives is impossible, but I can see what he needs from me. I can feel it in my soul as our connection pulses with every heartbeat that rattles in my chest.

"I hated you from the beginning," I admit, and his cheeks hollow out as he exhales. "The words you would say, the beliefs you had, they were everything I stood against." I run my hands over his chest, hoping to show him that the connection between us now is different, but it's unfair to either of us to forget where it all began. "But before that," I start, and he frowns.

"There was no before that. I saw you that day in the forest and acted like a total ass," he grumbles, hating himself for it, and that alone alleviates the anger I remember swimming in at the time.

"There was. Maybe five seconds, but those five seconds. Damn, all I could think about was how someone shouldn't be that hot."

He rolls his eyes, his fingers flexing against my sides. "I have more than looks, you know."

"You do?" I tease, tilting my face as I widen my eyes, and a soft smile passes between us, lightening the mood. "I love that you own your faults. I love that you are so unapologetically you, with zero fucks to give about what anyone else says or thinks. I love that you understand what being a vampire is in our society. I love that you see me, not as a lowly fae, not even as Princess Adrianna Reagan. Me. Just me."

His mouth is on mine the second I take a breath, melding our lips together as my fingers run through his hair, tugging him closer.

"I will love you for all of eternity," he croaks, his lips dragging across mine as he cups my breasts through the thin material of my t-shirt.

There's half a damn kingdom a few steps away, but I can't tear myself away long enough to remind him. His teeth rake over my throat, making my head fall back as I groan, when the sound of someone clearing their throat cuts through the heated room.

Snapping my gaze to the door, I find Flora, an amused smirk on her lips.

"Fuck off, Flora," Raiden grunts with no real snarl to his words, but I still whack his arm for good measure while Flora simply chuckles.

"It seems like you want me to leave so you can do the fucking, Raiden," she sings as my vampire's head drops in defeat.

"What do you want, Flora? We were in the middle of something," he retorts, his fingers digging into my flesh so hard I know there are bruises forming already.

"Yeah, that something is going to have to wait because Bozzelli's ready to make the announcement."