30. Adrianna

30

ADRIANNA

W hite light explodes in my vision, and I'm lost, feeling like I'm free-falling into an abyss. Only, there's no fear or panic etched into my every breath. Instead, it's almost comforting.

There's a familiarity to it. One that envelops me in a warm embrace, and although I feel like I'm spiraling, it feels guided.

Safe.

Until I blink, and the white light is gone.

It's not the room at The Council that comes into view, though.

It's worse.

Much, much worse.

The weight of the drugs has lifted, the worry over Flora and Arlo has evaporated, and even though my Kryptos do not surround me, I still feel at ease. A sense of contentment tries to wind its way through my bones, but the sight that greets me makes it impossible.

My boots settle on the grass beneath me, the moon glistening like a beacon overhead, but the chaos in the distance holds my attention. I'm carried toward it, whether I like it or not. My feet ghost over the ground as the noise gets louder, and the pain I once felt grapples to capture me once again.

The castle looms in the distance, the cries of my sister hang in the air, and my nightmares of that night hold me captive like they always do. Only, it's not quite the same as usual because I'm still me, conscious and aware of everything that has happened since the night this all took place, but there's a smaller version of me standing a few feet away.

It can't be a nightmare, but what else could it be? A vision?

I shake my head, willing the scene to change in front of me, but it doesn't. As always, a younger version of Kenner sneers down at my smaller self, filled with rage and destined to change my life forever. Along with Nora's.

Nora.

My gaze shifts to where she stands, my heart racing in my chest as I gasp. I need to move, and I need to do it now before he can act. I will my feet to move, but nothing happens. I try to scream, try to get his attention and bring his focus to me, but it's futile. Whatever this is, wherever I am, I have no control over any of it.

Not even myself.

I'm pinned in place, watching the terrors unfold from a new angle, still incapable of making it all disappear. As if my thoughts are realized, I'm drawn closer, standing shoulder to shoulder with my younger self as Kenner takes off toward Nora.

Horror burns through me, but the scream that howls into the night isn't mine; it's hers—my smaller self.

The noise rattles the very air as the almighty blast of white light consumes my vision once again.

This is why it feels so familiar. It's what I felt that night too.

Fuck.

I don't know what any of this means.

Until the white light dims again, everything moves in slow motion, my worlds colliding as I charge toward Nora, both me now and me then, barreling toward her in a fit of rage. But I'm not the only one with my sights set on her.

There's a boy. He's barely taller than me, but he's definitely faster. His eyes are narrowed, but not at Nora, at Kenner.

"Daddy, stop!" His plea rings in my ears and my body grows stiff.

Cassian.

"Stay back, Son."

"No, Father. No!" he yells, getting closer to them as the child version of me glows.

I wasn't blinded by the light… I was the light.

I watch as I stutter, tumbling over my feet as I near the boy that I now know is Cassian, along with Nora. He stands between his father and my sister, fury etched into his features as he lifts his hands in protest.

"Out of my way, boy," Kenner snaps, swiping at his son without care, sending him careening into the bushes that shelter us from the wind. "See to it that Orenda clears his memory of this night. No son of mine shall remember this moment and not believe in me," he snarls, as malicious as ever, as I stumble the last few steps toward them.

The panic and need to protect them both doesn't just swirl in my thoughts here, but the tingling in my bones tells me I felt it then, too. My smaller self leaps through the air just as Kenner gets within arms reach of Nora, pummeling me into her as my magic bursts from my body.

My scream turns into cries of horror as Kenner is blasted back, lost to the darkness as I lay in a crumpled heap on top of Nora. Magic oozes out of me in every direction, shimmering in bright lights as it connects with each wolf in the field.

Howls of pain echo in my ears as every wolf falls to the ground, stopping their assault on my father, Nora, and me.

The wind picks up as I try to stand, effectively knocking me back off my feet and onto Nora as I hear my father call out my name. By the third shout, the lights dim and my scream turns into a muffled whimper, that night playing out in high definition as I succumb to the hidden truths.

I reach them as soon as my father does, seeing the truth of that night through his eyes.

Nora is passed out beneath me as I groan and writhe to try and stand, but all I can do is blink up at my father with pitch-black eyes and black singed fingertips, waving for him to help.

Is this what happened? Is this what happened to me? Is this what I did?

I look down at my hands now, noting the lack of black tips as my father falls to his knees at my side. Blood gushes down his face, staining his skin as he soothes me.

"Oh, Addi. It's okay. You're okay, I'm here, I'm with you. It's all going to be alright." His words barely register in my mind as I stare, completely enraptured as he speaks to my younger self.

He rubs my hands with his, promising to take it all away as a soft glow washes over me again. I'm warm, happy, calm, and tingling with excitement, but I can't process where it's coming from. It's like I'm feeling everything I felt then and forgot. I didn't forget of my own accord, though. It was my father's doing.

I watch as he repeatedly drapes his magic over me until my eyes are back to normal and my fingertips are no longer dipped in black ink. It's then that he sees Nora, and it's then that it's clear it's too late to prevent any serious damage.

Because he was saving me. From my own magic.

It's heartbreaking and soul-shaking all at once. I see now what I never saw then, what my father shielded me from.

My darkness.

"You're welcome."

I snap my gaze to my right, noting the silhouette of a woman in the tree line. It's impossible to make her out, but the cackle that rings in the air before she disappears is familiar—I heard it earlier today.

In my cell.

The woman.

The same woman who wasn't there when the guards took me.

What does all of this mean?

Before I have a chance to contemplate any of it, the world shifts around me. I choke on my breath, which is securely lodged in my throat, as dizziness washes over me.

"Adrianna, answer me right now!" The order comes from Raiden, and it takes everything in me to look his way. "Oh, thank fuck," he rasps, his hand still imprinted on the stand before him.

Returning to the present, I feel a telltale shiver run up my spine as a gush of magic coils in my gut. It forces a snicker to my lips as it intertwines around the magical binding securing my wrists together.

With a snarl, I tug at the binding, watching as it clatters to the floor in a heap. My pulse thunders in my ears as my head falls back and a surge of magic cascades over me.

A bright light beams around the room, but it doesn't blind me. Not even a little.

Not this time.