42. Cassian

42

CASSIAN

" W hat are you doing here, Cass?"

I whirl around in the dirt to find Janie glaring at me. Her arms are folded over her chest, one foot outstretched in front of her as she waits.

Fuck .

Addi wasn't joking.

If I didn't love her so damn much I'd throttle her.

"Don't worry yourself," I murmur, scrubbing at my jaw as I turn away, but she rounds on me quicker than I anticipate.

"Thanks for meeting us here," Addi announces, her arrival no surprise after she dropped that bomb on me. I thought I would beat them here with enough time to seclude myself from them, but it seems I was wrong.

I don't want my father anywhere near her. She's safer away from him, which means being as far away from me as possible. Besides, if my father is calling me here like this, then I know exactly what's going to happen and it's really not going to be all that pretty.

My father is the alpha for a reason. I might be strong and confident in every other aspect of my life, but with him? His words when I was a child have penetrated deeper than I can bring myself to admit.

Psychologically, he has the upper hand on me, and no matter how I try to look at it, it affects me physically too. He's stronger than me and he's calling me out in what I know will be a challenge. One that will end with my blood on his hands. Addi deserves better than to see that.

"What the fuck is going on in that asshole head of yours, Cass?" Janie's words cut through the air, tugging me from my thoughts as I sigh.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I reply, opting to avoid her stare as Addi, Kryll, Raiden, and Brody stand between us.

One thing is for sure, my girl sure knows what will work against me, even if it is to help me. Janie is a weak spot for me and Addi knows it. Previously, the girls on the compound have seen how Janie and I are and it's always been an issue. She's always been seen as a threat. Even though she's like the big sister I never had and also married to one of the coolest guys I know. Jake has his hands full with her and I don't want anything to do with that.

That didn't matter to them though. A girl was a girl and jealousy was rife. Addi, however, embraces her more than I do. She wants a connection with Janie and she knows her presence here is good for me, even when I refuse to admit it to myself.

"I'm fine, Janie. I can handle this on my own. You guys don't need to be present." My words are weak and she knows it, but avoiding her gaze is impossible and she sees right through me the moment mine settles on hers.

"Now isn't the time to go on a solo rampage, Cass. You need to stick together," Janie states, her words firm but soothing as she moves to stand beside Addi.

We're in the middle of the woods, nothing is safe about this. If anything, I'm delaying the inevitable and making it worse.

"She's right, Cassian. We need to stick together. Now more than ever," Addi breathes, worry swimming in her eyes as she twists her hands together. It's clear she wants to move closer to me, but she's worried about spooking me even more than I already am.

Fuck. Why am I making it all worse instead of better? That's what I'm supposed to be doing.

"What, like you?" I grunt, my eye twitching as I scream at myself internally. I'm trying to push her away, but my sharp tongue only makes her inch closer. I wave my hand for her to stay where she is, but she ignores me completely. She doesn't stop until we're standing toe to toe, and I can see it in her eyes.

She sees right through me and my bullshit. Every inch of it.

"Not like me. Nothing like me at all. I'm the worst, we all know that," she states, a sad smile stretching her lips as she places her hand on my arm. "But I'm learning, or I'm trying my best to." Her other hand lifts to my arm before her fingers stroke up to my neck. "Do you want to know what I figured out this morning?" It's on the tip of my tongue to say no and get the hell out of here, but she quirks her brow at me, like she's expecting that, and I find myself tipping my head in a nod, ever so slightly. It's enough for her to see, though. "I realized that none of this matters if we're not together."

Her words wash over me, churning in my mind on repeat as I digest them.

None of this matters if we're not together.

NONE of this matters if we're not together.

NONE of this matters if WE'RE not TOGETHER.

NONE OF THIS MATTERS IF WE'RE NOT TOGETHER.

Fuck.

I squeeze my eyes shut, the power behind the words vibrating through my mind as Addi's hold on my arms tighten like she knows I'm suffering at the hands of her truth.

"That's some realization, Alpha," I finally rasp after what feels like an eternity of drowning. Prying my eyes open, I spy a hint of worry still in her gaze, but there's a resilience and pride that stands firmer.

She believes in me, just like I believe in her, but I need to find a way to believe in myself.

"Where has this self doubt come from, Cassian? And why alone? I feel like I have an idea, but I need you to spell it out for me. It might help you too."

"Wow, she's a warrior and a soothing alpha," Janie says with amusement, making my jaw tic as I try not to smile. I'm so screwed with these two women and they know it. And now it's going to be clear that they can gang up on me to get me to do what they want, which is bullshit, even if it is for my own good.

Instead of responding to Janie, I chance a glance at my brothers, who all stand quietly amongst the trees, watching me fall apart and be pieced back together. A knowing look passes between the four of us, like they know what I'm feeling. Like they know the strength of our woman and what she does for us—to us—and they're letting me play catch up.

Settling my gaze back on my alpha, I take a deep breath and try to answer her because that's what she deserves—far more than the bullshit I try to tell myself.

"He's calling me here for a duel, Addi. He's calling me here to finally put an end to me, like I've been waiting for since as long as I can remember. I don't want you to see that. I couldn't bear witness to that if it was the other way around." My gut twists as emotion creeps up my spine.

She blinks at me, her lashes fanning across her cheeks a few times before she stands up on her tiptoes so we're eye to eye.

"He can call you for a duel, Cassian, but it will be over my dead body that he puts an end to you. I'm not watching you go anywhere. Not without me. We're united in darkness, we're intertwined in love, and we're undivided in strength. Don't let that man take that away from us. We deserve this, we deserve each other, and it doesn't end simply because someone other than us deemed it so."

My jaw falls slack as I stare at her, unable to comprehend the wisdom and power in her words that hold me captive. It's like she knows what I need to hear, even when I don't have a clue myself.

"She's right, Cass," Brody states, slowly approaching with the others until we're practically huddled under a tree. "There's no I in this team. It's us against the world, deranged family members included," he adds, and I snicker despite myself.

Janie catches the movement and takes that as her hint to join us. Addi releases me, pulling Janie into her side so the pair of them can stare me down together.

"You're so screwed, Cass," Janie whispers, watery eyes shimmering at me as she wraps her arm tightly around my woman.

"Yeah, you could say that," I rasp with a nod, which makes her grin.

"I thought I could smell half-breed blood on my grounds."

My heart stills at the sound of my father's voice, and I curse at myself for letting him turn up on us like this instead arriving prepared like I should have. There's no time to dwell on the fact now, though. It's true what Addi said. We're united, we're intertwined, we're undivided. Always.

"Father," I state, my voice void of the emotions I was carrying mere moments ago. I turn to face him, spying the flutter of wolves among the trees as he summons an audience, but he's not looking at me, he's looking at Addi.

"I declare a duel," he announces, and she frowns. He must sense her confusion because he carries on before she can speak. "Don't worry, I'm not dueling with you, Pet. I'm dueling with him," he reiterates, pointing a finger my way while keeping his eyes locked on hers, and his next words explain why. "We'll duel to the death. The winner gets you and your powers."