20. Adrianna

20

ADRIANNA

T he shower beats down on me as exhaustion continues to linger along my limbs. My brain is mush and I no longer know which way is up. Words are being tossed around, words with a lot of strength and meaning behind them, and they're all in regards to me, yet I can't seem to make sense of them.

This is all I've ever wanted, all I've ever known. My father was training me to be his heir long before the announcement of the Heir Academy was made. It's all I've believed for myself, and the academy was an easy gateway, but now everything has changed.

The first time I walked through the city gates, my focus set on the academy walls, I was a wallflower, floating through the City of Harrows without garnering so much as a sideways glance, but now… people are noticing—not just me, but my actions and my words.

Maybe it's the reality of all of my wishes coming to the forefront, or perhaps it's my strength wavering under the pressure. Either way, I sat down on the bathroom tiles some time ago and I haven't been able to stand since.

Thankfully, Raiden gathered us all back in his room so I could enjoy the privacy of his bathroom instead of the shared option in the fae building. I'm washed, scrubbed clean to the bone, but I can't bring myself to stand up and shut the water off. The feeling of it hitting my shoulders is somewhat soothing.

My mantra of calm and collected feels like it has gone completely out the window at this stage. Too much is happening all at once, and all I feel is a sense of numbness that I can't seem to shake.

It seems that my speech is sending shockwaves through the kingdom. I spoke those words a few days ago and I've been distracted by some issue or another since then. I haven't attended a single class since the speeches were given, I honestly don't know what day it is, and Brody's words from earlier repeat in my mind.

"Someone here is already dealing with situations that affect the kingdom, that are an attack on their being, and a risk to their safety. Someone here is already trying to protect everyone and everything possible. Someone here is already the heir, and we all know it."

I had braced for impact at Brody's words, but to my shock, Bozzelli said nothing. There wasn't even a disapproving glint in her eyes at his words. Instead, she waved us away dismissively, and now here I am, taking a moment to wallow.

Wallow? I don't know if that's precisely what I'm doing, but it's making me it's bitch nonetheless.

I'm in a daze, and the reality is that everything is messy because I face these challenges. Challenges that aren't necessarily out of my depth, but they are surely meant for someone with greater experience to deal with it. I don't have any experience. I just have new abilities and a ton of people with my name at the top of their shit list, yet I'm supposed to attend classes tomorrow like my world isn't spinning out of control.

I only have the power over myself and every ounce of it is being used to keep me alive at this point. Brody is right. I don't see this being an issue for everyone across the board. I'm not facing trials under the academy's control. I'm facing real-life trials that come with cut-throat circumstances.

"Hey, Dagger."

I startle, blinking at Brody, who leans against the glass panel, secluding me from the rest of the room. There's a look in his eyes, one I can't quite decipher, but my gut tells me it's sympathy. An emotion I want nothing to do with.

Clearing my throat, I straighten my spine and start to stand. "Hey."

"Stay," he breathes, making me freeze and my eyebrows bunch together in confusion.

Before I can question him, he closes the glass door behind him and enters the shower. He doesn't seem to acknowledge the water as he inches closer to me, fully clothed. Crouching, he captures my chin in his grasp.

"How hard are you struggling with looking vulnerable right now?"

His question floors me, leaving me to gape at him for what feels like forever before he offers me a knowing smile. The curl of his lips settles something inside me and I sigh.

"I forget you're all wise and shit," I grumble, rolling my eyes as he winks, swiftly discarding every item of clothing from his body. Each one hits the tiled floor with a slap before he's at eye level with me again.

"Don't worry, Addi. I can be vulnerable with you."

My tongue feels like lead in my mouth for a moment as I struggle to think, but when my eyes reach him, I find exactly what I need.

"Maybe I wanted to come and be strong with you instead," I offer, earning another one of his killer smiles.

"Dagger, I'm never strong. Not when it comes to you." His lips press against my forehead for a split second before he takes a seat behind me with his back against the tiled wall. His legs spread enough to pull me into an embrace, my back to his front as he sways me slightly.

His lips whisper by my ear, but I don't know what he says. A moment later, I notice the water shutting off. "Do you want to talk about it?" he offers as I sink further against him.

"About what?"

"Whatever is going on up here," he replies, tapping at my temple before replacing his fingertips with his lips.

I hum, lost in thought, but when I can't break it down, I try to explain where I'm at. "I don't know how. I feel it, I know that, but expressing it is hard. Cassian asked me the same question, but…"

The words die off. I don't usually express how I'm feeling like this; I typically hole myself up alone and exert my stress before building my walls back up and facing the world. Things are different with him. They're different with all of my Kryptos. Trying to be vulnerable with any of them isn't easy, especially when a sense of embarrassment threatens to creep in.

"I can't even imagine where your head is at, Addi. You can't catch a break. We tried to escape all of this at Kryll's, but then your body began to react to the start of the blood moon. You went to see Janie, which Cassian insists was amazing for you, but you woke up to being challenged to yet another duel. I'd offer you a carefree night here, but I don't want to risk another surprise for you in the morning," he admits, recalling the past forty-eight hours as way simpler than they've felt.

"That sounds accurate," I mumble as his fingers soothingly trail over my skin. "Why isn't it getting cold in here?" I ask, failing to expose myself anymore with him, focusing on the fact that a cool chill hasn't taken over now that the water is off.

"Because you're a wolf, Dagger. Hot-blooded, remember?" he muses, letting me change the subject without a single complaint. Silence dances around us for a beat, but it's comforting in a way that can't be explained, only experienced. "You know, I've never been with a wolf before."

My heart stills at his words, breaking the silence so casually I have to twist my head to look into his eyes. "Is that supposed to excite me? The thought of you with someone else?" I bite, my hands flexing with irritation as a smirk grows across his face.

"No, but your jealousy excites me," he replies, way too pleased with himself.

"You're an ass," I grumble, inching to move out of his hold, but he locks his arms around me, pinning me to his chest.

"I'm a ray of sunshine, and don't you deny it," he insists, his lips grazing my ear with every word. My mouth opens, but nothing comes out, which only seems to please him even more. "I love it when you're speechless, but if you don't shut your mouth, I'll find something to fill it with."

The carnal twinkle in his eyes takes my breath, and a sweep of my tongue over my bottom lip does nothing to moisten the dry spot.

"You're asking for it," he rasps when I don't clamp my lips shut at his sensual threat. His eyes find mine and I nod. My body takes over, letting the thoughts and worries that flood my mind rest as tingles shoot down my spine at the intense look in his eyes. "Dagger."

"Please."